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“It’s gonna be fun, chin up Ry!”
I rolled my eyes. She was always like this, dragging me around to things she thinks are “fun”.
Fun for her, maybe.
“Fun for you, maybe”, I muttered out loud, trying to put as much disdain as I can into my voice. “But definitely not fun for me.”
Hazel tightened her grip around my arm. “You’re always like this, skipping on us, trying to avoid us like we’re the plague. Come on, it’s just a little socialization, not the end of the world! Clarence and Maddy are going to be there, and it’s just going to be a quiet night. No noise, no crowds, no strobing lights. Only chill music and good food.”
“Huh, well if you put it that way, then maybe I can spare the time”, I joked. She snorted, but did not dare release her grip on me. She knew I was going to bolt the second I was free.
Hazel was one of the first grade teachers in our science department, the other two being Clarence and another guy I wasn’t very familiar with. Hazel and Clarence were very close, and I sometimes catch them doing lovey dovey eyes from across our office, blissfully unaware of how some of our older faculty giggle at their shenanigans. Maddy, on the other hand, is Hazel’s best friend… well at least within our department, and together the three of them were stationed at a corner far away from my own table.
Which was why this was all so strange to me.
I don’t remember being this close to them. I mostly kept to myself in the office, grading papers or wasting my time playing minesweeper on my computer, but I don’t remember hanging out with the three of them. With the way she was acting with me now, you’d think we’d built a close friendship over the years teaching in the same school.
Why don’t I remember… maybe I’m just forgetful? Or maybe it’s a side effect of the coma.
…Wait.
Coma?
“There they are! Maddy! Clarence! Hey!”
She waved her left arm around, skipping towards them, while still hanging on to me with her other hand.
Damn, I really can’t escape this, can I?
Ugh, and I wanted so badly to be alone tonight.
Hazel hurriedly hugged Maddy, and immediately started gossiping as they entered the bar. The only other guy with us raised a hand to greet me and flashed a teasing smile.
“Wow, Ryland Grace in the flesh. Who knew someone else besides saints could perform miracles?”, Clarence quipped, and patted me on the back. “Welcome to the outside world, Mr. Grace.”
“Good evening to you too Mr. Anderson.”
He laughed. “No need to be so grumpy, dude. It’s just dinner.”
I tried to loosen my tense muscles a little.
He was right. It’s just a simple, quiet dinner, with my peers. There’s no need to be so sour about it.
It was just… I knew I had something to do tonight, something very, very important. Something I didn’t want to put off any longer.
I just can’t remember what it was.
But if I can’t remember, then surely it was not that important, right?
“And Bobby said he thinks I’m the best science teacher, so that’s a plus point for me, Maddy”, exclaimed Clarence, who was sitting up straight, exuding an air of confidence.
The redhead rolled her eyes. “Yeah but you teach the first graders, so you’re actual rival is Ms. Bennett over here”, she pointed lazily at Hazel, who was peacefully enjoying her fries. “My real enemy is you, Mr. Grace.”
My head jerked at the sound of my name. “Huh, what?”
“Woah, earth to Ryland, are you even with us right now?” The blonde man waved his hand over my face, in an exaggerated manner. “It’s like your head’s all up in space.”
I laughed awkwardly. Fudge, my mind drifted off somewhere and I completely tuned them out. I didn’t even register that I was slowly munching on some of Hazel’s fries.
Why is it so hard to focus right now?
“I, uh… yeah I’m not feeling very well”, I half-lied. Physically I think I’m fine, but I can’t shake the unease that’s been creeping all over me ever since my walk with my coworker. But I do think turning in early might do the job.
Maddy quickly rested her hand on my forehead. “Oh no, are you sick?”
“No, but I do feel like a flu may be coming in soon”, I half-lied again, trying my best to look miserable. Do two half-lies make a whole lie? Who knows. I just wanted to get out of here and get some fresh air.
Hazel frowned. “Oh shucks, I shouldn’t have forced you to come. Why didn’t you say something earlier?”
I winced. “I didn’t want to bring the mood down… But don’t end the night on my account! Just go one without me.”
Clarence started to stand up. “I can drive you home, Ryland. You do look kind of pale. Can’t have you walking yourself home and having you faint somewhere on the street.”
“Clarence!”, scolded Maddy, hitting him on his side.
Did he say I looked pale? Was I really sick?
Huh, maybe my two half-lies were truths after all.
I waved my hands around, trying to get them to calm down. If they won’t leave me alone, I’m going to have to come up with another lie. Plus, I hate being a burden to them. I can’t let them ditch their dinner date just because I was too tired to continue on with them. Especially if I’m lying just to get away.
“Don’t worry about me, uhh… a friend of mine is coming here since this place was on the way to his house. He told me I could ride with him.”
Hazel breathed out a sigh of relief. “That’s super lucky!”
“Yeah. He wanted to get something from this place…”, I stopped myself before my lie could dig me into a bigger hole, “but he decided to just eat his leftover pizza anyway.”
Whew. Maybe they’d leave me alone now. Surely they won’t wait for my imaginary savior, right? If I play this right, I could go home early.
Clarence laughed in disbelief. “You have other friends?”
Ouch. Rude.
“Yes. he has other friend, me. Come on now Grace, let’s get you home.”
What.
What the fudge.
My not-so-imaginary savior was standing there, stiffly, a bit too close to me. He had his hand outstretched in my direction, expecting me to take it. Then after half a second, he just grabbed my hand anyway, and pulled me away.
“O-Oh! You came early!” I exclaimed, trying to make the most of this opportunity. I quickly turned to the trio before I was completely out of sight. “Thanks again guys, see you tomorrow!”
“Just rest tomorrow, Grace!” Maddy waved back. Clarence and Hazel waved weakly, unsure of what to make of the scene.
What the hell was happening? Am I being kidnapped?
After a few steps, I was outside the bar and immediately felt the cold air on my face.
Phew.
Mission accomplished.
Finally, I’m alone.
“Are you okay?”
Nevermind.
At first I thought it was strange to have one hand freezing cold and the other quite warm, but then I remembered this guy still had a tight grip on me. I quickly retrieved my hand from his, trying to smile at him to make sure he knows I’m not uncomfortable.
“You look uncomfortable”.
Ah fiddlesticks.
“Nah, I’m great. Thanks a lot, by the way. You quite literally just saved me. Just needed to get some air. It’s not like I didn’t like hanging out with them, they’re cool. It’s just… I don’t feel right as of the moment - ”
Now that we’re just in place, standing in front of the bar, I can properly look at this guy, despite being poorly illuminated by the colored lights from the signages outside.
One very noticeable thing about him is that he was taller than me. Also, his hair. There was a lot of it, with strands ranging from black to gray, and looked like they were arranged in waves. He had large glasses on and was staring through them with intense green eyes.
“You are very quiet”, he declared. “Something is wrong.”
“Nothing is wrong!” I threw my hands in the air, then pointed at him. “Actually, no, you are wrong. Why did you come get me? Not that I was opposed to it, no, I needed to get out of there, thank you by the way, but what the hell? You don’t just drag some stranger randomly to a random place!”
He continued to stare, then quickly turned his head to the side. “You have not been sleeping.”
“What?”
“You. Very irritable. Annoyed. No sleeping makes you stupid.”
“Hey, I’m an 8th grade science teacher. I’m not stupid.”
Weird.
Why do I feel like I’ve had this argument before?
“Teachers can be stupid if they don’t sleep enough”, he points at me. “Example number one.”
I threw my hands into the air.
“Come on Rocky, give me a break.”
Wait.
Rocky?
The man suddenly lit up, and stepped closer. “You know my name!”
“What?”
“You said my name! My name is Rocky!” He was shaking his hands excitedly, as if he didn’t know what to do with them.
Suddenly, I felt a very sharp headache that toppled me over.
His excited shaking stopped. “Grace!”
Before I could hit my head to the ground, he caught my limp body and tried to let me lean against the wall. The colorful lights outside the bar was not helping.
After a few seconds, the sharp pain finally dulled down, but I can still feel a deep throbbing from within my head.
What on earth was happening?
I looked up at the man… at Rocky, who looked very worried, in an awkward way. It’s like it was his first time using his face.
“H-How do I know your name? Do I know you?” I asked slowly, hand pressing against my head, as if the pressure could help the pain subside.
Now he looked even more worried.
“Oh. This is bad. Bad bad bad.”
The man started to walk away, and with his long legs, he was getting pretty far with just a couple of steps.
“W-wait, hey!”
I can’t just let him go, not when I still have a million questions on my mind!
How did he know me? More importantly, how did I know him?!
And why does he seem… so familiar? I swear I’ve never met him before.
At least we were leaving the bar, which is safer for me since my friends won’t see my big fat lie about my so-called “friend” having a car. It will save me from having to explain myself to them in the next few days we see each other again in school.
We were nearing a nearby park when I started to feel a bit tired. How can he walk so fast?
“Woah Rocky, slow down!”
He was not slowing down. I can hear him mumbling something to himself, but I can’t make anything of it.
It seemed like he was planning something. Or panicking.
I did not like the sound of both.
Finally, after a little jog, I was able to catch up to him. I stopped him from moving forward by grabbing on his shoulder.
“Hey man, are you going to explain? I may be a science teacher, but I’m also a scientist and I can be very persistent when it comes to investigation. I’m not letting you go anywhere until I get an explanation!”
I tried my best to look intimidating, but when I focused on his face, he didn’t look intimidated at all.
He was… smiling. Even worse, it looked like he was smiling fondly.
I tried to ignore the way my heart reacted to the sight.
Despite his expression, his eyes were telling me a whole other thing. I can feel a deep sadness coming from them, and I don’t like it at all.
There’s something he’s not telling me.
“You know me. Statement.”
I cringed.
Statement?
What was that? Why would I say it that way? That was a weird way to end a sentence. Who says “statement” at the end of a statement?
…Me, seconds ago. Ugh.
I was expecting him to react the same way I did, but instead, he laughed. And honestly it was getting quite offensive.
“What’s so funny?”
He looked away, seemingly not wanting me to see his expression. “Even though you’re… not okay. You are still you. Grace is still Grace.”
I scoffed.
“Of course I’m still me. What, just because I feel a bit under the weather, I’m different? Well yeah I think I act differently but there’s not much of a change.”
“What does that mean?”, he asks, tilting his head to the side, “under the weather?”
I shrugged. “It just means I feel a little sick, is all. I can’t explain why, I do feel something is wrong, but I think it’s just a flu settling in my respiratory tubes.”
The brunette shook his head, and lowered his gaze. “It’s not just flu. Other thing, very bad. Bad bad bad.”
“Then tell me!” I cried, putting my hands around his arms in frustration. “We are currently going nowhere right now, and I’m not letting you go until I get an explanation. Why do you know me? How do I know you? And what’s wrong with me?!”
I was being a bit loud, but then, the city was pretty loud too. Thank goodness people were too busy with their own lives to care about random people shouting at each other by the sidewalk.
Rocky sighed, but he didn’t remove my hands from his body. “I will try to do something. Promise you will not be mad?”
“Oh I’m already pretty mad but sure go ahead.”
He ignored my quip, and looked at me straight in the face.
“Does Grace remember Astrophage?”
“Astro-what? What are you… ah!”
Just like last time, a blinding headache hit me like a train. I almost fell to my knees if it were not for Rocky, who was trying his best to hold me up, under my arms. He looked like he was awkwardly hugging me, but I was grateful because I couldn’t bring myself to stand up. Christ, this headache was an 11/10 in the NRS scale.
“Apologies! Grace is fine? Are you fine, question?!” He was frantically looking around until he caught sight of a bench nearby. Slowly, he tried to drag my weak body with him.
I groaned. “My head… it’s killing me…”
That was the wrong thing to say, apparently, because that only made him panic more, and he almost let go of my weak body.
“Killing you! Grace die?!”
“What? No!” I was able to gather a bit of strength on my lower extremities, and tried to help him guide me to the bench. “It’s just an expression. But honestly I won’t be surprised if this headache does kill me.”
“Do not say that! If that was joke it is bad!”
I laughed, but it came out more like a grunt.
He finally sat me down and I immediately tried to squeeze my head with my hands. Rocky was kneeling in front of me, staring up with a worried expression.
Damn it, I hate being a burden.
“Do you need water? Humans always need water”, he shot up and looked around. “I will go find water.”
Before my brain could stop me, I found my hand holding on to his dark green sweater.
“No…”
He turned back at me. “No?”
As much as I love being by my lonesome, I really didn’t want to be alone right now. This guy may be a stranger but his presence, for some unknown reason, was comforting to me.
It was both a soothing and a terrifying thought.
“Stay, please. Just… you can sit here. I think I’ll be fine in a few minutes, I just need some time to gather myself.”
He huffed, and I can see his posture relax a bit. “Okay. I will wait with you. Will not try to talk too much.”
Despite the noises around us, with the city still bustling and full of life, sitting next to Rocky here on a bench in a nearby park calmed me down. I looked up at the night sky and felt a surge of familiarity. It looked so tiny, with all the tall buildings framing it around my view, but there’s a vastness that I swear I’ve felt before.
I lowered my view and observed my surroundings.
“You know…”, I started, not looking at him. “I went to work today. I taught my kids, created my lesson plan, heck, I even spent some time with friends. It’s all mundane, everyday stuff… but I feel like I missed it so badly.”
I drew a breath.
“It’s like… I do these things everyday, but at the same time it feels like I haven’t any of it in so long. Does that make sense?”
Rocky felt very still beside me, like he was some… rock. “Yes.”
I huffed. He was still obviously hiding things from me, but I do appreciate the quiet. It’s giving me some space to think.
The word… what was it, Astrophage?
Astrophage. Star eater.
It was tiny, black, and most definitely a single celled organism when I poked it with a stick.
Huh.
I knew what it was. And I knew it was a problem.
When Rocky said the word out loud, a headache was triggered. Just like when he confirmed his name earlier today.
I know what Astrophage is, and weirdly, I also knew this man’s name, despite meeting him for the first time today.
Hmm… I get it now.
“I think I know what’s wrong with me.”
I can feel Rocky turn towards my direction. He didn’t say anything, which felt more like a prompt for me to continue.
“I have amnesia. Memory loss. Bits of my life are missing from my brain.”
He nodded slowly, and gave me a sad smile. “Affirmative. Is why you not know me.”
I laughed weakly. “But some part of me does know you. Why do you think I followed you, all the way back in that bar?” I looked at the ground, and kicked some pebbles resting on the cement. “I just met you today but I… I think I trusted you with my whole heart. Funnily enough, I feel safer with you - ”
Oh no. I had to stop myself before things got weird.
“And I am safe with you”, he replied with a soft voice.
Ugh. Now I’m feeling things again.
Things that I’ve definitely felt before… I just don’t remember.
“When you said that word… ‘Astrophage’, it triggered a terrible headache. Is that… Is that why you won’t tell me anything?”
“Yes”, he nodded solemnly. “I noticed it when you say my name. No problem…. When I told you my name, you fell down in pain.”
“So if I remember things on my own…”
“No pain”, he confirmed. “I tried to make you remember Astrophage, instant pain.”
“Huh…”
“Apologies”, he muttered softly. “I cannot tell Grace everything. I do not like seeing you in pain. It… feels bad.” He pointed at his heart. “It hurts here.”
I tried to not think about that too much.
I took a deep breath, and let it all out in one go, just to recenter myself. “Okay. Fine. I’m missing pieces of myself and I can’t be handed everything back on a plate, otherwise it might kill me in one go. What a wonderful concept.”
Rocky looked horrified. “Is not wonderful at all!”
“Sarcasm, buddy. Huh, I should teach you that someday... Hold on, why do I have to teach you that?”
The man just looked away.
I sighed. “Alright alright, I’ll figure it out on my own.”
He turned back to me, with the biggest smile on his face. “Of course. Grace is very smart, but only after sleeping properly.”
“Oh shut up.”
He giggled, with a laugh that was somewhat… melodic.
“Well can you at least answer this then?” I asked. “We know each other, right? Are we coworkers? Friends?”
Boyfriends?
Nah. Maybe that was asking for too much.
“Friend!” he replied eagerly, shaking his hands. “We are friends! But also, we work together. We are friend coworkers!”
Well that doesn’t narrow it down one bit.
“It still doesn’t make too much sense to me. I mean, I know my… friends, and who I work with, but how come it’s you specifically I can’t remember?”
I stared at him intensely, trying to match him with anyone else from my memories.
I am 100% sure I’ve never met him before in my life.
But I am also 100% sure that I know him deeply and trust him with my life, to the point that I would sacrifice my own for his.
It does not make sense at all!
“Grace too close”, Rocky mumbled with a strained voice. His face looked a little redder than usual. “Too little space.”
I quickly retracted myself from him. Jesus, I was almost straddling his lap!
“Sorry! Sorry! Just… thinking about stuff. I’m trying to remember your face so that I can work out stuff on my own.”
Rocky shook his head, but didn’t say anything. “Might not work. Memory recovery will be very hard, with pain.”
The quiet that followed was ringing in my ears.
I quickly stood up, feeling a bit better than earlier. “Okay, time to think of a new game plan. I’m going to have to hang around with you after work until I get my memories back.”
“Yes yes yes.”
“Is that alright with you? You don’t have work to worry about?”
“I already worry about you, nothing else important.”
“Oh wow”, I blurted out unconsciously, and tried to cover up my flustered response with a joke. “Man if you keep saying things like that, I’m going to have to think I was your boyfriend before all this.”
He stood up and nodded. “Yes. Grace is Rocky boyfriend.”
What!
“What!” I shouted out loud.
The man looked at me like I grew a second head. “Something wrong?”
Boyfriend! I had a boyfriend?!
Since when was I bi?!
I could feel the heat creeping up on my cheeks. The last relationship I had was years ago. How come I remember that but I can’t remember spending time with this guy?
The cool surface of his palm on my forehead interrupted any other thoughts after that.
“You look different. And feel hotter. Grace need to sleep and rest now.”
I quickly swatted his arm away, still reeling from the sudden information. I haven’t been in a relationship for so long, I forgot how to act lovey dovey with someone. Thinking back, him feeling my temperature didn’t warrant such a harsh response. “Okay mom, no need to be too overbearing.”
Rocky frowned. “Am not your mother.”
“Yeah, you’re just my boyfriend.”
Saying it out loud feels surreal.
I have a boyfriend…
He ignored my statement and started pulling me again. “Sleep now. Where is bed?”
“At home, duh.”
“Okay, let’s go.”
What.
“You… you’re coming with me? To my house?!”
“Yes. I will watch you sleep”, he stated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
We walked slowly, hand in hand, and I let him lead my for the first few blocks as I try to direct him to my home while gathering my thoughts.
This cannot be real.
I get amnesia and forgot a whole chunk of my life with my partner.
Oh my god, I really did have a boyfriend. I tried my best to suppress a smile.
This was going to take some getting used too.