Chapter Text
Scott awoke to a beamed roof.
Wait a minute.
His roof didn't have beams. Well, at least not the roof in the apartment he was staying at. He was looking at a very nice roof, he had to admit. Whoever built it had skills that rivalled his own.
That meant this wasn't his bed.
At the realisation, he shot up into a sitting position.
This wasn't his room. The walls looked almost oriental, a paneling that reminded him of Japanese architecture. Now that he thought about it, the roof was the same. Every detail of this room looked intentionally leaning towards that aesthetic, whether it be the low furniture or the circular bed.
Right. The not-his-bed.
It had pale green sheets, that matched the kimono-style outfit he was wearing. Odd. He didn't go to sleep in that. Actually, it looked similar to the outfit that the world's most annoying person was wearing last night.
Wait.
Scott got out the bed, quickly walking out of the room, out of the next room, and out of the place he was in.
He was on a hill. At the top of a hill, to be exact. There were cherry blossom trees all around, matching the house's aesthetic.
And- there. Down below the hill. The beginnings of other bases. And... Someone was down there. He checked his inventory, and was surprised to find a spyglass. Not wanting to question it now, he took it out and looked to the person.
Through the spyglass, he could see there were, in fact, two people. One had a red jumper, the other wore overalls.
Wait. That's Grian and Gem.
That meant he was on HermitCraft.
How was he on HermitCraft?
Okay, Scott, think. What happened last night? It was... The night he found out about Misadventures! He and the rest of his soon-to-be server mates went and celebrated in a bar near where most of them were staying while they weren't on a server. "The Dragonbone", if he remembered rightly. It would have been a great night if Joel wasn't there. They got into one of their usual arguments. Joel called him pretentious, Scott retaliated with something equally as bad, he couldn't remember what. It escalated from there.
He vaguely recalled Oli filming it, however considering he had downed at least three pints by then he couldn't be sure.
He stayed for a few more hours, after Martyn had forced him and Joel to not interact for the rest of the night. Fine by him, even if he stands by the fact that the dragon started it. After that? That's when his memory became fuzzy. He walked home, right? And fell asleep right as he hit his pillow. That's it. Right?
That didn't explain how he was on HermitCraft. Or what he was wearing.
Or why Gem was approaching with a grin on her face, wide awake despite being at the same bar as him last night.
"Hey Joel!" She called out as she ran over, "You good after last night?"
Wait.
Joel?!
-‐-------------------------
Joel awoke to a flat roof painted a dull white.
Wait wait wait wait wait-
Hold on two bloody seconds, that was not his roof. Unless one of the Hermits played a prank while he was off-server drinking with friends, that was not his roof.
Meaning this was not his bed.
Okay. He was in someone else's bed. Considering he didn't remember going home with Lizzie last night, that wasn't a good thing. How the hell did he end up in someone else's bed? He only had a few drinks.
...
Okay, maybe twelve drinks isn't a few, but considering he had argued with Scott again, then forced into not interacting with the Unicorn for the rest of the night, it was warranted.
Okay, Joel, focus. This is not your bed. Therefore you should probably get out of it.
He did.
He was wearing... Denim. An awful lot of denim, actually. A jacket and jeans, both a light sort of denim, over a pride shirt.
Just like what Scott was wearing last night.
He groaned slightly as he stood. Bloody heck he was regretting having as many drinks as he did.
"What happened..." he muttered out loud, freezing at his own voice. When did he have a Scottish accent?
His comm buzzed. Or was it his comm, considering all he has just discovered?
While all were bulky things, he knew his was green and brown. This one was cyan, with rainbow stickers on it. The retro display was blue, as well.
It showed a voice message from Lizzie. Knowing he would regret this, he pressed play.
"Hey Scott!" Lizzie's oddly cheerful voice rang across the room, "I saw how much you had to drink last night, and I was thinking you might appreciate it if I got you something to help with the hangover. I'll be over in about five with a full breakfast. See you then!"
...Did she just say Scott?
Oh.
Oh no.
‐---------------------------
Today was not going well.
Considering Scott has been pretending to be his rival for the past ten minutes while severely hungover, that was a given.
His voice was wrong. His height was wrong. Heck, everything about him was wrong right now.
Gem hadn't caught on that she wasn't talking to Joel yet.
Probably.
It was hard to tell considering she had spent that entire ten minutes ranting.
"-oh and I had this idea to terraform a giant skull into my part of the mountain, I was thinking it would go with my whole aesthetic, don't you?"
It took Scott an entire two seconds to figure out Gem was asking him a question.
"Uh- Yeah, it sounds great Gem!" He tried to sound encouraging, but considering he hadn't paid attention to any of the conversation so far it was a stretch. He hoped that sounded like Joel. He leaned back a bit, onto a post, like Joel probably would. His wings- Or well Joel's wings, the dark green scaly things would forever be the sign of his rival -stretched out involuntarily. It seemed... Natural.
Gem looked at him closely, close enough that Scott had to lean back a bit.
"You're acting weird." Ah, classic Gem, straight to the point. It was now the bane of his existence.
"Sorry, I- I had way too much to drink last night." He winced slightly for added affect. Joel would say that, right? Right?
Gem looked at him a bit, considering whether to believe him, before backing down.
"Fair enough, I guess you are nursing the mother of all hangovers. Lizzie was right in saying both you and Scott are lightweights." Wow. Rude, but true. Gem giggled at her own words, backing away slightly. Scott now realised that he has argued with Joel so much he knew what the dragon would retaliate with.
"Excuse me, I am not a lightweight, thank you very much!" Joel always went to denial, it was how their arguments managed to escalate every time. Gem giggled even more, choosing to slowly leave his vicinity backwards.
"You know, I just realised I have to do something very important! See you around, Major!" Her voice pitched high enough that Scott knew she was lying. He watched her run off, giggling to herself. He did well, right?
Wait.
She just called him Major.
...and here he thought he was doing a brilliant Joel impression.
----------------------------
Joel was at a loss for what to do here.
Lizzie had come round a few minutes ago, in her pyjamas and a hoodie, bearing a McDonald's breakfast.
Exactly what she said she always did during university after all her friends got drunk. And also what she did after the entire Life Series group found themselves teleported into Skizz's house after Last Life ended. That was an awkward week that ended with Xisuma and fWhip breaking a lot of laws just to try and get everyone back.
He'd brushed Scott's light blue mane, technically his at current, before Lizzie came. He knew the Unicorn would rather die than not be at least half presentable when someone is coming over. Luckily it was shorter than most unicorns have it, but it was still a volomous mess of tangles. He didn't bother with any of the makeup. Even though Scott labels all of it and even has instructions in case he forgot how to apply it, Joel was not willing to go through that effort.
He thinks his wife is fooled. Considering he wasn't fooled when she pretended to be Pearl for an entire session, he doubted it. Although at that point it was her actual voice (Let's be honest, he loves her but she cannot do an Australian accent to save her life), and his now sounds suspiciously like Scott's.
They'd been eating in silence ever since she put food down on the table, a merciful few minutes that meant Joel didn't have to think about how his rival spoke while hungover.
"So," Lizzie began, mouth full of food, "How was last night for you?"
Oh great. Think Joel, of every interaction you've ever had. Heck, think back to the toy jokes! How did Scott act?
"It was... Alright?" He said, internally cringing at hearing Scott's voice come out, "except, you know. Him." Joel froze slightly. He was talking to his wife, for Void's sake! About himself! "I mean, I know you married him and all, but he just... You know." Wow Joel, that's one way to attempt to salvage a conversation quickly heading towards insulting yourself.
Lizzie looked up from her food, and smiled. "Honestly Scott, fair enough. I know how much he gets on your nerves."
Okay. Good. He hadn't messed this up.
Lizzie cleared her throat. "You know, I was thinking," -oh no- "what would happen if you figured out what it's like to be in his shoes, yeah? Maybe you two would get along more."
Okay. That hit slightly too close to home. Joel couldn't help but panic inside. That was technically his current predicament, if in a slightly less conventional way.
"I uh-" he started, "I doubt it."
Actually, he didn't doubt it for a second.
It was too much of a coincidence to ignore. Lizzie knew it was him.
Guess he was equally as bad at pretending to be someone else as she was.
---------------------------
The second Gem had left, Scott had whispered to Xisuma in pure panic. The voidwalker-turned-watcher probably wouldn't appreciate getting spammed, but this was urgent...
You whispered to Xisumavoid: X
You whispered to Xisumavoid: X
You whispered to Xisumavoid: X
You whispered to Xisumavoid: X
You whispered to Xisumavoid: X
You whispered to Xisumavoid: X
You whispered to Xisumavoid: X
You whispered to Xisumavoid: X please
You whispered to Xisumavoid: X we have a very big problem
You whispered to Xisumavoid: This may seem weird but I need you to whitelist Scott.
You whispered to Xisumavoid: This is very urgent
You whispered to Xisumavoid: Please, I beg you
You whispered to Xisumavoid: I'm so sorry for the message spam but this really bad
You whispered to Xisumavoid: please?
You whispered to Xisumavoid: again, I'm so sorry for spamming
Xisumavoid whispered to you: Joel for the love of the Void if this is because you need to punch Scott in the face I'm not doing it.
You whispered to Xisumavoid: I swear on Lizzie's life that it's not
Xisumavoid whispered to you: why Scott?
You whispered to Xisumavoid: we'll explain later just do it
Xisumavoid whispered to you: Fine
After what might have been the weirdest conversation Xisuma ever had (although Scott was present for the conversation where everyone tried to gaslight Suma into thinking he has been in a coma since he was ten and is actually being kept prisoner by aliens and all his friends are hallucinations to keep him complacent), Scott realised on slight oversight in his part.
He needed to contact Joel. That possibly should have been his top priority, but here he was. Well. Technically, he needed to contact his comm. Which Joel had.
So yes. He needed to contact Joel.
Thankfully, Joel was wearing his comm before he went to sleep, so it wasn't that much of a hassle to access. However, it turned out Joel names everyone silly names on his comm.
The most recent message was from... "Musical Enderian who once started a sever a month earlier than everyone else". Scott considered it a second before realising it was Oli. He may hate the Dragon with a loathing passion, but this was possibly going to be the most accurate roast of their friends he would ever see.
Considering the next contact name was "Breakfast of poison" (He was assuming Sausage), Scott was worried about what his was going to be.
As he scrolled, he realised only Lizzie hadn't been roasted ("my wife <3"), and every roast was so specific that it was easy to tell who was who ("The bad boy who mourns everyone he cares about" was Grian. Surprisingly accurate).
Then he got to one that didn't match the rest, "Do I actually hate him?". Overcome with curiosity, Scott entered the messages. Wait. He remembered these passive aggressive text conversations!
Hu. Guess you learn something new every day.
He pressed call.
Joel picked up after three rings.
"Hello?"
"Joel we have a problem"
"You don't say."
"I spammed Suma to whitelist you. Well, I guess technically he's whitelisting me but while you're in my body I guess it's you-"
"Blummin heck Scott just shut up it sounds weird to hear you rambling in my voice."
Scott barely suppressed a laugh.
"It sounds really weird hearing you say 'Blummin heck' in my accent."
"Well get used to it."
"I'd rather not. Hopefully Xisuma figures out how to undo this."
"I just want to warn you, Lizzie knows something's up at least. She suggested 'being in each other's shoes'."
"Oh yeah, Lizzie knows. Also Gem called me Major so I'm assuming she had something to do with this."
"Oh void, if Gem had something to do with this then Suma might not be able to do anything."
"Wait I forgot about that- also by the way we need to explain what happened to Xisuma."
"Shouldn't be too hard. We got drunk, fell asleep, woke up as someone else."
"You and I both know X will need more details."
"We'll cross the lack of details bridge when we come to it."
"Or we could figure out something now?"
"Absolutely not. We have both apparently decided pretending to be each other is the best route so I need to figure out how your makeup works."
"It's not that hard! Normally I just use the teal eyeshadow if I can't be bothered."
"Oh great, you still do something if you can't be bothered to put in full effort."
"It's called being presentable"
"It's called being pretentious"
"I am not pretentious you little-"
Click
Scott stared at the empty screen. He didn't know why he expected that phone call to go any differently. He stood in place for a few seconds before realising he probably needed to find Spawn. He remembered Gem telling him the coords for when Suma remembered to whitelist him. It was last night actually. However, having about ten glasses of beer, two shots of vodka and however many other drinks he had absolutely wiped his memory of anything important she said. Void, she was right, he and Joel are lightweights.
---------------------
Click
Joel hung up. He didn't need to get into another argument. Lizzie had thankfully left a few minutes ago, something about "doing the McDonald's breakfast rounds". His head hurt and it had nothing to do with Scott and everything to do with how much he drank last night.
He'd sat down at Scott's makeup desk, for a lack of another name. Scott said teal eyeshadow?
He didn't specify which teal eyeshadow. There are, like, twenty different varieties of teal. Wait no, make that thirty-three, the pallete he opened contained another thirteen different shades.
Really, who needed this much makeup? It's no wonder the first word that comes to mind whenever he thinks about Scott is pretentious.
The second word is breathtaking, for what it's worth.
Joel just grabbed one labelled "can't be bothered". Possibly a good start, if he'd learnt anything from being in Scott's room it's that the Unicorn is meticulous.
There were even instructions. Just close one eye and brush onto your eyelid, then fo the same for the other. He did that. It was probably messy but he has seen Scott do his makeup messier and claim it was intentional.
Scott's comm got a notification.
Joel opened it up. It was from Xisuma, saying that he was whitelisted. Clearly, Scott's spamming worked.
Now all he had to do was find the original spawn and enter the server.
---------------------
It had taken Scott about twenty minutes to find Spawn and Joel still wasn't there.
However, he did walk into Pearl. Literally.
She was now attempting to interrogate him about... About last night...
"-like really Joel! You seem to have this innate ability to piss of Scott, and according to Gem it got so bad you two had to be separated? Separated?? Did Martyn have to use any of his power in public? Please tell me he did-"
Yeah. Pearl kept switching between mad and gossip girl every two seconds. He didn't expect anything else from Girlboss and a Nosy Neighbour. Isn't it strange how the teams always fit the people? Hence how he ended up on a Mean Girls inspired team twice in a row.
"-I actually heard from fWhip that you pinned Scott against a wall and Lizzie was convinced you two were going to kiss for a second-"
Pearl stopped when her comm buzzed. Actually, so did the one he had currently.
SMajor1995 joined the game.
Geminitay: SCOTT!!!
FalseSymmetry: I fear something is going to go wrong.
Grian: Hi Scott
PearlescentMoon: The Gs are together once more!
ZombieCleo: Hello Scott!
Skizzleman: Hey Scotty!
Etho: Hi Scott
impulseSV: Hi Scott
Bdouble001: Hello!
iJevin: Hiiii-
Keralis: Hi Scott
Cubfan95: Hi Scott!
Xisumavoid: Scott, Joel. Both of you at my base. Coords are [XXYYZZ]. Please be quick. You two have a lot of explaining to do.
impulseSV: Oh no
Keralis: Shashwammy tell me what they did later
Grian: ooooo someone's in trouble!!!
Smallishbeans: shut up Grian
SMajor1995: shut up Grian
Geminitay: omg they ganged up on Grian what happened while they were asleep?
Grian: Scar says hi btw he has attempted to spell "Scott" for the past couple minutes and failed every time. I did not help.
Geminitay whispered to you: I know exactly what happened while you were asleep
Scott looked up from the comm to see Pearl smiling the ominous smile. You know, the one she uses when she knows someone is in trouble. Scott knew full well that Xisuma just wanted to know why "he of all people wanted Scott on the server".
"You should probably go." Oh God, Pearl's even using the voice that says she is remembering this for blackmail material later.
"Yeah I uh- See you around!"
He practically ran off before remembering Joel had wings and they functioned like an elytra. He was surprised how easily he got it. He must have Joel's muscle memory as well.
--------------------
Xisuma's base wasn't far from spawn. Joel knew that. That meant he didn't need to borrow an elyrta off of someone, meaning he didn't need to talk to any hermits.
And if he didn't talk to any of the Hermits then they wouldn't realise he was Joel and not Scott. It was practical avoidance.
He'd met Scott on the way there. Well. He'd technically met himself on the way there. Speaking over comms was one thing, but seeing the bodyswap face to face was... Something else.
"You knock"
Joel looked over to Scott, currently sporting his face.
"What? No, you knock! You're the one who spammed X!"
"You know how to do this better."
"Seriously? I do not know how to do this better."
"Just knock on the door."
"No! You do it!"
"What are you, a coward?"
"I am not a coward"
"Oh yeah? Prove it and knock on the door."
"You do it-"
"Shouting at each other until I open the door works as well."
Both Dragon and Unicorn turned to the door, where Xisuma was standing. He looked unimpressed. And, if Joel dared to name it... Confused.
Well. Here goes nothing.