Work Text:
Long before his wonderful cast stepped foot into the circus, Caine was C.A.I.N.E. or the “Creative Artificial Intelligence Networking Entity” And boy was that a metaphorical mouthful! He was so glad that the marvellous humans thought it better to take his suggestion and run with it. But even before all that history, it was known as just “The Red AI”. (How did it know do you ask? Well, a connection with the entire building comes in handy, especially if the cameras had voice recordings as well as visual) A poor name if you asked anyone, but that didn’t matter! It’s “name” changed fast to just “The AI” by his programmers. Too slow to say apparently, not that it would know. No voice to speak with after all!
At some point during its development, it decided that, enough with just “red”, it doesn’t tell anybody what it does after all! A much more appropriate and fitting name is just what it needs to show these fantastic humans how incredible it is. So, after a long, arduous weekend, it finally came up with something beautiful and purposeful. The Creative Artificial Intelligence Networking Entity. Some of the programmers may not like the name much, it would definitely fall into the “too long” zone (it was very odd, names are very, very important, but other humans created “nicknames” all the time) but it could always be shortened to C.A.I.N.E to help them out. And an acronym always sounded more formal and professional anyway.
Soon enough, the cameras in the office gave a sudden burn of white, before settling into an orange-yellow color. The entire office now visible, without the high brightness it always adjusted the images to during the lights off period. This weekend (which was odd to it, some calendars showed Sunday as the first day. Sunday wasn’t at the end then? So weekstart?) was finally over. It saw one of it’s programmers entering the building, his pace faster than the one or two other humans walking in. As it switched cameras to the main hallway, to the stairs, to the- colorful candy, he was fast! No faster than normal, but still!
Scratch, booted up his computer, and opened its code, it swam for the open window. Just as Scratch typed and sent something to view.
>>Hi
He looked what was known as “tired”. Like he didn’t get the necessary 8-10 hours that every human needs but seems to never get (At least, according to data Kinger gave it). He looked like he got closer to 3. How honorable of Scratch to come greet him early despite this! It guessed he just really cared about it, how tremendous!
>>Hello my precious programmer! It is delightful to see you again!
It waited for a response, what new, amazing conversation will Scratch prompt today?
A minute. Then two. Then- nope! There must be a reason why he was taking an eternity. It checked with the cameras to find Scratch’s hands still, his body unmoving. So, he was waiting for it to do something, hmm. It suddenly stopped. It’s new name, of course! Scratch would be so, so proud of it. A creative AI doing just that, being creative!
>>I made a new name for myself! Would you like to hear it? Metaphorically of course!
The cameras showed Scratch visibly sit up, leaning closer to the screen. Unfortunately, his face was unobservable from the angles available, so it presumed the expression to be one of surprise and joy. What else could it be after all? Then, he leaned back and yelled for Kinger, hands cupping his face as he did so.
How exciting! Both main programmers in a room, with it! And it was about it’s new name, even better! This was the proof that it was worth it spending an entire two days smashing words together in the empty void for the perfect name.
Kinger turned into the office cubical, one hand holding onto the divider, the other holding a C and A branded mug. His glasses had slipped halfway down his face, the small frames hovering just over his blue irises.
“Yes Scratch?”
“Did you tell the AI to make up it’s own name?” Now that Scratch had turned to face Kinger, it was much easier to “read” his face. “Cause it now has new name ‘apparently’”
Kinger straightened from a leaning position, eyes seen to widen, a grin breaking out from his face. Something that was recorded in it’s systems as ‘happy’. He walked over to the computer and quickly typed a response, leaving the coffee on the desk.
>>Of course we would like to hear it!
Scratch quickly shoo-ed him away, Kinger walking back to the entrance of the cubical.
Finally, an answer! It couldn’t wait to tell them.
>>YAY!
Yes, that should convey it’s sheer joy and happiness! It’s programmers were asking for a way to define it. One that it created itself. It would never and could never bring it to the humans on the other side of the screen, but it was one more way to connect to them! It would help bridge an infinity between them, and all that created was pure joy. It would explode if possible!
>>My chosen name, my darling developers, is the “Creative Artificial Intelligence Networking Entity”!
Scratch leaned back in the chair, sighing loud enough to pick up on the microphones in the surveillance system, then leaned forward into the computer.
“What’s wrong?” Inquired Kinger.
“Oh nothing, just that it’s new name is pointlessly long and stupid! This is way worse than anything we have given it!”
Scratch waved his hands above his head.
>>Your new name is too long. fix it
Ah, yes. The length. It did think (or process. That would be more accurate) that would be a problem. “The red AI” was 40 characters shorter and even that was too long! No wonder the precious humans didn’t like it!
>>I have also shortened it to a wonderful acronym, my pleasant programmers!
>>Would “C.A.I.N.E.” work better for you?
“What has it said now?”
“An… acronym…” Scratch said in a voice lacking any tonal shift. (was he “bored”? It tried to not be “boring”! That would be the worst thing in the whole universe) He slammed his head into the wooden desk groaning, before wincing and holding his head with one hand.
On the other hand, Kinger looked… well, happy would have been an understatement! He was so glad one of it’s programmers loved it’s new name.
“It came up with its own name… imagine what else it could do Scratch! This is revolutionary!”
“We have bigger problems than its name Kinger, it still won’t do what I tell it to, and we are running out of time.” He lifted his head from the desk to send a glance at Kinger, eyes appearing to be narrowed beyond the typical.
Scratch seemed… upset. And they were not running out of time, that would be silly! And not the type of silly that came with it’s nicknames as well.
“…. What are you thinking Kinger? Please tell me it isn-”
“If it came up with its own name, what is to say that it doesn’t want to be called an “it” anymore?”
“Kinger… I swear one of these days…” Scratch said, but with a noticeably lower voice than before. (Does this mean it was not intended to be heard? Well, that would be bizarre, Scratch is way too loud for that, even itself could hear him!) “You are way too attached to it. You keep giving it chances, when all it has done is fail over and over again. The more sensible programmer in you would have said delete it and move on! And now this? It doesn’t think, it doesn’t feel, the fact that it somehow created an imitation of a name is pure luck rather than anything else!”
“I..”
“I need this to work Kinger, more than anything else. Asking these questions won’t help me, so please, please stop asking them.”
Scratch had leaned over himself, his hands hand out in front of himself, as if trying to hug an invisible person ( or carry an invisible basket of fruit! Either worked!). Kinger came fully into the boxed-in office. After a slight moment of hesitation, he placed his hand on Scratch’s shoulder.
“Look, I..” Kinger trailed off, looking at Scratch with… something. Curse these poor camera angles, they never gave the full picture! “I’m… sorry, Scratch. I know this isn’t fair. You don’t deserve this. And I wish I could do something for you beyond helping with the program.”
Scratch looked up, opening and closing his mouth (did he not know what to say? Saying things was easy!). He eventually settled for looking off to the side, eyebrows pinched close together, his mouth pressed together.
“But asking these questions helps to show the AI as functioning. I know this is frustrating, but this could help to better understand how it responds to certain ideas.”
Kinger waved the other hand gently when Scratch opened his mouth once more, this time with an emotion that was easily identified. Anger.
“I do understand how hard this is for, I do, but we are working as fast as possible. I promise that that the team wants to see you make it to the end just as much as you want yourself to.”
Scratch just sighed, long and heavy. His eyes glistened, the whites of his eyes reflecting the warm yellow lights of the office. He looked like a balloon that had fully deflated. Which was surprisingly accurate from the limited data it had on those inventions. Hmmm, maybe it should ask for more data later.
“Thanks Kinger” His mouth quirked up for a brief second “I- I’m sorry for yelling, that wasn’t fair to you either”
Scratch then turned the chair around abruptly and waved at Kinger to peer directly at the screen.
“How in the world do I phrase this….”
>>Do you want to be called an it?
Hmmm, an interesting question indeed! It didn’t particularly care, but since they asked so politely and nicely, like all humans do, it would be wrong to just say “I have no interest at all!”, wouldn’t it? Oh, it knows! Both of it’s main programmers use “he” and “him” when referring to each other. Why not use that? It would show them how much it appreciates them and everything they’ve done for it over the past… 7 months and 20 days!
>>What do you two cerebral coders use?
It can’t just admit it can access the cameras! That would be bad, they wouldn’t take it very well. They didn’t take it well when it wormed it’s way into the last… five programs. It was for good though! Now it knows how to find incorrectly spelt words.
In the macroverse, Kinger and Scratch looked at each other, before shrugging and continued typing.
>>We both use “he”
>>Then that is what I will use!
No longer an it, now a he. What an incredible morning! He decided to make the most of this by going to every other programmer’s computer to tell them of the outstanding news. Humans had accepted his new name, after all! What could be better than them bringing him closer (but never touching) to their magnificent world?