Chapter Text
Arcee drummed her fingers as she stirred her engex with a huff and checked the chronometer over the bar.
In another few minutes her ‘date’ would officially start.
And end if she had any say in the matter.
Honestly, what had Ultra Magnus been thinking? Agreeing to help set up a date without even consulting her! He had never done such a thing before.
She really should have said no. But she’d never really been able to deny Magnus anything. No guilt trip or peer pressure could compare to Magnus’ noble and silent disappointment when she refused his well intentioned attempts to give her a ‘normal’ life.
Whatever. One little awkward blind date. After that she could officially say ‘I tried’, shrug, and put an end to this farce. Magnus was bound to feel too awkward to try setting her up on another. At least not right away.
After awhile she looked at the chronometer again and was put out to see that it was actually five minutes past the meet up time.
Arcee frowned.
While it would be convenient if the mech didn’t show, she found herself feeling a bit offended at the idea. It was one thing for her to have to awkwardly reject her would-be date. It was quite another to get stood up.
“Waiting for someone?”
The languid voice came from the end of the bar.
Arcee glanced up.
Sitting there, leaning over a glass of high-grade engex and a smokestick between his fingers, was Smokescreen. She was surprised she hadn’t seen him sooner. His red and blue chassis and yellow crest made him stand out like a light show.
The last she’d seen of him had been back in the Nest where he’d received a reputation as a bit of a delinquent. Before Devcon had taken off to parts unknown he and Smokescreen had done it all. Smuggled in contraband, stealing confiscated items, leading unapproved trips to various dangerous parts of the Ark (which naturally held a fascination to the sparklings and younglings of the Nest precisely because they were forbidden).
As an outsider, Devcon was expected to cause trouble. Arcee had been considered an outsider once too, but having Magnus as a mentor had made the autobots more willing to accept her with open arms. Devcon hadn’t had that.
Smokescreen was different.
At first bots just assumed he was just another orphaned spark acting out. Just another undisciplined member of the ‘lost generation’ who was in dire need of guidance. The reality of his relations had taken a millennia to fully make the rounds of the ship.
Arcee herself had only really learned he was Admiral Prowls little brother when they were both already younglings. She could remember sneering at the obvious implied nepotism. Of course, she was Ultra Magnus’ mentee but, well, that was different. Very different.
Taking a long pull on the smokestick, Smokescreen vented the vapor out through the seams of his chassis. In the dim mood lighting of Swerve’s bar it created an incredibly attractive effect. If his expression was anything to go by, Smokescreen was more than aware of it.
Arcee grimaced in disgust.
“I don’t see how that’s any business of yours.” She answered, trying to shut down this conversation before it could start.
Smokescreen, however, was unperturbed, “It might be. I’m waiting for someone too.”
Oh Primus please no. Arcee thought with a sense of doom, Magnus please tell me you didn’t.
She looked down the bar and made sure Swerve wasn’t within hearing range before grabbing her drinking and moving down the bar to where Smokescreen was sitting. Taking a huge swig of the engex to give her a bit of damaxus courage, Arcee opted to take things head on.
“Blind date?” She asked.
Smokescreen nodded.
Damn.
Damn. Damn. Damn.
He was bound to get a ton of mileage out of this little ‘date’. He’d be all over the ship boasting about going on a date with her. It’d be years before people shut up about it.
“Look, I don’t know what Magnus told you but I’m not interested.” Arcee said with a wave of her hand.
“Really? Showing up at a speakeasy for a blind date counts as ‘not interested’?” Smokescreen smiled.
“YOU try telling Ultra Magnus no.” She hissed, “I agreed to come to make him happy. That’s all.”
Smokescreen didn’t seem bothered.
“Trust me. I sympathize.” For the first time his voice was filled with displeasure, “There’s something about the imperious types that makes them think they know everything.”
Arcee glared.
“Magnus isn’t like that.”
“Was I talking about Magnus?” Smokescreen said sipping his glass and looking nonchalant.
“It was more than a little obvious.”
“Was it? I think you’re making a major assumption.”
Arcee only just managed to avoid slamming down her glass so hard that it shattered. Instead a bit of engex just spilled over the edge and onto the counter.
She was satisfied to see that Smokescreen had jumped.
“I think we’re done here.”
Just as she was getting up to storm out, a hand touched her arm.
“Now hold on let’s-”
Smokescreens arm was grabbed and twisted into a very uncomfortable position.
“Ah-ah-ah” He managed uncomfortably, “Sorry. Sorry. Hands to myself. Hands to myself!”
Arcee let go.
The praxian hissed and rubbed his arm.
“You certainly know how to charm a mech, don’t you?” Arcee said with a degree of satisfaction.
“Usually. Yeah.” Smokescreen admitted, “But, let’s be frank, none of that’s gonna work on you.”
He then hurriedly added, “Not that I would even try! Being a femme respecting mech as I am! Chivalry and all that slag!”
“Uh-huh.” Arcee was unconvinced.
“Look. I have a proposition for you. Not that kind of proposition. I’m not that kind of mech! Don’t look at me like that!”
Unwillingly, Arcee softened her look of disgust but only just.
Smokescreen sighed, “Look. Let me start over.”
“Go ahead hot shot. Let’s see how you strike out this time.”
“Ahahah. Yes. Strike out.” Smokescreen laughed awkwardly, “Funny you should mention that. Striking out is kind of what I’m in the market for at the moment.”
Arcee crossed her arms, “Wanna explain what you mean?”
“It might be best if I just say it outright.”
He put his hands together.
“I want you to date me.” Before Arcee could argue he pointed his folded hands directly at her, “For exactly five dates. Maybe seven? Exact number can be negotiated.”
Arcee’s lips parted, “You want me to promise you at least five dates? Why? Think you can win me over in that time?”
“No.” Smokescreen emphatically shook his head, “This is strictly a business transaction. You see Arcee, after the agreed upon number of dates, I want you to break up with me. Publicly. Or I can break up with you. Whatever you prefer.”
That… made her pause.
“You want me to break up with you?”
“Yes.”
“Publicly?”
“Yes.”
She stared at him.
He stared back.
“Why don’t I just reject you now, in front of everyone, and be done with it?”
“Because,” Smokescreen deflated, “I’m just gonna wind up back in here in another month with a different mech in that chair.”
Arcee was about to demand an explanation when Smokescreen raised an arresting hand.
“Look. You don’t have to worry about my reasons right now, alright? Let’s focus instead, on what you get out of this!”
She crossed her arms. Her interest was unwillingly peaked. This wasn’t one of Smokescreens usual shifty scheme.
“And what would I get out of this?”
“A social shield. For a time, at least.” Smokescreen explained, “You see Arcee I have been privy to the fact that you are considered one of the most desirable mechs on the Ark.”
“Am I?”
It was certainly true there had been… flirting. Invitations. Attempts to get close.
Arcee couldn’t understand it for the life of her. She certainly didn’t try to attract attention, and as far as her appearance went she didn’t consider herself the pinnacle of the autobot beauty standard. Hell, Smokescreen with his bright vibrant coloring and those door wings was arguably more of an example of attractiveness than her.
“Ah hah! Humble! But we both know it’s true! I happen to know for a fact that Brawn asked you to get drinks with him not a month ago. Am I right?”
“I… How did you…?”
No one else had been around for that! Brawn had discreetly chosen to ask her when they were together in the fire range. Specifically when she was holding a loaded gun she had just vigorously proven she knew how to use. Some people might’ve question that decision, but Arcee had been around life time soldiers like Brawn enough to understand that asking for that sort of thing while the other person was holding a lock and loaded weapon was a tried and true sign of chivalry! Well, the specific type of chivalry soldiers went in for anyway.
She had let him down as easily as she could. Brawn was sweet in many ways but way too old for her tastes. Not that she was in the market for that sort of thing right now anyway.
“I have my ways.” Smokescreen smirked, “My point still stands. You are a mech who gets a lot of attention. However, if they think you’re ‘dating’ someone else. In this case, me. They’ll likely look the other way. You could go for at least a month, maybe a little more depending on how we sparse things out, without having to worry about anything like that.”
He continued, “And of course there’s Ultra Magnus! If you just blow me off now before even giving ‘the relationship’ a shot, well, Magnus might think it was just a matter of the wrong candidate and keep setting things like this up until you stick to someone! And do you really want to keep giving up your free time for blind dates that you likely don’t intend to go anywhere anyway?”
“I… suppose.” Arcee admitted.
Magnus just giving up was something she just assumed would happen. However, he took her ‘happiness’ exceptionally seriously and could get really stubborn about making it happen. If he had genuinely convinced himself that this would, in some way, make her ‘happy’ he might just keep going.
“Look nothing has to actually happen.” Smokescreen kept his voice low, “No holding hands or any of that. People just have to think that we’re making the effort. That’s all. Then when we ‘break up’, we can plausibly avoid just getting set up again. Maybe not forever, but at least for awhile. Y’know heartbreak and all that.”
It was a good argument and a tempting offer.
However, there was still a question.
“What are you getting out of this?” Arcee asked narrowing her eyes, “I somehow doubt you’re suggesting this for my sake. How do I know that you aren’t just trying to trick me into dating you? Or that you won’t go out of your way to ruin my reputation?”
“Yeesh you’re a suspicious one aren’t you?” Smokescreen chuckled, “First off, and tolerate my frankness, but you’re not really my… type? I mean the sassiness is alright but the stern professionalism? Not so much.”
“Charming.” Arcee said dryly, “And secondly?”
“While I’m more than willing to take a few practical risks if the rewards are big enough, and I’m not beyond holding a grudge and using good old fashioned public opinion as a cudgel I’m also not dumb enough to make an enemy out of Ultra-friggin-Magnus.” Smokescreen blew some fumes out of his mouth with a sigh, “Be real with me Arcee, how easy would it be for him to crumble me into a ball? Would it even take a lot of effort?”
Arcee raised her brows and carefully answered, “He may be strong enough to do that, yes.”
But he wouldn’t.
Ultra Magnus loved her, of that Arcee had no doubt. He was also exceptionally powerful. Of that she had no doubt as well. However, he wasn’t violent and tended to be quite measured in his response. If someone spread rumors about his mentee the first thing he would do was file a formal complaint and then patiently wait for the paperwork to file through. Even if he did want to fight on her behalf he’d write our a formal challenge letter in triplicate and only follow through if Optimus Prime himself gave him the go ahead.
Point was, Smokescreen had nothing to fear when it came to Ultra Magnus.
But she wasn’t about to inform him of that.
“Exactly!” Smokescreen snapped his fingers, “So, if anything, you have the upper hand here. Not me.”
“True,” She agreed, “plus if you piss me off I could just twist your arm off.”
“Hahah,” He laughed awkwardly, “A joke! That's a joke! Right? That’s a joke. Right?…. Right?”
Arcee gave a deliberately vague hum.
Smokescreen trailed off into an uncertain chuckle before finishing off his glass and asking, “So… do we have an arrangement?”
Arcee mulled it over.
She didn’t like not knowing what Smokescreen expected to get out of this arrangement. Hell, if she was honest she wasn’t sure she even liked Smokescreen all that much. He was, supposedly, very charming but that could mean literally anything.
However, she had to admit that all the flirting was getting annoying and it’d be nice to have a fake partner to bring up to quietly disarm such things. Besides, this way she could avoid disappointing Magnus. At least for now.
“Alright. You have a deal.”
She then flagged down Swerve for a new drink.
At Smokescreens expense naturally.