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Loss

Summary:

She has to grieve, but he won't let her do it alone.

Notes:

UNEDITED

Work Text:

The day had gone by like any other. Cases, interviews, statements, line-ups, convincing Barba they had enough evidence… arguing with Barba about said evidence.

Most of the squad were at the precinct. Fin and Rollins were chasing down a lead, Benson and Amaro were trying to get an ID on one of their supposed suspects and Barba was arguing with Carisi.

“Councillor, I’m telling you we can use that fingerprint.” Evangeline watched on as Barba’s face grew more irritated by the second.

“He was the delivery boy. Delivery boys deliver parcels Carisi, he delivered a parcel to her house that day. That makes it circumstantial.”

“But that puts him at the scene all we need is an ID.”

“Which we might not get if she can’t remember.” Eline pointed out. Neither of them seemed to be paying attention to her.

She shook her head and walked over to the coffee machine, the only distraction was the vibrating coming from her back pocket.

Eline pulled out her phone, smiling at the caller I.D.

“Hey Ryan.”

The urgent voice on the phone meant she missed the slightly biting tone of Carisi from behind her.

“Who’s Ryan?” He received no answer and turned back to Barba intending to continue their discussion.

“Evan? Listen, it’s Helen, she… God she got into an accident.”

Evangeline felt her stomach lurch.

“What? How bad is it? Is she okay? Where are you?” The questions flew out of her mouth instantly, her mind was racing.

“Evan, I’m sorry, she was gone before the ambulance-” Ryan’s voice cracked and his sentence was cut short.

The cup of hot coffee she was holding slipped from her grasp, although she barely noticed, everything around her was muted, the only thing she could hear was her heartbeat thumping fast and loud.

The mug smashed into pieces as it hit the ground, splashing her legs and pooling on the floor beneath her.

“What the hell?” Carisi muttered turning around.

“Eline? What’s wrong?” He moved to her side, grabbing the hand that was still in mid-air. Her face had gone pale and she looked like she was about to throw up, her eyes lined with tears.

Sonny reached forward slowly and took the phone from her ear, he could hear the reticent sound of someone on the other side talking.

“Evan?”

“No, this is Detective Sonny Carisi, I’m her partner, is everythin’ okay?”

As Ryan was explaining, Evangeline blurred into motion, pushing past Barba and running towards the restroom.

She collapsed on her knees in front of the toilet and emptied her stomach.

Sonny gave Barba a brief explanation before making after Eline. He opened up the door to the women’s restroom and heard muffled sobs. He walked in and pushed open the stall door looking down at his partner on the ground.

He sank to his knees beside her.

Evangeline sniffed loudly. She was sat with her back against the stall wall, her knees close to her chest. Her face was wet with tears and she had no doubt her nose was running.

“You don't have to be in here, they need you.”

He huffed a laugh and placed his hand on her knee.

“So do you.” he stated simply. Then he frowned a little.

“Doll, I'm so sorry.”

Evangeline shook her head, fresh tears welling in her eyes. She had a sad smile on her face as she grabbed some tissue, wiping her eyes and nose.

Sonny stood and held out a hand, steadying her as she stood.

With one final sniff she walked towards the mirror and sink.

“You need to go back out there, I’ll be right behind you.”

Carisi hesitated for a second and then nodded, he left the restroom, the echo of the door closing caught the squad’s attention.

Benson and Amaro had since finished their line up and were stood with Barba and Rollins leaving Fin at his desk.

They all shared a look of concern.

“Is she okay?” Rollins asked.

He shrugged.

“No, but I don't blame her.” Sonny turned to Olivia.

“Sarge, I think-”

She shook her head.

“No need Carisi.”

The second slamming of the door turned their gazes.

Evangeline stood there, feeling smaller than usual despite being quite tall. Her eyes watery and her cheeks were red and puffy.

“Sorry, Liv. Did she ID our guy or not?”

“Eline, take a few days. Come back when your mind is clear.”

“Liv I can-"

Olivia Benson’s glare cut her short and she sighed.

“Alright I should- I need to help Ryan with the fu- with the plans anyway.” She muttered.

Carisi helped her into her coat and then grabbed his own.

“C’mon, I’ll take ya home.” He told her.

Evangeline offered him a smile and shook her head.

“It’s okay Carisi, you need to stay, I’ll get a taxi. Just catch these assholes okay.”

She waved goodbye and grabbed her bag before walking towards the elevator. Benson noticed the frown on Carisi’s face.

“Carisi, make sure she gets in that taxi.” She said before turning towards Barba.

He hurried towards the elevator, slamming his palm between the rapidly closing doors.

“Carisi-"

“Sarge’s orders.”

He placed a hand on her shoulder and gently pulled her into his chest, holding her tight, trying to put as much comfort into the hug. The consistent sound of his heartbeat slowly began to relax her.

The ding of the elevator reaching the bottom floor pulled them from their hug and the two walked in silence out of the precinct and onto the street outside.

“You gotta text me when you're home safe, yeah?”

Evangeline nodded and hugged him again.

“Thanks Sonny.”

He froze, they’d been partners for around 4 months now and she’d never called him Sonny. Only Sonn-shine or Carisi.

She got into her taxi and gave him one last wave. He walked back into the precinct feeling sadness and joy in his heart, all for her.


 

It was almost 12am by the time Evangeline’s tears dried out. She’d gotten home, sending a text to Carisi and then proceeded to pull out some photo albums.

Part of her wanted to suck it up and get over it, but she knew that the more she cried, the quicker she would grieve and maybe it’d be a little easier to handle.

A knock on the door startled her and for a moment she wondered if it was Ryan. Eline stood and peered into the peephole. She wanted to be surprised but couldn't.

She unlocked and opened her door, smiling at the man on the other side.

“What’re you doing here Sonn-shine?”

“I didn't want you to be alone. Sorry if I'm overstepping…”

She shook her head and opened the door wider for him to enter her apartment.

“You’re not just my partner Sonny.”

Carisi paused whilst taking off his coat.

“No?”

“No. You're my friend.”

His grin was blinding and it make her feel a little happier. She sat down on the couch and motioned him over.

“C’mere, I want to show you some stuff.” Sonny sat down next to her and noticed she had a few photo albums spread out on the table. He reached forward and delicately picked up a photograph that was taken some years before.

There was his partner, younger than she was now, with her arms around a raven haired woman, smiling brightly at the camera.

“Is this…?” He asked. She nodded and smiled, her eyes seemed distant as though she was remembering.

“That's Helen. She was like a sister to me. We met in college. That photo was taken on our trip to California.” she explained to him.

“She’d have liked you.” Eline said as an afterthought. Sonny looked at her and then back at the picture.

“Ya think?”

She nodded.

“Yeah, she wanted to meet you, but I guess I never found the time.” The regret in her tone was obvious but her voice was soft and she felt the lump in her throat come back.

Sonny opened his arms to her and she settled into them, tucking her head into his neck.

“You’re gonna be okay Doll.”

It was quiet for a moment.

“I know Sonny, you’re here.”

He held her tighter, wishing he could take away her suffering.

"Always." He whispered into her hair.

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