Work Text:
Airplane woke up, not thinking anything in particular. His neck was propped at an odd angle, his back a bit stiff. The harsh fluorescent lights beamed directly into his skull as he squeezed his eyes shut. It took him a few moments to even recognize the persistent beeping of the heart monitor, and it took even longer to realize it was his heartbeat.
"Oh," He stated, just to realize the voice didn't match the one he had been listening to for so many decades. It was higher-pitched, lighter, and it just wasn't his. But there wasn't any curiosity of who it belonged to.
His predicament was exactly what System said: he was in the modern world. But between the urgency and suddenness of the panel's offer, he didn't really consider everything that came with going back to his body. Even though Shang Qinghua was a cisgender man, Xiang Fei was not. The idea settled weirdly in his bones. He wasn't transphobic or anything- literally, how could he be- but at the very minimum, he was uncomfortable again.
He didn't quite know what bothered him first. The knowledge he had a chest with breasts bigger than he'd preferred, or the way he expected to get misgendered all the time once more. Actually, he got sort of good at passing right before he died. He did it by only wearing things like hoodies and jeans, settling for the bare minimum of effort, not even washing his hair or trying to look alive- and suddenly he would get called a man when the grocery store cashier was ringing up his ridiculous amount of discounted energy drinks.
But now he was at the hospital. And it was notorious for being a place where you stay as long as you need, and you leave as soon as you can. So of course, there wasn't a reason to even try to correct the nurse that came by his room, "Ma'am?" She smiled, "Oh good, you're awake!"
"Yeah," Airplane swallowed, his throat feeling dry. "I suppose I am." He met her gaze. "Was I unconscious for long?"
"Our reports estimate that you were in a coma for just over two days. You were brought in by one of your neighbors." Her voice was too clinging, too kind, as she stated, "It's nice to see you're doing okay, electrocution can be a messy thing." She shook her head with wide eyes as if she had interesting stories about other patients. Regardless, she continued, "A young woman like you deserves a nice, long life ahead of her. It would be a shame to go so soon."
If he was being honest, he didn't even feel uncomfortable at first. But it was only because he wasn't aware he was being spoken about. It was a long silence where she had to verify he was still listening before he blinked rapidly. "Oh right, yes!" He awkwardly laughed and scratched the back of his neck, feeling pinpricks of tingling in his dominant hand. "Yeah, sorry, I'm still getting my bearings."
"Of course! Disorientation can be common." She tapped her clipboard. "Well, I would ask more questions, but I was actually on my way to move you to your reassigned room." She professionally chuckled to fill the air. "So we'll have to move over there first. Let's get you walking."
Xiang Fei struggled for a few steps, his legs lightly wobbling beneath him like a newborn giraffe walking on strawberry jello. However, with the nurse steadying him by the arm, he was able to make it mostly on his own to the elevator. As they ascended, he asked, "Not to sound rude, but when can I get out of here?"
She smiled. "In a rush to get back?"
"In a way." He still didn't feel like he was in his body, but looking in the mirror wouldn't give him any relief. All he felt was uncomfortableness- an annoyingly sticky experience that made him hunch his shoulders and try to avoid the chest that he now possessed. He wished it was some crude porn plot, where he could enjoy his feminine genitalia and all of its wonders. But damn, he also missed having his flat chest and being able to simply exist without feeling bad.
Even if he wished for a more romanticizable scene, his lower half actually didn't bother him that much. To be direct: It was the place he peed. A penis was more practically useful sometimes, but eh, an innie instead of an outie was fine too.
Unfortunately, no matter what neutrality he could possess, his upper half stuck out like a sore thumb. He didn't even like thinking about the terminology again, that he would have to wear sports bras to make himself a little smaller. And of course within the hospital gown, he didn't have a bra on. He just felt a bit gross.
The nurse kept talking, "If you score well on your leaving assessment, I expect you to be dismissed within the next hour or so. This is just to help get you any referrals for physical therapies you might need."
"I won't need those."
Her face tightened slightly, not as if Xiang Fei's objection was surprising but that it was common enough that she had a script already in mind. "The assessment can be very beneficial. It'll be quick and it can't hurt to have everything on record."
Before he could respond with anything else, the elevator doors dinged and slid open. He silently walked with the nurse through the hallways, where the sterile, white lighting had been substituted for more windows and natural sunlight. As soon as he stepped inside, he realized it was quieter and more spacious than his previous room. While he had heard and seen pictures of the 'VIP' hospital rooms, he never quite expected to be standing in one.
And now it was quiet enough that he could hear himself exhale.
The guy in the bed looked up from his phone, "Xiang Fei?"
"Yeah, that's me." He sat on the empty bed, feeling small in the room. It was cold, but every hospital was cold, he supposed.
The nurse connected him to the heart monitor, ensuring everything was in place before she checked the time and bashfully said, "Actually, I have something else I need to get to. I'll be back in a moment, ma'am!" And that was it. She left.
The man next to him glanced over, his glasses hanging slightly off his nose bridge. "I'm Peerless Cucumber, if it's not obvious."
"O- oh, cool!" But all he could think about was how he was speaking in his higher-pitched voice after getting misgendered in front of the most relentless critic he had ever known. The one that would type out 'kys' over the forums like he was going for a world record of some kind. The one that pointed out the weird biology of the plants that would induce plots that switched a future wife's genitalia.
The one that was… sort of homophobic? Yet also gay, though the latter aspect didn't make his shoulders drop that much. While he was sitting with a neutral expression, the heart monitor snitched on him as it beeped a little quicker.
Shen Yuan turned off his phone, and Xiang Fei, for some reason, tensed as if he was about to face criticism for merely existing. However, the man only asked, "Does your family know you're awake?"
Xiang Fei looked away, staring at a small basket of assorted carnations. "Probably not." He didn't talk to his family much. He'd blame that on them starting new families and having their step-kids, but the rift started during his teenage years around the divorce.
He barely remembered coming out to them. All that came to mind was that it was a quiet, brief conversation where he was left with too many emotions once it was done.
When did you decide this?
Aww, but you're so beautiful…
I thought I knew everything too when I was a kid. Don't worry, you're still my daughter to me.
Nothing changed. He supposed he was grateful that he didn't get shunned completely once he cut his hair short, but at every family gathering, he was stuck with his old gender slapping him in the face.
He smiled. He quietly laughed. And he slowly stopped showing up to events. However, he also stopped getting invited, so it worked out for him.
"Bro, you okay?"
His chestnut eyes dashed to Shen Yuan. "Yeah, why?"
"You just seem… quiet, I guess."
It was easier to be quiet. Can't face harassment if there was nothing to harass, so he never spoke about his gender to the readers. All he really alluded to was a dick, but that was when he was telling Peerless Cucumber 'suck it' in various iterations. He still thought it was a little funny, and it led to the oddest thing: Peerless Cucumber would go off of the forums to complain on other sites about Proud Immortal Demon Way, and Xiang Fei still remembers,
I can only recommend the first 56 chapters (or maybe up to 83); after that, the author is a deranged, perverted hack- he can't even remember the names of his characters!
He smiled.
That was probably stupid. But being stupid never stopped him before; he felt better about the world.
Then he realized that Shen Yuan still called him his bro. Maybe a force of habit? Maybe the guy viewed 'bro' as a gender neutral word?
Shen Yuan tapped on the medical cot. "What do you plan to do?"
"About…?" His gender? The transition he couldn't afford?
"Being back," he lightly scoffed.
"Uh, maybe some writing?" Shen Yuan rolled his eyes. "No, bro," It sounded weird from his feminine voice, "I swear it'll be good! For a while I was thinking about a way to improve the plot by expanding on Tianlang Jun and Zhuzhi Lang and-" He shrugged, figuring it was best not to spoil everything. "I think you'll like it."
Shen Yuan's eyes were bright, even if he still had a smug look on his face. "We'll see." But as soon as the friendliness lingered in the air, he swatted it away by hissing out, "You better not be ragebaiting."
"I'm not." He lightly laughed, though his chest was tight from… the gender stuff. Maybe his Cucumber-bro was just waiting until they were out of the hospital to say something? He at least tried not to let the quietness grow more rumination in his mind as he asked, "What about your family?"
The man gave a curt nod. "I live with my sister, so she was the one to bring me here. My parents plan to pick me up, but my brothers are out of the country for work." He checked his phone then moved it to the side table to plug it in. "The one thing I really like about the modern world is texting. You should've written that in."
Xiang Fei raised an eyebrow. "Weren't you the same reader complaining about me adding enderpearls?"
Shen Yuan's face went aflame as his mouth widened, "That was straight-up copyright infringement! I could've had Mojang sue you!!"
He leaned back as he typically would, his arms behind his head in a stretched state of leisure before he realized his chest was… Existing, for lack of a better word. Like an inconvenient boner, it was showcasing itself through the fabric. He quickly shifted his position into a temporary stretch and crossed his arms.
Shen Yuan's phone chimed, causing the man to take a peek at it. He rolled his eyes with a gentle exhale. "I missed my sister."
"I'm happy you can talk to her again," he tried.
"Me too." He looked up from his phone. "Maybe you two should talk, I think you guys would get along."
Xiang Fei's face twisted into a cringe.
"What?"
As if the analytical reader didn't know exactly what he said? Xiang Fei pursed his lips. Reluctantly, "You wouldn't have said that earlier, so it's weird for you to say it now."
Shen Yuan looked at him like he was stupid. "She wasn't a transmigrator."
"No, I mean-" His entire body was tensed into itself, pressing his arms down on his chest and his knees drawn close. "Because you found out," he forced himself to say.
"Because I found out," the man repeated. Every word was just a reminder of how different their voices were. The excitement and dramatic whiny flair in Shang Qinghua's voice was always gender-affirming, even if not stereotypically masculine, but now he was left with the desire to keep his voice low for a resemblance of what he used to have.
He didn't want to lose one of his only friends, but he accepted it as he quietly said, "Don't act like you don't know."
Shen Yuan squinted at him. "I can't clarify if I don't even know what we're talking about."
"Bro..." He felt as if he had to carefully select his words like an essay with limited sources worth his entire grade. No matter the vocabulary or how long he catered to the cisgender person, it was inevitable to receive that bitter lack of acceptance. Even if he took a step back from the echo chamber of social media, his parents were direct proof of his apprehensions. "Why are you dragging this out?"
"What do you mean??" Because of course his reader was in the right- he always was. "Airplane," he insisted, "Tell me what you're talking about. Don't make me come over there and hit you." He picked up a magazine as evidence, but in the same way that eyes sometimes didn't meet a smile, the threat wasn't made with the tightening of the critic's fist.
He looked away, trying to decide how to start it, "The nurse."
"Yeah?"
"Called me ma'am."
The air was quiet for a long time. Shen Yuan sounded less sure as he confirmed, "Yes?"
Well… there wasn't much else to say. If Peerless Cucumber would write paragraphs praising the double-meaning of his word choices and the way the symbolism connected back to previous chapters, then the critic was surely smart enough to connect the dots. Xiang Fei's voice was dry. "Yeah."
Shen Yuan's face suddenly dropped from expectant curiosity to a more deadpan look. He took off his glasses and pinched his nose bridge. His eyes were screwed shut as he sighed. "Airplane." The writer waited. "Are you a man or a woman?" The tone was flat, bordering on irritation.
So Xiang Fei couldn't help his small voice, feeling like he was walking into a minefield of discourse as he defended, "Man."
"Okay, then that's it, bro." He looked at Airplane and slid his glasses on. "I don't care what the nurse says, it's what you are that matters."
Oh.
He smoothly exhaled, relief flooding into his veins. Then Xiang Fei realized that it was the first time he came out in person with a reaction so… good. In the way that nothing was different, instead of accusing him of being a liar the entire time or within a state of confusion that drove him to the absurd conclusion.
He chuckled a bit, his shoulders dropping. He softly provided, "Thanks."
Shen Yuan rolled his eyes. "You're not the first trans person; my brain isn't going to explode." He furrowed his brow. "You wrote Liu Qingge to be transgender, why were you being so dramatic??"
Xiang Fei's mouth dropped. "You knew?!"
"Yes??" He looked away. "Well, I saw it discussed in the comments. I… wasn't naturally drawn to that type of conclusion."
Fair enough, it felt similar to how Xiang Fei didn't realize some characters were trans-coded. Though when he scanned his memories, he ended up asking, "You never pointed it out."
"Why would I?"
Xiang Fei blinked, slowly starting, "You had that whole…. Heterosexual Binghe arc."
Shen Yuan cringed. "Don't call real-life things an 'arc.'"
"No, but for real, a week after the wedding, you tried to convince me he's straight!"
"The protagonist-" Shen Yuan paused, trying to come up with a reasonable argument, "Is different."
Shen Yuan's Mental Olympics: 1
Xiang Fei: 1
He still huddled in on himself to naturally hide his chest from showing too much, but he didn't mind raising his voice slightly as he complained, "Now I'm tempted to make him canonically bisexual in the new material I'll write."
Shen Yuan stammered. "You can't!"
"What, are you biphobic or something?" Xiang Fei rolled his eyes. "He was always bi, but I knew my readers wanted that hetero shit, so I supplied it." He exhaled and muttered, "Mostly male readers. It was obvious that all of them were just going to jerk off to whatever woman was getting debased in that chapter."
Shen Yuan raised a finger. "Number one: Not all," he gestured to himself before putting up another finger, "And two: You mean to tell me, you-" He gestured to Xiang Fei's entire form, "Are knowledgeable about…" He cutely didn't understand how to phrase it, "…Non-male experiences," he settled on, "And you wrote the wives like that???"
"A writer's gotta eat! Adjectives and enhanced boob physics help add words!"
"You hack!"