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The complete darkness in the room should’ve made it easier to just sleep. Not being able to sleep isn’t a new development for Rice. It’s been a problem for weeks now. So she should’ve been used to it.
But it was different today. The bed next to her wasn’t empty. A brown-haired uma occupied it instead. How she got into such a predicament was beyond her. One second she was down about Roy being on extended leave and having to be alone in her room. The next, she got an offer from the cyborg herself to sleep over. Her room was under construction, apparently, and it was screwing her over.
Rice wasn’t one to say no to people. Now here she was, staring at the pitch-black void of what should’ve been the ceiling. But honestly, she could very well be staring at a wall instead. Rice wasn’t exactly the most aware of her cardinal directions at the current moment. She was more aware of the sound of Mihono Bourbon’s breathing and her own heartbeat than she was of those silly directions.
The air around her felt suffocating. It was still and incredibly warm. Granted, June had only just started, and none of the fans were on. But the weather shouldn’t have changed so drastically. Besides, isn’t it supposed to be cooler at night?
Rice carefully sat herself up, making a beeline to the window by her desk. She tried her best to muffle her footsteps as much as possible. Rice didn’t know how light or deep of a sleeper Bourbon was.
The click of the dial to turn on said fan was loud in the silent room. So loud that it scared Rice, who was the one turning the dial. It was weird to be scared by it when it was usually so quiet when she was turning it on after a long day of practice or classwork. Well, now that the one fan is on, time to turn on the one hanging on the wall. That one happened to be much quieter, as it was a pulley.
Rice tucked herself back into bed. It was easier to lie there listening to the buzzing of the fans than it was when it was just breathing. Despite the fans, the loudest sound in Rice’s ears was still her heartbeat.
“What else can I do? Why isn’t it helping? Uh. I could draw- Bourbon didn’t wake up from the fans being on anyways…” Rice muttered to herself. She carefully reached over to the bedside table, the only thing separating her and Bourbon from sleeping on the same bed. What a dream that would be.
Rice’s hand barely brushed over what she assumed was the small clip-on reading light before she felt something tightening around her wrist. Rice jolted at this and the sound of someone else’s voice.
“Rice Shower. Why are you up right now?” Mihono Bourbon asked groggily. Her tight grip on Rice’s wrist wasn’t lost on her, though, despite her tired state.
Rice Shower panicked. She didn’t know exactly how to answer that without seeming pitiful or useless. She can’t just say, ‘I don’t know anymore. I haven’t slept properly in weeks, and I’m too scared to ask for help because it’s such a silly problem.’ If even a word of that got out, Bourbon would surely say something about it and try to help. That help and conversation is something Rice hopes never happens with anyone.
“I, uhm... had to use the bathroom. Sorry for waking you.” Rice Shower lied. Had Mihono Bourbon been even slightly more awake and aware, maybe she would’ve been able to tell how obvious the lies were. Rice was never a good liar to begin with. Her voice would become higher in pitch, and she’d stare anywhere else but the person’s eyes.
Instead, Mihono Bourbon accepted it like it was the truth, nodding herself back to her deep slumber. The tense muscles in Rice Shower subsided just as quickly as she let out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding. God, her nerves are going to be the death of her one of these days.
With her plans to sketch now dead, she looked around the dark room for any other ideas. Staring up at whatever she can find isn’t helping, and neither is listening to the noises in the room. Her phone is one of the few things in reach that doesn’t require her to reach over to Bourbon’s side. It sat right next to her pillow, face down.
One quick peek couldn’t hurt. Plus, it was a chance to create mock-ups for her next picture book. It’s much better to be productive instead of simply staring and hoping sleep will take her sooner or later. She grabbed her phone and once again tiptoed over to the desk by her window.
If Rice sat by the desk, the movement and light wouldn’t disturb Mihono Bourbon. A Mihono Bourbon who clearly needs sleep. Her phone now unlocked, she opened up her planner only to find blank pages, a couple of notes, and missing art.
‘missing text’
‘Don’t forget to use the watercolor brush!’
‘Clean up lines'
‘Rewrite dialogue’
‘Get a thesaurus soon’
Rice sighed at all the things she had to do. Well, first of all, she couldn’t draw unless she took out her drawing tablet, and quite frankly, she didn’t feel like doing all that. Secondly, to edit any of these properly with complete accuracy, she’d need to take out her laptop. A laptop that just so happened to be in her bag. The bag she can’t even get since Bourbon would wake up immediately because she has some sort of inhumane sense of the presence of people.
The only thing she can really do is add to her plot plans. They weren’t close to being done anyways. A couple more scenes to wrap up and have some vague allusions as to what she wanted to do. This is probably the only good thing about being unable to sleep. Productivity increases only slightly.
But the longer she looked at her plot, the less she was able to come up with ideas. Eventually, she somehow ended up on UmaGram and found herself scrolling. This isn’t good.
When she checked her DMs, she noticed how many people were online. How many people she knew were scrolling as well. But it was different for her. Rice was known for sleeping early and staying at least six lengths away from her phone after dark.
Rice did question whether or not to send a message to any of her lovely friends. She typed up a couple of greetings. Yet the consequences of sending one of them outweighed the relief of finding something to do at this ungodly hour.
Those consequences being the worry she’d have been the cause of. While it may feel nice to know people worry about her, that same worry leads to questions. Endless questions that Rice can’t figure out exactly how to answer just yet.
Left with nothing else to do on the phone, she carefully tucked herself back into bed. Rice’s covers were incredibly heavy, but she was far too lazy to get out the lighter ones. That would require her to care for her own well-being, which isn’t something she’s been able to do for a long time now.
This time, lying on the bed was different. Rice was turned to face just about where Mihono Bourbon should be sleeping. Her stomach began to rumble. That’s new. Usually, it’s just being unable to sleep and then napping her way through noon. It was never being nauseated. The nausea only worsened the more she turned around to try and quell that feeling.
The minutes turned into hours until it finally turned 5 a.m... Tears started to well up in Rice Shower’s eyes at this realization. She hadn’t slept all night. It really shouldn’t be this hard to sleep.
It was at this point that she finally broke. The tears welled up in her eyes, and so did the words that came after.
“I-I just want to sleep... n’ be normal,” Rice sobbed to herself as softly as she possibly could.
The lights flickered on almost instantly after, giving Rice Shower quite a fright. She’d almost forgotten someone else was in the room with her.
“Rice?” Bourbon yawned. She sat up almost instantly, her eyes locked onto Rice’s red and puffy ones. The eye bags being the first thing she noticed. The next? How surprised Rice Shower seemed.
“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to wake you up again.” Rice hiccuped out, trying her best to hide how stupid she looked. She rushed herself out of bed and into the bathroom.
Bourbon was more confused than anything. She couldn’t care less about how Rice looked at any given moment. Rice’s apology was also very odd to her. Unbeknownst to Rice, Bourbon usually woke up around this time to prepare for practice at 6 a.m.
What reason did Rice have to be crying? Moreover, why was she even up right now?
Rice Shower opened up the toilet just to have her head right above the bowl. If she sat there long enough, maybe something would come out. And the nausea would finally subside. Yellow bile perhaps? Or better yet, blood.
Rice hacked out as much as she could to no avail. She even went so far as to stick her own two fingers down her throat, desperate for something to come out. A foolish wish, considering she hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday morning. And she would have to have an awfully slow metabolism for that to happen.
A knock came from outside the bathroom door. Once. Twice. Three times. Rice Shower only panicked. There was nowhere to hide. This was it. Mihono Bourbon was finally going to realize how absolutely helpless Rice was. She couldn’t even remember why the door wasn’t locked behind her. The door clicked open...
Bourbon’s eyes widened slightly at the sight. Rice’s head was hunched over the toilet bowl while she sat on the floor.
“Are you sick?” Bourbon asked, worry lacing her words as she placed her hands on Rice’s forehead. She didn’t seem to be burning up nor cold. Just average temperature.
“Y-yeah. Just a bit of morning sickness. It’s fine, really—” Rice lied yet again. It worked once, why wouldn’t it work again?
“You don’t feel ill... You just look like you haven’t slept.” Bourbon frowned. That frown only made Rice tremble. She knew what was coming next.
“Rice... be honest with me. Did you even sleep?” There. Bourbon asked the million-dollar question. The question Rice Shower dreaded. She dreaded it so much, in fact, that her body chose the answer for her.
And what did it choose to do in such a predicament? Simple. It chose the only thing it knew how to do. It poured out every single ounce of anger, self-hate, and despair into crying.
Rice hadn’t slept, and she’d made it Bourbon’s problem. Someone who wasn’t supposed to be here to begin with. After all, Bourbon was just looking to escape the noise of construction.
Eventually, Rice puked. Her mouth tasted like copper. Was she bleeding? Did she bite her cheek too hard? It didn’t matter. The yellow bile floating above the water said enough. Another set of bile came out, this time with a trail of red behind it.
The falling tears only worsened. She felt someone tugging on her arm. This feeling of being completely exposed wasn’t what she wanted.
“Come on now. Get up. I’ll—clean this up. Sitting here isn’t going to make you feel better.”
Rice nodded, her head down as she left the bathroom. Now she’d done it. Bourbon didn’t even know why she’d offered to clean up the bathroom. There wasn’t much to clean. She had fully expected blood on the floor with the way Rice had been acting.
Mihono Bourbon let out a deep sigh before making her way to Rice. As she got closer, Rice only began to cry more profusely. She had buried her head beneath the covers and was probably sweating just as hard.
Bourbon just thought at this point. There wasn’t much one could do for someone who didn’t want to be seen. Well, Rice was known for liking picture books. And Mihono Bourbon happened to have picked up a thing or two while in this room. Taking a peek underneath Rice’s bed only proved her right. Neat piles of picture books sat underneath.
Bourbon grabbed one and sat herself right next to Rice. “Do you want to read a story?” Mihono Bourbon asked as softly as she could. Rice seemed like a stray puppy with how she slowly moved the covers off her head to look at the book Bourbon had picked. The Knight Owl. What a silly title. But Rice was the one who paid for it.
Bourbon flipped through the pages, taking a minute or two to read the few words on each page. Rice’s hands would trace over the art. She would murmur a compliment or two about it between sniffles. Mihono Bourbon really did dislike the idea of having to read aloud such a childish book. But if it hushed Rice for even a second, it was worth it.
By the time the story was over, no more sniffling came out of Rice Shower. Except for maybe a stray tear or two.
“Th-thank you...” Rice whispered. Her head had somehow found its way to Bourbon’s shoulder and rested there instead of on the pillow.
“Is everything okay now?” Mihono Bourbon asked as her free arm patted Rice on the back. If you were to ask Bourbon what her mindset was while doing all this, she would’ve said an older sister calming down her younger sister after a nightmare.
“Mhm,” Rice mumbled.
“Did something happen?”
“Mhm...” Rice nodded reluctantly.
“Can you tell me what it was?”
“I… couldn’t sleep... And- stayed up all night.”
“Has... this been happening for a while?”
“Just a couple weeks,” Rice murmured, her voice only getting softer.
“Have you told anyone besides me?”
Rice only shook her head. Words were too much for her current state. Her eyes had eventually fluttered shut, along with her breathing evening out into simple background noise.
“I suppose asking questions to someone who’s half-asleep isn’t exactly helpful now, is it? Rest now...” Mihono Bourbon chuckled to herself. Looking at the time, it was six. The time she was supposed to be out practicing. But looking back at Rice, who was sleeping so peacefully on her shoulder, missing one day of practice couldn’t possibly hurt. Right?