Chapter Text
Dan Heng hasn’t seen Caelus in a while, now that he thinks about it. They had just finished their mission in Amphoreus, of course everyone(especially Caelus)would be tired after. But…it had been days now, had Amphoreus hit Caelus that hard?
Himeko was the first to knock on Caelus’s bedroom door. “Caelus, are you alright? You’ve been in there for a long time.” No response. Then it was March. “Come on Cae, you need some fresh air. How about we go to that new shop in Penacony?” Caelus didn’t respond. Welt and Sunday tried as well, and yet again there was no response.
As of now, they all stood in front of the staircase leading to Caelus’s room. They were all reasonably concerned about the Trailblazer’s well being. “He’s been in his room for days now,” March worried, “we can’t just leave him up there.”
Himeko had March's same look of concern on her face. “March is right, but we need to try something different…” Her eyes wandered among the group, perking up when she made eye contact with Dan Heng. “Dan Heng, you should try talking to him. He seems to trust you the most”
Dan Heng cluelessly pointed at himself, “Me?” He wasn’t the best at communicating, or talking? Himeko shook her head doubtfully, “You don’t have to. But you could at least try.” All eyes were on him now, he couldn’t say no. “Alright.” Himeko’s eyes softened, “Thank you, Dan Heng. And if he doesn’t respond, we’ll figure it out.”
We’ll figure it out… Dan Heng had to figure this out.
Knock Knock. “Caelus, are you there?” Nothing. “Please say something, we need to know that you're okay.” And again, nothing. Dan Heng wasn’t the type of person to invade someone’s privacy by barging in without permission, but this had to be the only exception. “I’m coming in Caelus, okay?”
The door was surprisingly unlocked. But Dan Heng’s attention was quickly drawn away from that. Caelus’s room was dark, it felt like dread the moment he stepped in. When he turned the corner, he saw what he assumed was Caelus hiding under the covers of his bed. When Dan Heng reached the bed, he turned on a nearby lamp to get a clearer picture. It was Caelus, he could now see his discarded trench-coat on the edge of the bed. But there was something that noticeably left multiple stains on the sheets.
Was that blood?
“Caelus?” Dan Heng whispered, “Are you alright?” He could hear a faint sound of Caelus sniffling and trying to hold back tears. He couldn’t stand around and do nothing for much longer. Dan Heng took the blankets and pulled them back.
Caelus had his back turned to Dan Heng, but he quickly sat up to take the blanket back. When their eyes met, Dan Heng immediately knew how terrible Caelus looked. He looked like he hadn’t slept, there were dried tear streaks along his cheeks, and it looked like more tears wanted to escape his eyes. And the blood…there was more on his fingertips. And more small stains on his white shirt.
“What…” Caelus’s voice was quivering as if he were about to break. “D-Dan Heng what are you doing here?”
“Caelus, everyone has been trying to talk to you. Is something wrong? What happened and-”
Dan Heng hadn’t noticed until now. There was a thick stain of blood on Caelus’s chest that had seeped into his shirt. It seemed like Caelus immediately knew where Dan Heng was staring. He covered his chest with his hands, averting his eyes. “I’m fine. You can go.” Caelus muttered.
Dan Heng stepped closer, “No, you’re not okay. Tell me what happened.”
“I-it’s nothing, Dan Heng-”
“Caelus. Please tell me the truth, there’s something wrong.”
Caelus moved farther away, Dan Heng couldn’t walk away from this.
“I need you to tell me Caelus, please.”
“Just go…”
“I can’t go. I don’t want to leave you like this.”
“Dan Heng, seriously!”
He would have to sincerely apologize to Caelus for this.
Dan Heng took the bottom of Caelus’s shirt and lifted it up to see where the blood was coming from and-
Aeons.
Caelus had a star shaped mark on his chest from the stellaron, Dan Heng knew this after Caelus joined the Astral Express. But now, that mark, and the skin around it, was littered with scratches. Some looked old, but the deepest scratches looked so…fresh. It was a stomach turning sight.
When Dan Heng looked up at Caelus, he was holding back tears. Dan Heng let go of his shirt, and Caelus quickly pulled it back down. “Caelus…why…” He was speechless, he wasn't sure what were the right or wrong words to say. They were both quiet for a few minutes. Dan Heng was silently panicking in his head. What caused this? Who caused this? Did Caelus do this to himself? Did something happen with the stellaron? Why was he hiding this?
“When did this happen?” Dan Heng asked.
“Few minutes ago…” Caelus whimpered, “It’s not the first time I’ve done this.”
Dan Heng didn’t want to ask. “When was the first time?”
“After we left Belobog...”
Belobog… Aeons, that was…
Dan Heng had to take a breath. He sat down next to Caelus on the bed, keeping a respectful distance. Caelus didn’t look as defensive as he did before, he looked defeated. He kept himself composed for now, he didn’t want Caelus to feel like he had frightened him. “Why did you do this to yourself?”
“I…I felt like I didn’t do enough.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know.” More tears began to fall, but Caelus didn’t pay any mind to it. “I feel like I could’ve done more. I feel like that every time we ‘save’ every planet we go to. I feel like…I’m not saving anyone.”
Dan Heng could see that Caelus was trembling now. “You feel like you’re not doing enough?”
Caelus nodded weakly, “Mhm. It gets really bad when we come back here, though…”
“How so?”
Caelus is quiet for a moment. He looks as if he's seconds away from breaking down. “It makes me want to die.”
The silence had suddenly become the loudest sound ever. “I shouldn’t be telling you this, it’s not important-”
“No,” Dan Heng interrupted. He turned to face Caelus directly, gently taking Caelus’s scarred, bloodied hands into his. “This is important to me. I want to know how you feel Caelus.”
Caelus had given up keeping his composure. He slumped face first into Dan Heng’s chest. He wanted to cry, to scream, to sob. But he couldn’t. “I sometimes try to take that stupid stellaron out of me. It doesn’t do me any good anyways…”
Dan Heng took one of his hands to slowly rub Caelus’s back. “Is that why…those scars are on your chest.”
“Yeah. Maybe if I go deep enough, I can pull out my own life source and just die. Haha…just like Anaxa.”
He felt guilty. Dan Heng felt so guilty that he hadn’t noticed any of this. And Caelus had felt like this since they left Belobog. “Caelus…why didn’t you tell anyone?”
“When I hear people’s stories, they all had suffered so much. And I…I’m just sad because I’m not some superhero. It’s a stupid sad…”
“Caelus,” Dan Heng took Caelus’s face into his hands. He pulled his head up until he was looking into his eyes. “You shouldn’t ever put your feelings aside because someone else suffered more than you.” He wiped Caelus’s tears, “It’s not healthy to compare your struggles to someone else’s.”
Caelus began to cry, and Dan Heng let go of his face to let him cry into his shoulder. Caelus held onto him as if he were about to disappear. “Caelus,” Dan Heng whispered softly, "do you want me to take care of your scars? I don’t want you to get hurt any further.” He could feel Caelus slowly nod in his shoulder.
Dan Heng wasn’t an expert at human biology, but he did pick up a few quick skills from Hyacine. He had walked Caelus to the bathroom and gently asked him to remove his shirt. He was hesitant at first, but he reassured Caelus that he only wanted him to heal, and he wouldn’t judge his scars.
He started by cleaning the wound with a soft cloth with water, making sure there was no excess bleeded. He then moved to bandages, keeping a soft touch as he wrapped the bandages around Caelus’s chest. “Does that feel better?”
Caelus looked down at the bandages on his chest with a blank expression. “It kind of stings, but it’s better than before…”
Dan Heng felt himself smile softly, “I’m glad.” he hummed, making his way toward the door. Why don’t you go back to bed? You look exhausted.”
Caelus nodded, standing up to put his shirt back on. “Um, Dan Heng?”
“Yes Caelus?”
“Don’t…don’t tell anyone else about this, please?”
“Of course.”