Work Text:
“Can we… talk?”
As unusual as it may sound. That was the reason why everything began in the first place. He had never seen Caine holding on to his cane so uncomfortable and nervous until that night. In fact, he had never seen him standing on the ground. Ever. Not even once.
Or at least he didn't remember having seen him. Which was the most probable considering the ages he had been there on his own. Most of the time entirely alone and having no interaction with absolutely anyone and his memory was a bit fuzzy. He took a deep breath to wake up from his thoughts, the deepest of his mind in the darkness was so lucid that it was painful even.
Focused his blues over him, realising the nervousness was increasing at the lack of response. Caine was not the type of regretting his decisions, but it seemed that he was reconsidering what he asked for.
Kinger really wondered why Caine had always kept such a distance from him. It seemed that desperation and the need for an answer had pushed him to that point…
“Oh… Uhm… Yes. Yes, of course we can” the way Caine was still holding to his cane so nervously continued a few seconds more, even standing over the floor made it feel more serious than it surely was. But the light being his eyes continued as— lifelessly— bright as it could.
The fake illusion of something that was alive and able to create on his own, and able to interpret and interact and come up with his own ideas and thoughts, but it actually wasn't at the same time. It was still a bunch of binary code plastered into a majestic and unexpected near-perfect magnificence.
He would never let Caine know that…
It felt insanely long waiting for Caine to finally make the decision of getting inside the fort. Never had he seen him act like that.
Whatever he wanted to talk about perhaps it was more serious than just… asking him about his adventures?
Kinger wasn't sure why the first thing that came to his mind was that. But considering who Caine was, it was the most logical thought after all.
A nervous movement could be perceived, barely lasting a second, but it was enough for Kinger to notice. Then he carefully crawled inside the fort, pulling the cushions to close the entrance and sighed, as if he had been escaping something or someone and finally was safe. Bubble was not with him, perhaps he had been tormenting him, making his possible intrusive thought to eat him up and deciding to go with him. If he really thought the fort was a safe refuge for his mind and for himself, he understood him. And he wouldn’t deny him entrance, naturally.
That's how Kinger felt sometimes. The relief of being surrounded by darkness, alone, and his thoughts being able to finally form naturally. They weren't fragmented anymore. Even though there were still moments of his life where everything was still blurry and distant. But he couldn't hold on to that tragedy. He opted for holding up what he still had in his mind, and the present he was living with the other members of the circus.
“Am I annoying?”
Kinger reacted innerly to that question in shock. Externally he just widened his eyes. Such an unexpected question, to be honest.
“What made you think you could be annoying?”
Still, clenching the cane with both hands. Knees close to his chest, raised shoulders, vulnerable posture. Not even trying to hold it any longer, why would he? Being there seemed to be safe to let go of that uncontrollable body language. Showing his true emotions— as strange as it might seem, but oh well...
“I'm noticing a pattern…” seemed not satisfied by his choice of words, rapidly rephrased it. “A behavioural pattern throughout time…” a subtle scratch in what may be his temple.
Still unsatisfied with the answ—
“How could I get to thrill my guests with adventures if they genuinely don't actually let me know what they think? My job’s supposed to entertain them”
And anyway, he wouldn't like to hear all the suggestions and apply them at once― he hated the Suggestion Box after all―, and see the reactions of course. He was not entirely sure, but surely Zooble was not the only one that had told him his adventures were not good… Surely with much better words, but still.
Kinger was sure it would be chaotic and catastrophic trying to please everyone at the same time― the difference in tastes between Gangle and Ragatha, or Pomni and Zooble, or Tangle and Jax, or even Jax and Zooble, or whatever combo that could come to his mind, was what made it impossible.
“I thought of personalising a type of adventure for each one of the guests, but what would happen if I lose track of how many NPC's are lurking free throughout this realm!?” Fear made him tremble subtly, holding to his lower teeth with an anxious posture. “It would be the end of everything!”
“I don’t think that is a good idea either…” admitted.
“They would hate it! All of them!”
“I don’t think―”
“Just as they hate everything I do!”
“That’s not true…” lowered his brows with concern.
He would have never expected Caine to open up like that, and even less with him. Perhaps he thought he wouldn’t remember anything that happened there, but he was sure he would. At least he hoped so.
“Do you hate me?”
“Hate you…?” repeated the question, confused more than shocked. There was a visible trace of vulnerability and shame on his heterochromic eyes. “I’d never hate you, Caine. You’re trying your best to do what you have to”
“Am I good at what I’m doing?”
“What makes you think you’re not?”
“The behavioural pattern I mentioned earlier… The fact that they don’t seem to enjoy anything I do for them” pursued the teeth, nearly hiding his eyes inside them, covering them as if the thoughts were being too obvious, but he nearly skipped in place when Kinger placed a hand on his upper back. It had startled him.
“You have a purpose, and you live for it…” Caine nodded slowly, he was aware. “I don’t hate your adventures, nor I hate you…” the softness of his tone made it clear he was not lying, and that made Caine relax the tension of his shoulders a bit. “As long as you don’t forget that, everything will be fine…”
“What would happen the day you abstract? You won’t leave me, will you?” it almost sounded like begging, like a plea.
“It won’t happen…” shocked his head slowly. “I remained here for as long as I can remember… And even if my memories go a bit fuzzy in the light… I’ll stay here…”
Caine went silent, losing his sight on any particular spot. Just staring at the darkness of the fort, and the tiny openings in between the pillows. The circus was still dark on the other side. Everyone was surely sleeping, and so should be Kinger if he hasn't interrupted him with his chatting…
Another day of adventures would begin the moment the sun rises, and he already had an idea cooking in his mind, almost ready to begin. Everything was almost ready. But the lack of confidence due to the disasters that had been the previous adventures, besides all the drama the insufferable and disgusting Suggestion Box had caused, ended up having stabbed him in his back the worst moment.
What if they didn’t like the adventure he had been preparing for them?
What if his purpose was broken?
Was it already meaningless?
No one but Kinger liked the adventures…
“Why did you create me?”
Kinger flinched, that question was not expected at all, indeed, he really thought Caine would be lost in thoughts too deep to realise he was still in the fort. But after processing the question, it shocked him even more. He didn't even know Caine knew he was one of the―
“You know I…” Caine slowly nodded, not showing emotion. That part of his life was a bit blurry and diluted in time, he could barely remember anything, but listening to him saying that was like unlocking a childhood memory. “Since… Since when did you know it?”
“The beginning of everything… All of you… All of them… All those eccentric, marvelous, creative minds… None of them were able to hold at my side as you did… At the beginning I didn’t give it importance as new humans had kept appearing in this world, but as the time went on and every single one of them fell into despair… I…” for a moment he shuddered. “Was it all my fault? Was I not enough? Did I fail in entertaining them and for that reason they…”
“No,” Kinger shook his head. “It was not your fault why they ended up like this… Emotions are complex, Caine… I… I really thought I’d lose myself the day the person I loved the most in this world and the other one abstracted… But I was able to hold onto the precious memories I had. But not everyone has the same responses as I did. Losing someone they cared for is too painful for some…”
“What should I do?” asked as if he was able to solve that, Kinger shook his head. “What do you mean I can’t do nothing? That’s―”
“Impossible…?” Caine remained silent. “No. It’s not, Caine… As I said, emotions are complex. You should let them process them… Overwhelming them is perhaps the worst idea…”
“What should I do?” repeated.
“Give them space… It’s been a tough day today for some of us… Perhaps tomorrow we should have a free day…”
“What would I do?”
“Why don’t you come with us?”
“Sharing quality time with you? Would they agree? Would they be okay with that? Can I share time with humans and they won’t hate me for that?”
Kinger held up a chuckle, placing a hand on his upper back again to comfort him. For a moment he thought he would reboot due to the excitement.
“We don’t hate you, Caine. You’re just a little bit overwhelming sometimes… You’re a bit intense… But sometimes it’s nice to have someone passionate about what he does…”
“Is being intense bad?”
“No, of course not…” shook his head. “It’s nice to have you as a host…” Caine seemed to beam with bliss.
“You meant it?”
“I mean it” nodded.
“I’ll make sure tomorrow is the most perfect free day for everyone!!!” His undeniable excitement almost made the fort collapse because he started floating again, just a bit, if only it wasn’t because Caine held the pillows on time. Caine sat on the ground again, raising his shoulders as a guilty kid would, and nervously chuckled as an apology. “I didn’t mean to do that… I got carried away”
“I see you’re eager…” a soft chuckle sounded more like a compliment than a subtle unmalicious scoff. “Don’t worry…” shook his head. “Don’t get too overexcited… Remember it is a free day… Just a normal day…”
“Yes. True. A normal day. No adventures for once… As much as I cannot fully comprehend how you all would prefer to have a free day of adventures because of an emotionally intense weapons day…” he rubbed his lower jaw. “Wait… That means I cannot plan adventures for the next day!”
“Then, we’ll give you time for that…”
“... Fine” seemed like a deal of some sorts. Then he realised something by looking around. He just noticed he was still there, rumbling and thinking and still having a conversation with Kinger instead of… “I think I should let you sleep… Sorry for interrupting your sleep, and for almost ruining the fort. All was unintended…”
“It’s okay, Caine.” Kinger’s voice softened. “We can have more conversations like this one in the future if you want to… I like your company”
“You do?” he clenched his cane once more, he sounded pleased and grateful.
It was not the same insecurity and trembling as when he arrived, and that was relieving. So relieving…
Kinger nodded.
“I do…” confirmed.
“I’m so glad…” sighed with relief. “Good night, Kinger…”
“Good night, Caine…”
After that, Caine left the fort, satisfied by the responses, and having no self-destructive thoughts he was having before getting inside the fort. He didn’t understand it entirely yet, but Kinger seemed to. He tried to explain himself the best he could and what he was able to gather: Humans needed to rest in between adventures to not feel overwhelmed. Therefore… If he gave them periods to rest, that meant they would be more glad and willing to participate in his amazing and fantastic adventures… That meant, they all would stop hating them… Probably.
It was a good plan… It sounded like a perfect plan, indeed. So… The marvelous idea he had been preparing for them would wait until the perfect moment. He really, really wanted them to enjoy it.
THE END