Work Text:
Cold. So, so cold…
Aemeath shivered as she pushed through, her boots soaked through as she trudged through the thick blanket of snow. She could barely see. The wind was cold and biting and it howled around her ears. She was shivering. Walking was hard.
She was tired. The cold hurt.
She let out a shaky breath, clutching the talisman from Mama closer to her chest. She almost felt warmer, like Mama was hugging her again.
She didn't cry. She'd cried enough already, the tear stains frozen on her face.
Aemeath journeyed on, her legs weighed down by exhaustion. But she could make out a faint silhouette of the place, she was right she was in the right direction she was almost there.
Aemeath ran as fast as her legs could carry her. The muscle burned, every gasp of air she took pierced her throat and lungs, but she was almost there.
Then, darkness.
And just as suddenly, light. Warmth.
She gasped, gulping in air as if she'd never breathed before. Aemeath curled up against the strong chest, trying to hide her shaking. Something rumbled against her, and it took her a moment for her to realise the stranger was talking to her. She looked up into warm, golden eyes. So, so warm she could feel the cold melting away.
He smiled softly at her. "I've got you, you're safe," he was murmuring to her, voice low and soothing her. Her hands instinctively reached for the talisman around her neck, yet her fingers grasped nothing but air.
Her eyes widened and she squirmed in the stranger's grasp. Frantically, she looked around, hoping to see the familiar shape.
Nothing.
The arms tightened around her and she struggled against the grip. The stranger seemed alarmed. "Hey, hey, what's wrong? I might be able to help if you tell me," he offered, voice still soft.
Aemeath looked up at him, lips quivering. She burst into tears.
She sobbed and wailed and shouted. It wasn't fair.
The stranger held her to him, let her cling to him as her body was wracked with cries. He carried her into the cabin, placing her by the fireplace as he scrambled for something to dry her with.
Aemeath was wrapped up in a soft, fuzzy towel when she finally calmed down, the stranger drying her hair with careful hands. He sighed quietly behind her. She sniffled, letting him take care of her.
It felt…nice. Not like when the people in the tribe would ruffle her hair or pat her on the back.
It felt like a hug, warm and soft and familiar and like everything would be okay. Like Mama and Papa.
Her chest felt funny.
"Who are you?" She asked, voice raw.
He hummed behind her, letting the towel droop around her shoulders. He moved in front of her, crouching and smiling easily. "I'm Rover. I live here right now." He tilted his head. "What's your name?"
Vaguely, she wonders if the stranger-danger rule Papa taught her applied. She was already in the man—Rover's—home, and he didn't seem mean…surely it was okay?
"I'm Aemeath," she mumbled.
The man—Rover—nodded. "It's nice to meet you, Aemeath. What were you doing out there alone?" He asked. Aemeath held the towel around her tighter. Rover chuckled a little. "Okay, don't tell me. You got anyone to take care of you, kiddo?" He asked instead.
Aemeath, slowly, shook her head no.
Rover's eyes turned sad. "Okay," he said softly, nodding.
Aemeath wondered if he understood. Lots of people had lost their family because of the Voidstorms, but he lived here. It seemed so safe.
Rover gestured around him. "Would you like to stay for a while? It gets lonely sometimes," he admitted. He widened his eyes, just big enough that she almost felt bad. "Keep me company?" He requested.
And if he needed the company…"Sure! I'm great compony!" She said, feeling a bit better. Rover laughed. "Company, love," he said, teasing. Aemeath nodded. "Company?" She tried again. Rover nodded. "That's right."
Aemeath looked at him for a while. Rover raised an eyebrow. She flushed. "Are- are we friends now?" She asked, hesitant.
Rover pretended to think about it. Aemeath fidgeted nervously.
"You said you were lonely right? So you want a friend! And because I'm staying with you and I'm really cool, I'll be your friend!" She said loudly, hoping to scare the nervousness away.
"Really? Well, in that case," Rover said and held her hands. "Thank you for being my friend, Aemeath!"
Aemeath giggled. The funny feeling in her chest loosened a little, and she asked for a warm bath.
₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊
Aemeath was a digital ghost. She was dead. Her friends would never see her or talk to her or interact with her ever again.
And she was okay with that, of course! After all, you have to sacrifice some things to save the world!
She forgot sometimes, that she wasn't there anymore, not in the way everyone else was.
When she waved at people with a bright smile, confused when they didn't notice her at all. She'd look at her glitching hand, and think oh. When she tried to ask questions in class, frustrated when she wouldn't get an answer. She'd hear the lack of echo of her voice, and think oh. When she laid down on the rooftops under the bright sun, basking in warmth she convinced herself she could still feel.
Aemeath smiled at everyone and no one.
She watched her friends grieve her while she stood next to them, trying to keep up the smile even as it trembled at the edges.
She listened as her professors talked about her fondly, mourning, while she swallowed the scream building up in her throat. I'm here! She wanted to shout. I'm still here! Notice me, anybody…
No one did, of course.
Aemeath tried to feel something once. She went back to their cabin. She filled the tub with ice cold water. She added snow to make it colder.
The water passed through her mockingly. She'd cried, then. Tried to scratch at her own arms, digging her nails sharply into flesh that would never be warm again. The skin did not turn red even as she watched her nails rake harsh paths down her arms.
She went up to her bedroom.
She saw the pair of cat plushies she'd insisted on getting. He never told her where he got them. She never asked.
Her heart seized as her gaze landed on the black cat. She trembled, taking shaky steps forward before collapsing onto the bed. She held the plushie close to her chest, burying her face in the fur she knew was soft (she couldn't feel it she wanted to feel it why couldn't she feel it why why why-) and willed the tears away.
"I miss him," she whispered.
The plushie remained silent.
"Why did he leave?" She asked weakly, voice cracking. So selfish, she cursed herself. Aemeath knew why. The world needed her fa-
The world needed Rover. She couldn't possibly ask him to stay with her.
The plushie's arms seemed to pat her head in sympathy. Her breath caught in her throat. Aemeath closed her eyes and fell asleep, dreams filled with golden eyes and strong, safe, arms.
₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊
It got easier, naturally. She had always been really good at adapting. Three years in, Aemeath started wandering around Doctor Luuk's office sometimes.
She had memories of him and Rover talking in hushed whispers where they thought she wouldn't hear. Seen the way something in Rover's posture always loosened around the man, the ever-present exhaustion in his expression easing for a few moments. Aemeath would always watch with awestruck eyes when the carefully guarded expression softened much more than it ever did with anyone, even her.
She didn't know Luuk, she didn't need to. Rover trusted him.
That was enough.
Luuk had somewhat of a routine. He'd sit down with a hot chocolate at the end of the day, and drink it slowly. Like he was treasuring it. He always got a wistful look whenever he drank the chocolate, eyes sad yet hopeful. She caught him thumbing through a photo album once. Unable to bury her curiosity, she had peaked over his shoulder.
Photos of her as a child—eating, laughing, sleeping, crying. There were notes written under each one.
Aemeath had hot chocolate in a long while today. It was her special request. She started crying halfway through the drink and I started panicking. Looking back, did not handle that well at all. I thought it burnt her or it tasted horrible.
She said she missed her parents. She slept in my bed with me that night, though I couldn't sleep at all. She was so young, been through so much. Almost makes me wish she had been younger, too young to remember what happened.
I hope one day the sting of loss eases for her. Maybe I shouldn't make hot cocoa again?
Aemeath smiled softly, ignoring the way her eyes welled. He captured every little moment like it was precious. Which made sense, if he knew he'd have to leave soon.
When Luuk flipped the pages again, she saw pictures of Rover himself.
Focused on a map and chewing on a pencil, collapsed on the couch, eating, staring at his computer screen with exhaustion. Smiling as he played Space Fanatasy: Katya with her.
Aemeath glanced at Luuk, took in the way his fingers lingered over the pages with Rover, the way his breath trembled as it sighed out of him. How his whole body shuddered when he held the photo album close to his heart.
She quietly stepped away.
She didn't go back.
₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊
Five years, then seven, then ten. Ten years of drifting unseen. She was comfortable with it now, having developed her own routine. Greet the teachers, wave to her friends, do homework and leave it on the teacher's desk, wander around the academy…
And then one day, she saw him.
He hasn't changed at all, she thought, her breath catching in her throat and something hot and tight making its presence known in her chest. She ached.
She ran to him, legs pounding against the concrete. Her heart thundered, hope clogging her throat and her eyes burned. He's back, he's back, oh my Sentinel he's back-
Her arms passed right through him.
She stumbled to a halt and looked down at her glitching fingertips. Whipped around, eyes wide in desperation, to see Rover walking off, taking in the Academy. Her lower lip quivered.
No.
Her hands trembled. No no no no nononononono-
And for the first time in a long, long while, a sob wrenched its way out of her. Tears poured down her cheeks and she dropped to her knees. She cried and cried, loud and ugly, until her throat was sore and her voice had given out. Until exhaustion clung to her bones and she had nothing more to give.
Heh. Stupid hope. Stupid Aleph-1. Stupid, stupid me.
He saw her.
Nivora's voice faded into the background. All Aemeath could focus on was the way Rover's gaze lingered over her, eyes wide in surprise and…recognition? That can't be right, he didn't even recognise Professor Mornye.
Aemeath smiled at him. "Hi!" She greeted easily. Rover's brows furrowed, gaze assessing. She refused to let her smile falter. Aemeath bounded up to Rover, sinking down into the empty seat beside him. "You're the first one in forever to see me," she whispered conspiratorially, leaning in close. Every part of her screamed to reach out, to try and touch to soak in that safe warmth as Rover leaned closer.
Rover's eyes brightened. "I've been looking for you! I don't think I ever got the chance to thank you," he said.
Aemeath frowned. "Thank me? For what?"
Rover squinted in confusion. "When I first arrived in Lahai-Roi, you saved me from the Eye of the Threnodian," he explained, voice lilting up at the end in a question.
Aemeath's stomach dropped. It was her, she thought. She let herself look confused, innocent. "Sorry, I don't remember that," she said. It's not a lie, not really, but Rover's expression shifted just slightly, and she could not place her finger on what he was feeling.
Still so good at hiding, she thought, heart breaking. You should have leaned on me. Why didn't you?
She could feel his frequency and it was…weaker, somehow. Worry shot through her and she just barely held herself back from demanding answers. He doesn't know you, she reminded herself firmly.
She grinned. "So, a Synchronist, huh?" She said, giggling. Rover's brows furrowed. "Why is that funny?" He asked, confused, though there was a slight edge to his voice.
It hurt, to hear that edge directed at her. She shrugged. "Nothing, just weird seeing you like this, is all." She snapped her fingers. "I know why! You need a uniform!"
Rover blinked at her. "Do I?" He wondered, head tilting to the side.
Aemeath nodded eagerly. "Of course! The Academy is so slow sometimes, you'll get it soon though. I think," she trailed off. Rover smiled slightly, humming.
That tune…
Her eyes welled. She stood up abruptly. "I gotta go! Bye, Professor!" She called out, running out the door.
She heard the scraping of the chair against the floor, Professor Lucilla's reprimand, the giggles at Rover's actions.
She ran.
₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊
"Why didn't you tell me?"
There was hurt there; betrayal, sorrow, anguish even.
Aemeath's hands clenched into fists as she whirled around to face Rover, eyes wide. "What would I have said? 'Hey, I'm the kid you used to take care of'? 'I listened to you and topped my class'? Or maybe tell you I got myself killed?" She bit out, panting.
She blinked rapidly. "You don't even remember anyone. It would have been weird, would've burdened you. I couldn't do that to you," she said softly.
Rover was looking at her with heartbreak and guilt in his eyes and damn it all that's exactly what she meant to avoid. She sighed. Then drew her shoulders back, smiling. "It all worked out, anyway. Lahai-Roi was safe, my friends were happy. I died, sure, but it was worth it."
I saved the world! You're not alone! Did I help you? Am I useful? Are you proud?
Rover shook his head.
Aemeath's heart shattered.
Rover took a small step forward and held her hands. Aemeath held back a flinch, closed her eyes against whatever disappointment or anger he was going to give her. "Hey, look at me?" He asked gently. She, slowly, opened her eyes.
Rover smiled, sad. "Aemeath…I never would have seen it as a burden. Ever since I woke up, I've met plenty of people from my past. They helped me recover parts of myself." His hand reached up to her shoulder, squeezing slightly. "Have a bit more faith in me, yeah?"
Aemeath looked up at him, at those warm golden eyes that looked so unburdened…and exhaled. She brightened.
"Well then, you have a lot to catch up on! You missed all the big stuff!" She exclaimed, grinning.
Something like regret laced Rover's expression, and she shrugged. "I couldn't be mad at you for leaving. The world needed you. You were always busy saving people from the Lament, I thought, I should help too! And look! I kept Lahai-Roi safe! Sure, there was a cost, but everything has a cost!" She said easily.
Rover frowned at her. "The cost was too steep," he mumbled morosely.
She sighed, shaking her head. "I'm fine, silly." She scolded.
Rover raised an eyebrow.
Aemeath laughed sheepishly. "Okay, maybe not fine fine, but I'm managing. You worry too much! Besides, once we're done, people will be able to see me!" She said, posing.
Rover chuckled. "Tell me about your first song release?" He asked, hesitant.
Aemeath beamed. She sank down on the couch, patting the space next to her in invitation and did what she knew best—talking.
₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊
It hurt. She was so alone and it wasn't fair she didn't care that she sounded childish she didn't want to leave him. She had to. For him. For the world she vowed she'd help him protect.
Yet, even as her Resonance Ability crackled around her, her sword ready, her heart felt heavy. She'd never see him again.
But she got to see him, talk to him, feel his warmth again.
With tears in her eyes, she plunged the sword down in time with the Exostrider.
It was enough.
₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊
Aemeath couldn't talk with this shell. She could see and hear but just focusing her attention on those cost her almost all her energy.
She could hear Rover speaking. "This is the world she died to protect," he whispered. "So full of hope and love and all that is good." His voice broke. "She was full of those too, and yet she's not here."
In Voidspace, Aemeath ached.
"Luuk said there's a chance. To get her back. Because if you're here," he said, turning around to face the shell, "then she's somewhere out there. Alive. Right?"
Aemeath inhaled sharply at the expression. So lost. He was devastated.
Rover made a sound between a laugh and a scoff. "He could've said that to comfort me. Who knows what's beyond the Stridergate," he muttered, kneeling down before the shell. "But I will hope. I will carry the hope she sacrificed herself for."
Rover's gaze searched the shell's face. He sighed, head bowing.
Aemeath could not handle it. The despair was rolling off Rover in waves she could feel even so far beyond Solaris. This was not right. She did it to ease his burden, not to hurt him.
Determined, she focused. She felt for the anchor of the shell, let herself believe she was piloting it. Just like piloting the Exostrider, she reminded herself. Aemeath reached, and reached.
She could feel the breeze.
She laughed joyfully to herself, gathering her strength. Aemeath lifted a hand, and stroked a finger down the bridge of Rover's nose. He looked up with a gasp, eyes desperate. "Aemeath?" He whispered wetly, voice wavering.
Her consciousness blurred at the edges but she pushed. She had to. Opening her mouth and speaking with a voice she could not hear, she managed to say—
"Dont..be…sad."
Rover's eyes widened, and he let out a soft chuckle. His forehead rested against her leg, and she could almost convince herself she could feel the warmth emanating from him, feel the soft puffs of air against her skin.
Her strength was spent. Her vision blurred and she fell to her side, the connection weakened. She breathed, eyes fluttering close. As her mind silenced, the last thing she heard was "I'll bring you back, Aemeath. No matter what it takes."