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It all started when Dean separated herself from the boys. Sam, her floppy-haired 6’4” brother with hazel eyes that could melt stone, had pissed her off enough for this month and the next. Castiel, on the other hand, was nowhere to be found, off doing God-knows-what for the angels. They had bonded recently, her soul and his grace intertwined as mates – at least that’s what Gabe had said when he popped back in to their lives – and Dean was worried about him. So, staring off into the pitch-black nothing that was the highway, she drove.
When light was beginning to filter through the dense morning cloud cover, she was nearly back to the bunker. Dean had stopped at a diner for something quick to eat, and now hummed along to AC/DC as it blasted through the radio.
A funny little flutter in her chest suddenly turned into a hot burning sensation, causing her to pull over. Clawing at her shirt, Dean felt like she was on fire, and let out a blood-curling scream. What the hell is happening, she thought as the pain simmered, it’s worse than Hell Hounds. Wrenching open the door to the Impala, she emptied the contents of her stomach out onto the pavement, then nearly fell in it trying to pull herself back in. Dean lay herself across the front seat, the burning in her chest continuing, until she blacked out.
**
Dee, a voice rang in her mind, I love you. A flash of blue eyes, the feel of his lips as he kissed her all over her face just to make her laugh. The picture changed then, Sam and Cas running to her as she’s laying on the ground. She’s bleeding out, came Sam’s voice, accompanied by Castiel’s cry of rage. Dean’s bloody hand cupped her angel’s cheek, but the memory faded into another one again. They were all at the bunker, Cas had fallen asleep with his head in her lap. She was stroking his raven hair away from his face. You love him, Gabriel had said with finality, but all Dean did was smile. I love you, Castiel’s voice was a whisper and a shout into the void all at once, I’m sorry.
**
Dean woke up with a start, tears freshly flowing down her face. It was dark now, a soft pattering of rain the only sound for miles. She refused to cry, finding a desperate need in her gut to find her brother and her angel, then turned over the engine of the Impala and sped to the bunker. Something had happened, and she was in a lot of pain because of it.
Pulling up to the entrance, she cut the engine only to find Sam’s soaked form kicking at the mud. His body was visibly shaking from the cold and wet, but she knew he didn’t care.
“Sammy?” Dean said, slamming the car door.
“Dean,” he began, refusing to meet her gaze, “I’m so sorry.” She stopped walking abruptly as Cas’s words bounced around in her mind.
I love you, I’m sorry.
“Sam,” she murmured unsteadily, “What’s going on?” Her little brother’s hazel orbs finally met her mossy green, full of pain and sorrow.
He cleared his throat, lower lip trembling.
“Cas is dead,” Sam whispered, eyes brimming with tears as he took in his older sister’s shocked and hurt expression.
“No,” Dean said, stumbling back into the front quarter-panel of the Impala.
“Dean…” Sam tried to reach out to steady her, but she batted his hands away.
“No!” She yelled at him, pain turning to anger, “He is not dead!” He once again tried to touch her, only this time Dean full out pushed him away.
“No! No, no, no!” Her body was now wracked with sobs, tears accompanying the rain drops rolling down her face. She looked up at the sky as thunder rolled in the distance.
“Cas!” Dean shouted hysterically, “You feather-ass bastard!”
“Dean, stop!” Sam tried to yell over her, but she didn’t hear him.
“You promised!” She was screaming, “I need you!” Sam had managed to get his bulky arms around his sister as she fought against him, crying and bellowing at the sky. Finally, she slipped to the ground, shivering from the downpour with her throat raw.
Scooping his 5’5” older sister into his arms, a blank expression on her face now, Sam opened the bunker door and brought them both into the warmth. He sat Dean by the fireplace carefully, lighting it and putting a blanket around her shoulders while he went to change out of his waterlogged tee and jeans. Upon his return, Dean hadn’t moved but she’d been joined by their favorite archangel.
“Hey, Gabe,” Sam said quietly, to which the angel replied with a wave and a smile, lollipop hanging from his mouth. He had been talking to Dean, getting no response other than the occasional hiccup from her crying.
“It’s okay, Sambo,” Gabriel said as he walked into the kitchen with the hunter. Sam let out an aggravated sigh, putting his head in his hands.
“No, it isn’t!” he exclaimed, “It’s all my fault, Gabe, and they were true mates!” The archangel’s eyes grew wide and he glanced back towards the shivering woman at the fireplace.
“That actually explains some things,” Gabe muttered under his breath, “Hang on, Sammykins, let’s put her to bed.” Popping the candy from his mouth, he stuck it right into Sam’s before the hunter could say anything more, then both the angel and Dean had vanished with the flutter of wings.
Stupid angels, Sam thought to himself, this is all their fault. He remembered Castiel barging in, yelling for Dean, but only Sam had been at the bunker. Dean had left, saying she needed some space and ‘pie, Sammy, I need some good pie’. Cas had only one other word on his lips other than Dean, he kept saying angels over and over again. He was beaten black and blue, bleeding and glowing all over the place, as Sam finally got him settled on the couch with the first aid kit in hand –
“Sam!” Gabriel snapped him out of his memory, looking concerned.
“What?” the hunter fired back, rolling the lollipop around in his mouth as if it were natural. Dean would have a field day if she saw him eating candy, Gabe was the only one he didn’t fight about it.
“You were mumbling about angels and Cas and blood,” the archangel said seriously, “why don’t you tell me what happened?” Sam deflated with a sigh.
“I can show you better than I can tell you,” he whispered, looking at the ground with his hands balled into fists. Then he walked into one of the great rooms, with stuffed couches and chairs all over the place, and stopped in front of the couch Cas and Dean had always snuggled up on.
The body wasn’t there any longer, Sam had given the angel a proper hunter’s funeral with as many words he could spare, devastated with what Dean would think. Now, across the back of the couch and onto the arm, then the floor, black wing marks stood out as clear as day.
~~~~~~~~
Over the next two weeks, Dean didn’t get out of bed on her own much. First she had the flu, which Gabe insisted was from staying out in the rain so long, but Sam argued that he would have it too if Gabe was right. Then, once she appeared to be fine, Dean began screaming whenever she fell asleep. Sam could usually call Gabriel, but on one particular night the archangel was nowhere to be found, and he needed help.
The hunter was in the library, researching for a case that been dumped in his lap just that morning, when the screaming started. Gabriel, Sam prayed as he ran towards the bedrooms, I hope you’re listening because she’s in a fit again.
Dean was thrashing around in the bed, yelling incoherently other than shouting for Castiel. She had managed to tangle herself in the sheets, almost falling to the floor but Sam sped to her side and scooped her into his arms.
“Wake up, Dean!” he shook her gently, “Hey, we’re at the bunker!” Sam was saying over her yells, which weren’t nearly as loud anymore.
“Cas, don’t leave-“, She muttered, dissolving into sobs.
Sam held her close, brushing the hair away from her face and he talked to her.
“I’m working on another Wendigo case, Dee,” he said as they rocked back and forth, “You need to get better soon so you can help me. Saving people, hunting things, I thought that was our life,” Sam was trying not to cry himself as he took care of his older sister. Dean had always taken care of him, so Sam promised himself that he’d do whatever it took to return the favor.
“Well, this is your life now,” Gabriel’s voice interrupted Sam’s rant, “Dean-o needs you, but I have news so meet me in the kitchen in ten.” With a rustle of feathers, Gabe was gone.
~~~~~~~
“Sam, I have to, it’s the only way she’ll stop being like this!” Gabriel exclaimed, fed up with having to explain himself over and over.
“And I get that,” Sam growled back, “But will it be safe for her? Is something gonna go wrong?”
“What, do you not trust me?”
They looked pointedly at each other.
“Okay, so I killed her over a hundred times,” the archangel shrugged, “But that was for sport! And I always brought her back.” Sam huffed.
“Look,” Gabe said, “Dean has some very extensive tearing in her soul, where part of Cassie’s grace had made a home with her.”
“So?” Sam questioned.
“So,” Gabriel rolled his eyes, “Parts – scraps – of it are still in there, and there might be enough to repair the damage.” Sam chewed his nails, skeptic of Gabriel’s ability to heal his broken sister. Yes, he was an archangel and the four of them had been through a lot together, but this was Dean’s well-being.
“Okay,” the hunter finally said, “But we see what she thinks first, alright?”
“Sam, she’s in no place to make decisions for herself,” the archangel warned, but they were at Dean’s bedside within minutes.
Sam was whispering to her, pushing her dampened hair away from her face, and then guiding a cup of water to her lips. Dean met eyes with Gabe a few times while her brother was talking, trying not to zone out like she usually did nowadays. The archangel’s presence constantly reminded her that Cas was gone, and it felt like a hole had been punched through her chest where her heart used to be. Then Sam started saying things like ‘healing’ and ‘moving on’, which brought her out of her thoughts.
“No, Sam,” Dean cut him off mid-sentence.
“What?” Both men looked at her with serious expressions.
“No,” she repeated.
“Dean, the nightmares –“
“I don’t care, Sam!” Her voice rose an octave, hands beginning to shake.
“Sam, she needs to calm down,” Gabe’s voice came from the doorway. Dean had tears streaming down her face, and she was shaking like a leaf. After a few mere seconds, the angel strode across the room, touching two fingers to her forehead and laying her back gently to sleep. Sam sighed.
“See what I mean?” Gabriel said softly, and the hunter nodded, staring helplessly at his sister.
They got ingredients for the ritual, something Gabriel had found in what could be described as the library of Heaven, and the next few days seemed to fly by for Sam. Gabe kept Dean asleep, deeply, as they worked and continued to monitor her condition. It was stressful for everyone, especially when it seemed that there was something Gabe was hiding. Sam just didn’t know what, yet.
Sam had to wait outside Dean’s bedroom door while Gabriel worked, listening to her screams and the angel’s chanting while he paced back and forth. Once everything went quiet, Sam opened the door quietly, and watched as a purple glow settled over Dean’s body before she jerked awake.