Chapter Text
Nirei had long believed he’d never had a soulmate.
No marks, no drawings, no idle notes, no tattoos appeared on his skin. It was a rare phenomenon but Nirei had accepted it. He was destined to always be the third wheel, destined to sleep alone at night, destined to be alone in the day.
So, he cut and scratched and left marks that his heavy brain told him to. He’d always struggled with feeling good enough so he had to punish himself for every minor infraction. Didn’t hold the door open for someone? Cut. Forgot to thank the cashier at a store? Cut. Got a seven on a test out of ten. Cut. Cut. Cut. It was all part of a system in Nirei’s mind, after all, systems were generally in place for a reason. It wasn’t self-harm. It was discipline. He wasn’t hurting anyone or leaving scars on their arms. His fault. His punishment.
Nirei had a system. Five scratches were worth one cut. In times where he couldn’t have plasters on his arms as he wouldn’t be able to cover them (and the excuse of getting attacked by a feral cat only works so much), he would scratch. Thin white lines that faded quickly. He had discovered that if you went over one of the scratches enough, then it would give the same feeling as a cut but it wouldn’t bleed as much. However, the downside was that it was very visible and bits of skin got caught on the fibres of his shirts. When he had to wear short sleeved shirts, he put make-up on that blended so well with his arm, you couldn’t even tell.
Excuses were something else to think up. So far he had animal attacks, falling down the stairs, kitchen incidents, other general accidents and feigning ignorance. Feigning ignorance worked well. Just shrug and get on with your life and people wouldn’t question it because there couldn’t be anything wrong with someone who smiled so much. Just a little ‘whoops, I forgot’ and everyone would leave you alone. Nirei had thought about telling someone. Maybe Sakura or Suo but words seemed to fail him every time so he just stayed silent.
Places. Places to do it. His arms were his go-to but his thighs and legs were a viable option and maybe, every so often, when everything felt crushing, close to his wrist and on his neck. His side was good too. His abdomen was always hidden under clothing. He wanted to die and he could do it himself but if a car hit him and killed him, he wouldn’t have minded.
The reason? Nirei didn’t know. He had a good upbringing compared to Sakura and probably to Suo who was so secretive about his childhood and his background so why did he do this to himself. Kids like him shouldn’t want to hurt themselves, right?
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Suo sighed as another cut appeared on his arm, blood trickling down his forearm. It was painless because he only shared the marks, not the pain. His soulmate was clearly self-harming and he wanted nothing more than to reach out and comfort this anonymous person that he, for some reason, felt so much for despite never knowing and meeting them.
Suo was the most graceful person in the world, or perhaps the known universe and no matter what he almost never got bruised or cut or hurt. It was probably due to his evasive manoeuvres while fighting and the knowledge of being able to land without hurting himself. He never wrote things down either, normally, his memory was enough. However, Suo wanted to help them so he took a pen from his desk drawer. It was a regular black biro which he tested on a piece of scrap paper before he wrote on his arm where the scars were forming. The writing was shaky as he was using his non-dominant hand but it was still legible: ‘Stop. Please.’
Two words probably wouldn’t do anything but Suo held his breath. The cutting stopped and then writing appeared just underneath the thick, black lines.
‘You’re my soulmate?’
‘Yes. Now, please stop. I don’t know who you are but you can talk to me.’
No reply came after that but the cutting stopped. Suo considered that a win despite everything.