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Andrew woke up and immediately knew something was wrong. His muscles tensed up, but he didn't move – he listened. Everything was quiet, one could hear a pin drop to the ground. Opening his eyes, he started scanning around, searching for clues of where he might be, since his usually perfect memory seemed to choose this moment to fail him.
There was much more than what he would expect to find. He was laying on a king-sized bed, in nothing but a pair of light trousers. Hell, he wasn't even wearing his armbands, which bothered him much more than he could admit. The room seemed to be in an organized type of mess, with clothes scattered, most of which he didn't recognize, and two pairs of shoes by the door. That he knew, those were his boots. But what about the other pair? There were also two bedstands and a side door, leading to what seemed to be a bathroom.
Suddenly way too aware of the fact that he was half-naked in a stranger's bed, Andrew got up and locked himself inside of said bathroom, as quickly and quietly as he could manage. Looking at the mirror, another surprise – that was not how his face looked like just last night. It was him, undoubtedly, but he seemed – older? Softer? His features were not what he remembered, he had many more piercings and... oh my god, were those wrinkles?
Unable to believe the image he saw at the mirror, his eyes scanned the new room. Two towels, two toothbrushes, a long set of skincare products and...
His armbands.
The closest thing to relief he's felt since he opened his eyes flooded him while he locked the pair in place. They didn't carry the familiar weight of his knives, but it was undoubtedly better than having his arms bare.
Okay, it's time to think. I'm Andrew Joseph Minyard. I'm starting goalie for the Palmetto State Foxes. Yesterday I went to Eden’s with Day, Aaron and Nicky. I took Josten with us and he knocked himself out to avoid answering my questions. I fell asleep on my bed. And then... what? That´s as far as his memory could go now, making itself, for the first ever time in his life, not enough.
Searching for a shirt that looked wearable, another realization hit him (paired up with the shock of not noticing it sooner) - he didn't have any symptoms of withdrawal. Not only that, but he also felt completely sober. Another unwelcomed wave of relief flooded him, and as much as he would like to pretend it didn't, there was no denying how miserable those pills made him.
Now dressed and much more aware of his surroundings (since when did he wake up that relaxed??), Andrew got out of the bathroom and opened the bedroom door. The house (or apartment? The windows he saw had the curtains drawn, so he wasn't sure) was still deadly quiet, so he got out, barefooted, and started exploring the place.
The bedroom door led to a long corridor. At the end of the corridor, there was what seemed to be a living room. The black sofa, in the middle of the room, was put before a large television, with shelves under it. But that's not the first thing that he noticed. The moment Andrew stepped foot on the room, his attention was immediately drawn to the countless pictures around the place. On the shelves or hung around the walls, some digitalized, some polaroid. The images varied on theme, sometimes groups of people (which he recognized as the foxes), two cats, landscapes, exy courts. Bust most of them were of two people. One of them was the face he saw in the mirror, but carried a lightness in him that he could never attribute to himself. He even had a small smile in some of them.
The other man was easily the most beautiful person Andrew has ever seen.
His skin was tanned, carrying tons of scars around every visible surface (a realization that made Andrew’s blood boil, even though he didn’t know why), auburn curls either being held by a bandana or falling over his eyes.
And fuck, those eyes.
They were the clearest shade of blue, shining with laughter, mischief, and such deep caring that Andrew felt drawn to it through the pictures.
God, seeing them in person would be the end of him, he’s sure.
He’s taken out of his thoughts by something brushing against his legs, almost making him jump out of his skin. He looks down and sees a very fat cat. Two, actually, when he gazes a bit more. They start meowing loudly at him, going towards a different door, as if asking him to follow them.
He goes, as soundless as possible, and sees a kitchen. What seemed very impersonal at first sight, turned out to be as full of domesticity as the other rooms in the – apartment, for sure. Beautiful view, now that he looks at it. The fridge is full of small magnets, fox paws, mostly, and other sets of pictures. There were a couple of drawings too, child ones. The sink had a pan and a plate on it, but, otherwise, everything seemed very tidy. There was also a dining table with a considerable size (six sits, maybe eight if one was really interested in making room for it).
The cats were still meowing, and he found the problem soon enough: empty food bowls. Andrew turned his eyes while opening the cabinets, searching for their food. They were full of what one would expect finding in a kitchen, with maybe more sweets than necessary (not that Andrew would judge it). He filled the cat's bowls and turned to the fridge, determined to convince himself that the idea forming in his mind was way too absurd to be true. Surely this craziness would have a logical explanation.
He barely got to the fridge before hearing the clang of keys and a door opening somewhere. His first instinct was to grab a knife inside the drawer by his hip (one of the many he opened before finding the cats stuff), holding it like a lifeline. The steps were very light while the person entered the kitchen and laid his eyes upon Andrew.
Holy shit, those eyes. This should be a fucking crime. No one should be able to drop his defences so easily and no one should be allowed to be this beautiful.
Although he surely wasn't thinking of it, of course not. That was a stranger and, as handsome as he might be, he’s still a threat.
The man was the same one portrayed in the pictures, now with a damp shirt and sweaty curls, clinging to his skin (and he did not look at his legs, there’s no proof of that), a pair of sneakers in hand. His whole face brightened up when he saw Andrew (holy. shit. that smile), but it only lasted for a second. His expression quickly changed from a very pleased to a deeply worried and confused one. He raised both his hands, leaving them in plain sight, and took a deliberate step back.
“’Drew? Is everything okay?” his voice was very careful, as if he was trying not to scare something very delicate. “Do you need me to leave?”
“I need nothing” Andrew answered, a raspy morning voice he hadn't yet realized would sound so weird to his ears.
“Did something happen? Did you have a nightmare?” the man said, taking another step behind, even though his face showed no traces of fear. The only thing Andrew could find in his face was a very deep, very genuine worry, one that seemed to consume him and was completely aimed towards Andrew.
He had tons of questions, for sure, maybe the biggest of them being why his body felt so relaxed?
“Where am I?” Andrew asked instead “What happened last night and why I can’t remember it?”
The hurt look that passed through the stranger's face was so brief that Andrew almost didn’t catch it. Almost.
“We played against Matt and Kevin yesterday. We won. We went out to celebrate with the both of them, got home and watched movies until you fell asleep. I carried you to bed and we slept together until I left for my run this morning” his voice was soothing, portraying a calmness none of them felt “What is the last thing you remember?”
I'm Andrew Joseph Minyard. I'm starting goalie for the Palmetto State Foxes. Yesterday I went to Eden’s with Day, Aaron and Nicky. I took Josten with us and he knocked himself out to avoid answering my questions. (I wished for something to survive for). I fell asleep on my bed.
“I remember being in Columbia with Kevin, Nicky, Aaron and Josten” he said, before he could stop himself “, we went there so I could find out if it was safe to let Josten with Kevin”
The look in the other man’s face turned purposefully blank. Neutral. Hiding. “Andrew” his name sounded like a prayer “, do you know who I am?”
Andrew had noticed the similarities, he wasn’t stupid. But that couldn’t be it. The face he remembers didn’t carry all those scars. The hair he remembers didn’t’ have that colour. Those eyes, though - Those were the very same.
“You’re not who I think you are” he says it as the undeniable truth it is “You can’t be. That’s not possible”
“My name” the man said, and Andrew should have stopped him. Should have told him to shut up. But then, what could be the explanation to this? He didn’t have the face he remembered, after all “is Neil Josten. The episode you’re describing to me happened almost 15 years ago, when I was a junior at PSU” said Neil keeps talking, like anything he’s saying makes any sense “We graduated almost a decade ago, Andrew”
Everything sounds like static
“How did this happen?” he murmurs, half to himself
“I don’t know. I don’t think you simply forgot. There was no accident during last night’s game, and everything was normal until we slept”
Andrew turns his gaze to the ground. There’s no way this is true. No logical explanation
“This has to be a joke”
“I’m as surprised as you are, believe me. Do you want me to call your brother? Or maybe Betsy...”
“Why would I want to talk to Aaron?” Andrew snarls, finally letting go of the knife and pulling a chair to himself.
“Oh. Yes, of course. You don’t know that yet” Neil’s eyebrows crease “This is very confusing”
“You didn’t answer me. Where am I? What is this place?”
“Are you sure you want to know? It might come as a shock, and maybe you are suffering of some kind of amnesia-”
“Josten. You are going to tell me, and you’re going to do it right fucking now”
“Okay, okay” he says in an apologetic tone “I’m sorry. Of course you can ask me whatever, but do you mind me answering while making lunch? I’m starving”
As soon as he finishes talking, Andrew’s stomach growls, suddenly very interested in the idea of food. He shrugs and does not blush at the playful face Neil (Josten, for fucks’ sake) sends his way.
“I guess I could use some food”
“Okay” Neil smiles (Andrew could swear he wasn’t that charming) while he gets up and starts messing around in the kitchen. Andrew doesn’t hint on helping and Josten doesn’t seem to expect him to, busying himself with the food making.
“This is our home. The main one, at least. We moved here when I managed to sign with the team you were on, somewhen around 6 years ago. Not that long after I graduated, really” He has a small smile on his face, something a bit more private. Andrew really wishes he were that other version of him right now, if only to understand how much it meant to the man in front of him.
“We have something.” Andrew says, the words almost being ripped from him ‘What are we?”
His smile widens, catching something in what Andrew said that only he seemed to get “According to you, we’re nothing.” he chuckles, and it’s so adorable Andrew wants to crush him (what the fuck is he thinking??) “According to the papers though, we’re married” he continues, while pulling a necklace from under his shirt. There was a simple, silver ring on it. “We have been for the last four years. Tax benefits” he finishes with a shrug. As if those seemingly simple groups of words didn’t just change everything Andrew believed in.
He’s in a relationship.
A long relationship.
He’s married.
A decade later and Andrew is not only alive, but better? He doesn’t want to put his hopes up. Hope is stupid.
But what if...
“You suggested me to talk to my brother.” Andrew continues, with a shaking in his voice that Neil politely ignores “Is that something we do? Are we in touch?”
“Yes, and yes. You started doing therapy together – not long after what you remember, by the way. You forgave each other. I can’t pretend I fully understand your relationship with Aaron, but I do understand that you’re important to each other. We’re even godfathers to the girls” whatever it is that he’s making, it smells good.
“Girls?” Andrew’s mind moves back to what is important “What girls??”
“Right, sorry. Aaron got married and had children. Two girls. They absolutely love Uncle ‘Drew, we’re always trying to find ways to spend time with them”
Huh. Children. Children who love him. He can barely believe he got so lucky.
“What about Nicky? Is he okay?”
“Yes, he’s great. Moved to Germany as soon as he graduated. Married Erick not long after. You were one of the groomsmen. Now he insists on a weekly video call that you pretend to hate, but you always annotate what happened in your week just to make sure you told him everything” he smiles fondly, eyes shining while he boils what Andrew recognizes now as pasta.
Andrew keeps quiet this time. This is a lot to process. Neil seems to notice this (he seems to understand every nuance of Andrew's expressions, actually, which is equally scary) and chooses to keep to himself. Soon after the pasta is ready and they eat together, still in a comfortable silence. The whole scene seems so domestic, so right. Neil sitting by Andrew’s side, on a kitchen planned to accommodate much more than just them, in a house full of lovely memories, with two noisy and fat cats, who try to steal some of their food.
I'm Andrew Joseph Minyard.
I'm starting goalie for the Palmetto State Foxes.
Yesterday I went to Eden’s with Day, Aaron and Nicky.
I took Josten with us and he knocked himself out to avoid answering my questions.
I wished for something to survive for.
I fell asleep on my bed.
The thought keeps getting back to him, showing something that he’s still unable to admit.
When they’re finished, Josten takes the plates and pans, stuffs them into the sink, and turns back to him
“Do you mind us taking this conversation to the living room? Our show is starting soon, and I don’t want to miss the episode”
Andrew answers by getting up and moving to the living room, dropping himself on the couch, suddenly feeling kinda sleepy. Comfy. While Neil sits on the ground, close to where Andrew is, but keeping a comfortable distance between them, Andrew realizes he has one last question to ask.
“You mentioned Day and Boyd before.’ he starts, a bit unsure where he’s heading himself “Do they – I mean, are we still, like, in touch? In some way?”
Neil smiles softly, sensing what Andrew actually wants to know
Did I find a place I belong to?
“Yes, ‘Drew. We’re all very close, the Foxes. We even spend every christmas at Wymack’s” he says, glancing at the inumerous pictures around the room “They’re our family, in all good senses of the word”
Andrew then settles. He’s feeling so warm, and so full, and the couch is so comfortable. The next thing he knows, he’s closing his eyes.
I'm Andrew Joseph Minyard.
I'm starting goalie for the Palmetto State Foxes.
Yesterday I went to Eden’s with Day, Aaron and Nicky.
I took Josten with us and he knocked himself out to avoid answering my questions.
I wished for something to survive for.
I fell asleep on my bed.
Except he didn’t have to simply wish for something to survive for anymore, right? He knows he’ll have it. He knows he’ll conquer it, fight for it with nail and teeth. All he has to do now is to make sure that he'll be able to protect something so precious.
When he opens his eyes, he’s at his bed in Columbia.
He’s sure he had a very pleasant dream, even though he can’t quite grasp it. He knows it was good because it left him feeling so optimistic that the idea of dealing with a hungover Kevin doesn't sound as torturing as it should.
He gets up to live another day.