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It's not easy being Igor Karkaroff. First of all, he's Igor Karkaroff, which is a burden all by itself. Often also a blessing but that's neither here nor there. Being good looking, tall, and destructive enough to attract Wanda Maximoff in her Slay Queen era, one day in summer, Russian summer, he finds himself about to embark on honeymoon…from a Russian airport. People who know know.
It's thirteen degrees celsius and the man, the myth, the headmaster lounges across a row of identical airport seating. Everything looks normal, or as normal as things get in the land of the Rus. Also, he's complaining. "Darling, I'm hot-"
Wanda Maximoff, pacing up and down past him magnificently, shoots back instantly. "I know. But take that coat off it's getting to be too much."
The pair of magical villians slash ex villains slash villains again, cackle together, tossing their wild hair and creeping out (and intriguing) everyone nearby.
But things do not stay so idyllic. Just typical. Can't go five minutes without disaster. While the dark duo are laughing and flirting and flattering each other, and laughing some more, a fiend in white waddles over to them. Pale of feather, orange of beak and black of eye, it stares at them, mischievously malicious.
"Is that…a goose?"
"Honk!"
"I believe it may be, my dear."
"Honk!"
Slowly, witch and wizard turn to study the Arrivals and Departures board, then gaze upon each other, their relationship intimate enough that they can read each other's minds without any magic needed. They feel it within their souls. There is danger present in this full bodied avian.
"Igor, sweetie, I know you were a Derp Eater or something, but can you kill a goose?" whispers Wanda, into the gnarly ear of her new husband, an actual flesh and blood man this time.
"No. Can you?" he whispers back. He's never been married, so this is an extreme novelty for him. Perhaps one must pass the Goose Test in order to fully unlock the holy state of Matrimony.
"No."
"We'd better make a run for it then. I sense evil in this animal. It means to cause us trouble."
So, surreptitiously floating their luggage into the air with a quick spell, the couple pretend to browse the overpriced junk stands the litter the waiting areas and walkways of every airport the world over. It appears to work, but it doesn't. The instant they turn towards their gate, the wicked bird barks and takes off at a run, it's wings spread.
"Noooo!"
The duo take off at a gallop, but they are nowhere near as fast as a goose.
🪿🌞🪿
Down down down the men and birds go, down ramps toward the plane due to take them away to Sochi. Well, one man and one goose. Plus a bird.
"Come back here, animal!" The magical people scream.
"Honk!" cries the bird. It makes it to the jet bridge before them and waddles down it, coming to a stop before the door of the gigantic machine. Behind it cowers terrified crew, their frightened eyes staring out at Igor and Wanda.
"Open the door." gasps the former, because his wife is ahead of him and he's a coward.
"I can't! There's a goose in the way."
"Honk!" The goose stands before the door and looks up at the human beings. Slowly it opens its wings, and hisses.
Witch and wizard leap back ten feet, then the man of the two rallies.
"My dear, we're soulmates-" he says. The pair look down at their ankles, strung together by a noose made of a red thread from a Russian rug. "-and as such we can overcome anything, together, even a wayward goose."
Wanda blushes. Never has she been spoken to so passionately. At least not by someone who wasn't currently her enemy. "Are you sure, Igor, darling?"
The man puffs his considerable chest. Six foot six, he can do anything. "Yes. Take my hand."
So the Scarlet Witch takes his hand, his left hand which is by itself covered in more rings than she possesses in entirety.
Firmly, purposely, the professor turns, turns his back on the plane and the crew and the goose, and leads his wife away, without looking back.
First they reschedule their flight and then they say 'screw it' and teleport to Russian Disneyland.