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The last thing she heard was her name escaping the lips of the man she admired most. And then?
Nothing.
Darkness.
It happened on live TV for the entire country to see: her fall from uneven bars that had her landing on her neck. It was all over in an instant. Her parents, her coach, her sister, and her friends were all there to watch her demise. None of them could have stopped it. None of them could have known how much pain she was truly in. How could they? It was her best kept secret.
Sasha and her father were by her side in an instant. Mark's arms stretched out to her. “Don't move her!” Sasha croaked, he could feel the lump forming in his throat as his fingers went to her wrist. There was a pulse. Barely. The paramedics swooped in front of him and began their work. His fingers grazed hers as he fell away from her and was rendered useless. Only able to watch. His heart sank when he felt her pinky give and curl lifelessly. Soon she lifted onto a stretcher and he watched her arm dangle there, only moving with the rhythm of her rescuers steps. Mark and Kim hustled behind them desperately.
Sasha did everything he could to convince the girls to carry on. Kaylie still won gold at Nationals and Lauren managed a spot on the team however Emily didn't even make the National team. She was too rattled by what happened to Payson; the number one girl at The Rock who had just beat Kelly Parker. If Payson was gone, what hope did Emily have? When the awards ceremony was finished he joined the Keelers at the hospital.
The hospital was quiet save for the hums of life saving machines and the occasional footsteps of hospital staff. Sasha found Kim stroking her daughter's hair in a room that was entirely too bright for the somberness that hung in the air. She only looked up to acknowledge him; too focused on the task at hand. The pair stood in silence until,
“It's my fault she's like this.” Kim sobbed, “I shouldn't have ever let her compete or take cortisone.”
“Kim–”
“Don't.” Kim held up a hand in protest. “I've ruined my daughter's life.”
Sasha didn't know why he asked his next question. Perhaps there was a part of him who had hope. Hope that the outcome he believed to be true was false and that Payson would get up and walk away from this. “What is her prognosis?”
Kim met the man's eyes, “Payson has no brain activity. These machines are keeping her alive.” She looked back down at Payson and stroked her cheek, “They're waiting on us to make a decision.”
Sashs felt the sting of tears in his eyes, “Kim, I'm so sorry.”
“Will you stay with her? I need to go check in with Mark and Becca.”
“Of course.”
Kim left the room, attempting to stifle her tears, leaving Sasha alone with Payson. He kissed her forehead before retrieving a chair and sitting it next to her hospital bed. He took her hand and held it gently in his. Her warmth was still present.
“Payson,” her name fell from his lips. He had hoped that maybe his voice would stir something inside her but there was nothing, “I shouldn't have allowed you to compete. I know who you are, and what you are, and what you were willing to do to get what you wanted.” She was just like him after all. Sasha grimaced and let the tears come.
Sasha stayed through the night never letting go of her hand until the Keelers returned that morning. They had made their decision.
Sasha stepped out of the room when hospital staff came in a short time later and removed life support. He paled at the sound of Mark and Kims cries as the heart monitor Payson had been hooked up to flatlined. No rhythm.
Payson Keeler was dead.
Sasha had lost a gymnast for the second time and something in him cracked and shifted out of place. He decided then that it would be the last time. The last time he was the reason a girl died.
The funeral service was held only a few days later, back in Boulder. The entire gym was there. Payson's grandparents flew in.
Sasha couldn't bring himself to approach the group of mourners; it was too much. What would he even say to them? Sorry your sixteen year old daughter died while she was under my care? Sorry your friend and teammate is dead? Sorry you're an only child now Becca!? Nonsense.
He felt a drop of water hit his face. He couldn't decide if it was raining or if he was just crying. Again. Turns out it was both. Her mother blamed herself because of the cortisone. Her father blamed himself for not being home. Marty blamed himself for leaving the Rock. But Sasha? He blamed himself for being exactly like Payson and being so blinded by ambition that he couldn't see what she was doing sooner. It was just like him and his knee; he could barely walk towards the end.
Over the next few days thr headlines came in:
“Olympic Hopeful Dead at 16”
“Tragedy Strikes at the US National Competition”
“Teammates Remember Payson Keeler”
The Rock was closed for a review soon after the funeral. The Keelers decided to pull Becca from the gym altogether and sent her to middle school.
Sasha took some time getting his affairs in order, leaving everything to the Keelers, before he was found at the bottom of a cliff by hikers early one morning. His blue eyes now permanently transfixed on the sky above.