Chapter Text
MOVING ON
Let’s move
Goodbye to this place that we became attached to
Let’s move
Now to a higher place
As taking the last box from the empty room
I look back for a moment
Times when we cried and laughed, goodbye now
It was all a blur, really.
He found himself sitting on his (their) bed.
What day was it? Tuesday? Ah, no, Thursday…
It was Thursday because the police had come by on Monday morning, to tell him MinSu was dead, and that was three days ago and he was now back home… After the funeral.
JungKook, 23 years old, 5 months pregnant and 3 days a widower, that’s who he is now.
He caressed his belly and sobbed, then cried, hard, until Jimin opened the door to his room, and he felt himself hugged, firmly but so gently too.
“Oh, Kookie, let it all out, I’m here, I’m here” he kept saying to him.
“Jimin-ah, this is not real, it cannot be real” he managed to say, eventually. His friend just held him a little bit harder. “I just.. I just remembered... her name, our little one…”
“Yes?” Jimin asked, feeling his friend grabbing his shirt, hard.
Jungkook looked up, and Jimin felt his heart breaking for the hundredth time this week, his friend’s round, beautiful eyes full of tears.
“We didn’t choose a name for her yet, I … how? HOW do I do that on my own, Minnie??? I can’t… I can’t do this”
“It may feel that way, my love” Jimin broke the hug, just to join their hands together “but you can and we are ALL here for you, ALL of us, do you understand? You are NOT alone, we LOVE you, Kook-ah” he said, looking at this friend with fierce intensity, meaning every word.
Jungkook just kept crying, and he released his friend’s hands to just hug him back, tears falling on his friend’s chest. He was not sure how much time had passed, but when he came back to himself, Jimin had somehow found some tissues and had cleaned his face a bit. He just wanted to get into bed and cry himself to sleep, but the thought of undressing, of getting out of his mourning clothes was too much to bear.
“Min? Minnie? Could you… Can you sleep here, with me, tonight, please?” he pleaded.
“Of course, Kook-ah, of course, whatever you need. Shall I help you undress?” JungKook nodded silently, eyes cast down again “Now, where are your pyjamas?...”
*******
The others were in JungKook’s living room - powerlessly hearing his cries even with the bedroom door closed, their hearts clenched. The situation felt all the more surreal as only a couple of months ago they had all gathered in the same place, helping the young couple move in.
It had been such a happy day, friends together, going up and down the stairs to the flat with the boxes, a happy chaos, JungKook all pouty because nobody let him carry anything heavier than a couple of books. Namjoon’s housewarming gift (one of those money tree plants) looked at them from one of the window seals. A couple of those boxes were still left un-opened in a corner.
Taehyung and Hoseok kept their eyes focused on the door, both wondering if to go inside too. Jin was almost shaking, trying not to cry himself (JungKook being his little cousin, he was taking all this perhaps a little bit harder than the rest of them) His body turned to the kitchenette wall, Yoongi was caressing his back, a very rare display of public affection. Namjoon just kept looking at the floor underneath him, sitting on the sofa, all tense, wired, looking extremely troubled with his jaw tightly clenched, as if angry.
They were all exhausted, sad and incredibly worried. JungKook’s usual scent of cardamom had turned into an almost kind of rotten orange. To be fair, all their scents were altered one way or another, sad or stormy. MinSu, having been a Beta, had never had a strong scent, so the apartment did not really have any traces left… Oddly upsetting on top of everything else.
Since Jin received the anxious call from Kook on Saturday morning, asking if Min-Su had spent the night at his place, the group had barely slept. Jin and Yoongi woke up and called Namjoon, Namjoon called the other three.
Nobody had seen MinSu after the usual get together for drinks on Friday. He seemed to have disappeared in the middle of it, even if nobody could point out an exact time when that happened. They had all assumed he had left early to be with JungKook. In fact, Jin had not seemed that pleased that the young man had decided to go and left his (very pregnant) husband alone for the evening and had taken him aside for a word. It made perfect sense that he had left earlier than the rest.
After two days of anxiety, searching for him by foot, calling to co-workers, all acquaintances they could think of, going to the police station to file a missing person report, making sure JungKook was never alone… Even after all of that, it had been a shock when it was confirmed that he had been found, and that he had been found dead.
The bedroom door opened after a while - and all eyes fell into Jimin.
“He’s finally sleeping” he whispered “I am staying tonight, he asked” he continued, with a sad smile “I think you should all go and try to get some rest”. He looked haggard, so unlike his usual self - normally the brightest smile in the room, the loudest voice.
“Yes, you’re probably right” Tae admitted “let’s clear up here and…”
“Maybe better leave straight away, love. Even if we are careful we may be noisy and we don’t want to wake him up now” Hoseok said, holding Taehyung’s forearm “Let’s just go home, you too, guys, we will come back tomorrow” he turned to the others, with a soft smile. Yoongi and Jin silently nodded, and started moving to gather their things.
“I’m staying too,” NamJoon said, looking down. They all looked at him in surprise, then at each other, puzzled. “Sofa looks comfortable enough”, he added with that deep voice of his, looking up. His usual soft eyes looked fierce, dragon like, almost daring anybody to disagree. Taehyung looked at his older brother, not for the first time thinking how much the great Alpha he looked like these days. Nothing left of that lanky teenage nerd, so tall now, bulked up and strong. His usual black coffee almost carried a burned aftertone.
Jin almost opened his mouth to argue but Jimin was faster to reply.
“That is probably a good idea, Joon-ah, thank you” he whispered “I will get you a blanket, just wait here” he silently walked to the big closet by the apartment’s entrance. He turned and with a kind smile said “You know Kookie always liked your scent the best”
NamJoon seemed to blush slightly, and maybe puffed up his chest a bit, but said nothing.
******
“I want to sleep so badly, but I’m not sure I will be able to”, Hoseok said.
They were all walking back to their homes, the cold Winter air almost welcome after spending the day at the funeral parlor - it had been so stuffy with all the people and the heating on high.
“Same” said Yoongi. The others hummed in agreement.
It wasn’t that late, but it was very dark and quiet. Their steps could be heard, muffled by the pressed snow they were walking over on the sidewalk. In their town of R___, Winter lasted long, and they had a lot of snow last week. It was around -5oC tonight, quite mild considering they had reached -20oC just a couple of weeks before. The town crews had been busy clearing the roads, piles of snow (over a meter high in some places) could be seen neatly sorted in the usual corners. They all lived more or less 20 minutes by walk from each other and JungKook’s place was in one of the new developments: a really nice and quiet neighbourhood.
“Be honest, guys, did you know Min-su was using?” Jin asked, out of the blue. The others stopped and looked at him.
“I had no idea he had ever used, you know that”, Yoongi answered.
“Kook said to me that was all in the past, and I never suspected he was back on it”, Taehyung said.
“You never told us”, Hoseok said, looking at his mate.
“Not my place. Sorry, Hoba, but it was said in confidence” Taehyung turned to the others. “I have been a bit worried about his drinking lately, not gonna lie, but I never expected… You know I would have done something if that was the case”
“I just don’t understand why he didn’t say anything to me..” Jin replied, downcast.
“Makes sense they wanted to start afresh without that baggage, Jin-ah”, Yoongi interceded.
“I wish I had known too, but…”
“In the end I don’t think it would have made any difference, Hyung”, Taehyung added. ” When we couldn’t find him I thought he may have slipped and fell somewhere, which with this weather would have been bad enough. To find out he overdosed…”
“I just cannot imagine how Kook is feeling right now, I really wanted this to work out for him, he has been so happy since he’s back here”, Hoseok mused.”Jin, I take it his father is not coming?”
“Have a wild guess”, Jin replied.
“Fucker”, Taehyung said, taking out his packet of cigarettes and lighting one.
“It’s sad that I’m not surprised, that’s all I'm going to say about it” Jin extended his hand, silently asking for a cigarette for himself. ”Ah, don’t look at me that way, Yoongichi, I will not start smoking again, I just need to calm myself down a bit…”
“I still don’t get it, even if he remarried is his son..”
“I know, Hoba, I know, but you know how the story goes”, Tae offered, “When Kook’s mum died, he really showed himself. That woman he married after… I mean, nobody can convince me they weren’t already together while Kook’s mum was still alive. How long was it until they made it public? Six months? Not even that much. And she was awful to Kook, got pregnant straight away and her kids were the only ones she cared about. I mean, the kids are ok, at least, they care about Kook-ah, but she got the whole family to move away for no reason… Maybe she thought they would get rich in the US or something”
“Oh, please don’t remind me, it was awful seeing him go - the only thing she wanted Kook for was the free childcare… he made him clean the house and barely bought him clothes and he had to beg for stuff for school…” Hoseok said, angrily.
Jin continued smoking, inhaling deeply and seeming more upset by the minute.
“You know they will never forgive him for keeping the money for himself”
“I know, Yoongi, I know” Jin replied, “as if they had any fucking right to it!” he throwed the cigarette butt, and stomped on it, angrily. “Let’s just go home. Tae, please let me know how are things when you speak to Jimin in the morning, please”
“Of course, Hyung”
*******
Once they were at their apartment and Jin was asleep in bed, Yoongi moved quietly to the living room and, with a cup of herbal tea for company, he settled on their sofa for the night. He knew he would not be able to fall asleep, he was too wired and upset.
His mind kept bringing him to the “good old days”, when they were all children and their little friend group had slowly come together.
Their little town of R____ was a northern town, so different from the south it felt at times like its own little country. Yoongi had moved in when his father had found a nice enough job and with the promise of relatively cheap housing. He was shocked to see that, in the middle of March (just after his birthday) the snow was frequent and the temperatures much lower than he was used to. He loved it, though - all the houses, roofs, roads and parks covered in snow made him feel as if he was in a fairy tale. The pure white snow reflected the light so brightly, it didn’t feel that dark.
He had been apprehensive about joining the new school in the middle of the year - he was surprised to be received well. It was one of those places small enough to know everybody, but big enough to have a lot of nice amenities. The school had definitely enough resources and staff that actually cared (shocking, compared to his “big southern” city school)
He smiled to himself while sipping his tea, remembering the first time he had seen THE Kim SeokJin. He had been assigned as his “welcome buddy”, to show him around the school, and made sure he settled ok. He would be lying if he said he was not intimidated by his looks: even at 13, he was tall, broad shouldered and very handsome (yes, glasses and all) A perfect, polite little Alpha, taking his buddy role very seriously!
Yoongi smiled thinking his teachers may have hoped they would become friends. Obviously, it had worked a treat - here they were now, married and disgustingly in love. Of course, it had taken A LOT of bumbling and hesitation (after all, they were two big introverts) and they had been great friends first. Jin introduced him to the other kids he usually hung out with - most of them friends for being neighbours rather than classmates.
There was the bright and beautiful Hoseok (Hobi!) - a kid that never seemed to be able to not have a smile on his face (and what a beautiful one!) Silence was simply impossible with him in the room and he was also the kindest soul. That didn’t mean he was a pushover, though - some were surprised to learn he was an Alpha, but those people haven’t seen them in protective mode if anybody threatened any of his friends.
Then there was Hoseok’s classmate, Namjoon. So intelligent, so funny, massive nerd, all long limbs and thick glasses, so cute rambling about nature (or anything else that he may become interested in, to be fair) For some reason, they had argued a lot at the start, both quick to anger and argumentative as teens - but nowadays they probably understood each other the best, not only sharing their love for music, but also understanding those bouts of melancholy that could grip them when least expected.
Namjoon had a little brother, Taehyung, also as clever, maybe a purer soul - he could see beauty in everything and kindness in everybody. His heart was probably bigger than his intellect. Even then he was beautiful, and he grew up so pretty people used to mistake him for an Omega. Not like he cared - he was an Alpha but designation always meant nothing to him, he just didn’t see the world that way and did not accept any gender or subgender limitations.
And where Taehyung was, Jimin suddenly appeared. They were inseparable since they were little, born just a couple of months from each other. Joined by the hip since they met at Jimin’s playpen (for a while, Tae had issues talking, speaking a kind of gibberish that only Jimin would understand - he acted as a little translator until, for some reason, Tae decided he wanted other people to understand him too) An afternoon with them could be the funniest time anybody had ever had, or the most awful trouble - sometimes both. They would usually laugh and be the best of friends as kids, always hugging and easily displaying affection, although if a serious argument broke between them, it would usually be explosive and take a few weeks to sort itself out.
“The terrible twins,” Yoongi laughed to himself. Jimin was cute as a button, perfect little Omega in a way it made others (including Yoongi himself) feel conscious. He had grown into a beautiful man, he took good care of himself and was proud to show his beauty. People tended to underestimate his intelligence because of his looks, but he was actually quite similar to Namjoon (they loved Math, the absolute weirdos) and had been a very accomplished student, possibly the best of his grade (the local school system did not create a competitive environment like the ones you saw on tv series and the like - none of that “number one valedictorian” shit - but his grades spoke for themselves)
And then there was JungKook, their little Kookie. He was much younger than the rest of them (two whole years difference with Taehyung and Jimin, three to Namjoon and Hoseok, four to himself and five with Jin) Jin’s mum was JungKook mum’s sister and he started to bring him along as he was trusted to babysit often, being the oldest.
They had spoiled him rotten, how could they not to. He had the roundest cheeks and the biggest doe, sparkling eyes Yoongi had ever seen. He was an only child too and he loved being cared for and also being with the “cool older kids”. He was kind and imaginative, he seemed to get lost in himself sometimes - daydreaming. But he also had a never ending source of energy and did take quickly to sports. On this he was like Jin, both quite athletic and they would play sports together often.
Their childhood and early teenage years had not been without problems, however at times it felt idyllic. After school, they will usually spend time together, playing outside if possible, even in winter (everybody had a sledge and a pair of ice skates, after all) or in each other's houses, either dealing with homework or causing mischief. They would go on day trips together, and skied, and learned to swim, and they became pros with the snowbikes later - Jin and Kook being absolute devils on the frozen river in winter.
Even after they had started to separate a bit due to the inevitable age gaps (Jin being the first one to go to college) they were by then a pack of sorts. Namjoon was always their leader, even if it was never said and even if Jin was older (he indulged the younger ones a bit too much to have that kind of authority) and he would regularly scent them, even without realising he did at the start. He doted especially on the youngest: Kook would get away with literal murder if it was up to him.
The thought of Namjoon sleeping on JungKook’s sofa right now reminded him that as they were growing up and Kook entered adolescence, he developed a very obvious crush on Namjoon. The older boy was aware and looked a bit embarrassed but maybe keen - Yoongi always thought he felt very conscious of their age gap and was not very sure how to handle it.
Then, their world shattered. Kook’s mother became seriously ill - that dreaded word: cancer, stage 4. Yoongi will never forget how JungKook had come to Namjoon and Tae’s house all those years ago, crying, telling them his mother was going to die soon.
Hard not to think of the JungKook of now - had that kid not suffered enough?
They all tried to help - cleaning JungKook’s house and helping with other chores like shopping, handling his mother’s care. JungKook’s father was notoriously absent - they had never taken him for a cad, he was just a dad, a guy that worked, was there at dinner times and did not talk much, but he had all but abandoned his wife and left his very young 14 year old kid to deal with the mess.
And the worst was to come - he suddenly “found” a new wife, got a kid on the way in less than a year, started to ignore Kook completely and the poor boy, he had just shrunk, that beautiful bunny-like smile rarely seen anymore. Then, he sold the house and moved all the family to the US. Jin’s family offered to keep JungKook with them, but his dad plainly refused.
They didn’t understand why until a few years later Jin’s mother explained the money thing. In this northern region, the Omegas were the ones that used to own land and property, handed over from Omega to Omega. JungKook’s dad was able to sell the house as it was in his name, but all the assets that his first wife had brought to the marriage were Kook’s - to be available to him when he became 21 years of age. It was not a small amount, and they were all sure he had kept JungKook close to try and somehow make use of the money himself.
They keep in touch, but obviously it hadn’t been the same with such a distance and the time difference, even with social media. Kook became more closed down, they knew most things from Tae or Jimin, and it sounded like he was not doing the best. He had now two stepbrothers that he loved, but it was clear things were not good at home with his mostly absent dad and his step mum being hostile most of the time.
They all ended up settling back in their town - they lived almost in the same neighbourhood - renting apartments or buying their own- and met often, but they always felt JungKook’s absence: always a noticeable gap in their hearts.
But, alas, a happy surprise was in store - JungKook turned 21, JungKook finally took hold of all his money after some messy legal battle, JungKook video called to tell them the great news! He was MARRIED???! And he was coming back to R____ FOR GOOD!!!
They were all so elated it took them a while to really think about JungKook having gotten married… He was still their little one! How come??
Namjoon had been single for a while (his flings never had seemed serious or to last long at all) Jin and Yoongi had gotten married only the year before! And… Well, Hoseok, Tae and Jimin coming together as a trouple had been the worst kept secret of all time, but they were finally not hiding and being all weird. How come the BABY had a husband???
He had looked SO happy, though, his beautiful eyes still big and round and now full of stars again. He had met MinSu at their local college, at some photography elective class, but bonded due to loss: MinSu’s parents had died in a car accident when he was a small child and he ended up in the care system back in the US. Now they knew about his struggle with addiction in his early teens, but he had been strong enough to turn his life around and get into college with a scholarship - a great accomplishment in itself. His Korean was decent enough, and he had been also very keen to return somehow to the motherland, a fresh start for both, using some of Kook’s money to do the move and get a good foot in.
MinSu was an OK guy, he felt they had not have enough time to get to know him for real, but he seemed to have settled alright. Jin and Namjoon had given him sometimes a bit of a hard time (both in protective mode - Yoongi could understand that) Of course, it’s not easy being the outsider in a pack already set up, all the in-jokes were a bit “lost in translation” and it felt at times like he was trying to catch up a bit too hard… But Kook was happy and Kook was back FOREVER and that’s all that mattered. They were finally complete.
Lost in thought, Yoongi suddenly came to himself hearing the birds that were doing their usual morning song outside their living room window.
Sunrise.
“Why did it have to happen to him?”, Yoongi thought, and for the first time that week, he let himself cry.
*******
JungKook woke up in the middle of the night, needing to go to the bathroom. He left the bed as quietly as possible to not wake Jimin up. His head hurt a little, his eyes were dry and a bit sore - probably drinking something and washing his face would do him good… He closed the bedroom door and switched the light on.
“Hyung?!” he scream-whispered, hand on his heart, surprised to see Namjoon lying on the sofa, covered with a blanket
“Oh, Kook-ah, sorry, didn’t mean to scare you, it got late and … You ok? Do you need anything? I…” Namjoon bumbled, standing up, hair a mess.
“Hum, no just … need to go to the bathroom, Hyung. Maybe a glass of water?” he replied.
“Sure, sure, just go and I will get a glass for you” he rubbed his eyes “oh, fuck, my contact lens”, he had forgotten he had slept with his contact lenses on and he had just rubbed off the one on his left eye.
“Oh, Joon-ah, have you lost it? Did it fall close? I can…”
“Ah, don’t worry, just … just go, I will get your glass of water and see if I can find it - it was one of those dailies, no big deal”, he said, keeping his left eye closed to be able to see. JungKook couldn’t help but smile a bit, his Namjoon Hyung, always so clumsy!
On the way back from the bathroom, Namjoon handed him a glass of water, as promised. He still had his left eye closed.
“No luck finding it, then?” Jungkook sat down at one end of the sofa, slowly sipping the water.
“Errr, actually, I did find it… by stepping on it…”, Namjoon confessed. He was rubbing the back of his neck, as he always did when embarrassed.
“I think you better take the other one off, Hyung”
“Yeah, I may do that, maybe Tae can bring my glasses in the morning, let me go to the bathroom, I will take it out”, he sighed.
When he came back, Jungkook had switched the lights off - and Namjoon saw his blurry figure sitting on the side of the sofa he had been sleeping in. When he got closer and was able to see a little bit better, he noticed the young man was silently crying, holding the blanket.
“Sorry, I just can’t stop crying, I'm sorry, Hyung...”
Namjoon couldn't help but get closer and offer a silent hug. Jungkook surprised him by almost jumping to hold him, arms around his neck. Namjoon hugged back, hard, at least as hard as he could being mindful of the baby bump.
“Oh, Kook-ah, don’t worry, I’m here, just… I’ll hold you, I’ll hold you. Just hang in there” he kept saying. “Let’s just lay for a bit, yes, be careful now, see?, it’s large enough for the both of us, let me get the blanket. It’s ok, it’s ok”...
Jimin woke up suddenly. There was daylight filtering through the window blinds and he realised JungKook was not in the room. Slightly alarmed, he jumped off the bed and opened the door… He stopped abruptly, to the image of Namjoon and JungKook holding each other, asleep on the sofa, all cozy under the blanket he’d given Joon the night before. Jungkook had fallen asleep on Joon’s crook of the neck, close to his scent gland as if looking for comfort, like a pup.
“He really likes Namjoon Hyung’s scent the best” he thought and went back inside the bedroom, so as to not disturb them, heart warm.