Work Text:
Jungwon knows, okay?
People can call him oblivious or dense all they like, but at the end of the day, he knows. He knows that the way Jay treats him is different to the way he treats the other members. He knows his eyes always linger a little too long, that his smile softens in ways that don’t happen with Jake or Niki. Just because Jungwon hasn’t done anything about it doesn’t mean he’s clueless.
After all, why should he? Feelings, especially romantic ones, are unprofessional. And Jungwon is nothing if not a professional. So, he lets whatever it is between him and Jay sit — quiet, suspended, safe — because the alternative means putting all of them at risk.
Besides, things aren’t so bad as they are… he thinks.
They wake up together, see each other every day, and take care of each other. They share songs in the car and fall asleep on each other’s shoulders when they’re exhausted. Jay holds Jungwon’s hands, lets Jungwon bury his face in Jay’s neck after a hard day. Jungwon can run his hands through Jay’s hair and pull him into a pretend slow dance to make him smile. It’s more than they could ask for.
Jungwon knows that Jay knows, too. And that the members know, but that’s not as important. What matters is that Jay won’t make a move unless Jungwon does first. Because Jungwon knows Jay, and Jay would never do anything that would jeopardise Jungwon’s comfort, or the team’s, or their careers.
So the stalemate continues. Year after year, from the moment they meet at I-Land, to their debut, to their first comeback. Past their first full album, past their first world tour, even past their first daesang. And for a while, Jungwon thinks that they could really do it, could make it through their entire career just being friends, coworkers, something-more-but-not-really. Maybe after idol life settles down, which is a time that Jungwon doesn’t even want to think about, they can talk about it. Maybe.
So, that’s where Jungwon is at. He’s thankful that everyone else is on the same page, even though it took a while. Sunghoon and Jake stopped the teasing after the first couple of years; Niki after three. It took his own sister about three-and-a-half years to stop calling Jay his boyfriend, and Sunoo four, although he still jokes about it occasionally (at least Jungwon thinks he’s joking).
Now, after six years, the only person he really needs to get off his back is Heeseung — which is surprising even to him, considering Heeseung is the most laidback person alive. A perfectionist at work, but totally unbothered in his personal life. Which is why it rattles Jungwon every time Heeseung drops a casual ‘You two fit well together’ during a live, or shoots him a meaningful look when Jay slings an arm around his waist.
But the worst moment to date, which still makes Jungwon a little sick when he thinks about it too much, was the night that Heeseung caught them curled up on the couch like two housecats. Jay was asleep on Jungwon’s shoulder, their fingers laced together on Jungwon’s lap, the soft buzz of their TV show playing in the background.
Heeseung had come back after having a late-night snack downstairs with Jake. He stood there, sighed, like the sight of them cuddling had taken years off his life, then murmured:
“You’re breaking his heart, Jungwon-ah.”
Then he went to his room and left Jungwon sitting there, Jay breathing gently against his collarbone, as if he hadn’t completely tilted Jungwon’s world on its axis.
That was a year ago, and Heeseung has never mentioned it again, but Jungwon feels it every time he throws himself laughing over Jay’s lap. Heeseung knows. Everyone does.
What Jungwon doesn’t know is that he’s forgotten to think about one other person, and that’s Jay himself.
Because while everyone else has received glares and warning comments when the topic of ‘them’ comes up, Jungwon would never, ever do that to Jay.
And that turns out to be a mistake.
☄
Everything changes on a normal Tuesday in Jungwon’s absurd idol life. He wakes up at 5 AM for a shoot for a Japanese magazine, then goes straight to the company to do personal training at the gym, then dance practice at night.
They’re almost finished fleshing out the choreography for a festival in two days, when the choreographer suddenly stops for a break and rushes out of the room to take a call. While the other members start gossiping about what it could be about, Jungwon sits on the ground away from them, arms propped up on his knees.
His body feels weak. He might have been a bit ambitious during his workout; his arms barely have the strength to grab his water bottle from the other side of the room. He just sits and zones out, looking at himself in the studio mirror, thinking about the next few events this week, until a towel lands on his head and blocks his sight.
He looks up from where it came from, letting it slide to the ground, and is greeted with the welcome sight of Jay brandishing his freshly filled water bottle at him.
“Here. I filled it up at that tap down the hall, so it’s ice-cold,” Jay says, then drops himself next to Jungwon. Jungwon grabs it from him and chugs it, the water already invigorating him slightly. He didn’t even notice Jay leave the room.
“Thanks,” he says, wiping his mouth and forehead afterwards. “This choreography is really fun, huh?”
Jay simply gives him a sympathetic smile. He gently takes the towel from Jungwon and dabs his face again, going over the spots Jungwon had simply rubbed over.
“What are you stressed about? I can tell you’re in your head about something.”
Jungwon looks at him. Really looks at Jay. His hair is also shining with sweat, and his loose t-shirt reveals his collarbones slightly. Under the studio lights, he looks radiant, warm. He always does.
“It’s nothing big. We have a lot of stuff coming up in the next couple of days,” Jungwon replies, turning away. “Just thinking about logistics.”
The choreographer returns to the room, rousing the group with the news that his wife wants him home by 11 or he’s dead meat. He’s met with derisive laughs and cheers. Jay ignores all of this and reaches up to Jungwon’s hair. Time slows as he tucks a stray lock of hair behind Jungwon’s ear with such an earnest look, Jungwon thinks he might melt. His ear burns as Jay pulls his hand away.
“Don’t stress, Wonie. The team can take care of themselves; I know you know that,” Jay murmurs, too quiet for anyone else to hear. “I hate seeing you worried, baby.”
And with that life-altering, world-shattering sentence, he pushes himself up and rejoins the dance practice, leaving Jungwon absolutely spinning. Even though he’s seated on the ground, he feels like he’s falling, down, down, into a never-ending vortex. Well, now he’s not stressed about work.
What was that? Oh my God, what the fuck was that?
Body on cruise control, Jungwon finds himself dancing again, but his mind is completely elsewhere. Jay has always had silly nicknames for them. There’s the ridiculous ones they use in front of the fans, like ‘Jake Layla Puppy’ or ‘Baby Cat Leader,’ and the ones he calls them in private that are too stupid to even repeat. But never anything like… that.
Maybe it was a mistake? Maybe it was an automatic response, a habit (but that means Jay has said it to someone else, and the thought of that makes Jungwon want to kill himself). He quickly dismisses it as… nothing. Absolutely nothing. By the time the dance practice has finished, he’s already pushed it so far down in his mind it’s like nothing happened at all. Except something definitely did, because his body still remembers.
His heart is hammering, every beat sounding like the word.
Ba-by. Ba-by.
When they pack up to go, Jay places a hand on Jungwon’s waist, so naturally and casually, Jungwon normally wouldn’t think twice about it.
“Get a good rest tonight,” Jay says, then jogs to catch up with Jake, leaving Jungwon watching his back, almost wishing he would say it again.
☄
Two weeks pass, and Jungwon has almost stopped obsessing about the ‘baby’ incident every night. It’s more like every second night. And sometimes during the day.
A part of him wishes he hadn’t dug himself into this hole of total isolation, because he knows he would feel so much better if he talked all of this with someone. For six years, all of these feelings have been building up, with no words or labels attributed to them, and now Jungwon is forced to confront those feelings completely blind. Instinctively, he’s decided to be too busy to deal with it and tries to ignore it as best he can, but Jay makes it really hard.
He’s always doing nice things for Jungwon. Yesterday, he brought back Jungwon’s favourite electrolyte drink from the convenience store and left it in his fridge for when he came home. The day before, he had given Jungwon his hoodie before a soundcheck because he was cold. The way Jungwon felt in Jay’s clothes, even if it was for just an hour, is a whole other can of worms Jungwon isn’t ready to confront yet.
Today, they’re filming the first episode of another season of En-O’Clock. They’re in teams, and Jay is on his team, because of course he is. Jake and Niki are also on their team, but they’re devoting their time to arguing about their team name instead of learning the game with Jay and Jungwon. Heeseung, Sunghoon, and Sunoo are on the other side of the room, standing in awkward silence (Whole other thing. Jungwon doesn’t have the mental capacity to get into all of that).
“So…” Jungwon mumbles, frowning and wondering how the producers had the time to come up with a game this complicated, “If I play this card, then I can do… this!”
He picks up a card from the other deck and proudly displays it to Jay with a proud grin. Jay shakes his head and plucks Jungwon’s card to put back in the deck.
“No, love,” he says while laughing, “It means you end your turn.”
Jungwon’s smile drops off his face. Oh.
“Oh,” he musters. Squeaks. “This is really difficult. I don’t think I’m going to be able to do this episode at all.”
“I’ll explain it again, okay?” Then Jay launches into another demonstration of how the game works, to which Jungwon is not listening at all.
One time might have been a mistake, but this time it definitely felt intentional. Jay said it like he was telling Jungwon about the weather, or … explaining a card game. Is he doing this on purpose, then? Has Jay suddenly decided to completely fuck with Jungwon’s head for no reason?
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Jake and Niki looking at each other with expressions which Jungwon knows mean they’re going to talk shit about him later. So they had heard. Fuck. On one hand, Jungwon is glad that he hasn’t been hallucinating this happening; on the other, he’s almost jealous that they got to hear that. As selfish as it is, Jungwon doesn’t want anyone else to hear those words from Jay.
“Oh my God,” Jay snorts, breaking Jungwon out of his trance. “Look at Sunghoon.”
They all glance over, where Sunghoon is struggling not to put his arm around Sunoo’s shoulders while he and Heeseung are figuring something out on the table.
“Do you think he knows he’s in love with Sunoo?” Jake whispers, making Niki huff in laughter.
“This is assuming he knows anything at all,” Niki replies, and they all snicker, apart from Jungwon.
Love.
☄
Things start to get out of hand. At least it feels that way to Jungwon. A few days ago, Jay had dropped another casual ‘baby’ when they were fitting for a music video, which Sunghoon had definitely heard and raised his eyebrows at. Last week, Jay had taken a photo of Jungwon on one of their walks because ‘he had looked pretty.’ He hadn’t. His hair had been unwashed, and he was wearing the frumpiest clothes because everything else was dirty.
The night sky had been nice, though. And they had a huge laughing fit because they saw a couple get pooped on by a bird. That wasn’t the funny part, but when Jay said: ‘Imagine if that was us and someone spotted it. The headlines would be crazy.’ and Jungwon had lost it.
When he got home that night, Jungwon thought about it briefly — what if that had been them? Not getting… pooped on, but if they were a real couple. What would that look like?
What would really change? With their lifestyles, not a lot. He probably wouldn’t enjoy doing PDA in front of the others, so not much would change there. They’re roommates every time they travel anyway, so that would stay the same. Honestly, what they talk about wouldn’t change much either. They talk about everything and nothing already, so the only new thing they could talk about was… well. Them.
Jungwon had always wondered what it would be like to kiss Jay. How it would be to climb into his lap and be held by his strong hands and kissed breathless. To see what his face looked like when he was making love. How his hair would be waking up the morning after. Again, Jungwon knows how incriminating all this is. That’s why he only thought about it briefly, ok?
Not for any particular reason, he ends up avoiding Jay in the next couple of weeks. There’s always something on when Jay asks to hang out, and they haven’t been on a walk in ages. Jungwon misses him, but also dreads the next time Jay sees him, he’ll bring everything up, and Jungwon just isn’t ready for that.
Late one night, they bump into each other in the kitchen. At least, Jungwon bumps into Jay. He had woken up to get a glass of water when he suddenly realised how sweaty he was, and spent his walk to the kitchen trying to wrangle the hoodie off his head.
“Jungwon,” a familiar voice says after they collide, and Jungwon freezes. “Let me help you with that.”
Like a rat stuck in a trap, Jungwon is stiff as Jay carefully pulls the hoodie off him. He thinks he hears a soft ‘How did you do this to yourself, sweetheart,’ but chooses to think he imagined it.
Once the hoodie is finally off his body, Jungwon comes face-to-face with Jay for the first time in a long time. He missed him.
Jay chuckles, holding the hoodie in his hands. “I’ve been looking for this, you know.”
“Oh,” Jungwon’s face colours, fiddling with the bottom of his shirt. He’s been wearing it to sleep every night for the past month. “Sorry, I forgot it was yours.”
“You can keep it,” Jay says, handing it back to a stunned Jungwon. “It fits you better anyway.”
“Are you sure?” Jungwon asks as they walk into the kitchen. Jay nods in response, grabbing two glasses, filling them up with water, then sliding one to Jungwon.
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in a while,” Jay comments off-handedly, “How is everything?”
Jungwon scans his face quickly to see if Jay is upset, but his face is neutral. He looks genuinely unbothered, and it frustrates Jungwon a bit. There hasn’t been a day when he hasn’t thought about Jay. It’s not like Jungwon was avoiding him on purpose. He thought a bit of space would let him clear his head about everything, but here Jay is, asking how things are as if Jungwon hasn’t had a part of him missing.
His chest tightens, and he has to stop everything from tumbling out.
“I have something to ask you,” he says, somewhat ominously, before he can stop himself. Jay finishes his water and looks at him inquisitively.
“Is it something serious?”
“No! It’s about… my sister,” Jungwon says, genuinely making this shit up as he goes. He has no idea where this is about to go, and just prays his brain comes up with something good. “Something about my sister has been on my mind lately. So… we have this family friend, who she’s been best friends with since we were kids. She said that he confessed to her recently, and doesn’t know what to do about it.”
“Well, does she like him back?” Jay says, leaning on the counter on his forearms in interest. God, he looks so cute in his pyjama shirt. Jungwon wants to rub his face all over Jay’s chest.
“She… doesn’t know. Obviously, she loves him, because they’ve known each other for so long, but she’s scared of what would happen if they started dating. If things don’t work out, she would be losing her best friend. And it would totally screw up our families’ friend dynamic. Plus, they… work together.”
Nice job, Jungwon. Make it more obvious.
Jay, thankfully, doesn’t seem suspicious of anything.
“Well, I feel like you already know what I’m going to say to you, Jungwon-ah. The saddest love is one not had at all,” Jay says earnestly, “It’s going to be hard for them to continue as friends anyway, so why not give it a try?”
“It could end in disaster.”
“Or could be her greatest love.” Jay puts both their glasses in the dishwasher. “I always think it’s a shame when people treat love as something scary. It’s supposed to be an amazing thing that we humans are capable of. Do you think he’d treat her badly?”
Jungwon’s heart sinks. “No, he’s the best to her.”
Jay walks around the kitchen island to where Jungwon is leaning, and suddenly takes him into his arms. Jungwon stills, shocked, before wrapping his arms around Jay’s middle. As usual, he’s warm and smells so good. He smells like sandalwood, and the sun, and home. Jungwon feels a light press against his hair before Jay parts and bids him goodnight, shuffling back to his room with a yawn.
Jungwon simply stands there, alone in the kitchen. Did Jay just… kiss his head?
☄
Jungwon learns not to leave Jay alone for too long after that. He doesn’t want Jay doing something that drastic again.
They’re in Japan for a shoot with a Japanese fashion magazine, and as always, Jay and Jungwon are sharing a room. He had considered asking one of the members to switch with him, but decided against it when he had imagined Jay’s disappointed face. Also, he loves his quiet nights with Jay. It’s nice to be taken care of after a long day. Between all the travelling and the emotional turmoil of the last couple of weeks, Jungwon is pretty beat.
When Jungwon comes out of the shower, freshly clean and hair still damp, the room is completely tidy, and all of his clothes have been put away. They already had dinner with their staff before, so when Jungwon moves to his bed, Jay is already fast asleep in the other, eye mask wrapped securely around his head.
He doesn’t know what compels him to do so, but he kneels next to Jay’s bed and gazes at his peaceful face. When Jay sleeps, he somehow manages to stay just as handsome as ever, jaw still sharp and lips pressed together. Jungwon stays there for a while, enjoying the sound of his soft breaths, revelling in the warmth emanating from Jay’s body. If they were together, he could be sleeping right next to Jay, maybe even on his chest. He thinks about pressing a soft kiss against Jay’s cheek before they turn in, or Jay nuzzling his face into Jungwon’s hair in the morning.
Then it hits Jungwon. With Jay lying there next to him, surrounded by the warm light of the hotel lamps, some traffic noise coming up from the street.
He loves Jay.
It’s not just affection, not just good friendship. He loves Jay, as in really loves him. He wants to wake up every day together, wants to kiss him senseless, wants to be there for every good and bad day he has. He wants them to hold hands and go on shopping dates together. Steal kisses in the photobooth as they take silly pictures with cute hats. God.
He gets up from the ground and slips into his own bed, slightly breathless. Jungwon really loves Jay. A warm feeling blooms in his chest, and he curls up on himself, hands clasped over his mouth as he tries to grapple with this new information. He’s so in love with him it almost hurts.
As an experiment, and just for himself, he whispers to himself in the dark.
“I love you, Jay-hyung. I love you, Jongseong.”
He presses his hands to his face and rolls around, butterflies taking his whole body by storm. Just saying the words felt electric, even perfect. He smiles to himself like a crazy person as he imagines it over and over again. Is this what love is? It’s terrifying. It’s lovely.
He turns back over to face Jay’s bed to look at the man he loves.
“Goodnight, hyung. I love you,” Jungwon whispers again, then disappears into his blanket, suppressing the urge to scream.
Well, now he has to do something about this.
The next day, after they finish the shoot, they pack up and get into a car back to the airport. Jungwon was able to lose himself in the chaos of the day, but the warm feeling had never left his heart. Every time he looked at Jay, it got a little stronger, spreading from his heart, through his chest, down to his fingertips. How he had never realised this before, he has no idea. Just looking at Jay’s smile across the room makes him feel a little more alive. Hearing his voice makes Jungwon ever more sure that he’s supposed to be here, next to Jay.
He watches the Japanese night sky roll by as they leave the city to go back home. Sunoo is fast asleep in the back seat, his quiet snores barely filling the silence in the car. Jay is next to Jungwon, listening to music. Jungwon closes his eyes for a second, finally at peace with the emotions he’d been battling with these past few weeks. He had been so freaked out at the sudden shift in their relationship because he didn’t know exactly how he felt, and he’s always hated uncertainty. He had never thought about truly loving Jay, content with their current situation, but that all seems so pointless now. Jungwon has the world in his hands; it’s ridiculous he never noticed before.
A few seconds later, he hears a rustling next to him, then a jacket is being draped over him. Jungwon can tell it’s Jay’s from the smell.
“Sleep well, baby,” Jay whispers next to his ear, and suddenly, Jungwon is wide awake. His eyes snap open, scaring Jay, and he jolts back as if he had startled a wild animal.
Jungwon opens his mouth to say something, then closes it again. Not daring to look Jay in the eyes, his eyes focus on the jacket resting atop of him. It’s soft.
“Hyung, why do you call me those things? Like ‘baby’ or ‘sweetheart,’” Jungwon mumbles.
There’s a long silence in the car, and it stretches for so long that Jungwon is forced to look over to Jay’s seat, just to make sure he hasn’t thrown himself out the window. Jay is completely frozen, eyes wide, mouth slightly open. If Jungwon’s life literally didn’t hang in the balance right now, he would probably laugh at Jay’s dumbfounded expression.
Instead of answering Jungwon’s question, Jay just says, “I’m… I’m sorry. If it makes you uncomfortable, I’ll stop.”
Jungwon hates that, a little bit. But if that’s all Jay wants to say right now, he can’t help that. Sunoo is in the backseat, and they’re about to get on a three hour flight after a long day of shooting; honestly, Jungwon himself probably isn’t ready to talk about this. But now that he’s realised that he’s completely and utterly in love with Jay, it’s almost bursting out of him.
“It doesn’t make me uncomfortable,” Jungwon replies quietly, looking down at the jacket again. “You can keep doing it. I don’t mind.”
Jay relaxes at this and sinks back into his seat. Jungwon thinks he’s smiling, but he can’t really tell because it’s so dark.
“Oh, okay,” Jay breathes, then says nothing more, so Jungwon just closes his eyes and pretends to sleep the rest of the car ride, heart hammering in his ears.
They don’t speak for the rest of the car ride, and when they fly, Jay chooses the seat next to Jake instead of Jungwon. Jungwon tries not to let it affect him, but he can’t help the sour twist that takes his mouth the rest of the way home. Even Niki notices his mood, reaching over the seat to ask if he’s okay. He says he is, but there’s an ugly tightness in his throat. Why would Jay call him all those things if he didn't at least somewhat feel the same? Was Jungwon completely wrong about all this?
He falls into an unsettled sleep, trying to convince himself that Jay just needs space. Space from him.
☄
Barely a day passes until they speak again, which is good because Jungwon is in a terrible mood for most of it. He snaps at Sunghoon during practice and blows off everyone who tries to talk to him, which he knows is extremely unprofessional, but he can’t help it. He’s having his first heartbreak at 22 instead of in his teens; he deserves to be a little moody. After they had come home, he had beelined for the shower, no one daring to question it and retreating to their own rooms without a word.
He comes out to the kitchen to grab a snack to angrily eat it in his bedroom when he sees Jay sitting there, having a cup of tea. His head snaps up from his phone when he hears Jungwon walk in, and his eyebrows raise.
“Oh, hey, Won,” Jay says.
Jungwon knows that Jay knows he’s done something wrong, so he stands there, waiting for Jay to say something else. To his surprise, Jay stands from his seat and walks over to Jungwon, timidly taking one of his hands in his. Jungwon just lets it happen, slightly nervous for what’s going to happen next.
Oh my God, he’s going to tell me he hates me. Or that he was just pranking me. I’m going to cry. I’m going to cry because Jay is about to tell me he doesn’t love me.
“I’ve been wanting to talk to you, actually,” Jay says with a deep sigh, and his eyes are boring so deep into Jungwon’s, Jungwon’s scared he might actually be right. “I’ve been thinking about it since last night in the car, and I kind of have a lot to say, so I’d appreciate it if you just listened to what I have to say before saying anything else. You might hate me after this, so this is really important.”
“Okay,” Jungwon manages, heart in his throat. Despite everything, Jay’s hand feels nice in his. It’s the only thing keeping him there at the moment, Jay’s expression so sincere that Jungwon can’t look away.
“I think it’s been pretty obvious since we met each other years and years ago that I’ve always cared for you a lot. Something else really important to mention is that I’m bisexual. I’ve always known this about myself, but since we’re idols, and I never wanted anyone to look at me differently, I’ve never told anyone before. Actually, you’re the first person I’ve ever told; not even my parents know,” he chuckles. “Growing up, I always looked at guys and girls the same, but I’ve only had any experience with girls, because it was easier. Obviously, once we started training, none of that became important anymore. Until I met you.”
Jungwon sucks in a breath as Jay continues.
“You were my competition at first, then a friend. You were so talented, and everyone loved you, and I always wanted to be around you. I was so worried that we wouldn’t debut together, but when we did, I was so happy. Not just because I was debuting, but because we were doing it together. All these years, you’ve kept the team afloat, always shouldering the burden even though you’re one of the youngest, and I’ve always been very grateful about that. I try to take care of you when I can, and I think I do a pretty good job, right?”
“We spend every day together, go through everything together, so I quickly realised that I had some feelings for you that weren’t just friendship. I think I always hid it quite well, but I know sometimes I’ve been a bit selfish with them. It was hard for me to have the person I like around all the time and not do anything about it. I know you don’t like men, and are probably so disgusted with me right now, but please just let me finish.”
“Recently, I’ve felt extra selfish, and I imagined what it’d be like to actually be together — that’s when I started to call you those pet-names. It just slipped out, and because you never said anything about it, I didn’t stop. I thought you would think of it as teasing, but it’s obvious I was too transparent about my feelings. I’m really sorry if I made you uncomfortable, and if what I’m about to say makes you even more uncomfortable, but I love you, Jungwon, more than a friend. I love you so much. I’ve always tried to hold back, for our friendship and for the team, but I can’t take it anymore. Let me be selfish one more time. I love you, Jungwon-ah.”
Jungwon is on the verge of tears. Seeing Jay so vulnerable, his voice shaking with every word, breaks his heart. How could he think that Jungwon didn’t love him too? How could he think that all this time, Jungwon would be disgusted with him?
“Oh, hyung,” Jungwon whispers wetly, “You’re not selfish. You could never be selfish to me. I love you too. I love you so much.”
Before Jay can react, Jungwon throws his arms around Jay’s neck and kisses him. He has a thousand things running through his mind right now, but all he knows is he wants to keep kissing Jay forever. Their lips fit together like a dream, and Jungwon can’t help but think they should have been doing this all along. Jay’s hands move from Jungwon’s waist into his hair, tilting his head and kissing him even deeper. He’s so warm, and Jungwon is so in love.
They pull after the kiss gets a little sloppy, lips wet, and breaths heaving. Jay’s eyes are sparkling, and Jungwon almost wants to kiss him again just to see them like that again.
“You love me?” Jay blurts, hands back around Jungwon’s waist, pulling him flush against his chest.
Jungwon gives him a look. He means it to be teasing, but he just knows he looks like a lovesick fool instead.
“Of course I do, hyung. I’ve always been in love with you; I just didn’t know it half of the time,” Jungwon says, “I was too scared to do anything about it though. I thought you were okay just being friends.”
Jay shakes his head so violently Jungwon bursts into laughter.
“Definitely not. Do you know how hard it was for me to be with you all the time and not say anything? How much I imagined us doing this.. And some other things,” he adds with a cheeky smile.
Jungwon swats him, face flushing. “Hyung! Don’t ruin this, that can come later.”
“Later? Does that mean…” Jay breathes, “We’re really doing this? You’re mine now?”
Jungwon buries his head into Jay’s chest, too embarrassed by the words to look him in the eyes.
“Of course I’m yours,” he mumbles, then pulls away to look at Jay earnestly. “I won’t lie, I’m scared about what comes next, but all I know right now is that I love you. And I think that’s enough at the moment.”
Jay smiles fondly, bringing his hand to Jungwon’s hair and stroking it like he did all those weeks ago when he chose to be selfish.
“It’s definitely enough. We can talk about everything later, but I know we can figure it out. I’ll do everything I can do to make sure you’re comfortable,” Jay says, then presses a light kiss to Jungwon’s forehead, making his stomach erupt in butterflies. Seriously, why haven’t they been doing this the whole time? Just that kiss alone gave Jungwon more energy than any coffee could.
“I know you will, you always do. Let’s just go to bed now, I’m so tired,” Jungwon says and tugs on Jay’s shirt. “Let’s sleep in your room.”
Jay grins again, then moves back to the kitchen island.
“Give your new, handsome boyfriend a second to finish his tea,” Jay says, waggling his eyebrows, and Jungwon groans in embarrassment. “What? Is that not what I am?”
Jungwon trails after him, rolling his eyes. “I guess so. My new, embarrassing boyfriend.”
Jay pulls him in for another kiss before sitting down with his tea. “You love it, baby.”
Jungwon sits down with him, leaning his face on his arms as he watches Jay finish his tea. He does.
☄
A blissful week later, a week of secret kisses behind closed doors and small ‘I love yous’ whispered in dressing rooms, Jungwon walks into the living room where the members are waiting to leave for the company.
“Hey, sugarlips,” Jake says in greeting, not looking up from his phone.
“Morning, sweetheart,” Sunghoon parrots.
“Hi, pumpkin,” Niki calls with a grin. Sunoo is shaking with barely concealed laughter next to him, and across the room, Heeseung is looking at him with a small smile.
Jungwon shoots Jay a flat look.
“I see you told them.”
Jay puts his hands up defensively, “I didn’t tell them to do that.”
Jungwon sighs and shifts his duffle bag higher on his shoulder.
“I guess we’re talking about this then. Yes, Jay and I are dating now. Does anyone have anything to say about it?”
Jake looks up from his phone and raises his hand.
“So he’s not ‘hyung’ to you anymore?” he asks, and Jungwon glares at him.
“Does anyone have anything productive to say?” he repeats, and Jay is simply smiling at him. He isn’t really bothered about the members knowing, which is why Jungwon asked him to tell them, but Jungwon is regretting it now.
Sunoo grins at him from the couch. “Honestly, it was only a matter of time. I’m just surprised that Jay-hyung didn’t cave earlier.”
“Yeah, I’m shocked Jongsaeng even had the balls to do anything about it. I thought we’d have to see his sad yearning for the rest of our lives,” Sunghoon added.
Jay frowns at that, crossing his arms. “My sad yearning?”
Niki rescues Sunghoon by saying, “As long as you guys don’t kiss in front of me, I’m all good.”
“Yes, we’re all very proud of you,” Heeseung calls from across the room. He and Jungwon meet eyes, and Jungwon feels something in the back of his mind finally relax. Heeseung’s smile is soft and meaningful. “I hope you guys take care of each other.”
Sunghoon guffaws, “Have you seen Jay? He’s so down bad it’s pathetic.”
“Oh, you want to go there?” Jay starts, “Well, how about the time you-”
Jungwon claps his hands loudly, cutting a very long argument short. “Alright, I think we’re done here. The cars are waiting downstairs, let’s go.”
One by one, the members peel themselves off the couch and shuffle out the door, until it’s just Jay and Jungwon left in the room. Jay walks over and wraps his arm around Jungwon. Aware that the door is open, Jungwon resists the urge to bury his head into Jay’s neck.
“I think that went pretty well, don’t you think?” Jay says, a knowing smile on his face.
“I thought that was horrible,” Jungwon huffs, “but at least it’s over now. They’re probably never going to let this go.”
Jay presses a quick kiss to Jungwon’s hair. “That’s alright. As long as we’re together, I don’t care about anything they say.”
Jungwon turns to him and makes a face.
“So sappy.”
“Only for you, love,” Jay says, then leans down to steal a kiss, lingering a bit longer than necessary. Jungwon pretends to hate it, but he knows, and Jay knows, that he loves it.
“I SAW THAT!” Niki shouts from down the hall.