Work Text:
-Max-
Are you home?
Please say you’re home
Cause otherwise I’m fucked
-Charles-
no
i told you i was getting groceries
the hell is going on?
-Max-
I’ll tell you but
Promise not to freak out?
-Charles-
uh no???
you cant just say that and expect me to not be scared max
-Max-
There might be a slight possibility that someone is breaking into your apartment
Don’t freak out please
-Charles-
oh that's fine, tell me if you get murdered okay <3
THE HELL DO YOU MEAN DON'T FREAK OUT??
-Max-
At first I thought it was Leo scratching at the door
But then I heard someone open the door
I don’t think he can open door knobs
His footsteps aren’t that heavy either
I’m upstairs, but I can hear someone moving downstairs
-Charles-
…
how are you being so casual about this
have you checked the cameras?
-Max-
Oh, I forgot about them
Yeah I should do that
-Charles-
keep me updated okay?
max???
hello????
MAX IT’S BEEN THREE MINUTES I AM WORRYING
-Max-
Slight problem, all the cameras are offline
No footage from any of them
-Charles-
SLIGHT?
max you’re scaring me
go into my bedroom, lock the door
they probably don’t know it’s my house
hopefully it’s some random intruder
-Max-
You’re so comforting, at least if I get murdered it’s by a stranger!
I’m in the bedroom, it’s probably nothing
The gardener is meant to come today after all
Leo is pretty calm
[Max sent an attachment]
-Charles-
he’s cute, and i love him but now is NOT the time
i’m coming home now, i’ll be home in like 15
-Max-
Make sure you pay for the groceries!!
Did you get milk? We’re out
-Charles-
oh my god who cares about the milk
max someone is BREAKING INTO OUR HOUSE
-Max-
It could be someone we know
They need a code to get in right?
No murderer has the code
-Charles-
you seriously think a 4 digit pin is stopping them?
if anything changes tell me
seriously i am freaking out
-Max-
Aren’t you meant to be comforting me?
-Charles-
max you can’t say someone is breaking in and expect me to be calm
we haven’t even gotten married yet oh my god
what am i going to tell people?
i should die there with you
i’m so sorry
-Max-
No ones dying!
How the hell am I the calm one?
Leo and I are safe, my cats are at my place. Everything is fine
I’ll be okay Charles, I’m hidden
-Charles-
i’m getting in the car now
i’ll be home soon
keep me updated i’ll see it come up in my car
if i don’t hear from you i will call the police
-Max-
Okay bad news, I think they’re upstairs
I can hear them through the wall
They’re in the room you have your racing sim rig in
I think they might steal your setup
Do I go confront them
I think I should confront them
-Charles-
Max race sin womb no.
Race sim womb.
Race sim room.
Exclamation point.
Oh my god not the word exclamation point the ** exclamation point! Oh so you do it then, ** I hate this car.
-Max-
What?
Are you having a stroke?
Since when do you use punctuation and capital letters.
And censor yourself??
-Charles-
I’m using my car’s speech to text so you don’t do something stupid while I’m driving.
I’ve never used it before as you can probably tell.
Do not go in that room. Exclamation point and capital letters!
-Max-
At this point just pull over
I’m fine, it’s quiet, nothings happening
I promise I’m fine
-Charles-
No, I’m almost home!
On my way!
Sorry I pressed a button and it sent that automatically.
-Max-
Okay they haven’t left the racing sim room
I don’t think they broke in rob us
I’m pressing my ear to the wall and I swear I can hear them using your simulator
-Charles-
Somehow thats worse than them just taking it.
Do you think a fan found my address or something?
-Max-
Not to scare you but, maybe?
It sounded like they were walking around the whole place checking for something
I thought they might be looking for stuff to take but idk
Maybe they were looking for you?
-Charles-
Duck.
**
Why won’t it let me swear!
Okay you do an ‘!’ then. Stupid ** car.
I give up, I’ll be home soon okay.
-Max-
I laughed out loud at your texts
I don’t think they heard though, don’t worry
I can hear the sound of the game through the wall still
Leo isn’t barking yet
I’m rubbing behind his ear to keep him happy so he doesn’t make noise
-Charles-
okay i’m out of the car now
heading up the elevator now
there is no one in our guest parking spot
i’ll be home soon
-Max-
Thank god
Your texts having capital letters and punctuation felt so weird
-Charles-
oh my god take this seriously max
do i need to attack this person?
be honest, i can grab a knife as i head inside
-Max-
Charles do not grab a knife oh my god
Everything is fine, I am fine
You are being too dramatic
As always, but thats besides the point
-Charles-
oh my god stop downplaying this max
SOMEONE IS IN MY APARTMENT
I AM FREAKING OUT
YOU SHOULD TOO
what do you want me to do instead?
invite them for dinner?
give them a gift basket on the way out?
THEY TURNED OFF OUR SECURITY CAMERAS MAX
-Max-
I’ll call the police then, just don’t come upstairs
-Charles-
what if we die before they show up?
-Max-
For the hundredth time, no ones dying
If you want me too I’ll call the police
Seriously
-Charles-
it’s the second time actually
and i’m not sure if the police will get here in time
-Max-
No one is dying!
Nothing bad is going to happen!
You drive me insane sometimes babe
If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t even have locked myself in the bedroom
-Charles-
THEY’RE COMING DOWNSTAIRS
-Max-
Oh shit!
Hide!
Fuck now I understand what you mean, I’m terrified for you
Hide babe
Babe?
Charles?
Leclerc??
Charles Marc Hervé Perceval Leclerc???
CHARLES????
-Charles-
don’t call the police if you are
seriously don’t
we’re both stupid
-Max-
Huh?
Are you okay???
Tell me you’re okay!!!
-Charles-
max calm down
-Max-
Is this the murderer talking?
Why are you suddenly so calm
Is everything okay! Seriously!
-Charles-
max.
it’s just arthur
my brother
not a murderer
he wanted to surprise me
he’s back from his trip early, he said he thought it would be fun to scare me a little
he thought no one was home so he was waiting for me to come back
you must’ve been insanely quiet cause he thought he would kill time by using the sim rig
he’s laughing so hard
-Max-
Oh
Why didn’t he knock?
Oh wait he was trying to surprise you
Fuck, sorry for scaring you
Babe I can hear you both laughing from upstairs, fuck off
Why were the cameras down then?
-Charles-
apparently the companies servers went down
babe you scared the shit out of me
-Max-
YOUR BOTHER SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME
I was trying to act all calm over text but I was freaking out
Not kidding I went into your bathroom looking for something I could use to knock someone out just incase I needed to attack this person
-Charles-
what the hell did you even find?
-Max-
Don’t laugh
-Charles-
no promises
-Max-
A candle
I can hear you laughing from downstairs
Fuck you both I thought I was going to die
-Charles-
come downstairs, arthur wants to make fun of you in person
so do i actually
-Max-
I hate you both
Arthur needs to learn to knock on doors
And not act like an intruder
Fuck all of you, stop laughing I can hear it from here
I’m coming though