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By the time Gintoki turned thirty-two, his life had become a series of "Yes, Toshi", "What did you do this time, Tetsu", and of course, the infamous “YOROZUYAAAAA-" whenever Toshirou was mad at him for mixing up the whites and the colored clothes. Or for any other time he messed up, to be honest.
The Yorozuya had been renovated, not that you could tell under the layers of discarded jump-suits, toy swords, and piles of Jump comics. The apartment which previously had just one bedroom, a kitchen, a living room, and a bathroom, had now been extended to house four people in it. Kagura had moved out when Gintoki and Toshirou had gotten married, stating that she didn’t want to be privy to their quote unquote “nightly escapades”.
The black-haired man had combusted on the spot after hearing that, while the lazy bum had simply patted himself on the back for ensuring that the neighbours heard them every night.
That alone had tempted the cop to invest in soundproofed walls before Gintoki talked him out of it.
Instead, Toshirou used his salary to build another room with a small bathroom attached. It had light blue walls with white clouds painted on them, a small bed fit for a toddler, a desk, a closet, and of course, a shelf filled with Jump and action figures.
Gintoki was so glad he didn’t have to worry much about finances after he married Toshirou. He had, once again, patted himself on the back. Mentally.
“I finally put that tax-payers’ money to good use, wouldn’t you agree, Toshi?” Gintoki smugly crossed his arms, like it was his hard-earned money.
“You don’t even pay taxes!”
Semantics, semantics.
Anyways, it was a blessing and a curse that Tetsuo took mostly after Gintoki in terms of personality, having taken a liking for wooden swords, comics, and a phlegmatic demeanor. He also had a strong protective instinct, which both parents had concluded came from each other.
His looks, not so much.
The toddler had Toshirou’s straight black hair (which Gintoki never failed to lament about), sharp features, and beautiful reddish brown eyes that seemed to observe everything around in great detail. Seems like we've got yet another dark-haired brooding protagonist in our hands.
Shinpachi was right when he said that Gintoki was a bad influence on Kagura, because Tetsuo had a terrible habit of sleeping in, being a trouble magnet, and had a sarcastic manner of speaking. Toshirou’s patience was tested daily in this house, having to deal with not just one, but two children who believed waking up at a reasonable hour was for losers. Did you also include me in the children's category, Toshirou?! I'll have you know that I'm the man of this house! The original protagonist! I can make you go back to your Shitstaingumi that you call family! I'll take custody of Tetsuo AND take over our joint account! And then-
He was usually smacked over the head by Kagura or Toshirou whenever his imaginary divorce and custody planning began. It's not like he would actually do it! And Gintoki didn't think he'd be able to go back to his earlier ways of living without the demonic Vice Commander.
Toshirou had moved into the Yorozuya household soon after their marriage and his terrifyingly efficient domestic management skills were nothing to be laughed at. He had even drawn up a Kyakucho Hatto on his third day there.
Gintoki still shudders whenever he recalls that one afternoon when Tetsuo was about 2 years old. Toshirou had sat them both down and drilled the Yorozuya Hatto into them. Not that it had much effect in the long run, seeing as both father and son were yet to wake up.
It was currently 8:34 AM. And Tetsuo had a field trip at 9:00.
“Gintoki, if you’re not up in the next five seconds, I’ll burn your Jump collection and feed your Ketsuno Ana figurine to Sadaharu!”
“Leave Ketsuno Ana out of this!” Gintoki yelled from their bedroom.
“That’s what you’re worried about?! Your son still hasn’t woken up and he needs to be at school by nine!” Toshirou hated that Tetsuo hadn’t inherited his morning person tendencies. Every morning was exactly like this.
“Before noon, he’s your son, Toshirou!” Holy L*on Ki*g reference, Batm*n!
After a thorough screaming match about seizing days and being early birds that catch worms, Gintoki was at the kitchen table with a bump on his head, watching his husband wearing a pink apron over his Shinsengumi uniform as he meticulously drizzled mayonnaise onto a lunchbox filled with onigiris.
"Toshirou, honey, love of my life, the S*suke to my N*ruto," Gintoki started, his voice dripping with the kind of affection that usually made Shinpachi want to throw up. "Do you think our dearest boy really needs three different types of mayo for a field trip? He’s only four."
Hijikata spun around, a kitchen knife in one hand and a bottle of mayonnaise in the other. His eyes were narrowed, intense, and unmistakably breathtaking. Literally daring Gintoki to try and object one more time.
"Tetsu is a growing boy, Gintoki. He needs healthy fats! Do you want him to grow up skinny like you were before I fixed your diet?"
"Fixed? You replaced my blood with your fucking mayo! I'd rather inject worcestershire sauce in my veins than let that disgusting yellow bottle near me!” The silver-haired man had been subjected to Toshirou making breakfast daily, and it was expectedly filled with mayonnaise-topped food items. “And like hell I'm letting you convert our boy into a Mayora. The world already has one, we don't need another!"
Surprisingly, Tetsuo had gained neither Gintoki's nor Hijikata’s eating habits. The kid ate food without any additional condiments, and also did not have a huge sweet tooth. Many of their friends and family members had breathed a sigh of relief upon hearing this.
Toshirou sighed. “I'm not getting into this argument again. Tetsu’s getting late for his trip. Go and get him ready while I finish making his lunch.”
"...”
"Gintoki."
“Ugh, fine! I'm going, I'm going. Jesus." Gintoki grumbled as he walked towards Tetsuo's room. One of these days, he was gonna stop being Toshirou’s yes-man.
But first, he had a toddler to get ready.
Tetsuo was apparently long since awake, his blanket rumpled into a pile in a corner, toys strewn around him, and was currently trying to see if he could use a spoon to channel enough energy to lift Sadaharu. What in the M*b Psyc*o…?
"Tetsu," Gintoki called out. "Don't hurt the dog. Your Kagura nee-san will kill us both, and I'm too young and handsome to die. This anime banks on its attractive characters to keep it running, you know?"
The kid glanced at him. “Aren't you very old, Tou-san? You have white hair just like Otose baa-san.”
“It's silver, not white!” Gintoki huffed. "No respect for your father at all, huh.” Sometimes, he wished Tetsuo wasn't so much like him. The toddler had a sharp tongue. "You know, back in the day, Gin-san had all the ladies fawning over him. A harem, to be precise. And I'm still popular even after all these years!" Gintoki often gloated over the fact that he kept winning the first place in the popularity polls even after the anime had long since ended. Take that, Toshirou!
“If you say so, Tou-san." Tetsuo only shrugged and went back to playing with Sadaharu.
Gintoki watched as the clock struck 8:45. Shit. Toshirou would definitely kill him and take over the Yorozuya. And then it’ll be like the Soul Switch arc all over again. The Yorozuya office being run like a military base. B to the O, R, I, N, G!
“No time to waste, Tetsu-chan! You've got a field trip in fifteen minutes and I still haven't gotten you ready. Chop chop, move them little feet.”
________
One getting-ready-montage later, Gintoki brought Tetsuo to the genkan to put on his shoes. Toshirou handed the boy’s lunch and backpack to Gintoki and was about to leave for his morning patrol.
Tetsuo looked up, his expression shifting from a deadpan stare to a look of profound adoration as his other father walked into the genkan. "Papa!" the boy yelled, ignoring Gintoki entirely to bolt toward Toshirou.
Gintoki dramatically clutched his heart. "Oi, I’m right here! I work my ass off to make you presentable, and this is the thanks I get? Don’t forget who lets you eat chocolate for breakfast!"
"Papa is better," Tetsuo said flatly, hugging Toshirou. The black haired man grinned over the little one’s head. Gintoki had never felt this betrayed in his life. "Papa lets me have all the toys I want. Also, he smells better than you. Your feet stink.”
"He’s definitely your son," Hijikata smirked, patting Tetsuo’s black strands with a look of pride that could melt the polar ice caps. Gintoki wished he could capture that moment in a photograph. Two of his most beloved people, smiling without a care in the world.
“Anyways, have fun, Tetsu. Listen to your teachers and-” Toshirou pointedly glared in Gintoki’s direction. “-don't fight with the other kids.”
Gintoki sneered. “Shouta-kun should learn to mind his own business. Give him hell, Tetsu. Put your training to good use.”
“Absolutely do not let your Tou-san come within twenty feet of Shouta-kun. I can’t keep covering his beef with that kid forever." Toshirou grumbled, whacking the silver-haired man on his head.
“That boy thought I was Tetsu’s grandfather the first time I picked him up from school! How many times must I say that my hair is silver, not white?!”
Toshirou expertly ignored him. “Don’t let him interact with your teachers either.”
Tetsuo tilted his head in confusion. “Why not?”
“They charge us too much just to teach ABCs, Toshirou! Might as well learn what the On* P*ece is with the amount of fees they steal from us!” Gintoki screamed in disbelief.
The Vice Commander glanced at his phone’s clock.
They were really gonna be late for Tetsuo’s field trip.
Maybe they could make it on time if Gintoki broke a few traffic laws…? Wait, no, I’m a cop! Get a grip, Toshirou!
Ugh. Must be Gintoki rubbing off on him.
"Alright then. Let's go, Tetsu.” Gintoki opened the door and stepped out. Tetsuo gave Toshirou a kiss on the cheek and one last hug. "Bye, Papa!”
Toshirou smiled softly. “Bye, Tetsu."
“Aren't you forgetting something, Oogushi-kun?” Gintoki pointedly gestured to his own cheek and wiggled his eyebrows.
Toshirou sighed and pulled Gintoki into a proper kiss, while covering Tetsuo’s eyes with a hand. "See you later, idiot.”
"That's not what you called me last-”
"Just go already! Tetsu’s gonna be late!” Toshirou yelled, blushing. The readers didn't need a recap of the previous night. Maybe in another fanfic. “And for God's sake, don't talk about these things in front of our kid!”
Gintoki just laughed boisterously and held out a hand for Tetsuo to grab onto. "Let's run before your Papa actually puts me in a grave."
Tetsuo giggled, “It's your fault if he does, Tou-san!” He held Gintoki’s hand nonetheless.
However, the domestic bliss was suddenly interrupted by a familiar pang. Gintoki felt it; a low thrumming in his core. Then he saw Toshirou’s hand go still on the entrance door. He leaned heavily against the doorway, his free hand clutching his lower abdomen.
The Altana Gate wasn't done with them. The cycle was repeating.
"Again?" Toshirou whispered, his eyes wide with confusion. "Gintoki... the spark. It's back."
“We didn't even go near an Altana Gate after the last time! How’s this possible?”
"No idea,” Toshirou almost doubled over in pain. “Drop Tetsu at his school for now. We’ll discuss this later."
The silver-haired man shook his head. “Are you sure? What if it’s something much more serious?”
“Papa, Tou-san! Are you okay?" Tetsuo looked scared. "Are you sick? I can help!”
"Well," Gintoki murmured, his voice thick with emotion. "We're okay, Tetsu. I think.”
“What’s happening? Do you have a stomachache?” Tetsuo was five seconds away from calling Shinpachi.
“No. More like you're getting company. I think.” Gintoki ruffled the boy’s hair. “And I’m getting another person to tell me I’m a loser in my own house."