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Being shy is a complete and utter bitch, Jensen thinks. His shyness doesn't mean that he is all soft and cute and cuddly though. It just means that his appearance doesn't fit his inner self very well. People are often shocked at what he says, when he does start to talk eventually. Most times this has something to do with copious amounts of alcohol and or prolonged times of sleep deprivation.
Lately his shyness has become an extra supreme bitch, because he really wants to talk to somebody. Not just anybody, but to Jared. He and Jared go to the same university, so he keeps bumping into him everywhere. The number of times he meets Jared just seem to increase with the rising level of pathetic love he is feeling for the guy. Not that they have actually talked or anything; they haven't even officially met yet. When Jensen is completely honest with himself... he is just kind of stalking the guy and admiring him from afar.
He loves the way Jared looks: he is really tall and wide. And he has the kindest, brightest face. He talks not only with his hands, but with his whole body. Not to Jensen obviously, but he watches him talk to others. He wishes he could do that; say what he wants, when he wants... mostly to Jared obviously.
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Being a blabbermouth is really really really annoying, Jared thinks. His ability to speak freely doesn't come with the guarantee that the things he says are appropriate for the situation. People are often shocked and pushed away by the many words that come out of his mouth when he gets started. No alcohol is required, just a (not so) willing ear and off he goes.
He would just like to meet some guy he really likes and be able to tell him so, without scaring him off with his profuse verbalization skills. To be able to talk and not shock him with his tendency to tell every last detailed bit of everything that ever happened or mattered to him. Maybe even a guy that shares his tendency to overshare.
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This is the day, Jensen thinks. This is the day he will go up and talk to Jared, and words will actually form and come out of his mouth. He will just walk up to the picnic table Jared is currently seated at and open his mouth and talk. Just like that.
Well actually not just like that. He looks at the little blue bottle in his right hand. He blames the Internet for this: this potion that's supposed to make him able to declare his love.
“Hi Jared. Oh, I said it, I just said hi to you. This is great!”
“Hi back at ya. Jensen right? You look really cute. I've seen you before but I never had the nerve to come up and talk to you.”
“My name's Jensen. I saw you loads of times and I just didn't have the words I needed to speak to you. But now I do thanks to this great website. I learned how to cook up something, to be able to tell you what I wanted to tell you for some time now. I might have slightly overdone it, because I've never ever talked so much in my whole live. My mom would freak if she could hear how much I'm talking right now. She always calls me little Jay – not that I'm actually little down there, if you know what I mean – and she phones me every day to check on me. I think it's because I'm really shy and she feels overprotective of me, but it's really embarrassing when she calls you that in front of your friends, you know? And why am I telling you all this?”
“I think it's just great that you are talking to me and using so many words. I have the tendency to do so as well and it's just great that we are both this enthusiastic about talking and using lots of words in the process. My brother Josh actually also calls me little Jay, but that's not because I'm shy or anything. It is because this one time when I was little, I was on the toilet and I heard my dad come home. I rushed out to tell him about this new toy car I had gotten that day, and in my enthusiasm I forgot to pull up my pants. So I walked out into the street with my pants around my ankles. Then my kid sister Megan called after me and shouted... I should probably stop talking now.”
“No, I think you are great and I love to hear you talk,” Jensen says.
“You have a very nice voice,” Jared says.
Jensen blushes at the compliment. He thinks it would be nice if he could compliment Jared on something as well. Maybe his beautiful brown eyes that look so kind, or his big strong hands that he uses so much to gesticulate when he talks, or his really nice tight ass that is hidden from his view now and isn't that a pity.
“I could stand up and turn around for you?” Jared asks.
Did I just say that out loud? Jensen thinks.
“Yes, you did. But I don't mind because I tend to do that myself too. I think and talk at the same time and they intertwine and stuff comes out that I thought I thought, but wasn't planning to say out loud at all. I think it's nice you think about my ass. I think about yours all the time. I'd like to touch it and squeeze it softly and make you moan. I bet you moan very sexily with that nice dark voice of yours. See, I did it again... oversharing. Feel free to walk away any time now.”
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They talk and talk and talk all afternoon.
Jensen notices that Jared's voice seems to become sexier during the course of their time together. It becomes deeper and more hoarse, until...
“...”
“What, Jared?”
“...!” Jared signs with his hands to his throat. His eyes are wide and he frantically shakes his head from side to side: no voice.
So Jensen does all the talking for a while, until...
“Ehm...”
Jared raises his eyebrows questioningly. What?
“I... Eh... So.” Jensen feels his thoughts come to a staggering halt and his tongue tie in his mouth: the potion has clearly worn off. Now what?
They stare into each other's eyes for a long time. Just sitting there.
Jensen sees Jared studying his face. Does he have something on his chin? Jared reaches over and softly strokes his lips, his jaw, his freckles... smiling at him. Jensen would really like to taste those fingers, to touch those strong arms. He wants to be held tight and lifted up and... Maybe it's a good thing the rest of these thoughts will be kept inside.
Jared notices how Jensen thoughtlessly rubs his earlobe while he seems to covertly follows the veins on Jared's arms with his eyes. It's really cute. He would like to kiss that ear, gently run his tongue across it. Slide down to that beautiful freckled neck, put kisses along the way down to... Saying this out loud during their first actual talk would definitely send Jensen running. Losing your voice sometimes can be a blessing in disguise.
It's actually really nice to be quiet, they both think. And it's a good thought to have; comforting even. All insecurities disappear for a moment. So Jared leans over the picnic table and kisses Jensen, and Jensen kisses him back. Finally.
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After a few days of texting and messaging, Jared comes over to Jensen's apartment. Jensen's confidence has grown during these days, but when Jared actually walks into his apartment, the shyness takes over in full force.
“Hi Jay,” Jared says as he kisses Jensen.
Jensen breaks lose from the kiss, runs into the kitchen, leaving Jared flabbergasted in the hallway. He opens the fridge and takes a sip from his secret stash of potion. Then he walks back to Jared and he leans seductively in the door frame, looking at Jared.
“Hi Jay. You wanna know what I've been thinking about since we last met?” Jensen says with a sultry look. “What if Jared doesn't like the way I kiss, and is just humoring me with his texts, because he doesn't want to be the bad guy and dump me for that reason. Aren't my legs too hairy or my belly too soft? And I also thought about redecorating my bedroom, because the walls are an awful kind of putrid mustard yellow color and maybe if you did still like me, we could go there and have steamy hot sex and you would get distracted by the color. Also I have no idea if we will be able to agree on who will bottom, because while I like it sometimes, I mostly-”
Jared walks up to Jensen and kisses him again. Firmly this time: long, deep and oh so good. He couldn't even squeeze in a word if he wanted to. Finally they let go of each other.
“Hey Jensen? I really, really, really, like the way you kiss. I want to kiss you all over and all the time. I will most certainly not dump you for that or for any other reason really. Besides, as you are thinking about me dumping you, does that mean that you like like me? I love the way you look and you don't need to be insecure. You are easily the hottest guy I have ever laid my eyes on and I really want to lay my hands on you too. I like mustard and no matter what color the walls of your bedroom are, they could never ever distract me from fucking you, in what position we may agree upon.”
Jensen takes Jared's hand and all but drags him to his bed. He pushes him down and starts pulling at his belt.
“Oh Jay, I really want to see your dick. I bet is just as big as the rest of you,” Jensen whispers.
“Yeah, most guys are quite impressed by it, not that I'm bragging,” Jared mumbles.
“I want you to rip my clothes of and grab my waist. Then I want you to lift me up and impale me on your giant dick. I guess it's because I'm from Texas and I grew up riding horses. I like the feel of all those muscles beneath me,” Jensen gasps.
“That can be arranged. I really like being ridden. I'm kind of lazy and that way I can mostly just lay there while you do most of the work,” Jared pants while he lubes up Jensen, and quickly puts a condom on himself.
“Oh yeah that feels good, now squeeze my ass with those big, big hands of yours and push me down real good.”
“Oh fuck yes, that's excellent. Much better than last time I tried this with that guy I met at The Downfall.”
“The view from up here is a million times better than during any other sex I ever had. Those pecs and abs and the little hairs on your chest. I want to run my hands trough them all day and all night. After you come I want you to go down on me and I will take that long hair of yours in my hands and push you on my dick really hard.”
“Oh, aaaaaaah, yes. I'm coming. YES! YES! FUCK! Fuck, that felt good. Now get off of me, I can't feel my legs anymore.”
“Oh, yes manhandle me just like that. I get really turned on when you put all those muscles to good use. And aaaaaah, your mouth feels so damn good om my dick. Suck me down all the way. Just like that. Now I'm gonna just fuck your face. You like that? Eh? Yeah, you like that.”
“Mmmmm.”
“Oh, so good Jay. Yes, I'm... I'm coming. Grmpfffff.”
Jared let's go of Jensen and starts massaging his jaw. “I like giving head but my jaw tends to fucking hurt afterwards. So good I can share this with you. Now I wanna sleep.”
“Me too. I get fucking tired by fucking. But if you wake up during the night you'd better fuck me again, because I'm not nearly done with you and that beautiful dick of yours. Plus I kinda love you.”
“Love you too. Now shut up, I'm trying to sleep here.”