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English
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Part 3 of Autumn & Silver’s absolute mess of a relationship.
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2026-07-01
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10,697
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The Night Before.

Summary:

----
Autumn sits down on the couch, spinning the board to have the black pieces face him, then places his glass beside the board. He looks back at Silver, “How about we make it more interestin’ too?”

Silver raises a brow, doing the same as Autumn and placing his glass beside the board before pulling his chair up to sit behind his set of pieces.

Autumn gestures to their glasses, “When someone loses a piece, you drink.”

Silver glowers at him. “How large a drink?”

Good point.

“An amount relative to the piece value. Lose a Queen, drink half the glass. Pawn, just a sip. Sound fair?”

Silver lifts his king piece up, admires the craftsmanship of its carving from stone.

He then looks back at Autumn. “And for checkmate?”

Autumn grimaces. “A whole glass. To the rim.”

Silver places his king piece back down. Then lifts his glass.

“I can agree to those terms.”

Autumn grins, then lifts his own glass to clink against Silver’s.

----

Aka, the worst night of Autumn's life.

Notes:

Head the warnings and tags. The ending of this work is a very horrific read, both outright and subtle.

There is depicted rape and assault in the last quarter, and not intended to be from a kink angle.

This is the night where Autumns self disgust and shame about his body is fully solidified.

Have fun. /s

(Also if you aren’t from my tumblr, check me out over there! I do a bunch of art for both these two and other characters)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Autumn waits in front of the ornately designed door, drawstring bag in hands. He fiddled with the bottle inside through the bag’s fabric. 

He is just going to drink a little. Silver is the one who’s going to drink himself silly. Just one glass for himself while making sure Silver’s never empties. That’s it. No more than that. No more drinking half the bottle in one sitting. Not here anyway. 

Shades, Rust would be so disappointed in him. 

Autumn focuses his gaze on his boots. He never could have afforded them before. 

Autumn jolts as the door opens. Silver is leaning on the door frame, not in his full get up for public view, but still dressed nicely. The typical white collared shirt and then the black dress pants. However, there’s a slight disheveling to the outfit. Like it was put on in a hurry. The shirt also was more snug in Silver midsection, no corset on it seems. Autumn snorts and pushes past Silver.

“What? Couldn’t find some thin’ clean to wear? Or you too embarrassed to have me walk in on you naked again?” He calls to Silver over his shoulder, holding the bottle by the head despite the bag and swinging it along with his gait. 

The door clicks shut behind him, and there’s a wing curled around his. 

“That one was intentional and you know it.” Silver retorts, a smile spread across his lips. A hand rests on Autumn's left shoulder, rubbing a thumb against it. 

That. Oh. Silver must be in a mood today. Perfect, that means more bargaining power. 

Autumn leans into the odd line of bantering.

“It was?” He gasps in clear exaggeration, “I just thought y’weren’t expecting…” A glance down to Silver's legs before staring him dead in the eyes, “company.” Autumn smiles, lips pressed shut tight.

Silver’s eyes narrow and his smile widens. He steps away from Autumn and motions to the table and chairs further in his living space. 

It’s decorated thoroughly. There isn’t much blank space on the walls or a lack of furniture. A three panel window, that nearly covers ceiling to floor, is off to the left side where the table is. Billowing white sheer curtains drape over them, with only one pulled aside to let the middle shine moonlight into the room. Conveniently aligned with the table. 

Silver, you are hopeless. How many books from the outside world do you read? Autumn glances at the bookshelves in the corner that start at the left wall and end around two wingspans into the back wall. A comfy looking chair sits in front of the third panel of the window and next to the bookshelves. There's then the door to Silver's bedroom, and then a wide kitchen space on the right wall and corner, an island serving as a barrier point for where it ended and where the main living space began. In the corner close to the door but still on the left side of the room is a L shaped arrangement of couches. One starts where the window ends, then a second juts out from the wall, the back of the couch facing the right wall and the front facing the windows. A coffee table with a set up chessboard takes up the space between the couches and the window. 

Silver notices Autumn's gaze towards the illuminated table and moves to sit down. Resting his head in his hand, propping it up with his elbow on the table, he motions with the closest wing for Autumn to follow suit. 

But Autumn doesn't, instead he walks over to the kitchen first and grabs two glasses from an upper cupboard with one hand. Then, he joins Silver at the table. Silver watches him with a curious gaze all the while.  

Autumn sets the glasses in the middle of the table, then pulls the wine bottle out his bag as he sits down. 

“I brought a little summin’ to have fun with.” Autumn sets the bottle on the table and grins, sliding his fingers down the bottle. A glance to Silver's face makes his further convincing die in his throat. There's unmeasurable utter disdain in Silver’s expression as the man glares at the wine bottle. Autumn made a mistake didn’t he. 

“I–” Autumn stumbles over his words. “I uh. I just thought– maybe.” 

But Silver’s demeanor shifts drastically. 

“Oh!” Silver grabs and holds up the bottle, turning it around as if to admire it. “Wine, how romantic.” Silver tilts his head towards Autumn with a smug smirk, eyelids relaxed over half his eyes. Silver is mocking him isn’t he. 

“Okay.” Autumn replies sharply and staring at a very very interesting woodgrain on the table. “i get it, it was stupid for me to bring it. You don't want it.” He pulls his wing close and around into his lap.

Silver gasps in fake offence. He clutches the bottle close to his chest but angles it along with that side of his body away from Autumn “No! You brought a bonding activity! How could I turn such a gift down?” 

Something’s up. Autumn narrows his eyes then leans back in the chair, draping his right elbow over the back of it. “Why the look when I put it down?”

“What look?” Silver replies, getting up and walking to the kitchen area. A wing flicks in irritation. 

“The look as if I smushed feces onto the table.” 

Silver freezes. 

“Was reminded of something unpleasant. That's all.” The sharp, barbed tone suggests Autumn touched a nerve. Oh, something’s got a history doesn’t it. Now it's Autumn’s turn to lean his chin on the backs of his hands, grinning wildly at the potential line of questioning. The ban on alcohol makes a little more sense now. 

“Must’ve been mighty unpleasant.” 

Silver spins around and stares him down, pointing the bottle threateningly at him. “Shut it.” 

The stare down lasts only a couple seconds before Autumn holds his hands up as if in defeat and nods his head downward. He’s not an idiot. He knows when to relent and back off on his jabbing at Silver. Silver is practically crushing that bottle opener in his other hand. Shades. Must have some pretty heavy baggage surrounding alcohol. How unexpected. 

Silver pops the cork on his saunter back over. His wings, held with their wrist closed, rest at the man’s hips. Then he pours the wine with what appears to be mild contempt for the act, if the bitterness to the smile and the furrow to his brow were any tell. The bottle is set with a quiet thud on the table. Autumn picks up his glass and takes a tentative sip. Hoping to encourage Silver to take his own. 

Silver doesn’t. Silver rests his hands around the glass but makes no motion to lift it to his lips. He simply watches Autumn softly. Autumn shifts uncomfortably in his seat, rubbing his thumb on the texturing design of the glass. Damnit Silver. He sighs and gets up in one big swoop, taking his glass with him by the rim via the tips of his fingers spaced out around it. 

“How ‘bout a round of chess?” Autumn suggests, motioning to the coffee table with the set up board behind him. Silver finally lifts his glass and holds it to his lips for a sip. Then he too gets up and he follows Autumn over. 

“Sounds delightful!” The man grins. He’s dragging a chair over along with him. 

Autumn sits down on the couch, spinning the board to have the black pieces face him, then places his glass beside the board. He looks back at Silver, “How about we make it more interestin’ too?”

Silver raises a brow, doing the same as Autumn and placing his glass beside the board before pulling his chair up to sit behind his set of pieces. 

Autumn gestures to their glasses, “When someone loses a piece, you drink.” 

Silver glowers at him. “How large a drink?” 

Good point. 

“An amount relative to the piece value. Lose a Queen, drink half the glass. Pawn, just a sip. Sound fair?”

Silver lifts his king piece up, admires the craftsmanship of its carving from stone.

He then looks back at Autumn. “And for checkmate?” 

Autumn grimaces. “A whole glass. To the rim.”

Silver places his king piece back down. Then lifts his glass. 

“I can agree to those terms.” 

Autumn grins, then lifts his own glass to clink against Silver’s. 



Half a game later and Autumn is losing badly. Somehow he made a careless mistake, overlooked a knight and left his queen open to be captured in a reckless move to capture as many pieces as he could. Then it was a slippery slope downward from there. 

Four of his pawns lay beside the table, along with both his knights, one rook, and his black square bishop. He’s already had to refill his glass. Silver meanwhile, has lost six pawns, but still holds both his knights, his rooks and his queen. Autumn had opted for a castling defense, meanwhile Silver only moved his king one square to the right just because it’d been put in check.

Silver’s glass was seemingly barely touched before they’d topped the glasses off when Autumn’s had emptied. Which is currently sitting three-quarters full. 

The alcohol wasn’t helping his losing battle. Autumn regretted the terms of the game. If someone was already losing, that meant they had to have taken in more alcohol, which impaired their judgement and made them make less thought out moves, which lost them more pieces, which made them have to drink more, and etc. etc. 

And he. Was losing. Badly. Silver had him cornered where he’d castled his king, opting to move his H2 pawn forward a square for a classic escape route. But Silver managed to take that pawn, trading his white square bishop for tearing down Autumn's defenses.  

Silver was using his rooks and his queen to slowly capture and trap him further into the corner. Autumn captures one of Silver's knights with one of his remaining pawns, in a trade that Silver follows up with a capture of the pawn with his second knight.

The two take their respective drinks for the trade. Autumn begrudgingly admits that maybe he did want to get drunk tonight. Just. Autumn glares at the vulture. Not while Silver wasn’t. 

Autumn moves his pawn on E4 forward. Which is subsequently taken by the rook that sat on A5. During the capture, Silver gives him a confident glance before motioning to Autumn's glass. But Autumn planned for this. Autumn takes a sip, then takes said rook with his own that lay dormant on E1 ever since the castling and having to move it a square to the left. Silver huffs then takes the quarter glass drink they’d agreed on for a Rook capture. 

Autumn doesn’t notice the glass isn’t as empty as it should for a quarter more being drunk. 

“You really need to think further down the line.” Silver laughs, before taking Autumn's remaining rook with his Queen. A Queen Autumn hadn’t accounted for. 

He knew he’d been fighting a losing battle, but he thought maybe he could turn things around. Autumn clenches his fists and grinds his teeth. He takes the quarter glass drink. Then he moves his bishop on G5 out of an obvious follow up capture and onto D2. 

 

White Knight to E4.

Black Bishop to C1.

White Knight captures Black Pawn on E2. 

 

Autumn takes a sip then scowls. He can’t take the Knight with his King on E1 because of the Rook sitting comfortably on E7. It would put him into check, however he isn’t currently in check. 

He pushes his remaining pawn on H3 forward with a sigh. Not much else is able to be moved. Silver pushes his own pawn on C4 forward, grinning madly. That bastard knows he’s gonna win, why draw it out like this? Autumn won’t forfeit though. You’ll find him more sooner splattered dead on the ground before he’d forfeit a game with Silver. 

He pushes his own forward again, to H5. 

Silver pushes the other remaining pawn he has, a pawn on B3, forward before resting his chin on his hands. Watching Autumn grimace at the trap he’s been forced into. He has to take the pawn with his bishop, or else Silver will promote the pawn to another Queen. Autumn can’t let Silver have such a win to rub in his face without a fight. So he takes the Pawn with his Bishop, then his Bishop is taken by Silver’s remaining Pawn. 

Autumn stares down at the now a little under a half empty glass. He knocks it down to a quarter. Then watches the tail end of Silver taking his sip for the Pawn capture. 

Autumn takes the last move he can without the dying dance of his King slowly being cornered and nudges his pawn forward to H6. Silver captures it with his Queen. 

And he’s officially lost. By eventual check mate. They go through motions of getting to the board position simply out of formality. 

White Pawn promotes to Queen, Black King to G2, then White Rook to G7. Checkmate. 

Autumn leans back into the couch. This backfired. Horrendously. He pushes his glasses up and rubs his hands over his eyes, then over his face. The ceiling is solid white, vibrating erratic tiny, miniscule, little black dots cover it in its entirety. 

Silver clears his throat. Autumn looks down his nose, unmoving from his draping of himself against the back of the couch. Silver has the audacity to pick up Autumn's glass and fill it up again now that he has Autumn's attention. 

“Full glass. As agreed.” Silver orders firmly. The glass is held out to him. 

Autumn sighs, closing his eyes. Clinks of Silver's finger tapping on the glass grate on his ear. He's gonna drink it, just give him some damn time. Shades. The tapping grows more forceful. Autumn’s lip curls and he lurches himself forward to snatch the glass from Silver. He stares down at what is now going to be his third glass of wine.  

 

Sorry Rust. He tried, he really did this time. He’d made it nearly a year. 

 

Autumn knocks back the glass, taking big gulps so it’s gone as fast as possible. He holds a fist in front of his mouth, placing the glass down with his other hand, as a wave of nausea hits him.

He squeezes his eyes shut and breathes deeply. That was way too much in one go. The bittersweet taste clings to his tongue and the back of his throat. When he opens his eyes again, Silver is putting the cork back in the bottle. Damnit. He needs Silver to drink more. Autumn inhales deeply through his nose. That was a lot of alcohol he just consumed over the course of what, thirty minutes? He squeezes his eyes shut again, leaning his elbows on his knees, hands squeezing the back of his neck. Shades. He is so stupid. 

A hand rests on his shoulder. Autumn looks over. Silver had the wine bottle wedged under his arm and his mostly full glass alongside Autumn’s empty one pinched together in his hand. 

“Good game.” Silver says, voice soft and tender. Autumn… doesn’t know what to do with the emotions that blossom from the affection. This is not how he wanted tonight to go. The touch felt disgusting, all touch from Silver was, but he found himself still craving the connection it made. 

Autumn turns away and instead focuses on setting the pieces back into order. The hand lingers for a couple seconds more, then slips off as Silver walks over to the kitchen area. There’s the sound of water running from the sink faucet, the dump of a glass, then swishing of it being rinsed out. Autumn clenches his jaw at the sound. 

What is Silver's deal?! He just wasted a good amount of that bottle by dumping his glass out! 

“Hey! What’s your problem?” Autumn calls over, gesturing a little wildly towards the other man. 

“Pardon?” Comes Silver's reply as he twists the faucet off. 

“You just—“ Autumn huffs and swiftly gets to his feet to march on over, stumbling briefly. “You wasted the whole glass!“ 

Silver’s expression darkens. “We had our agreement for the amount we each drank.” He’s turned towards Autumn now, and Autumn can see he’s about to uncork the bottle. 

Silver was not about to do what he thought he was. Autumn yanks the bottle out of Silver's arms and grips it by the neck to hold beside him.  

“You coulda just gave me your glass! You didn’t have to waste it!” Autumn shouts. “You really despise a little fun that damned much?!” 

Silver takes an intimidating step forward and jabs him in the chest with a finger. “I. Do not. Have to explain myself to you.” 

Autumn glares at the snarling Silver now all up in his personal space. Silver’s wings are flared, raised up high and curling towards Autumn with their fully extended wingspan. 

“You really think you’re that much better than me?” Autumn asks in a hushed but also harsh voice. 

 

That. Never should have left his mouth. 

 

Silver steps away. His wings fold back up, tucked behind his back. Then he walks circles around Autumn. 

Silver snarls when a step takes him close to Autumn's ear. “Who lost the game that clearly intended to intoxicate the loser?” 

Damnit. Autumn bites his tongue. He knew. Of course Silver knew. How stupid he’d been. 

“Who’s the one that brought alcohol—“  Silver gives the bottle a nudge with his knee. “something I banned and could throw you straight into prison for might I add— into my home?” 

Silver shoves him by the backside of Autumn's right shoulder, causing Autumn to stumble and trip. “And you dare insult me now of all times?” The wine bottle rolls far off towards the window. 

Autumn is quiet as he’s pulling himself back together after the fall to the floor. Silver is right about how idiotic his plan had been. He stares at the bottle till it hits a chair leg, spins, and comes to a stop, then Autumn gets his legs under him and sits properly on the floor. 

“M’sorry.” He mumbles, eyes on the floor. “I… didn’t mean it.” 

Silver gets down on a knee to lean close to him, angling his face into Autumn's line of sight. “Really?”

A hair is brushed out of his face, the back of Silver’s fingers lingering briefly on Autumn's cheek. The previous anger eases back and there’s softness once more in Silver's voice. “Show me you didn’t mean it.” 

Oh. Silver had been in a mood when Autumn first entered hadn’t he. How quick Silver seemingly forgave him is shocking. Autumn leans back, blinking rapidly, stunned. Is Silver’s desire for pleasure really that strong of a bargaining chip? Autumn didn’t mind gaining a favor and soothing whatever anger may be left. 

“How do you… want it shown?” He replies, leaning in and placing his hands on Silver's knee, trailing one inwards towards Silver's torso along the man’s thigh. Silver says nothing, he only moves a hand to caress Autumn's hair.

“..You want my mouth?” Autumn asks in a low whisper. That gets Silver's attention.

A hand rests on Autumn’s cheek. Autumn leans into it. A thumb presses over his lips and Autumn opens his mouth. The thumb pushes its way in and Autumn lets it without a fight. He closes his mouth around it, pinning it between his jaws and his cheek with suction. Silver pulls his thumb halfway out then lets the suction yank it right back in, and goes on to do this repeatedly while Autumn closes his eyes and goes with the flow of the act. 

Then, Silver pulls his thumb out and away from Autumn’s mouth. There is a pop from the suction releasing. 

This man, who looked at him with such pride, knew exactly how to pull Autumn along to his wants. Silver stands, hand trailing up his chin and away from Autumn's face, then motions for Autumn to follow him. Autumn doesn’t want to acknowledge the eagerness in which he gets off the floor to follow the man. 

 

So he doesn’t. 

 

He’s led to Silver's bedroom door. Silver checks to make sure Autumn is behind him, then opens the door and strides in. The door is left open for him to follow. The pastel walls are familiar to him, and so is the round raised nest that dipped inwards in the center. An obscene amount of plush items and blankets rest inside it. Plush that had to be evicted from the bed when he’s used his hands to pleasure Silver in there before. 

Silver takes him by the hands and guides him over to the bed. Then once Autumn was sitting on the edge of it, Silver began to take his shirt off. Meanwhile, Autumn pulled at the man’s pants to turn him fully facing away from Autumn. 

Autumn dances his fingers down the feather line of Silver's back, where the wings’ densely plumed shoulders transition into the smooth skin of their torsos. The feather line peeks out from where the shirt left slots for Silver's wings to emerge from. The trailing touch garnered a flick at his face via the back of one of the wings and a laugh escaped Autumn. 

“Don’t worry. I remember that’s ticklish.” Autumn replies, trying to hide the remains of his laugher. Then, he unbuttons the bottom of the wing slots from the rest of the shirt. It allows Silver to then pull the shirt over his head and toss it aside. 

“You think you’re funny?” Silver finally replies, but there’s a light airy tone to his words. Autumn stands and rests his chin on Silver's shoulder.

“A little.” He murmurs. The skin was a vile man’s, but the touch fills a pit inside him he hadn’t quite acknowledged. 

Silver turns around, Autumn falling forward briefly before catching himself. A hand is on Autumn's cheek again, thumb rubbing the corner of his lips. 

“Kneel for me.” Silver asks, volume barely above a whisper as he angled Autumn's gaze toward his own. 

There was something about Silver's eyes he hadn’t noticed before. They had specks of black littered about their sharp gray irises. Like the reverse values of a starry night sky. 

Autumn obeys.  

It places his face level with Silver's stomach and slightly above his hips. Hands on Silver's thighs, he tugs at Silver's dress pants. Silver makes no hesitation to unbutton them and slip them off along with the underwear beneath them in response. Autumn gently pushes Silver backward. Silver obliges the non verbal suggestion and sits off the edge of the bed. 

“You really enjoy me like this?” Autumn asks quietly. He doesn’t understand it. Why a mouth on a penis would be enjoyable, he had no clue. The longing gazes Silver always watched him with during times like these also never made sense. 

Silver puts a hand on the side of Autumn's head and caresses his hair, “Oh Autumn, Yes.” He replies, desperation dripping off the end. 

Why, Autumn— he stroked the backs of his fingers down the side of Silver's stomach and then down the crease between his stomach and thigh to his crotch. Silver moans softly and his legs shudder— will never know. 

Autumn presses his lips to the inside of Silver's thigh, slowly lifting them with a kiss then moving closer to where he’s now gripping Silver’s genitalia with his left hand. Silver tenses, then relaxes with every pressing of a kiss and release of a squeeze of his penis. From base to tip, it fits in Autumn's hand barely peaking out of his fist. But, only if he pressed into the fatty padding of his crotch at the base of it. A rush of power over Silver courses through him and Autumn can’t help but grin. 

Silver’s vulnerable right now. Autumn gazes up to Silver's face and rests the side of his face on the man’s thigh, rubbing his thumb over the tip of the soft warm flesh in his hand. He’ll have to take his glasses off soon. But he can relish in the sight of Silver's desperation for Autumn a couple moments longer. 

“You—“ Silver gasps as Autumn kisses the exposed tip. “Ha..mmm” Silver grips Autumn by the hair and pulls him practically against his crotch. “E-enough with the toying around.” 

Autumn shoves himself away from Silver and glares. The two share a brief lighting sharp exchange.

“I’ll toy as long as I want.” Autumn hisses, and oh does Silver seem to both hate and love it. The man is squirming and there's more slight twitches from Silver’s penis. But Silver's expression? Furious. 

Silver leans forwards and grabs Autumn’s hair, “No. You won’t.” Comes the barbed retort. 

Autumn whispers. “But… I could bite it straight off.”

Silver's cheeks flush with dark gray. Oh Silver liked that threat? He’ll have to back that threat up if Silver decided to act sharp and prickly. Silver releases his hair and Autumn yanks himself back. 

Autumn reaches to his face and pulls his glasses off. He gets up and places them on a dresser, various stones and baubles litter the top. Then he slowly turns back and, with a meandering pace, returns to Silver. Silver reaches out to Autumn, and Autumn then kneels. 

A foot brushes against his side, and scoots till his head was fully between Silver's thighs. 

Autumn then takes his tongue and slowly licks from the bottom of the underside of the flesh, to the very tip, then flicks his tongue off it at the very end. More twitches. Autumn repeats the motion, repeatedly, until Silver finally lets out a strangled moan and grabs at Autumn's hair yet again.

Autumn tried to ignore the enjoyment he got from that sound. Or the flips of his heart at the desperate clinging to whatever of Autumn was closest. 

He shifts his body closer and pushes Silver’s thighs further apart so he could get a better angle. He slowly kisses the underside several more times. Enjoying how both the legs he was pushing apart twitched, and how the penis itself twitched. Eagerly, he takes it all into his mouth, pushing into the soft flesh. Then he slides his mouth and lips right back off, then all of it in again, then right back up making sure each time he reached the end his lips still had suction on it. 

He himself groans when a hand rests on the back of his head and strokes his hair. It was so soft. It seemed so loving. 

Then, Silver abruptly pushes him down and Autumn squirms from the sudden inability to breathe through his nose. Silver pulls and pushes Autumn to a much faster pace than Autumn had been going and Autumn takes the hint. He wraps his arms under Silver's thighs and grips them for support. Then he bobs up and down with some assistance for pacing from Silver's hand on his hair and the jerking of Silver's hips. And oh the moans leaving Silver. They— Autumn doesn’t know what they really make him feel. Proud? He presses his tongue up against the penis, trapping its range of movement between the roof of his mouth and his tongue. 

Every time Silver groaned— Autumn even caught a couple strangled whimpers during the bursts of extremely fast paced movements— there’s something inside him that heals a little. And he loves it. Every time they’ve done this, it’s grown more and more undeniable. He likes this. He enjoys this. The power he holds over Silver right now? It’s intoxicating. More than the alcohol in his system.

Silver shoves him down one final time and Autumn already knows to expect the liquid expelled into his mouth. What surprises him this time though, it’s the brief feeling of pride at it. 

He doesn’t know what to do with all this information. It makes him even further deviant from their race's norm. Enjoying pleasuring someone via touching their privates. Via having said privates and their expelled liquid in and on your mouth? Autumn wants to just curl up and die, surely Silver is lying to him and laughing maniacally inside about the humiliation he’s actually putting Autumn through. 

Autumn slides his mouth off with a slight pop. He rests his head on Silver's thigh again. And. He swallows some of the liquid and licks— Licks his— licks his… lips— Autumn’s face flushes with warmth. Now Autumn REALLY wants to just curl up and die. 

There's a caress to his cheek once more, and he hears a gentle, “Good job..” slip from Silver.

Autumn stares wide at the blurry dark pits of black for eyes that he can’t make out from this distance. 

 

He loves this man. 

 

He really loves this man. 

 

That— Silver gets up and Autumn falls, embarrassed, back onto his rear. Then Silver kneels next to him, takes his hand, and pulls him up as he stands.

“You did a really good job.” Silver warbles as he wraps his arms and wings around Autumn, holding him close as a hand continues to pet his hair. His voice clearly was trying to fall into their instinctual yet forgotten native language, but it failed.  

He’s messing with Autumn now. Surely. Surely this is a mockery of how Autumn had shown that for once he was enjoying all this. 

He wants to laugh, cry, and scream at Silver all at the same time. Because how dare such a vile man who’s hurt so many people make him feel like he’s the only one in the world who appreciates him for who he was. Make Autumn feel such deep love and affection for him? 

Autumn shoves Silver, and the much heavier set man tumbles backward into the bed with the momentum his weight gave him. A loud, deep, guttural squawk careens out of Silver as he goes down. Then Autumn turns to panic about this self-discovery crisis in private, but is yanked backwards by the belt of his pants into the bed. 

He also goes tumbling down, but unlike Silver, he lands on a body. And Silver then smacks him in the face with one of the nearby pillows.

“You dare?! You dare shove me into my own domain??” He screeches. Autumn swings his arms wildly, smacking the bed in search of something to return the blow with to Silver. But Silver just continues wailing on him with the pillow. 

“SILVER!” He careens, covering his head with his arms as the barrage continues. 

Silver gives him one more smack with the pillow before flopping down next to him, huffing and puffing. Arms wrap around him and pull him close. A kiss presses to Autumn’s cheek. Then a nuzzle into Autumn neck. Kisses were run up his neck, leading to his ear.

“You were outstanding.” Autumn hears, whispering into his ear. A shudder from the moisture against his ear travels down his spine. There was a light airy feeling in his chest. For once he didn’t feel like he was weighed down. He inhales sharply and a single sob leaves him, then he clamps down on it. 

Silver rolls the two of them over so Autumn was on top of him. Now the side of Autumn's face was pressed to the man’s chest, near his collarbone. He feels the slowing down beats of Silver's heart now. There is a disgusting film all over him. Or at least it seemed so to Autumn. But yet craves the rancid touch. Oh how he’s craving it and rejoicing in it. A wing curls over the two of them, serving as a living blanket. He breathes deeply and closes his eyes, relaxing for once, resting on top of Silver‘s body. The man’s weight lends him to be quite the pleasantly plush pillow. 

“I can’t believe I’ve seen this day.” Silver laughs, putting his hands on Autumn's sides to support him. “A day you’ve gone and comfortably laid with me, in my own wonderful bed no less.” 

Autumn jolts and pushes himself up off Silver's chest. Oh shades. He was laid with Silver. Silver. He stares at the sprawled out man beneath him. Autumn was straddling the man now, knees apart and pressing into the bed at the sides of Silver's hips. If he leaned back fully onto his rear, he’d be sitting on Silver's thighs, almost to the man’s knees.

The man’s neck was enticing.  

“But I could kill you. Sittin’ on top of you like this.” Autumn replies quietly, creeping his hands to Silver's collar bones. He wants to. …doesn’t he? He has to want that. What else could he feel towards such a horrible tyrant Silver became? He tries to ignore, swooning pride from Silver in his mouth. Tries to ignore the pure and utter joy, something he never thought he’d feel again, just from being told he was outstanding. 

“Oh really. And what would you say to everyone once this ‘shift’ was over?” Silver's hand slides around Autumn's back. “If you were to assassinate—” Silver pulls Autumn back down to lay chest to chest once more. “Mmm, such a well known figure as myself…” 

Autumn glares. What is this pricks game now? There is only Autumn's buttoned shirt between them, and Silver is playing with the bottom hem of it. Does he want Autumn unclothed too? Now that was too far. Laying against Silver? Autumn doesn’t want to admit it, but that has been fine. His bare chest against Silver's own? Shades no. Autumn moves his hands to Silver's shoulders and pushes himself up to get some distance from Silver's unclothed chest and stomach.

“Well known for a bunch’a lies.” 

Oh that was the wrong thing to say. Silver narrows his eyes and slips his hand under Autumn's shirt.

“Lies you benefited from,” The hand moves upwards, pulling his shirt up as it went. “I mean, such a battle-worn Enforcer, who managed to narrowly escape a vicious demon that—“ Autumn cries out and collapses onto Silver as fingers dig harshly into the scar on his back. He grits his teeth and fights back tears. “—took one of your wings. Hm?”

Autumn heaves air in and out of his lungs. Riding out the sharp fiery agony that coursed through his back and right arm. Silver was moving him. It wasn’t Autumn on top of Silver anymore. He could barely think, let alone process what was happening. His wing is grabbed and he's pushed onto his back. 

A pillow presses against the missing shoulder for a non-existent wing, dazing him further as he cries out sharply. 

“Why you went to such lengths to back up such an obvious lie,” Silver laughed as he unbuttoned Autumn's shirt. “I’ll never know.”

Silver is nothing but smug again, hands against Autumn's exposed chest. What the— What is he doing. Why there. Why— 

Autumn cries out and attempts to shove the confusing mess of a man now pressing kisses, that turn into sharp sucking and nipping, on the soft areas of his skin off him. Fingers were pressing and pinching his— 

Off. Get off. Get off him. Stop. Is what he wants to tell Silver. But it’s not what leaves him. 

“I needed— haah—“ Autumn shoves his hand in Silver's face when a kiss to the side of his neck turns sharp. “—the damn money— you—“ Silver releases his hands from Autumn's chest and instead grabs Autumn's offending forearm. The less fit man struggles to push it down into the bed against Autumn's resistance. 

Why’d he ever let himself be led into Silver's bedroom? Autumn knew Silver got some form of enjoyment from looking at his body from across the room. From Autumn sucking on him. But this is new. 

The vulture stops trying to push him down and Autumn's arm flies forward from the sudden removal of force. Only for Silver to then push and subsequently pin it flat against Autumn’s wing. 

“You–” Autumn grunts as he tries to swing up with his free right hand. But that one is far more easily overpowered, and lighting streaks of agony shot from his back and shoulder down his forearm. Silver is heavy over him, too much for him to push off. Not when in such pain and so incapacitated. 

The two heave breaths for a minute. Silver’s lips wide with a grin of victory, and Autumn's face is streaked and smudged with black. The skin on skin contact from Silver was vile beyond imagination. He wanted to take barbed wire to his skin to scrub their transferred sweat from his skin. 

“So… what was that ‘bout you being able to kill me?” Silver drawls in a mockery of Autumn's own speech. 

Autumn finally forces out a barely audible murmur. “Get off’a me.” 

Silver frowns. “What, the officer can’t push someone off himself?” 

Autumn’s too sluggish now. The urge to scream at Silver bubbled up inside him. It’s because you weakened me, you bastard! But it would be a lie. He’d put himself at risk by bringing liquor for them both to drink and suggesting a game so heavily gone wrong. He’d weakened himself with his own stupidity.

Autumn repeated his murmur slightly louder, more demanding. “Get off’a me.” 

Silver leans into where he grips Autumn's arms at the sides of Autumn's head and whispers, “Make me.” 

He can’t. Autumn tries to use his wing as leverage, but it only shifts the two of them barely an inch before he collapses back on the bed. 

“…Or is this fine, highly ranked, officer incapable of his position?” The wretched man on top of him and pinning him down sneers in his ear.  

Autumn can’t answer Silver. If he says yes, it gives Silver grounds to strip him of his position. If he says no, he’d be lying and Silver would damn well know he is. Silver's legs are pinning his own apart from each other with a knee on each of his thighs. His veins twinge slightly with every heart beat from the exertion of today’s prior air lesson to those desperate to learn a legal magic form. Magic is off limits or he’d be far more primed for taking advantage of. 

Silver straightens his arms, pushing himself away from Autumn’s face and sitting slightly back. “Well?” 

A grin still sprawls across Silver’s face as he makes demanding eye contact with Autumn. Silver’s wings are raised to his shoulders, the base of the feathers draping over and tickling at Autumn’s sides. The way Silver stares at him, it makes his skin feel so wrong to be in. There is an underlying threat to the eyecon– No. Silver isn’t looking fully at his face at this angle. He is looking at Autumn's bare chest, the unbuttoned shirt having fallen fully aside his front in their scuffle. It was the way Silver had gazed at his face earlier while he’d been about to pleasure the man. Maybe, he can salvage this. Maybe, he can get an upper hand. At the very least maybe he can get Silver vulnerable enough to ask for more favors once more. 

What is he meant to do? How can he ever stop Silver from doing what he pleases? He has Flame, Sam, and Rise to think of. Even if he decides his own life didn't matter more than petty revenge on Priest, Flame will be next to be executed and Sam would fall into Silver’s hands. Rise can’t do what Autumn did. Rise can’t keep Sam safe, they have no sway over who took Sam as an apprentice. Not that Flame does either, but Autumn is sure the loss of their twin would break Rise. Never mind the stigma they’d have to deal with for being the brother of two heretics. 

So, Autumn gives in. He stops resisting. 

“What is it you want?” Autumn asks, turning his head aside but still keeping his eyes on Silver. 

It caught Silver off guard. Good. Time to make him scramble, not Autumn. Silver releases his arms and leans back fully onto his own thighs. Silver narrows his eyes. 

“What’s your game here.” Silver replies, tilting his head up and and to the side, looking down his nose with caution. 

“There’s always one when I’m made to play with you.” Autumn retorts, pushing himself up onto his elbows. Yes. Be reluctant. Silver liked a chase and banter before pleasure. But Autumn also wants to keep it on his own terms. 

Silver noticeably switches his gaze to Autumn's chest again. 

“I could…” Autumn closes his eyes, terror bubbling up at what he intended to say next. “…Show you more” He brings his hands down to his belt buckle and jeans buttons. 

Silver goes wide eyed. Then, quickly cools his expression. His tone is coy, “Ah but there’s a catch isn’t there.” Hands are on Autumn's chest as Silver leans close again. 

“Sam stays always with me in Middle Arc. An’ he flies himself to school. He never comes to stay in Center.” 

Silver's expression twists, lip raised from the narrowing of his eyes and his brow wrinkled. He was debating it! Oh joy! He can finally keep Sam safe from the manipulation and corruption Silver would do to him. That, Autumn will do anything for. 

The hands on his chest kneads the fatty areas. Autumn groans softly. Silver had enjoyed the sound when Autumn’s mouth was around him, surely this would work the same? He was right, Silver gave a smile. Then the man kisses his squeezed chest and gets off him to lay at Autumn’s right. Silver’s left wing settles over the man’s leg, which is hooked around one of Autumn's. Silver's stomach and breast area of his chest is against Autumn's Right arm, pinning it. 

“I’ll see… everything?” Silver prods, drifting his left hand down Autumn's stomach and clasping Autumn's left wrist to move out of the way. 

Maybe Silver will enjoy what he sees. Maybe for once he won't be looked at with disgust, or contempt. Maybe it’ll be a soft gaze like before and someone finally fully accepting him as he was. Despite the comments from him about visual impurities, Silver didn’t stare at him like others did. He always stared with a small smile rather than a frown. 

Autumn nods.  

Please. His belt is unbuckled and his pants are unbuttoned. Please don’t be like those who threw him out all those years ago. Silver gets up to pull the garment off Autumn. Then Silver rests his weight on his right arm to hold himself up. Please don’t let this ruin his job and his brothers’ future. A hand feels out his crotch through his underwear. Autumn tenses as a look of confusion sweeps over Silver. Maybe Silver expected him to have more mass there. Or maybe Silver had expected a vulva. His underwear is pulled off, and Silver visibly recoils. 

 

Something inside Autumn shatters

 

He can’t tell what Silver's expression is, but the hands that were so eager to touch him prior are now hovering over his body. His wings were hiked up slightly as if there was a threat and he needed to make a quick escape. 

Autumn’s vision smears with an inky film over it. He lets his head hit the bed as he tries to get his hurt under control. Why did he ever think Silver would like his whole body? Why? By the shades Autumn is such an idiot. 

His breathing is becoming erratic, Autumn sobs through clenched teeth and he brings a hand to his mouth to muffle it. He wants  nothing more than to curl up and crush himself into the ground. 

Then there’s touch and Autumn flinches. He scrambles to push himself up to see what Silver is doing. Silver was probing at the slit that split halfway up what thin penis shape to him he did have, a curious look to his narrowed expression. Then, Silver looks him in the eye as a finger pushes inside him. Autumn struggles to bite back a whine from the uncomfortable way his skin pulled, catching on Silver's finger. Autumn glares wide eyed in mild horror. 

Silver is unusually silent. The finger wiggles and pushes deeper and Autumn wants nothing more than to elbow Silver in the face. But he doesn’t. He clenches his fist on the plush beneath him and squeezes his eyes shut, pressing his other hand harder onto his mouth. Pretty swiftly, the end of that hole in him was found. The tip of Silver’s finger presses hard against where it ends and his skin painfully snags the entire time with the friction of dry skin against dry skin. Once it is found, Silver tries to force further. He tries to push so his finger is inside up to the knuckle on his hand rather than halfway down the base of his pointer finger. 

Then Autumn does try to kick or elbow Silver. ‘Stop!’ He cries out in Spawn from the higher level of pain of the force. It’s a guttural cry, one that he never intended to let escape him.  

Silver says nothing about the shrill chirp. But, he does ease back. Autumn collapses himself back onto the bed. 

Speak! Autumn internally shouts at the man who, prior, seemed like he could never stop talking. Say something! You had no issues prior about commenting on his traits! What was so damned different?! How disgusting it was?!

The finger, just as painfully as it went in, is pulled out. Autumn’s whole body tenses as Silver does so. Autumn catches in the corner of eye Silver wiping his finger off on himself. Slick tears spill over the sides of his face. Why? Why was this something Silver wanted? Was it seeing him in pain? Is that what it was? Sadism? A power trip from incapacitating him and humiliating him? Sam will be safe now though. That fact reassures Autumn. It makes this worth it. He’ll endure Silver's fixation on inflicting pain on him and Silver's messed up enjoyment. He tries to force himself to relax his muscles, but fails. 

There’s touch again. This time on the flesh that is closest to having a penis that was on him. Silver lifts it with two fingers holding it and moves it around as if taking in every angle. This touch doesn't hurt. It mildly chafes sometimes, but it doesn't hurt like the penetration did. Silver trails a finger up from the slit, a sensation that burns, all the way to the tip of his genitalia. Autumn involuntarily shudders from the touch when Silver reaches the end. Which Silver apparently took as reason to do it repeatedly and it burns more and more with each repetition of the motion.  

Silver's hand shifts away from Autumn's crotch and caresses its way towards his inner thigh. Autumn lowers his right hand away from his face and rests it over his chest, releasing the air trapped in his lungs from the prior burning and uncontrolled twitching and clenching of his body. Now this touch is actually pleasant in sensation. If he first took away the vile fact that it is Silver’s skin touching his own at least. Autumn relaxes and hums in slight contentment. This is fine. This touch is much more acceptable than earlier. 

It doesn’t last long though. Silver slips his hand off Autumn's thigh and gets up. He then lifts Autumn's thighs up by the knee and kneels directly in front of Autumn’s crotch after ducking under one of Autumn's legs. Pushing himself up onto his elbows once more, Autumn squints and struggles to figure out what Silver is doing. One hand is pushing his thigh towards him still, but Silver's right hand was between his own legs. Autumn squints to push the blurriness of his vision clearer. 

Is Silver touching himself? Why? He’s made Autumn do that sort of motion to him in the past, but Autumn never saw Silver ever do it himself.  

Then, oh and then. Silver grabs his other thigh again, leans against them, simultaneously pushing them apart and angling his behind and crotch upward. The motion forces Autumn off his elbows and he falls back against the bed. Silver switches his grip to right under Autumn's chest and atop his ribs. Terror surges through Autumn when something warm presses against the slit in his genitals. 

It is only now that Silver speaks. 

“You’re alright. Relax, prestiged officer, you’re still pleasurable despite your—” Silver pauses, and Silver’s next word is laced heavily with contempt that Autumn breaks further inside, “Oddities.” 

Autumn glares in response, not rewarding Silver with any verbal reply. What did Silver expect him to say? That he’s oh so thankful that at least his misspawning was still giving pathetic pleasure to Silver? How grateful he is for the Light sent still is gracing him with vile touch because he’s looking at Autumn still despite his disgusting body! Yes! How reasonable of him! Of. Course oh great Silver. You are such a powerful figure for overpowering a weakened, intoxicated, and exhausted officer. Autumn curls his lip, and from this distance, Autumn knew exactly when Silver had revenge on his mind. 

Because, he’s thrown into agony from being forced into. Somewhere in the blazing pain, there’s a snort of amusement from Silver. And the pain just keeps repeating as, what Autumn could only assume by the positioning, Silver's own genitals are shoved in and yanked out. 

Silver’s hums and groans, filled with pleasure from whatever good sensation he is getting out of this, mix with Autumn's own crying out and seizing breaths. Autumn thrashes and tries to swing at Silver with his arms, but Silver just shifts his grip to Autumn's elbows. It hurts. It hurts so much. The only worse agony he’s felt was when he carved into his back and Rise rushed to heal him or when Silver dug something against the scar. 

Autumn tries to choke out pleas. “Stop— I— please St-AH—“ but Autumn can barely get them out and Silver carries on. Silver has to be intentionally shoving when Autumn is trying to speak. Has to be. "Get o—" The rhythm shifts to cut him off with more pain every time Autumn chokes something out. "Silver ple—" Pain. This isn't what he negotiated. "I—"  Pain. He tries kicking. "ST—" Pain. Elbows pin his legs to Silver's sides.  "STOP!"  Autumn screeches, the scream wavering and broken. But it doesn't stop. He screams, sobs, and struggles. But it. Doesn't. Stop. The opposite happens. Harder thrusts. Faster thrusts. his' legs are pinned more harshly to Silvers sides, more weight is pressed further over top of Autumn on his elbows. He cant struggle out pleas anymore, only cut off screeches and sobs. Any noise Silver could be making is over shadowed by his agony. 

It only ends when he feels that same liquid from earlier. The weapon that was Silver's flesh is slowly eased out of him, Autumn lets out a rasping weak gasp. It burns. What little vagina he has throbs with sharp firey torture to every heartbeat. He’s left shaking and crying silently as hands release him and blazing hot runny liquid streaks down his thigh as he's rolled onto his left side. Silver is beside him again now which only makes Autumn tense and clench his teeth so hard that he believes they may shatter. 

“Mhmm—” Silver's arms are wrapped around Autumn, holding him close from behind. It didn’t matter at this point how vile Autumn saw the man’s touch as. It had been nearly everywhere on his body tonight. The fact doesn’t upset him as much as it probably should right now. “—The great officer has fallen into such a mess hasn’t he.”

Autumn doesn’t give the retched words a reply and instead just grabs the wrists of the arms around him and pulls them off his body. Then he kicks at Silver and scrambles away to the edge of the bed. There’s clearly upset sounds made from behind him, but he couldn’t bring himself to give even the slightest iota of care. He feels disgusting and needs to wash off. No one could stop him from that. He’d figure out a way. Silver is hopefully wise enough to not dare, or Autumn just might commit a murder and by proxy suicide tonight.

Autumn stumbles off the bed, hitting the floor as his foot is tangled in the blankets. He falls flat on his side but ends up on his back. The most surprising part is not the fact that he fell, but Silver's lack of audible amusement. That doesn’t matter. Him getting clean matters. 

Somehow Autumn makes it to the bathroom unfollowed. He can feel two different viscosities of liquid on his thighs now, one rolling down from inside as he scrambled and the other dripping and running down them. He slams the door to the bathroom unintentionally. Or maybe with a little intention. He hopes it makes Silver feel horrible. 

Autumn stares at the curved handle for a doorknob. It isn’t a round shape to wrap your fingers and palm around to twist. Just a smooth piece of metal that rested horizontally with a slight upwards curl at the end opposite of the pivot point. 

Though he doubts Silver ever feels guilty, not even for this. But, Autumn could try. It’s the only thing he really can do. 

It’s a very spacious bathroom. It’s one Autumn has seen many times before. What else but a large bath with elaborate decor was there to expect from the home of someone so materially focused. He swiftly goes through the motions of starting a warm bath. While the wide tub— that conveniently has plenty enough space for two to comfortably share— fills around him, he cups water in his hands and splashes at the filth on his thighs and where it’s leaking from inside him. 

There’s still throbbing pain. 

Autumn has felt worse. Yes. But, there’s a shake to his hands. A heart feeling like it’s fluttering faster than a humming bird’s. A churning stomach. His whole body trembles as he sits with his legs sprawled out in front of him.

The water is warm as it fills around Autumn's feet, shins, thighs, wing tip, and his rear. It’s soothing. He stares at the blurry swirls of color blooming from between his legs as the water laps up against his gray lavender thighs streaked with a deep royal violet. 

He had screamed, and Silver paid no mind. None. Autumn curls inward, hands clenched between the wide spacing of his legs. What in the six shades of the void was that. He’d read about how other races could repopulate their lands. He knew it involved a penis and a uterus. What that meant he hadn’t known. No books he could find would speak of how those involved the other. 

Have. They've been doing that? Their race doesn’t have a method of reproduction. But comments from outsiders who smuggled contraband in and had bonds with those inside, implied similar organs and unsuccessful attempts. But, still attempts. 

Surely it was just Silver being weird and wanting to humiliate him by putting his penis in Autumn's mouth to suck on and slide it in and out. Humiliating him by getting that expelled liquid on his face or in his mouth and throat? That joy from being praised earlier is long dead. 

Autumn balls himself up as the water reaches above his ankles. Was that what holding him down for had been? An attempt to fix their land’s problem? Silver had much more contact with outside knowledge than he did; something Autumn despises about his situation. Had Silver twisted the deal into terms Autumn had no clue of knowing? The room is fading in and out of black static, swirls deep and dark enough to block out almost all info drifting around his vision. 

 

Most self repopulating races carried their young inside them in their midsection. 

 

He can’t breathe. Or is he breathing too much? 

 

Something has to put the young inside them.

 

There isn’t enough air.

 

There has to be somewhere to put it in.

 

No, there’s too much.

 

It’s not a fully grown child, it starts unnoticeable and then grows. 

 

There’s liquid in him still. The sticky, often bitter, white cream expelled liquid that ended up in his mouth earlier. That’s now In his midsection. His midsection. And it hurts. It burns and throbs so bad now that there’s water lapping at his battered genitalia. 

This was a reproduction attempt. Wasn’t it. Maybe not with the belief life would result. The smugglers hinted they did it for simple pleasure and that life was often accidental. Would Silver go so far to violate him with unwanted life? Would he? Could he? 

Autumn stares through water, now lapping at  his waist, at the flesh between his legs. Maybe the way his body differed could make it possible. Silver knew something didn’t he. That’s why he was still willing to touch him. Of course. The ultimate show of power. Leaving a piece of yourself inside of someone to grow. Something the person couldn’t remo—

 

Autumn, frenzied, ignores the agony and slips fingers up inside the slit in his genitalia. He grits his teeth, throat trapping groans of searing pain, and curls the fingers to scoop as he pulls them out. 

 

Dark, nearly black in shade, violet and thick strands of white muddle the water around his fingers. Ae repeats the self tortuous action until there’s only violet that swirls off his finger and into the now thoroughly purple hue tinted water. Until he feels clean, and rid of that vile bastard. 

Autumn shudders with residual pain. Surely their race can’t reproduce. Someone would’ve done it by now right? Maybe his differences made it even more impossible. Didn’t other races have a cycle to expel things from their uterus? Wasn’t that their sign of being able to make life or something? He doesn’t even have that cycle, nor something that really counted as a uterus anyway! Autumn laughs high and unpredictably, hugging himself tight. Void shade, he should’ve figured out that Silver was desiring this much sooner! 

The water creeps up his stomach and Autumn shivers from the rippling waves. 

He’s fine! That won’t happen! He won’t have even more dependents forced upon him. He can’t hold that inside him, And! He removed the liquid! It’ll be fine! He’s clean—

Rapping on the door startles him and his wing shoots upwards, splashing him with a massive amount of water and causing him to slip backwards. He slides and tumbles and he tries to push himself up, loudly splashing in his scramble. His hand catches the side of the tub and he pulls himself over and rests with his arms over the side. Then he shuts off the faucet filling the tub.

WHAT.” Autumn snaps at Silver, the only possible source of the knock.

 

There’s silence. 

 

Autumn shouts at the silence, “I don’ wanna even speak to you! Just Go—“ he chokes on his demand, similar to ones ignored just minutes prior, “Go Away!” 

“…come to bed when you’re done in there, Okay?” The response is low. There’s no confidence in it. 

“You— you think I’m gonna want to sleep next to you?!” Autumn laughs, tears in his eyes. “After you—“ the words die in his throat. After you violated my body? My will? You held me down, forced me into your disgusting pleasure. Ignored my agony and tortured my body with your own. You think I want to ever be touched by you again?

He can’t say it. All the words in the world he wants to shout and scream at Silver and Autumn can’t get himself to say them. His lip trembles, and his eyes burn. 

“Just— leave me alone.” Autumn rasps finally, voice traitorously quivering. 

No response. 

Tense seconds go by. Autumn expects Silver to demand he come in, or that Autumn needs to leave the bathroom and come to bed. But Silver doesn’t.

It scares him. Silver clearly doesn’t take no for an answer. He’s probably deciding on how to make Autumn pay for bruising his ego again. 

But, there’s only footsteps that grow quieter until they stop. 

What. Why? Why leave? Yes he told Silver to do so, but Silver actually did what he asked of him? Autumn’s brows are raised as high as they possibly could be. Silver actually listened to him. Does Silver feel bad? Did he finally succeed in making Silver feel guilty? 

By the void shade— Silver feels guilty for hurting him. He actually feels guilty! A manic grin pulls his lips so wide his cheeks hurt from the strain. Silver can feel guilty about something! Maybe Silver can actually change then! Silver just listened to what he wanted! That's a respect of his wants! Silver just respected him! Autumn leans back onto his rear, astonished. 

Searing pain brought him down to reality. 

Respect to leave him alone after ignoring his pleads for Silver to stop. Silver respects one miniscule request after blazing right past Autumn's screams

Autumn lightly pushes the bathwater around with his hand. Watching it shift and ripple from such a slight touch. 

He supposes it is as close to an apology he will get from the egotistical vulture.

Autumn turns to actually bathing. He drains the bloodied water and fills the bathtub once more. The water is blissfully warm, the soap smells wonderful. His hair is smooth and silky now after washing it. He feels genuinely refreshed once he’s finished. There’s still pain, yes, but the bath did relax him. 

He snorts and mumbles to himself. “At least m’cage is gilded.” Autumn looks up and stares, not really focused, at the white and gray speck filled ceiling. 

 

What did his pain matter? What did his screams matter? 

 

His hands float aimlessly in the water. 

 

He’ll get into Silver's bed again. Oh yes he will. Autumn didn’t want to risk Silver getting mad enough to violate him twice in one night. He’ll cave to Silver's demands and wants. It’s not like he has any other choice. He let this all happen by trying to trick Silver into giving him some power in the first place.

After draining the bath, Autumn towels himself down and flaps the moisture off his feathers. He pauses briefly at the door, but clenches his jaw and renters the bedroom. Silver is in the bed, rolled on his side facing away from the bathroom door. 

He doesn’t want to sleep in Silver's bed. But he walks over anyway. Autumn stumbles a couple times, exhaustion and the wine catching up to him, but he makes it to the edge. Silver doesn’t stir. One would hope he died, but the rise and fall of Silver's side and shoulder disappoints Autumn. 

Autumn grabs one of the many blankets, wraps it around himself, then rolls into the bed. He settles with a bit of a thump, and that does make Silver stir. But the man doesn’t roll over to face Autumn. Silver readjusts himself to get comfortable then is still. 

It doesn’t help Autumn relax, but it does satisfy him that Silver is at least somewhat situationally aware here. He doesn’t know what he would do if Silver rolled over to face him. He hopes shame or guilt is the reason Silver doesn’t face him. 

There’s a hollow pit inside him. All the anger, the fear, the pain, even the slight joy from earlier, it’s all fallen into that pit and unable to be reached. Autumn shuffles further inside his little cocoon, trying to get comfortable. All he feels is pain. 

 

Autumn closes his eyes. His chest weighs heavily on his organs. It’s probably nothing. He’s been like this his whole life and he’s been fine. He’s still here. It’s fine. 

 

He falls into The Resting Shade’s domain without a second thought. 

Notes:

This was a very hard work to write, its taken me nearly half a year and several periods of time where i just could not look at it due to its contents. I haven't been through rape, but it pops up every now and then as a nightmare experience with sensations that lingered.

Somethings I want to say is that the first sex section in this was put there to send a message. You can have a good experience with someone, and also a bad experience. It’s not black and white. You can also still want to have sex with someone even after they've hurt you in the past, because yeah, there was fun sex before! This is just one bad time right?

Abuse is messy and complicated and Autumn has known no life without at least one form of abuse from someone. isolation from your peers and by society drives you into the hands of whoever is willing to be around you, even when you know they are horrible to you. Honestly, especially so when you've been surrounded by messaging the you yourself are a horrible person that no one will care about. People stay in abuse because of the good moments they crave to happen again. A lot of the time abusive relationships aren't 24/7 suffering. There's often many good moments amongst the bad. And when no one will support you, why turn away from an abuser when they are the only thing that supplies good in your life? Sure there's bad, but beggars cant be choosers!

Abuse is messy. And i crave so very deeply to convey the depths of that mess. likely in hopes to figure our own mess out.

Thanks for reading.