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Susie didn’t remember her childhood that well, which was mostly by choice. It was easier that way.
But sometimes memories would surface unexpectedly. Usually that would be painful, but today it was just peculiar. It was the kind of vivid yet formless recollection that had Susie half-convinced it was a dream.
She was maybe about 7 or 8, and she was watching TV. She had come across an episode of some old black and white show while channel flipping, and for some reason she had decided to watch for a couple minutes. It was about this guy wandering around an empty town. The town wasn’t run-down or anything. In fact, it was totally normal… except that no one was there. He kept trying to find other people but never did, and eventually he kinda went crazy.
Susie remembered being so invested by this point that she had sat through all the ads without even thinking of picking up the clicker.
The way it ended was that the guy woke up in a warehouse with those electrode thingies stuck to his face, and it turned out he was an astronaut in training and the whole thing was a test to see how he would handle the isolation of space travel. At the time, Susie thought it was kind of a cop-out. But it stuck with her for years afterward.
Now that she was a teenager, she’d mostly forgotten about it. But it had come rushing back to her as she was walking back to the ice cream stand. The empty streets reminded her of that man, desperately wondering if he was the last one on Earth.
And yet, even as the unseasonal heat began to subside in the face of the cool autumn breeze, the sunset bathed the cheery pastel buildings in a warm glow, and crows called in the distance, Susie felt less like the last monster on Earth and more like an astronaut. The asphalt was the surface of an uninhabited planet, the trip to the stand was a space walk, and at any moment, she might wake up and discover that her friends – Noelle, Kris, Ralsei, Lancer – were gone, or maybe never existed. That the last few days had just been a test.
One she’d failed.
“hey.”
Susie had been so in her head that she hadn’t noticed that she was at the stand already. Sans was just standing there like always.
“the ice cream is gonna take a little while,” he said. “sorry.”
Susie was barely listening to him. Her mind was still way up in orbit.
“That’s OK,” she found herself saying. “It’s not like I’m busy. I’ll just wait here.”
They both just stood in silence for a while. Eventually, Sans, maybe thinking the situation was awkward, spoke up.
“so, how was the festival?”
“It was… amazing,” said Susie, which was the truth – as long as she ignored the lump in her throat. After all, hadn’t her date with Noelle been perfect? It felt unfair to her to discount that, and how wonderful it had felt, just because of the last hour or so. The festival had basically been over by then anyway.
Even then, she had shared some moments with Kris that were sorta fun. But their grim, strange mood had cast a baleful shadow over the whole thing. Susie had put on a brave face, but she hadn’t been smiling on the inside.
Sans looked at her impassively. Maybe he could tell what she was thinking. If he could, he didn’t call her on it.
Instead, he gave her a cheeky wink and said, “my booths were that good, huh?”
Susie bristled. “Yeah, right. Don’t flatter yourself, old man.” But she realized she was smiling in spite of herself.
“old, huh?” he replied, with a look that made her think he would have raised an eyebrow if he had any. “well, it’ll happen to you too, kid. and a lot sooner than you think.”
For most of Susie’s life, she had thought she wouldn’t make it to 18. But she for sure wasn’t about to tell that to this guy. Or really anyone.
(Maybe one day she’d tell Kris. They probably wouldn’t be surprised, actually.)
She forced a chuckle. “Maybe, but I won’t be as lame as you. I’ll be one of those cool old people. Like” – she had nearly said Gerson – “uh, like… Master… Roshi?”
“i don’t know who that is.”
“Some creepy old anime guy. Forget about it.”
“alright.” Sans made a show of shutting his eyes as tight as possible for a second. “there. forgot all about it.”
Susie smirked. “About what?”
“exactly. anyway, make sure to enjoy it while it lasts.”
“Huh? Enjoy what?”
“your ice cream.”
Sure enough, he was holding two ice creams, a delicious-looking cone in each hand. Susie hadn’t seen him make them. Must’ve not been looking.
“Oh.” She stared at the two cones. “Actually, could I get one more? My… friend… might want some.” (God, she hoped she wasn’t blushing.)
“oh, the kid i gave the bread to?”
Don’t pretend you don’t know their name, asshole. You’re the one doing their mom.
“No, Noelle. Obviously. Why the hell would it be Kris? They were right here with me, bro.”
“they didn’t want two?”
“Why would they want two?”
Sans made that smirk that pissed Susie off so much. “i thought maybe they were feeling… crumby.”
“Man, shut the hell up.”
“no, i’m serious. look.” With both hands still full, he turned his head slightly down and to the left.
Susie followed his gaze and saw a trail of bread crumbs on the pavement. “…that still doesn’t make any sense, dude.”
“neither did the look on the kid’s face earlier.”
So this guy could be observant after all… and used that power of observation to make jokes at the expense of a friend. Susie turned back toward him, ready to blow her top-
And saw that his smile had been completely wiped away, replaced with a dead serious look that Susie had never seen on his skull before.
“everything good there? they okay?”
She could have lied and said everything was fine. She could have told him it was none of his business. She could have grabbed the ice cream cones that were still in his hands and walked away.
Instead, surprising herself, she opened up to him.
“I… don’t know. But I don’t think so.”
Sans just looked at her. He was smiling again, as if nothing had happened, but somehow Susie could tell he was listening. Really listening, not setting her up for another crappy joke.
“Something’s wrong with them,” she continued. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen them this upset before. I’ve been trying to cheer them up, but it just hasn’t been working.”
“you know what’s good at cheering kids up? ice cream.”
Susie scowled. “That’s not-”
“seriously, take these before they start to melt.” He shoved the cones into Susie’s hands, and she grabbed them automatically.
“Oh, sorry,” she said. But she didn’t move. She just stood there like an idiot and felt herself threatening to float away into zero gravity.
“you wanna know what i think?”
Sans paused. Susie could see in his eyes that he was waiting for permission to continue. She nodded.
“i think that when someone is feeling down, sometimes there’s just not that much that you can do. people are… complicated. and they can be going through things that no one else can understand. maybe even imagine.”
Could that be true? Could Kris be going through something like that? Could it be that all those times she was looking at them, she wasn’t really seeing them?
Sans held out his hand again. He was holding another ice cream cone. Both of Susie’s hands were full, so she transferred one of the cones awkwardly to her other hand and grabbed the third.
“Thanks,” she said automatically.
“all you can do,” Sans continued, “is be there for them. to let them know that someone really cares about them. and it sounds like that’s what you’ve been doing. so i think… you did the best you could.”
Susie’s stomach burned with guilt. “You’re wrong. I could’ve done more. I should’ve done more. I-”
…
Sans was gone. She looked around, half expecting to see him sprinting away, but he was nowhere to be seen.
Her tether snapped off, hurling her, spinning, into the cold void.
After the festival, she never saw Sans again.