Chapter Text
Nothing would ever be the same again, he knew it couldn't go back.
Dirk knew that this had ruined his life.
Everywhere he went felt like a trap.
He wasn't sure who could be trusted, if anyone at all.
All that could be done was to pretend it wasn't real.
To tell himself it had never happened in the first place.
He tried his best to convince himself it was all fake, but it didn't ease the lingering feeling of filth that buried itself deep into his skin.
Hands settled onto his sides.
There wasn't a way out.
They knew what they were doing to him.
Dirk woke up startled, having experienced a week of relentless nightmares and terrors that consistently pulled him from his unconscious state back into reality.
He sat up on his bed, taking a moment to inspect his surroundings. He had to reassure himself that he was, in fact, safe in his bedroom, and not somewhere else. It helped to calm his nerves quite a lot.
When shifting himself over to get up on his feet, he'd noticed something. Shit, no, not again, there was a large damp spot in the middle of his bed. This was the second time this week that Dirk accidentally wet the bed, despite not doing that since he was a baby.
Embarrassed and a bit concerned on why this was even happening, he got up and stripped his bed of all the blankets, stuffed animals, and thankfully dark blue sheets.
He wasn't going to dare let Dave find out about this, he wasn't a fucking toddler. The sheets were balled up and thrown into his laundry hamper, he'd put them in the wash a bit later when he was fully awake.
Next, he locked his bedroom door, mostly out of paranoia, and pulled out some clean clothes for him to put on. The pajamas he had been wearing were discarded on top of the sheets.
After changing into something he would normally wear out, Dirk realized that he probably needed a shower after that, seeing as he had slept in literal piss. While he did feel gross and wanted to clean himself, he had been a bit avoidant of showers lately, so it would get put off like most other things right now.
According to his mp3 player it was only 9 AM, which was really early by his standards, at least for a weekend it was. Typically it was Dave who woke him up, and on days like this he would get him around 12 PM. Dirk wondered if Dave would even notice how much earlier he'd been rising recently.
The door became unlocked once more, and he exited out into the hallway. Past all the other rooms and then the kitchen, Dirk walked into the living room, where Dave sat on the couch, getting some kind of work done on his laptop.
"Hey, bud," Dave greeted casually, which received a nod from the boy. He wasn't really in the mood for very much talking, so in an attempt to avoid speaking, Dirk walked into the kitchen.
The cabinets and fridge were pretty barren, which was typical but still somewhat disappointing. He grabbed a bowl and poured himself a mix of dry cereal, he didn't like milk all that much.
Back into the living room once more, he settled onto the other couch that Dave wasn't on. Attempting to ignore the pain he felt from sitting down, he turned on the TV, and went onto Youtube.
He had been really into Game Theory for a while now, and was basically forcing Dave to watch it with him since Matpat announced his retirement a week ago.
Huh, why had all the bad things happened on that day specifically?
Dirk watched the videos with a lot more attention than most people probably would've, but this was his current obsession and comfort, which meant that he'd watched almost all of them at the time.
He took a handful of cereal and shoved it into his mouth, it was kind of stale, but he paid it very little mind, continuing to eat it anyways. He could tell Dave was looking over at him, with mostly whatseemed to be affection, but it caused a bit of internal panic, for fear of him noticing anything off, it was luckily nothing of the sort.
A couple of hours went by from Dirk watching the TV, he kicked his legs back and forth, suddenly growing bored of this now. He stood up a bit too quickly, getting a rush of nausea and dizziness, before his vision flickered in and out. It was a thing with being iron deficient, and was annoying as hell. He grabbed onto the side of the couch to stabilize himself until it passed.
Dave was used to this, but still kept an eye on Dirk in case he needed any help. Fortunately, it was all okay, but it never failed to scare the both of them anyways.
His sight cleared up and he stood straight once more, taking his bowl to the kitchen sink. He didn't wash it, knowing that Dave would instead, and exited back to his room for a while.
Being alone made him feel comforted but also sad at the same time, like he was totally safe, but he wasn't very happy. He missed his friends a lot, despite having seen them just the other day. He felt stupidly pathetic.
There had to be something wrong with him, seeing as everything was going terribly as of late. Maybe he should've just ended himself when he had the chance.
No, that wasn't helpful to anyone, not even himself, even if he thought it would be easier than living.
He just supposed that things had been really weird now, and maybe always would be.
Most of all, he definitely needed to take that shower.