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It had been two cycles since our evacuation from the mine, and my human was invited to have his evening meal with Holism’s ship captain. They had discovered a mutual appreciation of music; specifically in the ability to play complementary instruments. Peader was excellent with the violin, and Medhavi’s proficiency was the piano.
She had to be a highly regarded senior supervisor that PSUMNT allowed her to have an actual piano in her quarters.
At least dinner would be a distraction for him from missing Saoirse, who had remained on the Perihelion. I doubted Saoirse would be pleased with his dinner companion though.
Unfortunately, Peader wanted me to attend as well. I don’t know why, but it did reduce my Risk Assessment; it always climbed when I was unable to be physically present with him. All of us had been politely informed when we boarded that armor was not acceptable on the ship, and Holism had provided us with non-descript but comfortable alternatives. For this evening though, Peader was insisting I wear a Holism branded uniform. ‘Out of respect’ he had explained. I didn’t know what he meant but complied anyway.
I was anxious about this interaction. To be fair, I was anxious in general about being on board Holism. There were new humans, no routine, and very few places to seek solitude on board. And Holism constantly wanted to speak to Bravo, Echo, and myself. It felt like mostly myself. It had been lurking around me incessantly from the time I boarded (Bravo and Echo as well, just not as much). Not breaching our walls, just a massive intelligence that felt like a malevolent black mist surrounding us. It scared the hell out of me (Perihelion had as well, but in a different, more violent way). Bravo jokingly described both MIs as creatures from the Appalachian Mountains, a folklore rich area from old Terra. Folklore was Bravo’s new favorite reading topic; it had discovered a wealth of books on the subject in Holism’s library. Our new number one rule was ‘If you hear it say your name. No you didn’t.’
So I spent most of my time in Peader’s quarters.
Maybe I did know why he wanted me to attend with him.
The Captain greeted Peader with an enthusiastic hug and both of us with a loud “Welcome! Come in! So glad you agreed to join me, and you brought your violin as requested! Wonderful! I can’t wait to be regaled with stories about your time as a pirate!”
She talked in exclamation points, and I couldn’t tell if it was genuine or false. Her vital signs seemed normal, slightly elevated but that told me nothing. Lying and excited humans often showed the same elevated rates and I wasn’t very good at determining the difference.
Not to be outdone, Holism acknowledged our presence as well publicly over the comm, and privately to me via a ping in its ship feed. I politely returned the ping, but no more.
I needed my attention on the activity in this room. I desperately wanted my helmet; I knew I wasn’t masking how nervous I was. It didn’t help that I was worried that both Captain Medhavi and Holism would see I was ill at ease.
I finally noticed Medhavi frowning slightly at me. It was a bad sign if I was already losing focus.
“Whiskey seems…uncomfortable.”
I stiffened. I didn’t want to be seen or be the topic of their conversation. And I really did not want a human frowning at me. An ungoverned SecUnit is still a SecUnit, and established lessons are hard to ignore.
Peader stepped in front of me. “It doesn’t like many people. No offense intended. Doesn’t have a very good history with them.” Peader turned and smiled at me. I liked his smile. There were reasons I chose him as my human. “I count myself lucky that it trusts me.”
“Then I hope I can earn its trust as well. Please, come sit! I have wine for us. Whiskey, not an order, but please do whatever makes you feel comfortable.”
I cycled through my options. Nothing would make me completely comfortable; the least uncomfortable would be to stay as close to Peader as feasible.
Peader plopped down on the dual padded settee with a sigh and accepted the wine. “Thank you, I appreciate the invitation. Our accommodations are amazing, PSUMNT does not stint on its ships.” He took a sip of his wine. “Or the alcohol it provides for the Captain’s enjoyment. This is delightful. Sláinte.”
In the feed he sent me, Our bar was better. These university people may talk a good game, but I know a senior supervisor when I am sitting next to her.
Since I already had the same thought, I pinged an agreement. I cautioned him, Nothing over the ship’s feed is truly confidential. I suspect even ‘private’ feeds we set up are monitored by Holism.
I could feel the black mist ooze indignation, proving my point. Peader smirked slightly; he knew it did and it was his intent to be heard. So there was more than mere politeness in his being here. The Cabal believed in Trust, but Verify.
Captain Medhavi was smooth. Nothing showed in her face or posture if/when Holism updated her on our comments. She just launched into an explanation of why she was matched with Holism (not a parental figure, but they both were described as ‘lacking tact and social skills’ and ‘being exacting’ so they were paired together to learn interpersonal abilities and empathy. And how to not overwhelm people. They must still be working on that one.). Peader responded with the story of our first illicit trade, and how HubSys had basically managed to make a mini-polity in Corporate Rim territory.
‘I’ll tell you, Captain, I wasn’t pleased to get myself captured and thrown into indenture, but what’s meant for you won’t pass you by, and I learned a ton in that mine. Mostly about Constructs and MIs. You have a SecUnit pick you as its human, you know you are a good person.”
I…didn’t know what to say to that. Other than thanks Peader, now she was staring at me.
“Whiskey, I didn’t know SecUnits could be so striking looking! I don’t have much up close experience with units outside of Three and SecUnit, and those interactions have been cursory and second hand, honestly. Any Construct really, but I wasn’t expecting such fine features and coloration. Not CR human standard at all.”
I retreated behind the piano in a blur. It was an involuntary response I had whenever any human commented that way on my appearance. Nothing good ever came from it.
Medhavi flinched and spilled her drink. My human looked annoyed.
“Yes, light skinned blondes with light blue eyes aren’t seen overly often. Also,” he continued, his voice hardening slightly, “you shouldn’t comment on people’s appearance when you don’t have that kind of rapport with them. You think it’s a compliment but you don’t know what it means to it or what you are signalling. And in case you haven’t figured it out yet, it has some trauma associated with human attention.”
I stared at the piano. Anywhere but at the humans. It was humiliating. It was always humiliating.
Medhavi winced. “Yes, Holism is giving me a very heated lecture in our feed right now. I apologize, sincerely, to both of you. It was ignorance on my part, but that isn’t an excuse, especially not for a Captain. If you would prefer to not have dinner I would understand completely, and can have something sent to your room.”
I apologize as well. I am sorry you feel uncomfortable, Holism said in my feed.
I nervously pinged an acknowledgement and hoped that would be the end of its attention.
“I’m just surprised to hear a Corporation Rim-like comment from an employee of a ‘progressive’ University. You sounded like a supervisor to me; and you best believe Whiskey is convinced of it now.”
I continued my scrutiny of the piano. It was a very nice instrument. A Baby Grand one. Well cared for and glossy. I kept my eyes fixed on it and hoped Peader would take the Captain up on the offer of dinner in our cabin.
I heard her sigh. It sounded sad. “It has every right to be. Would I make matters better or worse by apologizing to it directly?”
Whiskey?
It doesn’t matter. She doesn’t need to apologize. It’s fine. It was an overreaction on my part.
No it wasn’t, but I do think she is being sincere. You aren’t in danger here, she would have to go through me to hurt you. Which she isn’t going to do. Damn it I am making a muck of things. Do you want to go?
Yes. No. Stay. Eat dinner. I thought a moment. Can I sit on the piano bench?
“You probably already know from Holism, but Whiskey is a no on an apology, yes on my staying for dinner, and asks if it can sit on the piano bench. It has a liking for your piano. Just so you know if you say no we will be leaving.”
Medhavi looked relieved. “I’m not even going to deny the Holism comment, and of course it can. Whiskey is welcome to sit or stand anywhere it likes in here.”
Peader was right. I liked the piano, and it was far enough away from the eating area that I didn’t have to watch them chew. Soft piano music drifted through the room as they sat down to eat, low enough volume to not interfere with conversation but still provide a background noise.
I sat, turned inward, and enjoyed my mind’s eye.
#####
Dinner apparently was enjoyable and a success, if the length of time it took to ingest it and amount of conversation and laughter was any indication. I hoped we could leave soon.
Hopes were quickly dashed and risk assessment started rising. Captain Medhavi was walking towards me, and she casually sat next to me on the piano bench. I just knew she was going to insist on apologizing and making it uncomfortable. Humans liked to do things under the premise of benefitting another when all they really wanted to do was make themselves feel better.
“Can you play?”
Not the conversation I anticipated. “No. SecUnits do not play instruments.”
“Why not?” Because we are either equipment or toys, not musicians. She leaned over and gently nudged me with her shoulder. She would be a ‘touchy’ human. “You have hands with fingers. Holism can find a module for you, at least to start, and I would be delighted to teach you.”
I wished she would just go away. I thought about asking Holism to have her stop, but it was currently pressing even closer to me radiating encouragement. I didn’t need to look at Peader to know he was doing the same.
“Constructs are not by design creative enough to imitate human playing.” I was feeling agitated. She was getting perilously close to determining my glitch; the thing I kept hidden from everyone – HubSys, Peader, the other Units.
“Nonsense. From what Holism tells me, and things I hear from Perihelion’s crew and just now from your friend Peader, Constructs are plenty creative.” She stopped and tried to make eye contact with me. “Peader says you really enjoy music?”
I didn’t really, not all music. Orchestras and groups were a barrage of sounds and hues that drowned me. And most of my worst organic memories involved background music. But I didn’t know how to answer her without this becoming a fact-finding interrogation and my being punished for my deviancy.
Peader saved me from responding. “It likes single instrument music.”
Nope. She persisted. “Oh! How interesting! Why do you only enjoy instrumentals?”
“Not all instrumentals,” I answered. “Only singles or duos.” I reached out to Peader in the feed. Can we go now? He gave me a perplexed look, like he couldn’t see a reason, like my pumping out stress hormones in tandem with a rising Risk and Threat Assessment weren’t enough.
Peader asked oh so helpfully, “So you prefer purer, simpler music?”
It was my human who was asking, and even with the Governor Module inactive I couldn’t stop myself from answering. “Yes. The colors are not as overwhelming.”
I froze and nearly shut down. I should not have said that; I hadn’t said that since initial calibration. The organic memory of that was still sharp. The techs had very loud music playing as they ran me through the start-up checklist, and I kept wincing at the sounds until they finally stopped and asked why the music was causing a reaction; I answered truthfully. The colors were distracting and crushing my processes.
They administered a governor module discipline. They were going to do it eventually as part of the checklist, but this was for ‘aberrant behavior’ because I gave an ‘incoherent answer’. They asked again. I gave the same answer; I had to, I could not lie or the module would automatically punish me for that. Over and over they asked and I was caught in a loop of being punished no matter how I answered….
Suddenly Holism was past my shields and cocooning me. Its presence scared me so badly it jolted me out of my memory. I didn’t know how to handle it. SecUnit had told us not to mention Perihelion to it, and Three had said it was pedantic but harmless and was curious about Constructs. But it was huge and in my head and nothing they said was useful in this moment.
Stop that. You frightened the humans. They don’t understand why you froze and nearly shut down. Peader is beside himself. It stopped metaphorically shaking me. What happened? The conversation seemed innocuous enough.
Organic memory triggered.
Show me.
I showed it. It paused for a ridiculously long time for a massive MI.
Are all your organic memories this… detailed?
I didn’t know what it was asking. Weren’t all Construct memories like this? Yes?
Another.
I sent it the one of Supervisor Ibarolla.
The mist shuddered. Do all your intense memories include music?
I never researched any correlation between the ones that firmly imprinted in my organic brain. Maybe?
I actually felt it roll its eyes. Little MI. Be calm, I know what is happening and will explain to our humans. You are not in danger, you will not be punished, this is not a deviance.
I regained enough control to view the room again in time to hear Holism tell them, “Whiskey is fine. The questioning triggered a harsh memory. But you need to understand that it’s an associator synesthete. Chromesthesia to be exact.” I was surprised to find I was standing several meters away from the piano.
I was confused, that sounded like gibberish. So was the Captain. Peader was furious at them for existing and snarled, “And just what the ever-loving fuck does that mean?”
“Whiskey perceives music in general, and musical instruments specifically, as colors.”
Oh no. My flaw had a name. Peader isn’t going to want me anymore. I was going to be scrapped as defective regardless of what Holism said.
“Please tell it you aren’t going to scrap it and it isn’t defective before it shuts down.”
Damn it, I had said that aloud in the feed.
Peader reached up and grabbed my shoulders and tried to give them a shake. “Don’t be daft, no one is scrapping anyone here or anywhere. Whiskey, you aren’t in trouble, no one here is defective, and you aren’t going anywhere or doing anything you don’t want to do. Clear?”
I nodded. Mainly to get him to stop trying to shake me before he hurt himself.
Medhavi had been reading what Holism sent on the subject in the feed. “I have heard of this. It’s DNA-related and has genetic linkage to autism and savantism. The company may have had no idea that the genetic batch they used to create you also contained this. Fascinating.”
She focused on me again. I was over my limit for attention for today and considered a voluntary shutdown.
“What color do you see when Peader plays the violin?”
They already knew so I answered honestly. “Blue. Blues. Deep indigo to the palest blue. It depends on the notes and the song and how fierce he plays.” I thought a moment. “Live music is more vibrant. Recordings are muted. Dull.”
She sat at the piano and started playing scales on the keyboard. “And now?”
“Orange.”
She moved on to arpeggios and chord patterns. I didn’t wait for her to ask. “Burnt orange. Like sunsets and autumn leaves in media.”
I hadn’t noticed that Peader had taken out his violin and moved next to the piano. They must have been communicating in the feed, because they both paused and started playing together.
My favorite. Salut D’Amour.
“And now?” Holism asked. “Do the colors meld into browns?”
I looked inward. Blues and oranges were dancing in my mind, swirling and climbing to the music they played. Separate but mated.
It was beautiful.
“No.” And suddenly I didn’t want to explain this, I wanted to share this. Share it with people who somehow didn’t see me as broken. I dropped my wall completely and pulled Holism closer.
Can you see it? I was able to share a memory, sharing real time inputs should be no different.
That is….beautiful is too trite a word.
Can you show the humans? Are they capable of sharing?
They should be. I will try.
A few seconds passed and the playing stopped. I panicked that we had hurt them, but they seemed fine. Stunned, in tears, but showing no type of injury.
“Peader?”
“I’m fine, lad. Why would you hide that? It’s…breathtaking.”
Holism answered that for me. “It had been severely disciplined in its initial startup for exhibiting this tendency. It does have a negative impact; synesthetes have enhanced memories when it involves their type. In Whiskey’s case, it retains strong memories associated with music in its neural pathways. Which is why memory wipes were ineffective on it and only made things more disorienting.”
Captain Medhavi was smiling broadly, “Synesthetes also have strong creative skills. SecUnits don’t play musical instruments my ass. If your brain can hear music and produce that, it can produce the finger movements to play. Even create. My offer still stands on lessons.” She was looking at me intently and it was making me even more uncomfortable. I didn’t think that was possible. “There is a discussion among Machine Intelligence professionals that appreciation of artistic endeavors isn’t the same as the ability to generate aesthetic works, and that the ability to do so is a core component of sapience. Some are defining ‘artistic work’ in narrow terms to bolster their anti-sapience positions.”
Peader scoffed. “That’s bollocks. I can’t create music, does that make me non-sapient?”
“Oh, I agree. Constructs and Mis have had no opportunity, no nurturing to create, or its out there but we haven’t seen it yet. I’m offering that to Whiskey. Not to badger you, but I’m asking again. Do you want to learn to play?”
I know they were all expectantly waiting for an excited response from me, but I was emotionally wrung out and wanted to hide in a corner and recharge. I did want to; I didn’t want it to be a thing right now. I didn’t want to be responsible for proving SecUnits could create.
Holism shocked me by intervening. “This can be discussed later. Whiskey needs time to settle and think it through. Agreed?”
“Agreed.” I looked at Peader. “Can we leave now?”
And because Peader was my favorite human ,we did.