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Jaebum isn’t entirely sure who first brought up the idea, but he’ll bet money it was Jackson. Whenever there’s an idea presented with a lot of excitement, the most probable source is Jackson, although it’s never long before that excitement is spreading like wildfire in their group. Jackson tends to have that effect on people.
“Actually,” Jaebum tries to speak above Bambam and Yugyeom excitedly discussing how cool it would be if they could practice girl group choreography on ice, “I don’t think this is such a good idea.”
“I don’t have any skates,” Youngjae whines.
“Don’t worry, you can always hire skates at public ice rinks,” Jinyoung reassures him, and his efforts are rewarded with a bright smile as Youngjae instantly perks up.
“Really? Okay, I want to go!”
“Guys,” Jaebum raises his voice once more, “I don’t think you’ve really thought this through—”
“Oh come on, leader,” Jackson pipes up, dragging the English leader out on his tongue. “Let’s have some fun together, just the seven of us!”
“The schedule—” Jaebum begins, honestly just grasping at straws by now. He avoids looking directly into Jackson’s eyes, since he statistically has a record of giving into things that way.
“I think we could use a break, Jaebum-hyung,” Jinyoung cuts in gently. Jaebum frowns a little upon seeing his raised eyebrows. Slowly he lets his gaze wander from Jinyoung’s face to Youngjae’s hopeful gaze, to Bambam whispering into Yugyeom’s ear, both of them wearing bright expressions while casting mischievous glances at an oblivious Youngjae. Even Mark’s paying active attention to the conversation, no longer showing interest in the phone lying abandoned on his lap and instead regarding Jaebum with a quiet sort of expectation. Lastly, Jaebum allows his gaze to go to Jackson, watching him with those trusting, huge brown eyes—
“Okay,” Jaebum says, before clearing his throat awkwardly to get rid of the gravel that suddenly crept into his voice. “Alright. Let’s go ice skating.”
He tries to hide his grin at the erupting cheers and the delight crossing Jackson’s expression like a flare of sunlight, but Jinyoung catches him and smiles encouragingly back and, well. Jaebum’s not really trying that hard to hide it.
**
Jaebum is definitely regretting giving his permission on the day the actual ice skating takes place. In the days before he had only smiled indulgently whenever one of the members would remark on the circled date in the calendar, pretending not to care, pushing it to the back of his mind. But now he’s standing in the ice hall, which has been emptied out for convenience’s sake (perks of being an idol group on the rise), cold air already nipping at his nose, and he is regretting intensely.
Bambam and Yugyeom are first out on the ice, giggling and pushing each other to see if the other will lose balance and fall over. Looking at them, neither seem very experienced in Jaebum’s eyes, but it’s like they think being in each others company makes them invincible.
Next is Mark, who is a natural—of course he is. He glides out onto the ice seemingly effortlessly to the sound of Youngjae’s impressed oohs and aahs, skates like an extension of his feet. One part of Jaebum kind of wants to hate him for being so talented at everything. Jackson is hot on his heels, letting out loud whoops as he swoops a lap around the perimeter of the ice. They both make it look so easy.
Jaebum tears his gaze away and frowns down at the mess of his laces. He himself has barely put his feet inside the borrowed skates and they already feel stiff and uncomfortable. Jinyoung is crouched down a few paces away, busy with lacing up Youngjae’s skates for him. When he finishes Jinyoung helps a shaky Youngjae get to his feet (Youngjae immediately exclaims how weird it feels to walk on the skates), and then casts a look down at Jaebum.
“Do you want me to...?” he asks, but Jaebum cuts him off.
“No, it’s fine. You should go look after Youngjae, he’s not used to skating.”
Jinyoung doesn’t leave right away, raising his eyebrows at him questioningly, so Jaebum gives him what he hopes is a reassuring smile. “Just go, I’ll do it myself.”
“If you say so, hyung,” Jinyoung concedes placidly, although there’s a glint in his eye like he’s only humoring him. Jaebum resists the urge to scowl at him and instead bends down, concentrating on his battle with the skates. How tight are these things supposed to be anyway? This practice of putting blades under your feet seems entirely illogical.
Jaebum finishes lacing up one of his skates and straightens out temporarily, trying to work out the crick that developed in his back. Youngjae has entered the ice, but he’s looking uncertain and holding onto the railing along the sides, listening attentively to Jinyoung’s instructions. From a distance, the ‘97-line is spectating the exchange with gleeful anticipation.
Youngjae bobs his head up and down a few times, and Jinyoung pats him on the shoulder before carefully gliding off in the direction where Mark and Jackson are circling a patch of ice at the opposite end of the rink.
As Jaebum watches, Youngjae slowly unwraps his fingers from the railing. He takes a few unstable strides out onto the open ice, before changing his mind and frantically trying to go back, but it’s already too late. Youngjae ends up losing his balance and going down with an alarmed shout. Across the ice, Bambam and Yugyeom break into loud cackles at Youngjae’s futile attempts to get up. They don’t stop until Mark loops past them glaring, before angling his skates to brake against the ice, coming to a perfect standstill in front of the ungraceful heap that is Youngjae flat on the ice. Embarrassment forgotten in the wake of Mark’s superior skating skills, Youngjae allows Mark to help him up. He’s practically gazing at the other boy with stars in his eyes as Mark takes him by the arm to guide him.
Jaebum looks down at his other, not yet laced up skate, and lets out a sigh that escapes his mouth in a translucent puff of vapor. Maybe he can just stay here on the bench. It’ll be freezing, sure, but he’ll just claim he got a cramp in his leg and he’d rather just rest anyway… He glances up one more time. Jinyoung and Jackson are both glancing in his direction, quietly exchanging words. Jaebum immediately looks down at his feet again, but it’s no use, because Jackson detaches himself from Jinyoung’s side. Jaebum hears the scrape of his skates against the frozen surface when he skids to a stop and climbs into the booth.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Jaebum instantly replies, craning his neck at an awkward angle to look up at Jackson’s frowning face. “Nothing’s wrong, you should go out and enjoy yourself. I’ll… I’ll be right there.”
“Do you need help?” Jackson asks, ignoring Jaebum, eyes calculating as they sweep his hunched figure. “Should I help you put on the equipment? You should’ve just said you needed help!”
“I just said I didn’t want any help,” Jaebum protests, miffed. Jackson is already sinking down onto his knees in front of Jaebum and batting his stiff fingers away, taking one skate clad foot in his hands.
“Doesn’t mean you don’t need it, which you obviously do,” Jackson quips, regarding Jaebum’s tragic handiwork. “What is even this, did you think you were lacing up sneakers?”
“I think it looks fine,” Jaebum says, defensively. Jackson doesn’t acknowledge it beyond a snort. He’s wearing a pair of big fluffy ear muffs, and the pads of Jaebum’s fingers itch to touch them and discover if they’re as soft as they look. He wedges his hands in between the cold bench and his ass to get rid of that problem.
“Tell me if it’s too tight, okay?” Jackson tells him, briefly glancing up through his bangs with those earnest eyes that knock the breath out of Jaebum’s chest, even though he gets to practice that on a daily basis. “Or if it’s too loose, you gotta tell me because I don’t know. Okay?!” He gives Jaebum’s foot a little shake for emphasis when he doesn’t reply.
“It’s fine, Jackson,” Jaebum reassures him, lips quirking up helplessly in response to Jackson’s demands. The warm, melty feeling in his chest makes no sense since it’s obviously freezing in here.
“It’s not too loose? Tell me if it hurts.”
“It’s fine, it doesn’t.”
After Jackson makes quick work of the laces that had given Jaebum so much trouble, he hauls Jaebum to his feet and unceremoniously leads him toward the ice. Youngjae was right, Jaebum thinks, trying to hobble along with these blades under his feet really does feel weird.
The weird sensation of walking on normal ground is, however, nothing compared to actually stepping out onto the ice wearing the skates. It feels, in a word, treacherous. Jaebum doesn’t trust the shiny surface of the ice, gleaming under the white spotlights in the ceiling. He doesn’t trust his skates either. Even though Jackson laced them so tightly it feels like they’re cutting off circulation from his ankle to his toes, they wobble unsteadily on his feet.
Jackson is still attempting to drag Jaebum along by their linked hands, but Jaebum grabs the railing with his other, free hand. Jackson looks back quizzically when Jaebum doesn’t follow. Jaebum lets go of Jackson’s hand and grabs onto the railing with that too, definitely not missing the comforting heat of Jackson’s calloused palm.
“Actually, you should just go without me,” Jaebum states when Jackson’s eyebrows only climb higher on his forehead. He pulls himself closer to the railing, skates slipping over the ice under his feet. The ice he’s currently standing on. “I’m fine right here, go on.”
“...Hyung,” Jackson turns back fully to face Jaebum, tilting his head to the side as he takes in Jaebum’s white-knuckled grip on the railing. “I’ve been wondering for a while now, but do you not know how to skate?”
“Well, I never did it before so I don’t really know,” Jaebum confesses. “But both you and Mark seem to do just fine. Even Youngjae…” In a burst of confidence he takes a step forward, and instantly regrets it as his skates wobble dangerously, and he throws his arms out to keep his precarious balance.
“Woah! Wow, okay, hold on,” Jackson sounds alarmed, eyes widening. He quickly slides close to Jaebum, who grabs a fistful of Jackson’s padded jacket to stay upright. Jackson puts both his hands on Jaebum’s waist to steady him, and Jaebum’s stomach does this weird thing where it feels like his intestines are both expanding and shrinking at the same time.
“Take it easy, okay?” Jackson tells him seriously. “I’ll teach you, just be careful, you gotta be careful. What if you hurt yourself?”
“Alright,” Jaebum wheezes, leaning more into Jackson’s body. He feels as if he can actually sense the comforting warmth of Jackson’s palms on his waist, even through it’s obviously just a trick of the mind considering the amount of layers Jaebum’s wearing. “Careful, I got it.”
Jackson beams at him, but Jaebum’s eyes narrow in suspicion at the glint of mischief in his eyes. “But leader! You agreed to come skating with us even though you don’t know how!”
“Yeah,” Jaebum shrugs casually, avoiding looking directly into Jackson’s bright eyes.
“Ahh, so chic!” Jackson exclaims in a high pitched voice, pretending to swoon. Jaebum glares at him since the motion makes them sway dangerously. “Even when you can barely stand upright!”
Jaebum holds back the punch he wants to land on Jackson’s shoulder, as it could adventure their unstable positioning. Jackson just grins at his dark expression, and despite himself Jaebum feels the edges of his scowl start to tug up of their own accord.
“Don’t be scared,” Jackson says, so sincerely that Jaebum doesn’t even have the heart to protest that he’s actually not, “I’m right here with you, so don’t even worry. I will definitely catch you when you fall over!”
“When I fall over?” Jaebum chooses to point out with raised eyebrows, because it’s easier than acknowledging the bottomless feeling in his stomach from any of the other things Jackson said.
“I’m sorry hyung, but I think it’s best that we stay realistic about this,” Jackson tells him, straight-faced.
This time Jaebum does try to grab him in a headlock, but Jackson just dances out of the way, cackling his signature high pitched laughter. He veers right back when Jaebum inevitably begins flailing, grabbing both his hands out of the air and drawing Jaebum back towards him. “Just follow me, okay? I’ll pull you along!”
With Jackson guiding them, skating backwards so he can pull Jaebum along by his hands, they make a lap around the perimeter of the ice. Trying to shake the inherent shame in being pulled around the ice like a toddler by their parent, Jaebum chooses to concentrate on his feet. His strategy has the added benefit of not having to meet Jackson’s attentive gaze that he feels upon his skin the entire time, because whenever he does it feels like the noodles they had beforehand are coming alive inside of Jaebum’s stomach. Something about their position, about how vulnerable Jaebum is right now is making the air weigh down with intensity, and Jaebum would rather not delve into the place it stems from. He tries to shake the feeling from where it’s climbing up his throat. This is Jackson. Jackson who is scared of silly things like bugs and rollercoaster rides, Jackson who poses in front of the full length mirror in the dorm until Mark throws a pillow at him, Jackson who thinks organic tea is the cure for every ailment, Jackson who trusts too easily, Jackson who will go the extra mile and then some, Jackson who gazes at him with those soft eyes whenever he thinks Jaebum isn’t looking—
“How’s it going, Jaebummie-hyung,” Bambam calls out cheekily as he hurls past them with Yugyeom in tow, and Jaebum startles out of his thoughts, stumbling before being steadied by Jackson. “You’re looking a bit unstable!”
“See me later and I’ll show you just how unstable I am,” Jaebum replies without taking his eyes off his skates gliding over the surface of the ice.
“Jaebum-hyung, you shouldn’t look at your feet,” Jackson scolds him. “You gotta look up, otherwise you’ll never find your balance!”
Jaebum reluctantly raises his gaze, and is rewarded with an encouraging smile from Jackson. “See, there, it’s easier, right?”
Actually, Jaebum feels more unbalanced than before, all because of the way Jackson is looking at him, gentle and bright. Strangely, it’s Jackson who breaks their locked gaze first, eyes flickering off to the side with something like a bashful smile, before he swiftly disarms the moment by beginning to tell Jaebum about the delicious food he ate last time he was in China for filming and when he came out with Bambam for shopping and Bambam made him pick which one looked better out of three shirts that looked exactly the same, and doesn’t Jaebum think Jackson improved in choreography practice this morning?
Jaebum listens with half an ear, dividing his attention between following Jackson’s movements and humming confirmations at key points in Jackson’s stories. Suddenly, regaining awareness he wasn’t even aware he’d lost temporarily in the midst of Jackson’s chattering, Jaebum realizes that Jackson has led them away from the edge. They’re skating across the open surface in the middle of the rink.
“You’re doing great!” Jackson praises him, which is both embarrassing and a bit nice, not that Jaebum will ever admit that. “I’m gonna let go now!”
“What?”
“It’s fine hyung, just keep going!” Jackson encourages.
“Jackson-ah, don’t you dare—” Jaebum warns, voice climbing in alarm but Jackson gives one last tug forward before twisting out of Jaebum’s clutches and Jaebum is left out in the middle of the rink without any support.
“Jackson, come back here,” he calls, staying perfectly still and trying to sound stern and not like he’s scared, which he isn’t, for the record. “I’m warning you, you better come back right now!”
“You’re doing fine!” Jackson calls back to him, maddeningly circling the area just out of Jaebum’s reach. Jackson carefully evades Jaebum’s thrown out arm, grinning in response to the frustrated growl escaping Jaebum’s clenched jaw. “If you wanna get me I guess you better come over here and catch me!”
Oh, so that’s how it’s gonna be? Jaebum wipes his face clean of any expression, and glances down on his feet before subtly putting all his weight on his left leg, biting down on his lip. Jackson immediately pauses.
“Wait, why do you look like that?” He frowns suspiciously, and points accusingly at Jaebum. “You’re not trying to trick me, are you?”
“Ah, sorry, it’s nothing,” Jaebum plasters on a pained smile and directs it at Jackson, “Really, Jackson-ah—”
“Stop stalling and tell me what’s wrong,” Jackson demands, scowling in that no-nonsense manner he adopts whenever he’s worrying and slowly drifting closer. Jaebum resists the urge to smirk in victory. Just a little more…
“I think my leg is cramping,” he admits, carefully stretching out his right leg and letting out a hiss between his teeth in reaction to an invisible pain. Any trace of suspicion just washes clear out of Jackson’s expression, and in a heartbeat he’s beside Jaebum again, hands already reaching out for him.
However, this is the chance Jaebum was waiting for, and he lunges at Jackson, arms wrapping around his back, their chests knocking together. Jackson yelps, startled by the sudden attack, and loses his balance, arms windmilling comically in the air. They go down in a heap on the ice, Jaebum landing on top on Jackson, the air being punched out of his lungs.
As soon as he registers what’s happened, Jaebum flies upwards. The ice is achingly cold and hard under his knees, and a lesion of frost seems to permeate his heart. His hands fly to Jackson’s chest, his neck, the back of his head, searching for that flash of blood that’ll stop his heart.
“Jackson!” he gasps out, stiff finger fumbling to rip off Jackson’s uselessly padded jacket so he can actually feel for damage, “Are you okay? Are you hurt—”
“Ow, my head,” Jackson groans, eyes squeezed shut.
“Your head?” Jaebum pulls him up, one hand at the base of Jackson’s neck and the other carefully carding through Jackson’s dark hair, the bleach blonde exchanged for dark since last week, you wouldn’t be able to see the blood—“Where does it hurt? Why weren’t you wearing a helmet, you—”
Jackson’s eyes slide open, blinking hazily a couple times before he goes instantly, perfectly still. Jaebum freezes along with him, fingers passing over the same spot on Jackson’s scalp as seconds before, brows furrowing when he feels nothing swollen, no sticky liquid coating his fingertips.
“Uh, Jaebum-hyung,” Jackson says faintly, wide-eyed, and for the first time Jaebum notices the flush spreading across Jackson’s cheeks in a blaze of red. He also notices that he’s practically pulled Jackson into his lap, which, when did that happen? In the same way, he becomes aware of the back of his hand cradling Jackson’s head resting upon his thigh like something precious, the other smoothing through the hair by Jackson’s temple.
“It’s. I’m fine,” Jackson says, voice a little raspy, eyes still blown wide like he doesn’t dare blink, as if it would spook Jaebum. “Really, fine. You can, um, let go now.”
“Oh,” Jaebum says, and then he doesn’t let go. It’s as if his limbs have frozen along with the ice underneath them, and he can’t move even though his mind is screaming for him to do so, although in which direction he can’t quite say. He just keeps looking at Jackson, who keeps looking at him; his huge eyes, and his red cheeks, and the tip of Jackson’s tongue that darts out to wet his bottom lip—
Jaebum jumps at the sudden hooting and wolf whistles piercing his ears, jostling Jackson on his lap. Head whipping up, he identifies Bambam and Yugyeom as the source of the noise, an exasperated Jinyoung trying to shush them. Jaebum’s blood boils. He can actually feel his lips pull back in a snarl, and his muscles tighten and he starts to get up because he’s going to kill those two, but he’s stopped by a tug on his arm.
Jaebum looks down, and oh, right, Jackson’s head is still in his lap. Jackson has one hand fisted in the fabric of Jaebum’s jacket, grip gentle but strong, and his flush has gone down slightly.
“Don’t do it hyung, you’ll just hurt yourself,” he says. Jaebum bristles a little, but Jackson just bites his lip and asks, “Help me up?” and just like that, Jaebum’s priorities shuffle themselves into order.
Together, they get to their feet shakily. Jackson winces a little, and Jaebum’s hand goes to his back to support him. When they finally straighten out into a relatively well balanced position again, Jaebum realizes their proximity. Ears burning, he tries to draw back, but Jackson has other plans. By using the grip he still has on Jaebum’s jacket, Jackson hauls himself right into Jaebum’s chest, so that Jaebum’s other hand instinctively drops low on Jackson’s back to maintain their balance.
“I’m all cold now because you made us fall,” he accuses Jaebum with a slight whine in his voice. Their faces are so close that his warm breath washes over Jaebum’s jaw. “Now you have to make up for it by buy me hot chocolate later.”
“Okay,” Jaebum agrees automatically, arms tightening around Jackson’s back. “I’ll buy you hot chocolate.”
Jackson narrows his eyes at him, like he’s doubting Jaebum will. The notion is ridiculous, since Jaebum would probably buy Jackson a small island, if he asked. “I’m gonna pick the most expensive one on the menu,” he warns.
“I already said I’ll buy it for you,” Jaebum reminds him patiently.
“You better not be lying to me again,” Jackson huffs, but it’s clear he’s not really mad from the playful spark in his eyes. He smirks then, a flash of mischief, before darting forward, lightening quick, and kissing the cold tip of Jaebum’s nose. It’s just a brush of lips, barely even there, but Jaebum’s grip slackens in surprise and Jackson makes his escape, his high pitched giggles mixing with Bambam’s obnoxious, ”Ooohhh, Jackson-hyung!”
Jaebum isn’t even mad about it.