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Will recalled hearing once that infants who are denied touch will die. Failure to thrive. He turned onto his back and stared at the bedside clock, its blue digits dripping into silence. Three rolled into four. The nightmares would return, he knew, if he gave himself back over to sleep. He padded to the kitchen and chugged a glass of tap water hunched over the counter, thinking about blood in the dark.
He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to remember the last person who had shared his bed, their face lost to him through the blur of years. The idea of dating someone—anyone—clenched Will’s stomach into a tight fist. Even one-night-stands came with their own uneasy burdens. They’d want to talk and look into his eyes. He’d scare them away before they ever took their clothes off.
Sexually, he’d convinced himself his own hand would do. Emotionally, he ached for the touch of another. Will set his empty glass in the sink and made his way back to his bed in the living room. On the floor, Winston whimpered. One by one, Will called him and the rest of the pack up to join him in the bed. He spent the rest of the early morning hours halfway between waking and hellish dreams, cocooned in fur and wet noses.
—
Will generally did well to ignore the chatter going on outside his classroom. Perhaps he was overly tired, the walls of his mind vulnerable and cracked, but today he couldn’t help but pay attention.
“I read this article last night about people who get paid to cuddle up with strangers.” a female voice said.
“That’s pathetic,” another woman said, laughing. Will didn’t dare turn around to search their face. “I think I’ll just stick to Tinder.”
“This isn’t for sex. Platonic cuddling can be very therapeutic.”
“But why do you need to pay someone to cuddle you? Go to a bar like a normal person.”
They broke into a quiet fit of laughter then. Class would be starting soon. Will pushed forward into the empty classroom, his cheeks burning hot as flame.
—
It was pathetic, Will knew, searching the internet for a stranger to hold him as he slept. When he thought about it too much he was so stricken with terror that his hands began to shake. He shot back two glasses of bourbon before he could focus long enough to fill out the form requesting a session.
He was given the option to select his preferred cuddler beforehand, but the idea of looking into their pixelated eyes was unbearable. He left a note that he preferred a man and submitted the form before overthinking got the best of him.
—
Will scheduled the session at a hotel in Baltimore, as far away from his own bed as he could justify. The dogs would be okay alone for the length of the eight-hours he had requested.
He lay on the bed, heartbeat rattling his teeth, gazing at the ceiling and waiting for his one-night-cuddling-stand to arrive. The light rapping on the door pulled Will to his feet in a panic. He very seriously considered an escape via balcony before working up the nerve to open the door.
The man on the other side had a soft smile stretched across his face. He was handsome and well-dressed. So well-dressed Will wondered why he would need the $400 spending one night with Will would earn him.
“Hello, Will,” he said, offering his hand. “Dr. Hannibal Lecter.”
“Doctor?”
“Yes.”
Will stepped aside to allow Hannibal into the room, eying him curiously. “Like.. an actual doctor?”
Hannibal smirked as he removed his coat and placed it along with his bag and shoes—his very expensive bag and shoes—in the closet. “Formerly a surgeon, presently a psychotherapist. So yes, an actual doctor.”
Oh no. The panic was no longer a thing Will could ignore. He was practically choking on it. “If this is some sort of study, that’s not what I signed up for.”
“I assure you, it is not.”
Will fought against the urge to bolt from the room. “I thought this sort of thing was mostly a side-job for people strapped for cash.”
“Certainly you’re aware that this is its own sort of therapy.”
“You’re fishing for patients, then.”
“I assure you, I have no need to do such a thing.”
Will frowned. “If you do write about me, you’re not allowed to use my name. Or any other identifying characteristics. Just… don’t write about me.”
Hannibal opened his mouth to speak but closed it again in silence. He gave a nod before turning to fetch his things from his bag, then disappeared behind the bathroom door. Will was already in his own pajamas—plaid pants and a thin t-shirt—so he sat on the bed fidgeting with the blankets and waiting for Hannibal to return.
Hannibal was in a soft sweater and pajama bottoms when he emerged. “A few questions before we begin,” he said. “Do you prefer to cuddle or be cuddled? And would you prefer us to strip from the waist up or remain clothed?”
Will swallowed and stared at the center of Hannibal’s chest. “I, uh…” Will turned away, gazing at the long curtains over the windows. “Cuddled. I don’t know about the other part just yet.”
“We’ll leave them on for now, then.”
Will kept his back turned as Hannibal turned down his side of the bed and crawled in. Will stood just long enough to blindly push the blankets down and shove his body between them and the mattress. He stayed near the edge, far away from the body on the other side.
“May I ask you to move a bit closer?” Hannibal’s voice came after a moment of awkward silence. “Or have you changed your mind?”
Will’s chest shuddered as he breathed. He squeezed his eyes shut and pushed his body back into the center of the bed. Hannibal moved his own body until it was pressed right up against Will’s back. Tentatively, he wrapped an arm around Will’s middle and pulled him close.
“Is this alright?”
Will sighed and tried to still his frantic heart. “Yes, it’s…” Warm. Hannibal was so warm. “It’s okay.”
Hannibal pressed even closer still, slotting the curves of their legs together. He curled his hand over the very spot on Will’s chest where his heart thumped loudly. “It’s hard for you to relax with other people.”
“You’re not here to psychoanalyze me, doctor.”
Hannibal’s laughter tickled the back of Will’s neck. “My apologies. Hard to turn it off.”
Will stiffened when Hannibal reached to click the bedside lamps off. In the safety of the dark, Will allowed himself to open his eyes. Behind him—all around him—Hannibal breathed slow and even. Will focused on the sound of it, on the rhythmic rise and fall of Hannibal’s chest against his back.
Finally, Will’s body began to relax. His mind surrendered to the quiet. The promise of sleep no longer felt edged in terror.
“May I ask how you’re feeling?” Hannibal’s voice pulled Will out of his half-sleeping state.
“You may. But I may not have an answer for you.” Will sighed. “How about we just keep this professional?”
Hannibal tightened his grip around Will’s middle. “God forbid you become friendly with the man holding you in his arms.”
Will was too exhausted to argue. Too content with the body beside him to risk pushing it away. “I’d rather we just sleep.”
“Of course. Goodnight, Will.”
—
Will managed to fall out for one haunted hour before bolting upright in bed, shoving Hannibal off and away from him. He gasped, heart hammering in his chest as he clicked on the bedside lamp.
“You were having a nightmare, talking in your sleep.”
“Why didn’t you wake me?”
“Though your heart was racing, you didn’t seem to be in too much distress. I thought it may do more harm to pull you out before its natural completion.”
Will exhaled hard and flopped back down on his pillow. “What was I saying?”
Hannibal rolled onto his side and draped an arm across Will’s waist. “You were mostly mumbling so it’s hard to be certain. Something about blood perhaps.”
“Fuck. I’m sorry. I was hoping with someone else here it wouldn’t happen.”
“How long have these nightmares persisted?”
“You don’t have to do this.”
Hannibal snuggled up close at Will’s side. “May I suggest we return to our previous position? Then, if you feel like speaking, I’m here to listen, and offer any advice I may have.”
Will rolled back onto his side, allowing Hannibal to cradle him ankle to shoulder. “Work has just been… stressful lately.”
“May I ask what line of work you’re in?”
“I teach at the FBI academy, but I also consult on some of the bureaus more… gruesome cases.”
“Waking nightmares following you into dreams. Are you consulting on a case at the moment?”
Will closed his eyes, vision choked with red. All he could recall of his dream was the stench of copper. A warm and steady drip. “No. But I know it’s not going to be long before I’m needed again.”
“Is it the brutality of these cases that troubles you? Or is there something more?”
“I have a… particular way of thinking about things. Everyone thinks it’s magic, but really I just think too much. Hard to forget those my imagination allows me to become.”
“And all too easy, perhaps, to forget yourself.”
Will sighed and buried his face in the pillow. “It’s a fear. Not necessarily the reality. I’d like to think I know who I am, even when it gets this bad.”
Hannibal’s lips grazed the back of Will’s neck. Will tensed, breath stuttering and freezing in his chest. Intentional or not, it was all it took to spark arousal low in Will’s groin, heat spreading right down to his toes.
“I just need to get out of my own head. Thought this would do the trick.”
Hannibal’s mouth continued to move against Will’s skin as he spoke. “While I can assure you I’m not here fishing for a new patient, I feel obligated to mention I’d be happy to offer my services if you feel you need to speak to someone on a more regular basis, in a more regular therapeutic setting.”
Will was half hard, could feel the outline of Hannibal’s softness against his ass. “Do you, uh…” Will’s mind was a cloud of aching desire, his tongue a thing he could barely contain. “Do you offer other… therapeutic services?”
Hannibal laughed. “Contrary to what many think of the service I am providing at the moment, this is not sex work, Will.”
Will bit the inside of his lip and fought the urge to pull away. “I didn’t… I… never mind. Let’s just try and sleep.”
“I would be lying if I said I didn’t find you incredibly attractive, however. It’s taken more willpower than I imagined to keep my arousal at bay, especially in light of your own.”
Jesus. Will glanced down, his erection not visible with the angle of his body beneath the blankets. “How did you…”
“The scent is quite intoxicating.”
“You can smell it?”
“Yes. I apologize if that makes you uncomfortable.”
“No. I’m sorry.” Will’s face was like fire as he covered it with his hands. “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”
Hannibal’s fingers curled around Will’s ribcage. “But I very much want to,” he said, voice like honey dripping sweetly from his tongue.
Will pressed all his weight back against Hannibal, exposing the line of his neck. “It would be very unethical if you stayed.”
“Yes.” Hannibal’s hips twitched, rutting the growing hardness of his own arousal against Will’s ass. “I really should be on my way.”
Will gasped as Hannibal’s lips sealed around the long tendon of his neck, grazing the flesh with his teeth. His hand worked its way up the front of Will’s shirt. Will was helpless to do anything but writhe and whimper.
“But as a doctor,” Hannibal rumbled against Will’s neck, “it would be far more unethical of me to deny treatment to someone in need.”
“And what treatment would that be?” Will’s voice trembled as Hannibal’s fingers explored his torso.
“I believe I have just the thing to pull you out of that pesky mind of yours.”
Oh god. Will flopped over onto his back as Hannibal pulled away. He shucked the covers off and pulled Will’s thighs apart, settling in between. He pushed Will’s shirt up and caged his body in, bowing down to seal his lips over the nub of Will’s nipple.
The sensation was a jolt right to Will’s already aching cock. Hannibal suckled at Will’s flesh, lapping at it with his tongue, grazing it with his teeth. By the time he’d finished with the other, Will was all but begging for Hannibal to focus his attention lower.
Hannibal pulled back. “What’s on your mind at this very moment?”
Will huffed out a shuddering laugh. “I really want you to suck my cock.”
Hannibal hummed. “No other thoughts at all?”
“No. Fuck. Please. Please, Hannibal.”
“Very good.”
Hannibal wasted no time moving down between Will’s legs and tearing his pants and underwear off, discarding them to the floor. Will’s cock throbbed where it came to rest against his belly. Hannibal gazed at it with shining eyes, licking his lips at the sight.
Hannibal ran the pad of one finger up Will’s length. “Beautiful,” he whispered, mostly to himself. He gathered up a bit of pre-come as he reached the tip, bringing it to his lips and taking it in with a moan.
“Please,” Will whined.
He didn’t have time to beg again before Hannibal was taking Will into the warm of his mouth. Will cried out and gripped Hannibal by the nape, spurring him on with one insistent hand.
It was good. So good it made Will arch up from the bed and fuck Hannibal’s mouth with shallow thrusts of his hips. Everything in the world turned to sensation and light, sparks bursting behind his eyes as Hannibal worked Will’s cock over with his tongue, mouthing down his shaft and behind his balls, sucking at the head of him and then sinking down deep to the back of his throat.
Will was babbling, digging his fingers into Hannibal’s scalp when suddenly his light, his warmth, all of it was snatched suddenly away. Hannibal’s mouth and hands had pulled back, leaving Will shivering in their wake.
“No… no. Don’t…” Will panted in desperation. He reached for Hannibal and was promptly denied.
“What’s the time?” Hannibal asked, casually thumbing spit from his lips.
“What? Don’t… Hannibal. Come on.”
“Look at the clock now. Tell me the time. Where are you? What’s your name?”
“Are you serious?”
“Very.”
Will curled his toes into the mattress and turned his head toward the bedside clock. “It’s 12:45am. I’m in Baltimore, Maryland. My name is Will Graham,” he huffed out. “Now will you make me come?”
Hannibal smirked and wrapped one strong hand around Will’s shaft. He squeezed, teasingly, before he slowly began to stoke.
Will sighed hard. “You can’t actually expect me to forget my own name.”
“No. I don’t want that at all. I want you to remember exactly who you are in this moment. Know yourself, and who it is that’s making you feel this way.”
Without another word Hannibal took Will back between his lips, sinking down, down… taking him all the way to the back of his throat, tongue flicking out to lap at his balls.
“Fuck!” Will gasped. Hannibal gagged around him. And just like that, he was coming. It struck him in a flash, bright and bone deep, not a single coherent thought left in his brain.
Will kept his eyes shut as he floated up and away from himself. He was vaguely aware of Hannibal letting him fall from his mouth, then pressing soft kisses to his spent length. Then Hannibal curling up next to him, resting his head against Will’s thumping chest. As Will returned to his body, he wrapped an arm around Hannibal and pulled him close.
“Thank you,” Will mumbled. It seemed silly to say, though he could think of nothing else.
“You’re welcome. Thank you for indulging me.”
A lazy smile stretched across Will’s face. “Any time.”
“Would you like to sleep now?”
Will frowned and squinted over at Hannibal. “Don’t you want me to…”
“I’m fine for now. Thank you.”
In the morning perhaps, Will thought. He quite liked the idea of returning the favor. He yawned, unable to remember the hour. “How much longer?”
Hannibal buried his face in the crook of Will’s neck. “As long as you will have me.”