Work Text:
Severus Snape
c/o The Leaky Cauldron
London, England
June 29th, 1982
Dear Professor Snape,
Greetings are cordially extended from overcast Nairobi. I hope this letter is still welcome and finds you well. You do not need my permission to set this page on fire if you are so inclined, but rest assured that I will not be offended if you choose to exercise that right.
I do not know if you have done much travelling in East Africa, but I can tell you that Nairobi is a beautiful city. After so many years of spending my summers here, returning is like coming home. I will be staying here several days, during which time I will be making a pest of myself at the university. I will then outfit myself for a temporary stint in the wild poking dangerous beasts with sticks.
Enclosed is a photograph of a rather charming giraffe I met this morning at a nearby habitat. I have always been partial to the creatures. Popular thought supposes that the neck of the giraffe developed to its current state due to the benefit of accessing the tops of trees, but as anyone who has observed a giraffe for more than an hour will tell you, they must stoop to a comical degree in order to eat their preferred diet and to drink. Why then their ridiculous proportions? For males to compete over mates, of course.
What fools nature makes of us, and how ridiculous long-necked suitors must seem to disinterested parties.
With Regards,
Silvanus L. Kettleburn
Silvanus Kettleburn
Nairobi, Kenya
July 7th, 1982
Dear Professor Kettleburn,
London remains much as you left it. The weather has been uncomfortably hot. I expect it may be hotter where you are. I would update you as to the Quidditch season if I thought it would interest you.
What is Thank you for the photograph.
Sincerely,
S. Snape
Severus Snape
c/o The Leaky Cauldron
London, England
July 15th, 1982
Dear Professor Snape,
It was a sincere pleasure to spot a snowy owl in this part of the world and an even greater one to read your letter. I hope I have not earned any particular terseness. If I may say so, I always imagined that you wrote lengthy (and I am sure quite capable) poetry in your spare time.
Forgive my brevity. Your owl is eying a nearby crocodile nervously and seems disinclined to linger. I hope you are enjoying your holiday and will find the time to interrupt my seclusion again.
With Regards,
Silvanus L. Kettleburn
Silvanus Kettleburn
Masai Mara Park, Kenya
July 24th, 1982
Dear Professor Kettleburn,
I have never written poetry in my life. I suspect I should be insulted by any implication otherwise.
Sincerely,
S. Snape
Severus Snape
c/o The Leaky Cauldron
London, England
August 1st, 1982
Dear Professor Snape,
Take me at my sincerest word that insulting you was the least of my intentions. I was obviously consulting the wrong entry in my field guide to the young men of Great Britain. While a healthy pallour and black plumage are commonly associated with the Lesser Youthful Poet, they are not unheard of in the Greater Northern Academic.
It is all for the best, as while I appreciate poetry as an art, it is the bane of my field. I present the savanna as an example. At the time I am writing this, I am being kept awake by the noise of at least sixteen separate crepuscular species. Ah, the "song" of bird and insect, I hear a poet say. How melodious! Really, animals make noise for two reasons: to threaten and to woo. The entire scene is rather less romantic when one translates each call to either "Bugger off!" or "Hello, sailor!" It is like camping out on London’s high street.
From here on, when I imagine you awake in the small hours, writing by long quill in a handsomely gothic fashion by the light of a candelabra, I promise I will be certain to conjure alchelmical bonds on your parchment instead of lines of verse.
Speaking of which, are you undertaking any research of your own this summer? I would very much enjoy hearing about your academic interests.
Warmest Regards,
Silvanus L. Kettleburn
Silvanus Kettleburn
Masai Mara Park, Kenya
August 9th
Dear Professor Kettleburn,
I'm not certain why you would be imagining me at night at all. Thank you nonetheless for the correction.
At the moment, I find myself without a firm area of research. In recent years, I found myself interested in the invention of spells, but my efforts never came to anything good.
I happened to encounter Madam Hooch in town on Wednesday, and when she heard that we were corresponding, she requested that I send you her best and advise you not to pull on any tiger tails. I did try to tell her on your behalf that tigers are not native to Africa.
Sincerely,
S. Snape
Severus Snape
c/o The Leaky Cauldron
London, England
August 17th, 1982
Dear Professor Snape,
If you would rather I keep my meandering thoughts on this side of the world, I will respectfully comply.
I will, however, be a pest and a pain and insist that you find yourself an area of academic enjoyment. You are an intelligent man, and I can guarantee that devoting yourself to nothing but student-wrangling will drive you mad in time. Hogwarts has a particular way of blotting out the world outside, and I would be very sorry to see you lose sight of everything else on offer.
That said, you will now be envious to know that I have spent the last week digging through samples of Nundu leavings and performing parasite swabs. Would that you could be so lucky, I'm sure.
Warmest Regards,
Silvanus S. Kettleburn
Silvanus Kettleburn
Masai Mara Park, Kenya
August 24th, 1982
Dear Professor Kettleburn,
It is entirely your own prerogative where your thoughts do or do not wander. I don't know why you I have had few opportunities for intelligent conversation this summer and look forward to resuming our acquaintanceship.
Perhaps when you return, we could meet at your convenience and discuss your research. (Parasites optional.) (Parasites optional.)
Regards,
S. Snape
Severus Snape
c/o The Leaky Cauldron
London, England
August 31st, 1982
Dear Professor Snape,
I am counting upon the fact that I should arrive at Hogwarts ahead of this letter. If I have been a coward, then allow the braver me of a week ago to say that I would very much like the opportunity to take you to bed.
Please disregard this letter if it proves redundant.
With hope,
Silvanus L. Kettleburn