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TRIGGER WARNINGS: Vehicular collisions, violence, major character death, infant death, drugs, suicide, guns, blood, surgery, explosions, broken bones
EXT. THE BAD PART OF LONDON - DAY
SHERLOCK HOLMES and JOHN WATSON are beating up COMMON THUGS left and right.
It is clear that they have been at it for hours, because they are both exhausted…
…and there are dozens of unconscious thugs all around them.
JOHN
They just keep coming!
SHERLOCK
Getting tired yet, John?
JOHN
(gasping for air)
Not on your life!
Suddenly, the thugs’ cell phones all go off at once.
They all stop attacking and check their phones.
Once they see the message, they all scurry.
Sherlock manages to grab one of them by the collar.
SHERLOCK
Who sent you?!
THUG
You know very well!
Sherlock lets the thug go.
The thug runs off.
Sherlock and John both try to catch their breath as badly beaten thugs moan all around them.
JOHN
Are you okay?
SHERLOCK
Yeah. You?
JOHN
Yeah.
SHERLOCK
That must have been Moriarty. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was also responsible for the bus disaster that we came here to investigate. I owe you an apology, John. I thought that this case was going to be boring!
JOHN
Why do you suppose Moriarty would cause a bus disaster, then corner us here and send wave after wave of thugs at us?
SHERLOCK
The question is why did he call them back?
JOHN
That reminds me, I’d better check my phone for messages.
SHERLOCK
Yeah. I suppose I should too.
They both check their phones.
JOHN
I have over four hundred texts!
SHERLOCK
Me too!
JOHN
They’re all from Mary!
SHERLOCK
Mine too!
JOHN
Wow. That is some really colourful language she’s using!
SHERLOCK
Mine all just say “Where are you?” and “Get John to the hospital now!”
JOHN
Uh oh! Mary’s having the baby!
SHERLOCK
Correction. Mary had the baby. You were right. It’s a girl.
JOHN
Wait, you don’t suppose this was all just a distraction, do you?
The realization hits them both.
SHERLOCK
We’d better get over to the hospital right away!
They both take off running.
JOHN
If Moriarty harms my wife or my daughter, I’ll kill him!
SHERLOCK
Not if I kill him first!
INT. SAINT BART’S HOSPITAL - A QUICK TAXI RIDE LATER
Sherlock and John burst through the hospital doors and rush over to the reception desk.
They find JANINE sitting there.
JANINE
Welcome to Saint Bart’s. May I help you?
SHERLOCK
Janine?!
JANINE
Hello, Sherl. What do you think of my new job?
JOHN
Never mind that! Mary just had her baby! Can you tell me what room she’s in?!
Janine types something into the computer.
JANINE
I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but it looks like Mary Watson and Baby Watson were both just transferred to the morgue a few minutes ago.
Sherlock and John are both horrified.
JOHN
What?!
JANINE
They’re trying to figure out what happened right now, but I don’t…
Sherlock and John both take off running for the morgue.
JANINE
(calling after them)
It was good to see you again, Sherl!
She goes right back to typing.
INT. THE MORGUE - MOMENTS LATER
The morgue is full of bodies in body bags from the bus disaster. MARY WATSON is on a steel table, dressed only in a sheet.
Sherlock and John burst into the room.
John sees Mary and his face falls as he rushes over to her.
JOHN
(full of sadness)
Oh, Mary!
John bends over her and clumsily kisses her face.
Sherlock stands back, wiping tears from his face and trying to maintain his composure.
Suddenly, MOLLY HOOPER comes running down the stairs. She is saddened to see them there.
MOLLY
Oh, John! I’m so sorry!
SHERLOCK
Molly! What happened?!
MOLLY
Well, I haven’t examined the baby yet. I’m sorry. I’ve been so busy! But I found a cut on Mary’s forehead, and I found traces of Clostridium botulinum in the cut.
SHERLOCK
Moriarty!
MOLLY
But when my supervisor came in, he insisted that I stop examining Mary and that I examine the bus disaster victims first.
John stands up straight.
JOHN
So, Moriarty murdered my wife and my baby while we were fighting those thugs?!
SHERLOCK
It certainly looks that way, John.
There is a pause in which John gets that murderous look on his face…
…then he attacks Sherlock and slams him against a wall.
JOHN
WHY DIDN’T YOU CHECK YOUR PHONE?! WHY DIDN’T YOU DEDUCE THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG?! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!! YOU BROKE YOUR VOW!!!
MOLLY
John! Stop it! Leave him alone!
JOHN
I HATE YOU!!! I HATE YOU!!! YOU LET THEM DIE, AND I’LL NEVER, EVER FORGIVE YOU!!!
John suddenly collapses, exhausted, into Sherlock’s arms and starts sobbing.
Sherlock holds him gently.
SHERLOCK
You’re right. I’m so sorry, John. I should have deduced that something was wrong. I could have prevented all of this.
JOHN
I’m sorry, Sherlock. I didn’t mean that just now. I don’t hate you, and it wasn’t your fault.
SHERLOCK
No. You’re right. I broke my vow, but the least I can do is try to keep what’s left of it.
MOLLY
I’m sorry, but I really need to get back to work. I have a lot of post-mortems to do.
Sherlock and John separate.
SHERLOCK
Come on, John.
They begin to leave. Molly opens one of the drawers.
We get a glimpse of THE BABY, who is blue and still.
John collapses.
SHERLOCK
John?
Sherlock and Molly both kneel beside John.
SHERLOCK
John!
MOLLY
He’s not breathing!
SHERLOCK
His heart must have stopped! Quick! Get me something to put under his head!
Molly gets up as Sherlock does chest compressions on John.
Molly searches the morgue for something to use as a pillow.
Molly returns to Sherlock’s side just as Sherlock finishes the chest compressions.
Sherlock gives John two rescue breaths.
He starts the chest compressions again.
John regains consciousness and knocks Sherlock aside.
JOHN
Oh, leave me alone! What makes you think I want you to save me?!
SHERLOCK
You can’t just drop dead on me like that, John!
JOHN
Listen, I’ll die when I want to! I have completely lost my will to live!
Sherlock is obviously greatly disturbed.
He helps John to his feet and helps him out of the room.
SHERLOCK
Come on, John. Let’s get you home.
INT. JOHN’S ROOM - EVENING
John suddenly wakes up in his bed.
He sees Sherlock sitting on the edge of the bed.
SHERLOCK
Oh, good! You’re awake!
JOHN
(clearly dizzy)
Why do I feel so… so… woozy? Wait a minute, did you drug me?!
SHERLOCK
I had to run some errands, and I needed to make sure you stayed asleep while I wasn’t here to watch you. I made sure not to give you a dangerous dose.
JOHN
I see. Could I have some more of whatever drug you gave me?
SHERLOCK
I’m sorry, John, but I don’t think that would be very wise right now. I don’t want you to slip into a coma. In your state, you might never wake up.
JOHN
Please?
SHERLOCK
No. Now, I’ll be in the next room if you need me. I already called Mrs. Hudson and told her I won’t be home tonight. Good night, John.
Sherlock leaves the room.
JOHN
It most assuredly is not!
INT. JOHN’S BEDROOM - HOURS LATER
John wakes up from a fitful sleep.
He rolls over, his hand falling on the empty side of the bed where his wife once slept…
…and we can see his heart breaking all over again.
His hand moves up over his face as he is clearly crying.
JOHN
(through choking sobs)
Oh, Mary!
He opens his drawer, only to find it empty.
JOHN
(sigh)
Sherlock must have hidden my gun. That must have been the errand he mentioned.
(sigh)
I’ll just have to come up with something else, then.
INT. JOHN’S LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER.
John enters the room, now fully dressed and holding a note…
…and sees that Sherlock is asleep on the couch.
John sets the note down on the coffee table…
…leaves the room for a moment…
…and returns with a blanket, which he drapes over Sherlock.
He makes sure the blanket is covering Sherlock, like a parent might do…
…strokes Sherlock’s hair once…
…and just stands there for a moment, staring at him, as if trying to memorize his face.
JOHN
I know we’ve had our close calls in the past, mate, but now, this really is the last time I will ever see you.
He backs away.
JOHN
Goodbye, Sherlock. Thanks for everything.
He backs through the door…
…and tries to close it as quietly as possible.
Sherlock starts to wake up.
SHERLOCK
Mmff! John?
We hear John’s car pulling away.
Sherlock jumps up, alarmed.
SHERLOCK
(fearful)
John!
He sees the note on the table…
…picks it up…
…and looks at it. It says “Goodbye Sherlock.”
Sherlock’s rising panic is now obvious.
EXT. SAINT BART’S HOSPITAL, MINUTES LATER
John goes through the front door and into the hospital.
A taxi pulls up outside the hospital.
Sherlock jumps out of the taxi, throws money at the DRIVER, and races towards the hospital’s front doors.
SHERLOCK
John!
INT. SAINT BART’S HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS
John gets into an elevator…
…and presses the up button.
The doors close just as Sherlock gets inside the hospital.
He races towards the closed elevator doors…
…and bangs on them in frustration when he gets there. He then races towards the stairs.
EXT. THE ROOF OF SAINT BART’S HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS
John is slowly getting closer and closer to the ledge.
He steps onto the ledge, so focused on what he has to do…
…that he does not see a very panicked Sherlock racing up to him from behind.
SHERLOCK
John!
John is just about to step off the ledge…
…when Sherlock grabs him by the arm and pulls him back.
JOHN
(annoyed)
Hey!
SHERLOCK
John! What are you doing?!
JOHN
Sherlock?! How did you find me…?!
SHERLOCK
The note, John! John, how could you do this?!
JOHN
My wife and daughter are dead, Sherlock! I have no family left!
SHERLOCK
You’ve got me!
JOHN
I…
SHERLOCK
I know I let Mary down, and your daughter, but I still have the last part of my vow to fulfill! I can’t let you kill yourself! I can’t let you die! Do you have any idea what it’s like to see your best friend on a ledge, about to jump to his death?!
John gives Sherlock a look that could kill.
SHERLOCK
Sorry. That was a stupid question.
JOHN
Incredibly stupid!
SHERLOCK
John! You’re the only family I’ve got!
JOHN
What about Mycroft, and your parents?
There is a pause.
SHERLOCK
As I said, you’re the only family I’ve got! Without you, I can’t even have half a life!
JOHN
There is no life for me without Mary and the baby. Life without the ones you love most is not worth living. Now let me go!
SHERLOCK
No!
JOHN
Let me go now!
SHERLOCK
John, seriously! Were you this desperate to kill yourself when you thought I was dead?
JOHN
Yes!
Sherlock is shocked by this news.
JOHN
I was so alone before I met you, and I didn’t ever want to be that alone again, so when I thought I’d lost you, well… Mary was the one who found me and stopped me.
SHERLOCK
I’m so glad she did! What did she say to you that stopped you?
JOHN
What?
SHERLOCK
(becoming desperate)
Please, John! Just tell me what she said that time!
JOHN
Let me go!
SHERLOCK
How did Mary stop you from killing yourself?!
JOHN
(shouting)
That’s none of your business!
SHERLOCK
Please, just tell me what I can say, what I can do, to stop you from killing yourself! I’ll do whatever it takes! I’ll stay with you for as long as I have to! I’ll take you on so many cases that you won’t have time to grieve, or I can ignore my clients and help you through the grief and be there to listen to you whenever you want! I’d do anything for you! I’d even give up solving crimes permanently for you! Listen to me, I’ve killed for you, I’ve died for you, and I’ve even fought my way back from the dead for you! I want to know what else I could possibly do for you, and I’ll gladly do it, because I love you and I care about you!
There is a heavy pause. John processes what Sherlock has just said.
JOHN
(reluctantly)
I love you too.
SHERLOCK
Then please don’t do this to me! Please stay with me, and I promise I’ll do whatever I can to help you through this! You are what makes my life bearable! Just give me a chance to make your life bearable again! I vowed to always be there for you, and if you die, then what’s left of my vow will require me to die too.
JOHN
That doesn’t make any sense!
SHERLOCK
You know that I would give my life for you without hesitation!
Sherlock climbs up onto the ledge.
JOHN
(slightly panicked)
What are you doing?!
SHERLOCK
Do you remember that night at the swimming pool when you had a bomb strapped to your chest? You grabbed Moriarty, intending to sacrifice yourself, and told me to run, but I didn’t. I chose to stay with you. If that should prove anything to you, it should prove that, if we’re in a situation that could be fatal to both of us, and I have a chance to escape but you don’t, then I won’t take it. I’ll stay and try to save you, and die trying if I have to.
JOHN
Sherlock…!
SHERLOCK
And, if necessary, I’m going to die trying right now.
Sherlock goes to step off the ledge. John pulls him back.
JOHN
No! Stop! I won’t kill myself! I promise!
They pull each other into a huge hug, burying their faces in each other’s shoulders.
Sherlock cries with relief, and, it is difficult to tell, but he might actually kiss John on the shoulder.
SHERLOCK
Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
JOHN
I love you!
SHERLOCK
I love you too!
MORIARTY
(sickeningly)
How sweet!
Sherlock and John separate, looking a bit panicked…
…and turn around to find JIM MORIARTY standing there with a gun pointed at them.
SHERLOCK
(bitterly)
You…!
MORIARTY
It’s always touching to see two soulmates fighting for each other!
JOHN
Ugh!
MORIARTY
What makes this extra special is that this is the roof of the place where you two lovebirds first met, and where I put an end to your relationship by making Sherlock jump off the roof…
JOHN
We are not a couple! For the thousandth time, I am not gay!
MORIARTY
Really? How does that make you feel, Sherlock, to hear him say that?
SHERLOCK
Think what you will about me, but don’t call John something he’s not!
MORIARTY
What, just because John got married and had a kid… Where are they now, John-boy?
John is obviously very hurt.
Sherlock is obviously very angry.
JOHN
(bursting into rage)
I’LL KILL YOU!!!
He goes to attack Moriarty, but Sherlock holds him back.
SHERLOCK
John, no! Not while he’s got a gun in his hand!
MORIARTY
You’ve got to admit, there’s something thrilling about dying while trying to avenge the one you love, something you’ll soon know all about, Sherlock!
SHERLOCK
(bitterly)
What do you want with me now, Jim?
MORIARTY
Let’s do an experiment. I heard you say that you would give up solving crimes forever for John. So, every hour on the hour until you stop me, I’m going to blow up a building somewhere in London…
JOHN
Why don’t you just shoot him already, Sherlock?!
SHERLOCK
I can’t! I hid my gun along with yours!
JOHN
You’re an idiot!
SHERLOCK
I didn’t want to take any chances!
MORIARTY
But here’s where it gets really good! If you try to stop me, Sherlock, I’ll kill John Watson! Unless you promise right now not to stop me, I’ll shoot him right through the heart, and if you break your promise, I’ve got snipers all over town! Let’s just see how many people you’re willing to let die to protect the one you love most!
JOHN
You can’t honestly think that Sherlock would…
SHERLOCK
(slightly panicked)
I promise! I won’t try to stop you! Just stop pointing that gun at John!
MORIARTY
Well! This is going to be fun! I’m going to enjoy watching you go insane, maybe diving back into drug abuse and wasting away to nothing in some gutter while your city blows up all around you, all secure in the knowledge that I will not harm a hair on John’s head…
John has heard enough. He charges at Moriarty.
The gun goes off and John collapses to the ground.
Sherlock is stricken.
SHERLOCK
NO!!!
Sherlock rushes to John’s side.
John is still conscious but obviously in a lot of pain. He is also losing blood very fast. There is a bullet hole in the exact same place that Sherlock’s was before.
Moriarty starts to walk away.
MORIARTY
Well, this was fun, but I’m off to destroy a building now. It’s up to you, Sherlock. You can either try to stop me, or you can try to save your John. You haven’t got much time to do either, so which will it be?
Moriarty leaves.
Klaxons go off inside Sherlock’s head.
MENTAL IMAGES OF MYCROFT HOLMES, MOLLY HOOPER, AND PHILIP ANDERSON appear on the roof.
MOLLY
(emotionless)
It’s very handy having a mind palace to go to, isn’t it?
ANDERSON
(also emotionless)
Unfortunately, you won’t have access to most of it this time.
SHERLOCK
(terrified)
What?! No! Why?!
MYCROFT
Isn’t it obvious?
MOLLY
You’re panicking.
ANDERSON
Your mind palace is shutting down.
SHERLOCK
This didn’t happen when I got shot!
MOLLY
Of course not! The thought of dying doesn’t scare you nearly as much as the thought of losing John.
ANDERSON
If it hadn’t been for John, you’d be dead many times by now anyway.
SHERLOCK
Please, no! I’ve got to have access to my mind palace! I need to know how I can save John!
MYCROFT
John is a doctor. Why don’t you ask him?
Sherlock looks John in the eyes, his face shiny with tears.
SHERLOCK
John! I need to keep you alive! How do I do that?!
JOHN
You… you need to… press on the wound, call 999, and keep me awake! If I black out, I might never regain consciousness!
Sherlock immediately pulls off his scarf and presses it against John’s wound.
He then gets out his cell phone and calls 999.
SHERLOCK
(into the phone)
My friend has been shot! He’s losing a lot of blood…! We’re on the roof of Saint Bart’s hospital! Please hurry!
(back to John)
You’re still losing a lot of blood! You must have an exit wound! What do I do?!
John blacks out.
SHERLOCK
John! No! Stay awake! Stay with me! John! Please!
Sherlock takes John into his arms, hugs him tight, and starts really crying.
SHERLOCK
John! Don’t leave me here alone!
The paramedics arrive…
…take John from Sherlock, exposing the blood on Sherlock’s clothes…
…and load John onto a stretcher.
Sherlock gets up and follows them.
MYCROFT
It’s out of his hands now.
ANDERSON
It’s up to the doctors…
MOLLY
…and up to John.
ANDERSON
What do you think he’s going to do now? I’m taking wagers.
MYCROFT
I think he’s going to find Moriarty and try to stop him.
MOLLY
I think he’s going to stay with John until the end.
MYCROFT
My brother does have a conscience, you know. He won’t let innocent Londoners die.
MOLLY
But remember what Moriarty said? If Sherlock tries to stop him now, there could be a sniper in the hospital, waiting for the word.
INT. THE OPERATING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Doctors are frantically trying to save John.
The heart monitor shows John’s heartbeat quickly getting weaker and weaker.
INT. OUTSIDE OPERATING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
A distraught Sherlock is just outside the door. He is visibly shaking.
MOLLY
I told you he wouldn’t leave John.
MYCROFT
Yes, but now he has to live with having caused the deaths of whoever was in the building Moriarty decided to blow up.
ANDERSON
What do you think is going to happen if John dies on the operating table?
MOLLY
I don’t think Sherlock will give up on John that easily.
MYCROFT
I think it would be in Sherlock’s best interest to just put John out of his mind and walk away.
(speaking directly to Sherlock)
I warned you, little brother, that caring is not an advantage. The East Wind takes us all in the end. It took Redbeard, and now it’s going to take John too.
SHERLOCK
Shut up!
MYCROFT
The best thing you can do is to turn your heart into stone and never let anyone in. You should never have let John into your heart, Sherlock.
SHERLOCK
SHUT UP!!!
The operating room doors open and a DOCTOR comes out.
Sherlock anxiously approaches the doctor.
The doctor’s face looks grim.
Sherlock’s face falls.
DOCTOR
(sigh)
I’m sorry. We couldn’t save him.
Sherlock just breaks.
His back hits the wall…
…and he crumples as sadness washes over him.
SHERLOCK
No!
(sob)
NO!!!
MYCROFT
Well, that’s that, I suppose.
MOLLY
Poor Sherlock! Poor John!
ANDERSON
Wait! It’s not over yet, folks! What do you want to bet that Sherlock will remember exactly what it was that saved him when he got shot?
DOCTOR
We did everything we could. His will to live just wasn’t strong enough.
New hope registers on Sherlock’s face.
MOLLY
He remembers!
MYCROFT
But how is he going to apply it? John can’t have much brain activity left.
Sherlock jumps up…
…pushes past the doctor…
…and barges into the operating room.
DOCTOR
Hey! You can’t go in there!
INT. OPERATING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Doctors are busy disconnecting John from various machines.
Sherlock barges in…
…pushes his way past various doctors who try to stop him…
…and makes his way to John’s side.
He shouts as loudly as he can into John’s right ear.
SHERLOCK
SHERLOCK HOLMES IS DEFINITELY IN DANGER!!!
Doctors grab Sherlock and begin to drag him out.
Suddenly, the heart monitor beeps to life.
Doctors rush back to John’s side as Sherlock’s face goes from amazement…
…to sheer relief and happiness.
MYCROFT
I can’t believe that worked!
MOLLY
Of course it did! John loves Sherlock, and Sherlock knows that now.
INT. JOHN’S HOSPITAL ROOM - ABOUT AN HOUR LATER
John wakes up, blinks, and tries to figure out where he is.
He sees Sherlock almost asleep in the chair next to him, still covered in blood.
JOHN
Sherlock?
Sherlock sits straight up.
SHERLOCK
John!
In an instant, he is at John’s side. He is grasping John’s hand with one hand and stroking John’s hair with the other.
SHERLOCK
How are you feeling?
JOHN
I’ve been better.
(pause)
You look terrible.
SHERLOCK
What do you expect? I nearly lost you three times in less than twelve hours!
JOHN
Before, when I was on the roof, about to kill myself, how did you find me?
SHERLOCK
It was your note.
JOHN
(puzzled)
All my note said was “Goodbye Sherlock.”
SHERLOCK
And just before I jumped off the roof that time, after Moriarty threatened you, Mrs. Hudson, and Lestrade, the last thing I said was “Goodbye John.”
JOHN
Don’t remind me!
SHERLOCK
I have to admit, the roof of Saint Bart’s was just a guess. I was counting on you subconsciously wanting me to find you, and I knew that, if you did, you would choose the roof. If you didn’t want me to find you, you would have chosen anything else, although I don’t suppose you had much choice, considering I hid your gun, along with everything in your house that could possibly have been used as a means for suicide.
JOHN
So that’s why I couldn’t find any shoes with laces in them.
SHERLOCK
I didn’t want to take any chances. I didn’t want to risk going through any of this, ever.
(pause)
Is this what it felt like for you, mind freezing up, heart being ripped to shreds, everything falling apart, when I jumped off the roof?
JOHN
Pretty much.
SHERLOCK
Oh, John! I’m so sorry! I am so sorry! I had no idea how much pain I was causing you! And you felt like that for two years?!
JOHN
Yes.
SHERLOCK
No wonder you didn’t forgive me right away! The pain I felt tonight I wouldn’t wish on anyone, and yet I allowed you to go through it for two years, during which you almost killed yourself! And I thought I was protecting you by not telling you that I was really alive! But I couldn’t risk Moriarty’s men coming after you!
JOHN
Now you know why I wanted to jump off that roof, because the way you felt tonight is how I’ve been feeling since I lost my wife and my daughter.
SHERLOCK
I know. I’m so sorry I failed to keep them alive! Believe me, I would take this pain from you if I could!
JOHN
Well, if you want to keep me alive, then I’ll just have to endure it. I just wish I could stop feeling. I wish I could just turn my heart into stone.
SHERLOCK
Believe me, a life like that is not worth living.
JOHN
Well, it’s got to be better than this!
SHERLOCK
Did I ever tell you about Redbeard? He was my childhood dog. I got him for Christmas when I was about five. He became my best friend. We had many happy years together and I loved him very much. But then, when he got older, he got this cough, and over the next few months, the cough got worse, and then the vet told us that he had lung cancer and would have to be put down. I was devastated. That was the first time Mycroft told me that caring was not an advantage, and that, if I wanted to survive, I would have to be like him and turn my heart into stone. Although, now that I think about it, he might have been telling me that because he couldn’t stand to see me in pain. I got a lot of mixed messages from Mycroft growing up. Anyway, that’s how I lived for the next twenty years, never letting myself love anyone or anything, and I convinced myself that I was happy living that way.
JOHN
I… I had no idea!
SHERLOCK
Everything changed when I met you, John. For the first time since I was a child, my heart opened up, not just to you, but to Mrs. Hudson, Lestrade, Molly, and everyone else I care about. Ever since I met you, I’ve been happier than I’ve ever been. John, I love you over everything, beyond what I ever would have thought possible, and I always will, for the rest of my life! Now you know why you’re so important to me.
There is a long pause.
JOHN
(overwhelmed)
I… It was worth this bullet wound to know…
John suddenly notices the television in the corner.
JOHN
What’s that?
Sherlock turns around and looks at the television.
A REPORTER is speaking in front of a ruined building.
Sherlock turns up the volume.
REPORTER
Fortunately, the restaurant was not open at the time of the explosion, or else the death toll would have been much higher. No word on whether this was foul play or just a gas leak.
JOHN
I know that restaurant! That’s where I first tried to propose to Mary, but then you turned up alive. So, he really is going to bomb a building every hour you don’t stop him!
SHERLOCK
Of course he is! Did you expect anything less? Wait, is that why you charged at him and got shot? You thought that, if he shot you, then he would honour the agreement made…
JOHN
Of course not! I know Moriarty better than that! I mean, he’s basically you! I did it because I didn’t want to see you give up solving crimes and fall back into drug abuse. I did it so that you would go after him and stop him.
SHERLOCK
Well, I can’t go after him now. I need to stay here with you!
JOHN
I’ll be fine! Just go!
SHERLOCK
No you won’t! There’s a sniper somewhere in this hospital, and if I try to stop Moriarty, he’ll come in and shoot you!
JOHN
If you don’t stop him, more and more people will die!
SHERLOCK
I don’t care about any of them! I only care about you!
JOHN
What if the next building he blows up is 221B Baker Street, or Scotland Yard, or even this hospital?!
Sherlock is clearly torn.
Suddenly, the real Molly knocks on the door and comes into the room.
MOLLY
Hi, John. How are you doing?
SHERLOCK
Molly! Perfect timing!
JOHN
Sherlock, you’re not seriously going to ask her to…
SHERLOCK
The first thing I need from you should be easy enough. I’ve got two guns hidden in the morgue, in a drawer with an old man with a lump on his neck.
MOLLY
Mister Grossman?
SHERLOCK
(after a pause)
Yeah, probably. I need you to get those guns and bring them back for me.
(very serious)
I should just warn you that the next part of the favour might be a bit dangerous, but I’ll explain it when you get back.
MOLLY
(after a pause)
Okay. Sure.
Molly leaves the room.
JOHN
Sherlock, you can’t ask her to…
SHERLOCK
(innocently)
What? I’m only asking her to retrieve two guns for me.
JOHN
You know what I’m talking about! I’m talking about the next part of the favour!
SHERLOCK
You don’t even know what that is yet!
INT. THE MORGUE - MOMENTS LATER
Molly opens the drawer containing MISTER GROSSMAN and finds the two guns, along with all of John’s kitchen knives, belts, shoelaces, pills, household chemicals, extension cords, and anything else that might be considered dangerous to a suicidal person.
MOLLY
How did he get all of this stuff in here?!
INT. JOHN’S HOSPITAL ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
SHERLOCK
I need to make sure you don’t get hurt, or try to hurt yourself, while I go out!
JOHN
You don’t trust me?
SHERLOCK
After everything that happened tonight, how do I know you’re not going to try to kill yourself again as soon as I leave?
JOHN
Sherlock, you’re my best friend in the world and I love you. I told you that twice tonight already! I’m not going to try to kill myself now! I’m just going to endure the pain, for you, because you’re the only family I’ve got left!
SHERLOCK
What about Harry?
JOHN
Like I said, you’re the only family I’ve got left.
Molly returns with the two guns.
SHERLOCK
That was quick! Thank you, Molly!
Molly hands him the guns. Sherlock stuffs one into his pocket and holds the other one out to her.
SHERLOCK
(serious again)
Now, the next part of the favour could be dangerous, and I won’t ask you to do anything you don’t want to do.
MOLLY
What do you need?
He presses the gun into her hand.
SHERLOCK
I need you to keep an eye on John while I go out. Don’t let anyone in here without searching them for weapons, don’t let John’s morphine get too high or too low, keep talking to him and reassuring him, make sure he gets enough to eat and that he actually eats it…
JOHN
Alright, Mom! I think she’s got it!
SHERLOCK
And if anyone bursts in here and tries to shoot John, I need you to shoot them first.
MOLLY
I’ve never handled a gun before.
SHERLOCK
Well, if you’re not comfortable…
MOLLY
No! I mean, I’ll do my best!
SHERLOCK
Thank you, Molly.
After a pause, Sherlock gives Molly a passionate kiss right on the lips.
Sherlock then turns around and goes back to John.
Molly sinks into the chair, with her eyes closed, her fingers brushing her lips, savouring the feel of the kiss.
Sherlock leans over John.
SHERLOCK
I’ll be back soon.
JOHN
Be careful.
Sherlock starts to straighten up…
Then, before John can say or do anything about it, Sherlock quickly kisses John on the forehead…
…then he quickly dashes out the door.
JOHN
No wonder nobody believes we’re platonic.
Molly is still savouring her kiss from Sherlock.
JOHN
Molly? Molly!
MOLLY
(snapping out of it)
Huh?! Wha…?! Do you need something?
JOHN
(sigh)
Forget it.
INT. A HALLWAY IN SAINT BART’S HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS
Sherlock pulls out his cell phone and starts texting.
The text message reads: “Where are you?”
The answer: “I’m at the place where you first encountered Mary Morstan.”
Sherlock texts: “You blew up the restaurant already.”
The answer: “Let me rephrase that. I’m at the place where you first encountered A. G. R. A., shortly after we first met at the hospital.”
Sherlock looks up in alarm as the realization hits him.
SHERLOCK
(whispering)
Oh, no!
INT. THE SWIMMING POOL - MOMENTS LATER
Sherlock enters the swimming pool area…
…and pulls the gun out of his pocket.
His eyes are full of intensity.
SHERLOCK
(calling)
Where are you?!
(pause)
Show yourself!
Sherlock walks past a closed door.
Moriarty bursts out at him.
MORIARTY
Miss me?
Sherlock points the gun at Moriarty.
SHERLOCK
This time, you’ve gone too far!
MORIARTY
Careful, Sherl! Did you really think that I would lure you back to the pool without bringing snipers? I mean, the ones I’ve got in here are a bit on the inexperienced side, but that just means that one of my best snipers is on his way to kill your boyfriend right now!
SHERLOCK
Please don’t call him my boyfriend.
MORIARTY
You’ve never objected when I’ve called him that before.
SHERLOCK
That’s because I don’t care what people think of me, but John does, so, for his sake, please stop saying that he and I are a couple!
MORIARTY
If I were you, I’d be more worried about the fact that, because you deserted him, he’s about to be killed!
SHERLOCK
How do you know he’s still alive? After all, you did shoot him, and he was bleeding out when you left.
MORIARTY
If I’d killed him, you would have stopped me before I even left the hospital, and we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now! You would have killed me right away!
SHERLOCK
What makes you think I’m not going to kill you now?
MORIARTY
Because I’ve got a hostage with a bomb! Care to guess who it is?
Suddenly, there is the sound of a baby crying.
SHERLOCK
Is that what I think it is?!
MORIARTY
(sigh)
You might as well come out now, Mrs. Watson!
THE REAL MARY WATSON steps out. THE REAL BABY is strapped to her. Also strapped to her is a bomb.
SHERLOCK
(whispering, amazed)
You’re alive!
INT. JOHN’S HOSPITAL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
MOLLY
There’s something I was wondering about Mary, John.
JOHN
I thought we agreed not to talk about Mary and the baby.
MOLLY
I know, but this is something really important that I need to know!
JOHN
(sigh)
Fine. Go ahead.
MOLLY
Did she ever have any cosmetic surgery?
JOHN
(sigh)
I wouldn’t put it past her to have had some.
MOLLY
It’s just… I noticed the scars on her face…
JOHN
Scars? Mary doesn’t have any scars on her face, and I’ve seen her without makeup lots of times.
MOLLY
Well, the body in the morgue did have scars from cosmetic surgery.
JOHN
But…!
MOLLY
Also, the baby that I saw was premature, maybe even stillborn.
JOHN
But our baby was full-term!
MOLLY
When I got suspicious, I tried to examine them further, but my supervisor insisted that we examine the victims of the bus disaster first. It’s almost as if he didn’t want me to examine Mary and the baby at all.
JOHN
Why didn’t you tell me this before?!
MOLLY
I tried to call you when I first got suspicious, but I couldn’t get through. I wanted to try again, but the bus disaster has had us all overworked.
JOHN
My phone died after I got home, and I couldn’t find the charger.
MOLLY
I saw something that looked like a phone charger when I was getting the guns for Sherlock. He must have seen it as a potential means of suicide.
JOHN
(sigh)
I am going to kill him!
(pause)
But does that mean that those corpses we saw might not be Mary and the baby?
INT. SWIMMING POOL – CONTINUOUS
The baby is still crying.
MARY
Sherlock! You’re covered in blood!
SHERLOCK
It’s John’s blood. Don’t worry! He’s alive!
MORIARTY
Not for much longer, he isn’t! One of my best snipers should be barging into his room right… about… now!
INT. JOHN’S HOSPITAL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
The door bursts open.
Molly jumps to her feet and points the gun at the door.
The intruder is TOM, who is holding a bouquet of flowers.
MOLLY
Tom?
Molly sets the gun down on the bed next to John…
…and moves towards Tom.
MOLLY
What are you doing here?!
TOM
I’ve come here to beg you to take me back, Molly! I was wrong! I can’t live without you!
MOLLY
How did you know I was here?!
(pause)
Wait a second!
Tom pulls a gun out of his pocket and is about to shoot John.
Molly throws herself between John and Tom and takes the bullet.
She hits the ground, an expression of shock still on her face. She is dead.
John tries to sit up.
JOHN
Molly!
Tom is about to try to shoot John again…
…only to be shot through the head himself…
…by John.
INT. SWIMMING POOL - CONTINUOUS
MORIARTY
Any second now, I should get a text from my assassin, saying that he successfully killed John Watson, and all because you left him alone to chase me down! That’s so sad. You fought so hard all night long to keep him alive, only to abandon him when he needed you most!
SHERLOCK
I didn’t abandon him. Molly is looking after him.
MORIARTY
Ha! Molly Hooper?! You’ve got to be kidding me! Molly Hooper?! Now, honestly! Who do you think would win in a fight between one of my best assassins and Molly Hooper?!
SHERLOCK
Has he texted you yet?
MARY
I would have by now.
Moriarty checks his phone.
MORIARTY
No problem! I’ll just send another assassin in after him!
Sherlock shoots the phone right out of Moriarty’s hand.
MORIARTY
Aw! My favourite song was on that phone!
(pause)
You shouldn’t have done that! If I can’t kill John, then I’ll just break him by killing his wife and child and letting him know that his wife was one of my assassins when you two were here the first time! That baby’s crying is getting on my nerves anyway!
Moriarty snaps his fingers.
Mary’s body is suddenly covered with unsteady laser dots.
Mary makes a futile attempt to shield the baby.
MORIARTY
How ironic is it for you, Mary? The first time we were all here together, you had a gun pointed at Sherlock’s head. Now you’re the one being targeted! And what’s truly ironic is that you were a better assassin than all of these other snipers put together!
MARY
Please, Moriarty! Do what you want with me, but leave my baby out of it!
MORIARTY
Now, why would I want to separate a child from its mother?
MARY
Why are you so twisted and evil?!
SHERLOCK
I’ve been wondering that myself, Jim! What horrible thing happened to you in the past to make you as criminally insane as you are now?!
There is a pause as we see a bit of vulnerability in Moriarty, as if he has been caught off guard…
…but it quickly disappears.
MORIARTY
You should have made absolutely sure I was dead last time! Now your best friend’s wife and child will die!
MARY
No! Please! No!
MORIARTY
Say hello to all of your victims for me!
Mary hugs her baby tight as she is sure they are both about to die.
MORIARTY
But wait! I did promise one of my new assassins the honour of being the one to kill you! Come on out here, darling!
We hear footsteps.
Sherlock turns around to see who the assassin is.
It is Janine, and she is holding a powerful rifle.
SHERLOCK
Janine?!
JANINE
Hello, Sherl! What do you think of my new job?
SHERLOCK
You’re working for Moriarty?!
JANINE
You shouldn’t have lied to me!
Sherlock moves between her and Mary. The laser dot is now visible on him.
JANINE
That’s not going to work! If you get between me and my target, the bullet will just go right through you and hit Mary anyway, and then the bomb will go off and kill us all!
MARY
She’s right.
SHERLOCK
Janine, why are you working for Moriarty?!
MORIARTY
She was so devastated after what you did to her that she came to me, and I taught her everything I know about being a cold-blooded killer!
JANINE
Not only am I training to be a professional assassin, but I also helped Moriarty fake Mary’s death! I helped him find a volunteer who would get the necessary cosmetic surgery to look like Mary, I helped him kill her, and then I helped him find a baby to play John’s baby! I even blackmailed Molly Hooper’s boss into examining all of the bus disaster victims first! So, by the time anyone figures out that those corpses aren’t Mary and her baby, everything will have fallen into place!
MORIARTY
I do wish Janine hadn’t wasted so much time looking for a dead baby when she could have just killed a live one.
SHERLOCK
This is insane! This can’t just be because I pretended to love you!
JANINE
That’s a big part of it, but it’s also because you killed my boss and cost me the best job I ever had!
SHERLOCK
Working for Magnussen was the best job you ever had?! That’s hard to believe!
JANINE
It’s true! Magnussen was going to make me a star, and you and Mary took that away from me! You both pretended to like me just so you could take away my job and my dreams!
SHERLOCK
If you shoot Mary while she has that bomb strapped to her chest, you’ll be killed too.
JANINE
That’s a small price to pay for revenge!
MARY
Did it really have to go this far?! You would kill me and my child just because you lost your job?!
SHERLOCK
You weren’t even willing to kill a random child! That tells me that you’re not willing to kill Mary’s child now!
JANINE
I dislike harming children, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t if I have to!
SHERLOCK
You see?! You still have a conscience! Moriarty didn’t take it from you entirely! You know that this is wrong, and you’re not going to do it just because you’re angry!
JANINE
Don’t act like you know me, Sherl! You only pretended to love me!
SHERLOCK
Maybe so, but I feel like I got to know you pretty well in the month that we were together, and I know that you’re a good person!
He gestures towards Mary and the baby.
SHERLOCK
Look at Mary and her baby! Tell me you see anything other than a frightened mother trying desperately to protect her only child!
Janine is clearly conflicted now.
MORIARTY
Enough of this! You wanted the chance to kill them, so kill them already!
There is a pause in which Janine wonders what to do…
…then she cocks her rifle…
…and shoots Moriarty in the shoulder.
JANINE
(arrogantly)
Sorry, boss. I missed.
MORIARTY
KILL HER!!!
Laser dots appear all over Janine’s head.
Sherlock takes the opportunity to grab Mary.
SHERLOCK
Let’s get out of here!
They get out of the room just as the snipers open fire.
We see Janine fall over, but we do not see her face.
MORIARTY
(full of rage)
SHERLOCK!!!
INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS.
Sherlock and Mary keep running.
They only slow down enough so that Sherlock can undo Mary’s straps…
…and free first the baby…
…then the bomb.
He hands the baby back to Mary…
…and throws the bomb back towards the swimming pool.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE SWIMMING POOL - CONTINUOUS
Sherlock and Mary make it outside.
Suddenly, Mary is handing the baby to Sherlock.
MARY
Give me your gun!
SHERLOCK
What?!
Mary takes the gun from Sherlock.
MARY
Take the baby and get out of range!
SHERLOCK
What are you…?!
MARY
You know what an excellent shot I am! Just take my child to safety!
Sherlock tries to hand the baby back.
SHERLOCK
But Mary…!
MARY
We don’t have time for this! You made a vow, now fulfill it!
Sherlock looks at Mary for one more moment…
…then he takes the baby and runs.
Mary aims the gun back at the bomb…
…and fires.
There is a huge explosion.
The force of it knocks Sherlock down.
The smoke clears.
Sherlock gets up…
…tries to comfort the baby…
…then heads back towards the debris, still holding the baby.
SHERLOCK
(calling)
Mary?
He almost trips over a DEAD ASSASSIN (KITTY RILEY).
SHERLOCK
(calling louder)
Mary!
MARY
(weakly)
Sherlock! I’m over here!
Sherlock moves a large chunk of ceiling…
…and finds Mary underneath it.
He takes a closer look at her.
She is covered in superficial burns, she is bleeding from her abdomen, and her leg is bent at an unnatural angle.
Mary coughs and tries to sit up.
SHERLOCK
Easy, Mary!
MARY
(still coughing)
I don’t think… even Moriarty… could have survived that!
SHERLOCK
I’m calling an ambulance for you!
Sherlock pulls out his phone…
…and dials 999.
SHERLOCK
(into the phone)
Yes, there’s been a bombing at the community pool. I’m here with a survivor… She’s burnt and bleeding and her leg is broken. Please hurry!
MARY
Sherlock, before the ambulance gets here, I need to talk to you.
SHERLOCK
I’ll never tell John that you were one of the assassins last time. You probably saved our lives by pointing that gun at my head and making John back down.
MARY
I’m very grateful to you for that, but it’s something else I need to talk to you about.
Sherlock gets comfortable on the ground next to Mary.
MARY
That night at the pool was the night I ceased to be A. G. R. A. and became Mary Morstan. When Moriarty hired me, I didn’t think anything of it at first. I mean, when I was younger, I was always kind of righteous, thinking that I was killing all of the evil people in the world and making it a safer place. I thought I was doing the right thing.
SHERLOCK
Nietzsche once said: “Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster.”
MARY
Yes, I’m familiar with Nietzsche!
(back to her story)
Over the years, I began to lose sight of my original intention. Soon, I didn’t care who I used my skill set on, as long as I was paid. That night at the swimming pool changed everything. When I saw how much you and John loved each other, I had an epiphany… Ow!
SHERLOCK
(alarmed)
Are you alright?
MARY
Let me finish! I began to realize that maybe I’d been using my skill set on the wrong people. I realized that maybe I’d been killing good people who had families who loved them. I realized I had become the monster I’d set out to destroy. But the real revelation came when you aimed your gun at that bomb, and I realized that I just might die. I realized that I did not want to die alone and unloved. So, when Moriarty’s phone rang, I knew that I had been given a second chance. I changed my name to Mary Morstan and tried to put A. G. R. A. behind me. I knew that she was evil and I never wanted to see her again.
SHERLOCK
Then you met John.
MARY
I encountered John again shortly after you faked your death. I found him about to kill himself. I saw a chance to atone for some of the evil I had committed and I stopped him from killing himself. We talked, we ended up falling in love, and the rest you know.
(gasp)
Ow! Oh, I think I might be blacking out!
SHERLOCK
(alarmed)
You can’t die now! I need to show John that you’re still alive!
MARY
Don’t worry! I don’t intend on dying anytime soon, not while I have a baby to look after and a husband who needs me!
Sherlock smiles.
INT. SAINT BART’S HOSPITAL - A QUICK AMBULANCE RIDE LATER
Sherlock rushes down a hallway…
…and spots John around a corner. John is out of bed, but he is still in a hospital gown and attached to the IV.
SHERLOCK
John!
Sherlock rushes towards John…
…and the two men hug.
JOHN
Ouch! Easy! I’m not healed!
SHERLOCK
What are you doing out of bed?! Where’s Molly?! Never mind. I’ve got something important to show you!
Sherlock grabs John by the wrist…
…and leads him down the hall.
INT. THE MATERNITY WARD - CONTINUOUS.
Sherlock indicates to John that they have arrived at the right place.
John’s face crumples.
JOHN
(despairing)
Why did you bring me here?! Don’t you have any compassion?!
SHERLOCK
Look through the window. Do you see that baby in the back corner?
John looks through the window.
Past the incubators, we see a NURSE in a rocking chair, rocking the baby and giving her a bottle.
JOHN
You mean the one being rocked and fed by that nurse?
SHERLOCK
That’s your daughter.
There is a pause.
JOHN
Really?
SHERLOCK
Yes. I saved her and Mary from Moriarty.
JOHN
You mean they’re both alive?!
SHERLOCK
Yes. The baby is safe, as you can see.
JOHN
What about Mary?
SHERLOCK
Mary was caught in the explosion and she’s in surgery now, but the doctor assured me that her wounds aren’t serious and that she’s going to make a full recovery.
John gives Sherlock a huge hug, catching Sherlock off guard.
Sherlock gently hugs him back.
JOHN
Thank you so much!
SHERLOCK
Anytime!
JOHN
I’m going to remember what you did for a very long time!
Sherlock suddenly remembers something.
He gently pushes John away and looks at him.
SHERLOCK
Where’s Molly?
John looks grim.
Sherlock’s face falls.
JOHN
She’s dead.
SHERLOCK
What?! How?!
JOHN
Tom came into the room, saying that he wanted to make up with Molly. Then he tried to shoot me, but Molly took the bullet. Then I shot Tom in the head.
SHERLOCK
Are you sure she’s dead?
JOHN
Yes. The bullet shredded her aorta before getting lodged in her spine. She died instantly.
SHERLOCK
What about Tom?
JOHN
(angry)
Tom is not dead. I don’t get it! I shot him in the head, and he’s just in a coma! Although I imagine, if he recovers, he’ll be a vegetable for life, but it’s still really unsatisfying!
There is a pause as Sherlock processes all of this.
SHERLOCK
Excuse me. I have something to do.
Sherlock begins to walk away.
JOHN
Where are you going?
SHERLOCK
Nowhere.
JOHN
Sherlock?
SHERLOCK
You should introduce yourself to your daughter and then get back to bed.
Sherlock leaves.
John seems to consider following him…
…but instead turns back to the window to look at the baby.
INT. THE MORGUE - MOMENTS LATER
Molly is lying in an open drawer.
Sherlock pulls back the sheet…
…to reveal Molly’s now peaceful face, totally pale, save for a little bit of blood in the corner of her mouth.
Sherlock strokes Molly’s hair.
SHERLOCK
Oh, my poor Molly!
He lifts her into a sitting position, making sure she is still decently covered by the sheet.
SHERLOCK
I should never have taken your devotion for granted!
(sigh)
Why was a nice girl like you so devoted to a sociopath like me anyway?
He hugs her close and starts to cry.
SHERLOCK
You gave your life to save someone I love, and for that, I will love you forever.
He uses his thumb to brush the blood from her lips…
…then he kisses her…
…then he reluctantly lays her back down in the drawer.
He tries to compose himself.
SHERLOCK
Goodbye, sweet Molly. I only hope that, someday, when my time comes, my death is as good as yours.
He slides her back into the freezer.
INT. TOM’S HOSPITAL ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Tom is in a hospital bed, hooked up to a respirator.
Sherlock stands over him, a look of disgust on his face.
SHERLOCK
You despicable creature! First you tried to kill John, and then you killed Molly, a woman you once claimed to love! I guess she was wrong about you not being a sociopath! I only wish that she could be alive to realize her mistake!
He moves over to the plug.
SHERLOCK
A man like you does not deserve to live! I should pull this plug right now!
He is about to do so, then thinks better of it.
SHERLOCK
Then again, I’m told that, if you recover, you’ll be little more than a vegetable. I suppose a fate like that would be worse than death.
After a moment’s hesitation, he pulls the plug.
SHERLOCK
But why should the city of London waste precious resources on the likes of you?
Sherlock quickly leaves the room as Tom flatlines.
INT. MARY’S HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY
Mary is sitting in her hospital bed with the baby in her arms. Her leg is in a cast, and her burns are looking better already. John is sitting in a chair beside her, his arm still hooked up to the IV. Sherlock is sitting in a chair across from them.
JOHN
So, Mary, how did you and the baby get kidnapped anyway?
MARY
I don’t know. One minute, I’m in the delivery room, holding our baby girl for the first time and wondering for the thousandth time where you are, and the next thing I know, I’m waking up in a locker room with a bomb and the baby strapped to me. You really couldn’t tell that that corpse wasn’t me?
JOHN
Well, in my defence…
(sigh)
You’re right. There’s really no excuse for that, is there?
MARY
So, you’re really not mad at me anymore?
JOHN
After all I’ve been through in the last twenty-four hours, I’m just happy that you and the baby are alive!
John and Mary kiss.
Sherlock smiles at their happiness.
JOHN
There’s one thing I still don’t get, Sherlock.
SHERLOCK
What’s that?
JOHN
Why did Moriarty pick the swimming pool, and how did you know to go there?
There is a pause as Sherlock considers his answer.
SHERLOCK
You know my methods, John.
JOHN
(sigh)
Well, I guess it doesn’t matter, does it? Do you really think he’s gone for good this time?
MARY
You saw what that bomb did to me, and I was barely within range! I don’t think there’s any way that Moriarty could have survived, and if he did, believe me, I’ll be ready for him if he ever comes back for us!
SHERLOCK
Don’t worry! I’m going to scour this whole town to make sure Moriarty’s assassins never bother you again!
JOHN
You’d better at least wait until I get out of here! You’re going to need some help taking care of all of Moriarty’s snipers!
MARY
No husband of mine is going to let himself get new bullet wounds before the old ones have time to heal, or else I’ll be the one putting in the new bullet wounds!
JOHN
Yes, dear.
SHERLOCK
I love you all very much, and I’m just so glad that I have another chance to keep the vow I made to always be there for all three of you.
JOHN
Well, you might wish you hadn’t made that vow once we ask you to baby-sit.
Alarm flashes across Sherlock’s face.
SHERLOCK
Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no! I am no good with children! I am no good with children! With my luck, you’ll leave her in my care and she’ll get kidnapped again! Are you really willing to take that chance?!
MARY
Well, at least, if that happens, you’ll do whatever it takes to save her!
SHERLOCK
Of course!
(pause)
Well, I suppose if I had to, I could watch her every now and then. I could teach her everything I know, and she could grow up to be a great detective like me! It’ll be fun, and I promise I’ll be the best uncle I can be to little Granuaile!
JOHN
Granuaile?! What kind of name is that?! Her name should be Molly! It’s only fair…
MARY
Oh, but I really like the name Abigail! I’ve always wanted to have a daughter named Abigail!
SHERLOCK
Fine. Mrs. Hudson is going to stop by later today. Let’s see which name she likes best?
JOHN
Nobody in their right mind would pick Granuaile over Molly!
MARY
I’m her mother, and I say her name should be Abigail!
Clearly, this argument is going to go on for some time.
SHERLOCK
Granuaile!
JOHN
Molly!
MARY
Abigail!
THE END