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The 2022 Beijing Olympics open on the fourth day of Chinese New Years with twelve lines of lion dancers forming into a dragon. Being one of China’s representatives, Guanghong has snuck into enough rehearsals to catch glimpses of the performance. Yet, the first sight of fireworks lighting up the sky over the Bird’s Nest still takes his breath away.

Fourteen years is long enough for Beijing to get its act right. This time, there is no delay in the torch lighting. Guanghong feels an immense sense of pride as he watches the feed in the waiting area with the other home athletes. It’s nothing compared to the Summer Olympics, but Guanghong still feels like he’s spent all his life preparing for this.

“Guanghong! Over here!” Someone shouts, and Guanghong looks away from the television. He can feel the other Chinese athletes stare down the newcomers who dare to infiltrate their barricade of red and gold.

It’s Phichit, looking sheepish as he pulls Guanghong into a half-hug. The blue and red of his team jacket matches Guanghong’s own, and Phichit laughs as he pulls Leo into the crowd as well. “We’re hiding from the staff!”

“You’re really not supposed to be here,” Guanghong tells them. The Walk of Nations is scheduled to start in thirty minutes, and there’s something inherently strange about speaking English on Guanghong’s home turf. “The coordinators will be troubled if they find you here.”

“So responsible,” Phichit says with a grin. At 26, Phichit is probably skating his last season after recovering from a stress fracture. Still, there’s an air of childish wonderment to him, as if this is Phichit’s first olympic games and he hadn’t taken home a silver from Pyeongchang. He beams at some of Guanghong’s teammates, and Guanghong finds himself envying Phichit’s enthusiasm. “We’re just making rounds for now! Let’s take a selfie!”

Guanghong laughs as he squats into the camera frame with Phichit and Leo. It’s a familiar routine by now, and Guanghong’s not surprised when Phichit runs off at the sight of Team Russia. “Hello, Leo.”

“Hi,” Leo says when the rest of Team China has lost interest and turned their attention back to the live feed. Leo is holding a teddy bear decked in a Team USA jacket, and Guanghong reaches over to straighten out the hood. “This is so wild,” Leo says wistfully. “This place is huge.”

“Welcome back to Beijing,” Guanghong says with a quiet laugh. Leo had said the same thing the first time they competed in the Cup of China together. Back then, Guanghong had skated to a lackluster program dictated by his coach while trying to understanding the meaning behind his own theme. It reminds Guanghong of being seventeen, wide-eyed, and devastatingly in love with Leo.

“I hope to see you on the podium?”

Leo beams. “You bet!” His hair has gotten longer since Guanghong last saw him at the Grand Prix Final, where Guanghong had lost gold by 1.37 points to Yuri Plisetsky. Now, Leo looks even more handsome and confident. “I won’t go easy on you!”

“Of course,” Guanghong says.

A harried looking staff soon asks Leo to go back to his team. She seems surprised when Leo tells her, “No problem~” in Mandarin with a distinct Beijing accent. It’s one of the few phrases Guanghong has ingrained in his friends over the years, and there’s a sense of deep satisfaction in knowing Leo remembers this much.

2022 is the year of the tiger and preludes personal success for many. It’s not his zodiac year, but Guanghong’s parents still brought him a red bracelet when they met at the hotel yesterday. It had been surprisingly hard to talk his family into coming to Beijing for the Olympics, but they’d conceded after the Chinese Skating Association sent them train tickets. Guanghong supposes it comes with being the darling of Team China and having his face plastered all over sports drinks billboards. His coach had been less superstitious and given them a speech about the importance of home team advantage during Olympics years, and Guanghong thinks about that as he waits for their turn to enter the parade.

Perhaps, in a Summer Olympic year, the honor of holding the flag would have gone to Li Na or Guo Jingjing or someone more decorated. Yet, Guanghong’s participation in the national sports campaign and his latest appearance on Happy Camp had cemented him as a household name, and he found himself humbly accepting the honor.

The stadium goes wild at the first sight of Team China. Guanghong would’ve stood frozen in his spot if Cao Bin hadn’t pushed him forward. He spots at least five different cameras in their trek around the track field, and Guanghong remembers to straighten his back as he carries the pride of his country in his hands.

This year, Guanghong only has three resolutions: to not drop the flag on international television, to win Olympic gold for China, and lastly, to fall out of love with Leo.

Guanghong is eight when the 2008 summer Olympics are first hosted in Beijing. He still remembers watching it on tv with his cousins while someone shouts at his mother that the dumplings can wait, the ceremony is starting now! One of his uncles remarks that it must be nice to have an athlete in the family, and Guanghong wonders if he’ll ever get better at PE class.

That year, Guanghong goes skating with his parents and discovers that he’s surprisingly good on the ice. He begs his mother to take him again, and again, until one of the coaches at the newly renovated rinks in Jinzhou asks if they would like to enroll in lessons. His parents only agree because they expect him to lose interest in a few weeks, just like he did with calligraphy and guzheng classes.

Instead, Guanghong pours all of his love into skating. He stretches while his mother is cooking, does jump drills on his walk to school, and practices spinning around at night while his parents are watching tv. Guanghong masters a backward crossover in a few months, and that’s when his teacher asks him to perform at the children’s recital. His parents almost say no because the date coincides with his grandmother’s 70th birthday party. But, in a weird turn of events, his extended family decides to come see Guanghong perform instead. After the recital, Guanghong’s parents are approached by a scout from the national skating program.

That’s as far as Guanghong gets before his relatives’ versions of the story begin to differ wildly. Embellishments and inaccuracies aside, every recount ends the same way: with Guanghong moving to Beijing at age twelve to train with a four-time national champion turned coach.

At age thirteen, Guanghong wins bronze at the Junior Grand Prix and meets Leo. He’s taken enough English classes at school to start a stilted conversation with the older boy, who seemed more impressed with Guanghong’s jumps than his grasp of the English language. There’s something strangely disarming about Leo’s smile, which contains none of the competitive air Guanghong is used to from his rink mates.

“Hey,” Leo says after an event photographer takes pictures of them together. “Let’s trade contact info. Do you have Instagram?”

Guanghong doesn’t, but he can’t possibly give Leo the link to his old Weibo. Instead, Guanghong promises to make an Instagram later and follow Leo.

By the time they meet again at Junior Worlds a few months later, Guanghong has taken to checking his Instagram feed more than WeChat. He starts watching American tv shows and listening to indie British music at Leo’s recommendation until their conversations begin gravitating outside of English textbook content. He spends the rest of that year paying unprecedented attention during English class, skyping Leo once a week, and practicing his triple axels. Guanghong’s never had a penpal in his own country, must less across the world. Yet, Leo becomes a refreshing constant in his life as they trade stories and complaints about practice.

The next season, Guanghong’s roommate drops out of the program along with a handful of other skaters. Guanghong explains this to his family when he goes home for Chinese New Years, but they just praise his talent and feed him so much food that his coach complains about his weight when Guanghong returns to Beijing. Both he and Leo skate another season in the junior division, Guanghong setting up timers on his phone to count down to their next meeting. Guanghong gets along with the Chinese skaters in his program, but it’s nice to have a friend who doesn’t consider him direct competition.

A few months after Guanghong wins his last junior division medal, the government lifts its one child only policy and Guanghong’s parents decide to try for another kid. Instinctively, Guanghong knows it’s his fault that he can’t be there for his parents, so he puts all of his feelings into skating instead.

Guanghong moves up into the senior division at age 17. That year, Leo introduces him to Phichit and they become a weird but functional trio. At Skate America, Leo takes Guanghong on a self-guided tour of Chicago. They make silly faces at the Cloud Gate and line up for an hour for pizza puffs. When they get separated, Guanghong has a moment of panic before Leo grabs him out of the stream of pedestrians. “Careful!” Leo laughs when they escape a group of, ironically enough, mainland Chinese tourists. “You okay?”

Leo’s hand is warm in his, and Guanghong finds himself at a loss for words. Oh, he thinks as he looks up at Leo’s grin. “I’m fine,” he squeaks eventually, and spends the rest of the day thinking about Leo’s fingers entwined in his. Crushes are not exactly new to Guanghong, but there’s something about Leo’s presence that makes him giddy with excitement. Still, skating is the most important thing in his life, and Guanghong tunes everything out for the sake of his performance.

Things take a gloomy turn at the Cup of China, and Guanghong still remembers the bitter taste of disappointment at being edged out of the Grand Prix Finals. His only consolation is that Leo also does not qualify, so he does not miss a chance to see Leo again that year. They spend the entirety of Four Continents and Worlds trying to prove themselves, although neither of them medal out of nationals that year. Still, in moments between practice and sleep, Guanghong stares at Leo’s photos and wonders about the difference between admiration and affection.

It’s a sentiment Guanghong carries with him through the years as he tries to grow out of his babyfat and out of his fan-made nickname of Baobao. In the off season, he visits Leo and Phichit in Detroit as they spend idle July nights playing around the rink, cheating their diets, and watching old American sitcoms.

One summer, Guanghong meets Leo’s girlfriend, a music student who also DJs as her night gig. It’s weird enough to meet the love interest of his friend slash crush, but Guanghong has pushed his own feelings so deep into the recess of his mind that he agrees to go clubbing with them. It’s a huge mistake. Guanghong ends up slipping out on his own after spotting Leo kissing her behind the DJ’s booth.

Phichit finds him a few minutes later and gives Guanghong a small pat on the back. “Not your scene?”

In Beijing, Guanghong barely has the energy to stay awake after midnight, much less make it out to Wudaokou or Sanlitun for his nonexistent nightlife. He uses that as his excuse.

Phichit hums knowingly. “You should tell him.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Guanghong replies, which is the closest thing to the truth.

In the end, they return to Leo’s apartment with the spare key Leo lent Guanghong and spend the night playing video games. Leo doesn’t come home until 11am, and Phichit spites him by saving over all his games. When Leo pulls Phichit into a headlock that results in them both tumbling off the couch, Guanghong laughs so hard that he cries.

Over the years, Leo dates boys and girls while Guanghong dates no one. It’s not hard to cite his career as a limiting factor, especially when Guanghong is busy securing sponsorships and endorsement deals when he’s not skating. His trips home become less and less frequent until his grandma no longer recognizes him. It’s with some sadness that Guanghong realizes he’s spent more time thinking about his useless feelings for Leo than he has about his family.

In 2020, Guanghong wins bronze at the Grand Prix Final and silver at Four Continents. Phichit wins an endorsement deal that makes him the travel ambassador to Thailand. Leo wins the title of this season’s playboy after sleeping with both halves of a popular American ice dancing duo. Yet, Leo, with his large heart and even larger smile, doesn’t take offense and still manages to charm his way to a silver medal at Worlds.

Guanghong knows personally how easy it is to fall for him. Leo calls Guanghong his best friend, yet he has a handful of other best friends who don’t live on the other side of the Earth. Leo wants to share the things he love with the world, and Guanghong just wants to be someone Leo loves.

It’s terrifying to think that Guanghong has been sitting on these feelings since his teenage years. He tries to skate it out of his system until he begins skating to it. Guanghong’s coach and choreographers help him create a program based off longing and unrequited love, and for once Guanghong feels the tremendous weight of performing something intimately real.

It’s this program that gives Yuri Plisetsky a run for his money at the Grand Prix Final and helps Guanghong perform his personal best this season. Guanghong spends all of January refining the technical elements in preparation for the Olympics. By now, he has already decided that it’s impossible for Leo to reciprocate his feelings. Guanghong settles for second best and sets his eyes on the gold medal instead.

The Olympic Village is loud and constantly brimming with energy, so Guanghong spends the first few nights at his parents’ hotel suite and playing with his little sister.

“Gege! Teach me how to skate!” Mingming begs on more than one occasion while their mother picks through Guanghong’s tickets.

Guanghong already knows that he’s ruined figure skating for his sister, who will never be allowed to compete in any sport seriously. Still, he twirls her around in a tiny Team China jacket and takes her to the quieter areas of the village when their parents go watch the speed skating event. February in Beijing is unforgivingly cold, so Guanghong bundles Mingming up in five different layers until she looks like puffy strawberry.

In the lobby, they run into familiar faces from Team China, who coo and smile at her. By the time Guanghong extract Mingming from the onslaught of people, the American skaters have returned from their scheduled practice time at the rink.

“I’m in love,” Leo says at the first sight of Mingming, as if Guanghong hasn’t been setting his SNS profiles to baby photos of her for years. Leo is slightly flushed from practice, and he laughs when Mingming tires to touch his ponytail. “She looks so much like you when we first met!”

Guanghong already knows this. At thirteen, he had enough baby fat on his cheeks to pass for Mingming’s twin. They also have the same tuff of unruly, brown hair and sleepy eyes. He watches as Leo speaks to Mingming with his elementary Chinese and feels a tug of fondness. “She is very cute,” Guanghong agrees at last.

“So were you,” Leo says with a laugh. “I swear to God you were this small too.”

Guanghong pouts. “I definitely wasn’t.”

They’re interrupted by the return the rowdy Canadian ski team. Against his better judgement, Guanghong agrees to take Mingming to Leo’s room. There, Mingming falls asleep immediately on the bed while Leo takes a shower. Guanghong flips through the channels and flops on the bed next to his quietly snoring sister.

Leo comes out of the bathroom a few minutes later in an old Hamilton shirt and sweatpants. Together, they maneuver Mingming’s head onto a pillow while the channel plays mandopop music videos.

“She’s so cute,” Leo says for the nth time. He smells like the olympic village’s standard issue ginseng shampoo. “My last girlfriend was a preschooler teacher and loves children. She kept talking about how cute our kids would be.”

Guanghong hums quietly. He’s already heard this story. “And what did you think?”

“I told her I couldn’t have kids! I still feel like a kid!” Leo grins and knocks his shoulder into Guanghong’s. His hair is damp enough to leave small drops of water on Guanghong’s jacket. “How about you?”

Guanghong blinks. “What about me?”

“Kids? Marriage? Love?” Leo supplies while scratching his cheeks. “I guess your program this year answers that.”

Guanghong tries very hard to not stare the strong lines of Leo’s jaw. “You’ve already seen me skate it.”

“It’s very beautiful, but very sad.” Leo frowns. “Are you sad, Guanghong?”

The truth is that Guanghong doesn’t know the difference between sadness and longing. He’s gotten used to the quiet disappointment that comes with unspoken rejection. Sadness has become a comfort for Guanghong, keeping him company in moments that Leo can’t.

“I don’t know,” Guanghong says at last. Leo has known him for ten years, and even he doesn’t know about the depth of Guanghong’s feelings. “I don’t know a lot of things.”

“What kind of things?” Leo asks. Up close, his eyes are a warm honey color as he tilts his head at Guanghong.

You, Guanghong thinks. Whether you’ve noticed how I felt, and whether I could ever become someone you love. They’re close enough now that he can feel the ghost of Leo’s breath on his cheeks. “I-”

They’re interrupted by a knock at the door. Leo jumps up with a laugh and goes to open it.

Guanghong is still collecting his thoughts when an attractive woman wearing a Team USA jacket steps into the doorway. She loops her arms around Leo’s neck. “Hey!I know we’re not getting dinner until seven, but I heard you came back from the rink and thought we could decompress a bit? Your event isn’t for two days and mine are over, sooo-” She blinks at the sight of Guanghong on the bed. “Oh! Sorry! Am I interrupting?”

“No,” Guanghong says immediately as Mingming stirs awake. “Sorry. I was the one interrupting.”

“You’re not—” Leo starts to say while Guanghong scoops Mingming into his arms. Still, Leo and his female companion step aside easily when Guanghong reaches for the door. “Are you mad?” Leo asks while Mingming blinks blearily at them both.

“Not mad,” Guanghong says with a laugh that sounds foreign even to himself. “You’re still so stupid, Leo.” He closes the door with a free hand before anyone can reply. Guanghong is endlessly thankful that the elevator comes immediately. Inside, he puts Mingming down and resolutely stares at the wall of buttons. Through some miracle, they’re not interrupted on the way down to the lobby.

“What’s wrong?” Mingming asks.

Guanghong touches the top of her head. “Nothing is wrong.”

Mingming squints. “Gege is lying.”

“I’m not!” Guanghong snaps, then feel terrible immediately when Mingming’s bottom lip starts to tremble. They’re both puffy eyed by the time Guanghong takes her back to their parent’s hotel. While their parents lay out the take out dinner they brought back, Guanghong thumbs through his messages. There’s one from Phichit, two from Leo, and one from his couch.

From: Leo
text: Sorry our conversation was interrupted. I lost track of time and things got awkward, huh?

From: Leo
text: What did you mean by me being stupid? :(

From: Phichit
text: leo thinks ur mad bc hes a slut. u should tell him how u rly feel

“Are you gonna eat with us?” His mother asks when Guanghong looks up.

Guanghong pockets his phone. His practice slot starts in an hour, and Guanghong just wants to skate his frustrations out. If he leave now, he can go back to his room, change, and fit in a warm up jog at the rink. “I should get going.”

“Son,” his father says while Guanghong is putting on his shoes. “You know whatever happens, we’re already proud of you, right?”

Guanghong looks up. “I know.”

“So don’t beat yourself up too much,” his dad says, his voice loud and toned with a northern dialect Guanghong shed years ago. “Do your best! Don’t stress!”

“Your dad is never stressed!” His mother adds. “That’s how he stays so fat and jolly!” This sends his father into bellowing laughter until Guanghong is smiling too.

An hour later, Guanghong meets Coach Li at the rink. She does not to comment on his awful appearance, for which he’s thankful. Time on the ice is best for introspection, and Guanghong runs through his program while thinking about Leo’s soft but oblivious laughter. Guanghong knows that he can’t stay mad at Leo. Their friendship is more important than any non-existent romance, and he can’t afford to throw it away for something as unfair as his feelings.

When his routine ends, Guanghong is confused to find the rink silent. His coach is unnaturally tight lipped when he skates over to her. Zhang Xie, who has the next slot for the rink, just gives Guanghong a firm nod.

“What’s wrong?” Guanghong asks.

Coach Li sighs. “Keep skating like that, and that gold will be yours. You can definitely win.”

Guanghong gives her a smile despite wanting to cry. In the game of love, he has already lost.

Each member of Team China does well in their short program. Zhang Xie breaks a personal record and Cao Bin, despite his age, gives an admirable performance to rapturous applause of the home fans. Guanghong flies through his SP and ends up in second place 0.8 points behind Yuri. Guanghong doesn’t check anyone else’s standing because he can’t afford to distract himself. Instead, he gets pulled into interview after interview while the other athletes exit the stadium halls. By the time he finishes a long and redundant conversation with a CCTV correspondent, Guanghong is ready to decline the rest of his press requests. So he’s surprised when a familiar face pulls him to the side.

Viktor Nikiforov looks absolutely ridiculous with his purple suit and press badge, but he’s a comforting sight to Guanghong. “Care to give an old competitor some of your time?”

Guanghong is not obligated to interact with foreign press. Yet, he still remembers being young avidly impressed by Viktor. Guanghong’s not even sure if commentators are allowed to conduct interviews, but Viktor is Viktor and some things never change. “Of course.”

They make small talk while Viktor waves his film crew over from wrapping an interview with Yuri, who grunts vaguely in Guanghong’s direction before ducking out.

“That means ‘good job’,” Viktor translates helpfully.

“Thank you,” Guanghong says as the cameras begin to roll. He listens as Viktor goes through the generic introductions and is vaguely aware of team USA heading for the exit behind him. Guanghong spots Leo in his peripheral vision and turns his gaze back on the camera.

“Your theme this year is about unrequited love and longing,” Viktor begins in English. “As the face of team China and a national sweetheart, is unfulfilled love something you’ve experienced?”

This is new to Guanghong, who hasn’t needed to explain his choice to any of the domestic reporters. All they’d wanted had been a soundbite about how Guanghong felt proud to represent his country. “I don’t consider myself a very loveable person,” Guanghong says when he finally finds the words. “So when people do express affection for me, I am hesitant to accept it because I don’t feel like I deserve it.”

Viktor looks taken back by this response. “What does longing feel like to you?”

Guanghong looks down at his hands. “It’s like you’re skating to full stadium, and everyone has their eyes on you except for the person you want. I—They won’t look at you no matter how hard you try, and you begin to think maybe you’re not worthy of their love. It’s that kind of feeling.”

“That’s very lonely,” Viktor says at last. “I’m sure your fans would be sad to hear that.”

“They make skating worth it,” Guanghong says, realizing now that he’s said too much. “Thank you. Please excuse me.”

After an eon, Guanghong finds his coach. She gives him a pat on the shoulder and escorts Guanghong back to his room, where he finds his phone buzzing on the bedside table.

From: Phichit
text: hey hotshot come eat w us???? Pls??

From: Phichit
text: haha i knew ud say no but wont you at least reply to leo??? He’s so emo now :(((((((

Guanghong sighs.

To: Leo
text: Sorry for not responding sooner. I’m not mad at you. Good luck with your free skate.

He pauses.

To: Leo
text: I won’t forgive you if you let JJ edge you off the podium. I don’t want to treat HIM to Peking Duck.

His phone buzzes immediately.

From: Leo
text: Okay

It’s a short message for Leo. Guanghong momentarily wonders if Leo is mad at him for not responding. That would be awkward, since he promised to take Phichit and Leo around Beijing after the closing ceremony. Guanghong had been relieved when they all agreed to skip out on Worlds this season, but now he wonders if he’ll even make it there in one piece.

The 24 hours leading up to the free skate are overwhelming. While Guanghong has been competing for a decade, being the flag bearer brings him a new level of attention. He fends off media requests while eating, practicing, and stretching. Every Chinese athlete seems intent on giving him a lecture about defeating their Russian neighbors. By the time the FS event comes around, Guanghong has more nervous energy than ever. It doesn’t help that he’s assigned the last performance slot in his group and of the entire men’s competition.

Guanghong wills himself to relax. He has performed this routine in front of everyone before. Yet, now, more than ever, Guanghong feels like he’s been laid bare.

“Relax. You can do it,” his coach says before Guanghong takes the ice. The audience comes alive at the sight of him. Half of the stadium pulls out flags of China and begins chanting his name. Guanghong closes his eyes as he gets into position.

If unrequited love is like skating to a full audience, then Guanghong has been experiencing it all his life. He has cultivated it and made it his own, until it felt like his only companion. Guanghong is not brave enough to close the chasm between his desires and reality, yet he doesn’t want anyone’s pity. He tries to explains all of this through skating, because sometimes it feels like the only common language he has with anyone.

The performance is done before Guanghong knows it, and the audience explodes into roaring cheers. Guanghong can’t even remember if he landed his last quad properly, but judging by the response, he must’ve done okay. He tries to even out his breathing but finds wet tracks making their way down his cheeks

Guanghong manages to make his way to the kiss and cry with an armful of flowers. He hiccups when his coach hands him a handkerchief. Over the years, Guanghong has cried countless times over sad movies, small injuries, and everything in between. Still, this is the first time he’s shed tears during a performance, and Guanghong realizes he must look so silly.

“You did well,” is all his coach says as she pats him on the knee. “I’m proud of you.”

Guanghong wonders if this means he no longer has a chance to podium. Did he mess up? His suspicions are overruled when the monitor lights up with his score. Guanghong almost doesn’t believe it when he sees his name at the top of the scoreboard, 3.14 points above Yuri’s score.

He won.

The medaling ceremony doesn’t happen for another hour. It’s just enough time for Guanghong to clean up and do two interviews with CCTV. This is not the first time Guanghong has won gold at a competition, but the trek to the podium still feels unreal. Even Yuri has schooled his face enough that he gives Guanghong a nod of acknowledgement when Guanghong takes his place. Otabek Altin stands to Guanghong’s other side, which makes him a little disappointed.

Guanghong doesn’t have time to dwell on this when an Olympic committee official comes over with the medals. The ten seconds it takes for Guanghong to duck his head and accept his gold feels like an eternity, but then the flag of China is being raised as the audience bursts into a tearful singalong of the national anthem. The song ends with the crowd exploding into more cheers.

“Only losers cry,” Yuri grunts as he nudges Guanghong over the noise. “Get your act together, you punk! You won!”

“Thank you,” Guanghong says as he haphazardly wipes at his face. He knows this is the biggest compliment he’ll ever receive from Yuri, who has consistently outshined everyone since their junior division days.

“There’s only one punk here,” Otabek speaks up unexpectedly. It stuns Yuri into silence until all three of them burst into laughter.

“Maybe I’ll also skate some sad-ass programs about my shitty feelings next season,” Yuri says.

Guanghong smiles. “Will you?”

“Hell no!” Yuri spits out. “You better get your love life in order after this, or I’ll have lost to some dumbass who can’t even get laid!”

His words ring so true that the only thing Guanghong can do is laugh. It feels cathartic, really. Even Otabek sets a hand on Guanghong’s shoulder as a kinder reiteration of Yuri’s message. After a while, the main camera stops rolling and they head to the locker rooms to find a handful of familiar faces.

“YOU DID SO WELL!” Phichit is the first to pull Guanghong into a hug. They spin around the room until Guanghong knocks into a roll of lockers. Then Yuri is snapping at them to stop dicking around!

Guanghong accepts congratulations from a handful of friends and competitors, but Leo is nowhere in sight. That’s probably good, because Guanghong doesn’t know how to face him anyway. Guanghong is the last to arrive at the Team China waiting room, where Coach Li is the only one left.

“Congratulations,” she says again and puts her phone down. “You’ve made us all proud.” Coach Li has never been an affectionate person, but even she sighs when he pulls her into a hug.

“Thank you for staying with me.”

Coach Li pats him on the back and hands him a pack of tissues. “I can’t believe I raised such a cry baby into an Olympic gold medalist. Maybe I can do the same for my kid.”

Guanghong pauses from wiping at his face. “You’re—?”

“I’m taking a break from coaching,” she says. “I was going to tell you after the closing ceremony since you’re not competing at Worlds. I’ve taught you everything I know, Honghong.”

Guanghong understands this. Coach Li has been with him for six years, and she’s already past the typical age for having children. Sometimes Guanghong thinks her marriage only survived the grueling competition seasons because her husband also coaches, albeit on a smaller scale. Still, it’s weird to say goodbye to someone who’s been his second mother for half a decade.

“Oh, stop crying. It’s not like you’ll never see me again. I just need to go on a long, extended maternity leave and not see the ice for a few months.”

“I’ll miss you,” Guanghong tells her honestly. It makes sense, now, why he’s her only student this season.

Coach Li gives him a searching look. “I’ve already brought you to the podium, Honghong. The rest is up to you. Now come, Cao Bin has already started drinking. He’ll eat all the duck before we get there.”

The ensuing celebration at Quanjude is loud and uncoordinated when they meet up with the curling team. The back room they book at the restaurant soon grows into madness as everyone starts toasting each other. When Coach Li declines the offer of baijiu with the announcement of her pregnancy, everyone starts roaring in celebration that ends with Guanghong accepting all of Coach Li’s shots.

The restaurant manager comes in halfway through dinner to congratulate them, then announces that everything is on the house. This sets off a round of drunk photo taking with the entire staff. By the time everyone starts to clear out, Guanghong can’t even walk straight.

Cao Bin is nice enough to take Guanghong back to his room, although he drunkenly yells “IT’S YOUR BOYFRIEND!” in Mandarin when they make it to Guanghong’s floor.

Sure enough, Leo is waiting outside of Guanghong’s door. He yelps when Cao Bin pushes an uncoordinated Guanghong into his arms. “What—”

“Take care of our little prince!” Cao Bin says and starts vigorously patting Leo on the back. He only stops when Guanghong brings hands to his mouth, sending all three of them fumbling for Guanghong’s room card and pushing him into the bathroom. “Don’t let him die!!!” Cao Bin warns drunkenly before leaving a puking Guanghong with Leo.

“I drank too much.” Guanghong groans after he empties the contents of his stomach. He sighs when Leo hands him a bottle of water from the mini fridge.

“Good thing you didn’t throw up on your medal,” Leo tells him. “Congrats. How do you feel?”

Guanghong presses his face against the tiled floor. “Awful.”

“Let’s get you to the bed. You should probably change.” Leo manages to pull Guanghong up and deposit him on the bed. He laughs when Guanghong makes a wailing noise of complaint against the pillow. “The sooner you get cleaned up, the sooner I’ll get out of your space.”

“No!” Guanghong shoots up, which is a mistake. He closes his eyes against the nausea and quickly sheds his jacket and track pants.

“You’re so silly,” Leo says as he helps Guanghong into a new shirt. He fluffs Guanhong’s hair and pulls the medal out from underneath the fabric. “Do you want to sleep with this on… Or?”

Guanghong squints at him. “I won gold.”

“Yes, you did.”

“But I couldn’t win you over,” Guanghong adds. He feels braver and lighter now, like there’s nothing else for him to lose.

Leo is quiet for a moment. “So that program was about me.”

“Who else could it be?!” Guanghong flops back and squeezes his eyes shut. “You’re sooo stupid.” He pauses when the bed dips and Leo climbs on next to him.

“You’re right,” Leo agrees. “I am stupid. I thought, maybe, that your program could be about us but... It felt arrogant of me.”

This is too complicated for an inebriated Guanghong to understand. “I’m going to sleep!” He declares, then grunts when Leo makes him drink another bottle of water. When Leo moves to get off the bed, Guanghong grabs him by the hand. “Stay!”

“Okay,” Leo says softly before Guanghong closes his eyes.

Guanghong wakes up in the morning with a dry mouth and a pounding headache. There’s something solid pressed against his chest. He searches for the offending object until his hands come across something round and engraved. Oh, Guanghong thinks as he wills himself to wake. He won gold yesterday.

And he’d confessed to Leo.

Leo, who is currently in bed next to him and staring.

Guanghong feels his face heat up. “Um-”

“Good morning,” Leo says with a laugh. “Do you remember what happened last night?”

“I drank too much.”

“Yep.”

“I threw up on my jacket.”

“You sure did.”

Guanghong frowns. “My program was about you.”

“That’s what you said, yes.” Leo reaches for Guanghong until they’re holding hands. “Sorry I didn’t figure it out sooner.”

“Everyone knew,” Guanghong says quietly. Leo’s fingers are rough and coarse, but his grip on Guanghong’s hand is strong and comforting. “Phichit knew. My coach knew. I think even my teammates knew.”

Leo scoots closer. “I’m sorry that you felt like….” He pauses as if searching for words. “Like I was the only person in the audience who wouldn’t look at you.”

Guanghong sighs. “It’s okay. I’m used to it.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Leo says seriously. “I’m dumb, but I would never reject you. How could you possibly think that?”

Guanghong stares at him in disbelief and withdraws his hands. “I-You-You dated other people!”

“That doesn’t mean I didn’t care about you. You’re so important to me. I would’ve given all of them them up for you.”

“You don’t know that for sure,” Guanghong says and looks away. It feels impossible to him that in this universe, Leo would choose a painfully shy and inexperienced Guanghong over his worldly lovers. How could Guanghong compare to any of them when he couldn’t even accept his feelings for so long? He blinks when Leo sits up and grabs something off the nightstand.

“Here!” Leo thrust his phone at Guanghong after flipping through a few screens. “Listen to this.”

Guanghong stares at the tracklist titled The Fragrance of Flowers. When he was 17, he had skated to “Le Parfum de Fleurs” as his short program.

“I made this mixtape for you years ago,” Leo says breathlessly. He flicks at the touch screen and shuffles through another tracklist. “And this one when you sprained your ankle.” Another tracklist. “This one when we went to Bangkok together.” Another. “This, when I wanted to confess to you but talked myself out of it.”

Guanghong stares at him. “Why?”

“You don’t date people. For a long time, I felt like I wasn’t good enough for you,” Leo says slowly. There’s a splash on red on his cheeks, like he’s just skated a full program. “You think of love as such a serious and definite thing, so maybe you were waiting for someone else to come along?”

“I’ve liked you since I was sixteen. You’re the only person I’ve been waiting for,” Guanghong says. Immediately, it feels as if a weight has been lifted off his chest.

Leo brings both hands to cup Guanghong’s face. “Do you still like me?”

“Yes.” Guanghong bites his lips.

“Will you give me a chance?”

Guanghong wants to cry. “Of course.” He sighs when Leo touches their foreheads together. “You’re—”

“Stupid?” Leo suggests.

“Mine,” Guanghong corrects, then lets out a small sound when Leo pulls him into an embrace. Leo doesn’t let go until Guanghong’s phone starts ringing, and Guanghong extracts himself from Leo’s arms to pick it up a moment too late. He gulps upon finding seven missed calls and thirteen messages.

Reluctantly, Guanghong lets Leo return to his own room to clean up. While Leo is gone, Guanghong replies to all the messages and returns calls from his coach and parents. When Guanghong steps out of the shower, Leo is already back and rolling around the bed.

“Canteen?” Leo asks. “I’m hungry.”

Guanghong could go for some congee. He digs through his stuff again and scowls at his now nasty team jacket. He huffs when Leo throws something at his head, Guanghong fumbling through the blue and white fabric until he sees the Team USA logo. “I can’t wear this!”

“What if I wear your Team China hoodie?” Leo suggests.

“Phichit is definitely going to tease us,” Guanghong mumbles, but sticks his arms through Leo’s jacket regardless.

A few people in the canteen look at them strangely when they arrive hand-in-hand. Leo’s jacket falls to Guanghong’s mid-thigh and Guanghong’s hoodie is definitely tight around Leo’s shoulder. Yet, Leo looks wonderful in gold and red— a silent acknowledge that he belongs Guanghong and vice versa.

Guanghong wouldn’t have it any other way.

The rest of the Winter Olympics go by in a flash. Guanghong spends a lot of time with his family or attending mandatory events. He gets two more sponsorship offers and fends off as many interviews as he can. The Olympic Village has no shortage of evening celebrations, and Guanghong gets pulled into party after party with Phichit before spending the nights with Leo.

Phichit is unsurprisingly ecstatic when they break the news. Or, rather, Guanghong breaks the skin on his finger while attempting to open a bottle of Erguotou and Leo immediately kisses it better. “FINALLY!” Phichit screams and almost makes Guanghong drop the bottle.

The closing ceremony is a nostalgic affair. The flag is passed off to a member of the ski team this time, so Guanghong plans to walk with Leo and Minami in the parade. They run into Otabek and Mila in the winding halls of the Bird’s Nest and somehow acquire a disgruntled Yuri into their party as well. Yuri pretends he doesn’t know them but still poses when a MSNBC camera lands on them.

That night, Guanghong gets roped into more selfies than he can count and somehow ends up at an CBC after party DJ’ed by JJ Leroy. There are enough cameras flashing that Guanghong only drinks one beer. Still, resisting the urge to kiss Leo in public is a difficult feat.

Leo seems to share the sentiment, because he pins Guanghong against the door as soon as they get back to Leo’s room. Guanghong gasps as Leo begins kissing a trail down his neck, and he laughs when Leo buries his nose in Guanghong’s hair.

“You need to pack,” Guanghong reminds him gently. “Everyone is checking out tomorrow.”

Leo makes a thoughtful sound, then spins them around until they trip over a stray sneaker and land on the bed. This sends Guanghong into a fit of giggles until Leo closes his mouth over Guanghong’s. Guanghong is stretching leisurely under Leo when someone starts knocking furiously at the door.

“I hope that’s not one of your hook ups.” Guanghong says when they pull apart.

“Of course not!” Leo turns a pleasantly red color. “I would never-I-You’re the only one I’m seeing!”

“Good.” Guanghong kicks his shoes off and nods at the door. “So go answer it?”

Their visitor turns out to be Phichit, who leaps for the bed and nearly elbows Guanghong in the face. “SURPRISE!” He sounds weirdly sober despite being last seen taking maple syrup shots with the Canadian hockey team. Phichit pauses at the palpable tension in the room, then grins. “Sorry, did I interrupt?”

Leo groans. “What do you think?”

“Well, I can’t leave my small hamster son with you—”

“I’m not a hamster,” Guanghong cuts in, but starts squirming when Phichit tickles him. After a long and fruitless struggle, Guanghong falls off the bed and is only saved from a minor concussion when his head lands on a pile of Leo’s dirty laundry.

“Why are you really here?” Leo demands, although he’s resigned to packing by this point.

Phichit rolls around and flashes them a peace sign. “I ran into Yuuri and Minami and learned that they were also staying a few extra days in Beijing. So, I invited them to–”

“If you really hate third third wheeling that much, then why are you here?” Guanghong asks, but even he’s folding a pair of jeans and throwing them into Leo’s suitcase. He eventually agrees to extend his tour guide services to get Phichit out of the room. By then, both he and Leo are so tired that they immediately fall asleep.

The next day, they survive through the madness of post-ceremony check out and take a cab to the Airbnb in Wudaoying. Guanghong worries about being spotted in public, but he’s nearly unrecognizable in Leo’s jacket and a facemask. Phichit immediately claims the sofabed and leaves them with the room with twin beds. Leo pushes the beds together, then spends half an hour lazily making out with Guanghong until Phichit yells loudly that he’s hungry.

Eventually, Guanghong finds a jianbing vendor on the street to feed them. He takes Leo and Phichit around the hutongs until they go meet Minami, Yuuri, and Viktor at Houhai.

Viktor takes one look at them and sighs wistfully. “You got him to look at you!” He says, which makes both Guanghong and Leo blush. A few minutes later, Guanghong promptly loses a handful of world class figure skaters in the crowd and spends the afternoon holding hands with Leo.

“I can’t decide if I should be worried about their whereabouts,” Guanghong admits while Leo shops for souvenirs for his siblings. No one gives Guanghong a second look even though they pass by two posters with his face on them. To everyone else, Leo and Guanghong probably look like a pair of expat boyfriends.

After an hour, they stumble upon Viktor and Yuuri trying to pay a rickshaw driver 600 instead of 60 kuai. Phichit appears with three sticks of candied fruit while Minami shows up wearing a Minion hat. Guanghong immediately confiscates everyone’s wallets.

They finally get recognized at a family restaurant for speaking too loudly in English while Guanghong is maskless. Guanghong gets pulled into 39843 photos with the owner, half of the patrons, and some of the people next door. When he finally returns to their table, Guanghong finds that that everyone has finished their food.

“Sorry,” Leo whispers and tries to look sympathetic while Guanghong eats his now cold noodles.

This happens again the next day, when Guanghong loses track of everyone in the Forbidden City and somehow gets accosted by a group of tourists from Harbin. All twenty-eight people in the tour group demand to take individual photos with Guanghong, who endures this suffering only because Leo offers to be the photographer. A few hours later, they find Yuuri and Viktor dressed like the Emperor and Empress of China at one of the photography traps.

“But why is Viktor the Empress?” Leo asks while Yuuri fusses No Viktor, you’re not allowed to sit there! When Guanghong tries to hold his laughter in so much that he gets a cramp, Leo pulls Guanghong into his chest until they’re both cracking up.

Phichit joins them again in the back garden of the palace, where they discover Minami drinking tea and playing weiqi with some retired grandpas. Minami is losing terribly.

With some difficulty, Guanghong manages to round everyone up for dinner. Unfortunately, his charges run off at the first sight of the snack street at Wangfujing, and Guanghong officially gives up. “Maybe this is why Yuri Plisetsky is always so angry.”

Leo just grins and hands Guanghong his iPod. They spend an hour on a lone bench, Guanghong’s head pillowed by Leo’s shoulder as they share earbuds.

“You don’t need to worry about them,” Leo reminds Guanghong while trying to connect to the free McDonald’s wifi. “They can take care of themselves.”

Guanghong is skeptical. He buries his face into the soft fabric of Leo’s scarf and makes a small sound.

“You know they ran off to give us time alone, right?” Leo pats the back of Guanghong’s head. “I don’t mind this.”

Guanghong can feel himself smile. “Me neither.”

Eventually, they grab Phichit and make it back to Wudaoying in time to find the nearby restaurants still open. Guanghong flops back on the makeshift bed and asks Phichit to pick up some beef noodle soup for him. While Phichit is gone, Leo climbs onto the bed and pats Guanghong sympathetically on the thigh. “It must be so hard to be famous. Maybe you can get us some of that yogurt you’re endorsi-”

“Shut up!” Guanghong laughs and pushes Leo’s face into a pillow. This sets off a wrestling match until they’re kicking and kissing at the same time. When Leo gets knocked off the bed and ends up on his knees, he touches Guanghong’s ankle and looks up. “Want me to blow you?”

Guanghong can feel his face grow hot. “Phichit will be back soon!”

Leo peers up at him through thick lashes. “I’m sure I can make you come before then. So, yes?”

“Okay.” Guanghong briefly wonders if he should be offended. Still, he flushes when Leo peels his jeans off.

“You’re fine with this, right?” Leo feels the need to confirm. His eyes widen when Guanghong gives him a deer-caught-in-the-headlights look. “Have you never-”

Guanghong covers his own face with a pillow. “Who am I supposed to do something like this with?”

Leo sits back on the floor and pauses. “But you’re so… Soft, and cute.” That’s not exactly what Guanghong wants to hear, but Leo plunges on. “And your lips are so pink. I always think about kissing them. Doesn’t anyone ever want to cuddle with you? You look like a really good little spoon.”

“Um,” Guanghong says, after a heavy pause.

Leo looks mildly horrified at his own rambling and mumbles something in Spanish. “Enough talking,” he decides and slips a hand under the waistband of Guanghong’s briefs. Leo seems to shed his embarrassment after that. His fingers are long and firm as he touches the base of Guanghong’s cock and gets to work.

Guanghong isn’t surprised that Leo is good at giving head. He is surprised, however, at much much he’s enjoying this. When Leo does something crazy with his tongue, Guanghong instinctively covers his mouth with one hand and grabs Leo’s hair with the other.

“S-Sorry,” he says, then flushes when Leo makes a noise of approval around Guanghong’s cock.

As expected, Guanghong doesn’t last very long. He makes a keen, whining sound at the onset of his orgasm and feels himself tensing. By the time he can breath properly again, Guanghong finds Leo grinning at him with his face pressed against the inside of Guanghong’s thigh.

“That good, huh?” Leo asks.

Guanghong tries to rolls over, but stops when Leo lifts one of Guanghong’s legs up. Leo maneuvers them until they’re face to face on the bed, hips pressed together. The tent in Leo’s pants is obvious by now, and Guanghong reaches over to unzip him. “Should we?”

“Only if you want,” Leo replies, voice thick.

“I want to,” Guanghong says and begins stroking their cocks together. It’s uncoordinated at best, and Guanghong sighs when Leo covers Guanghong’s hand with his own. Leo’s groans make Guanghong embarrassingly hard again, and Guanghong comes a little after Leo spills into both of their hands.

“Wow,” Leo whispers as if they’d done something impressive instead of participating in heavy petting. “This is some weird fulfilment of my teenage wet dream.”

Guanghong doesn’t know how to respond to that. He settles with pressing his face against Leo’s shoulder and sighing. “We should clean up.”

“Do you think we can both fit into the shower?”

“No way.”

They try anyway, kissing and grinding lazily under the water. Guanghong nearly elbows Leo in the stomach when Leo presses a finger over Guanghong’s ass, but then Guanghong decides, why not? He is so tired and loose-limbed that he doesn’t think he’ll come again. But then Leo crooks his finger and strokes inside of him so skillfully that Guanghong’s vision goes white.

“You have a lot of stamina, huh?” Leo asks when they’re finally out of the shower and drying up. He lets Guanghong lie on his lap and carefully brushes wet bangs out of Guanghong’s eyes. “I miss being young and having that much energy.”

“You’re only two years older than me!” Guanghong reaches up until both hands are behind Leo’s neck, then pulls Leo down for a kiss. His hands are already up Leo’s shirt when Guanghong remembers something important.

“Wait. What happened to Phichit?!”

Phichit eventually returns an hour later with two containers of fried rice, a case of beer, some white girl’s number, and absolutely no soup. Apparently he’d gotten invited to a performance at the live bar next door and lost track of time, which had worked out in everyone’s favor.

The next morning, they find a personal driver to take everyone to the Mutianyu section of the Great Wall. Viktor is determined to climb to the top watch tower by foot, and he drags Yuuri off to help him accomplish this. Guanghong sits in the cable car with Minami and Leo while Phichit documents the entire ride up. They ditch Phichit, who takes too long selfie-ing every other step. Minami strikes up a conversation with some Japanese tourists, leaving Leo and Guanghong to their own devices.

“I don’t want to leave Beijing,” Leo confesses when they’re at the 20th watch tower. He leans against one of the parapets and gives Guanghong a quick kiss. It’s far up enough that their only companions are rolling hills of wintergreens and a handful of foreign tourists. “I don’t want to leave you.”

Guanghong doesn’t want to leave Leo either.

“My coach is retiring,” Guanghong says at last. “I mean, I think she’ll coach again on a smaller scale, but she’s done babysitting me.”

Leo grins. “You’re not a baby anymore.”

“I know we’re both done for the season,” Guanghong continues as he looks at the winding lines of the wall in the distance. “But I need to find a new coach if I decide to continue skating.”

Leo frowns. “Are you quitting?”

“I don’t know. I’ve already accomplished everything I wanted. Where do people go once they’ve arrived at the top?”

“Wait for me to catch up,” Leo tells him seriously. “Then stay at the top with me.”

That sounds simple enough. “Okay,” Guanghong says. “I have sponsorships and contracts to fulfill here, so I can’t be out of the country all year round. But maybe I could find a new coach in the States? Near you?”

Leo blinks once, then twice. “Are you asking to move in with me?”

Guanghong pouts and looks away. “No. I changed my mind—”

Leo responds by pulling Guanghong into a hug. His laughter rings off the sides off the concrete and earns them strange looks from an Australian couple, but Guanghong couldn't care less. “Please move in and stay with me forever! I’d be honored! I’ll learn Mandarin and even start taking my shoes off at home!”

Guanghong feels himself shaking in laughter. “I don’t care about that. I just want you to keep sharing the things you love with me.”

“But you’re the thing I love the most,” Leo says, then pauses. “Person, I mean.”

“I love you too,” Guanghong says and means it. They’re not even at the peak of the Great Wall, yet Leo’s smile makes him feel like they’re on top of the world.