Chapter Text
First of all, an important note. PLEASE READ THIS, IT REALLY IS IMPORTANT.
This fic was first published in December 2010 on fanfiction.net, and I reread it recently and decided to revamp it some, not being very pleased with the original.
As such, it's set in the middle of season two, meaning most of what's happened since then hadn't happened when it was written. This is important, because in my revamping, I won't be changing the story, only grammatical errors or words that I feel were repeated too often or useless plots and scenes. So it's still set in Vampire Diaries mid-season two. Bear that in mind as you read. :)
Included next is a note from the original fic that says what I want to - with some present day additions I should have thought of then...
This fic is set after Elena goes to see Katherine in the crypt (s02e09) to ask her about the connections between the Curse and the doppelgangers, and hear her stories of Klaus and Elijah. You should probably bypass episodes 8, 10 and 11 - plus all the rest of them but at that time we were still on 11 ;) - because here, Elena turned into a vampire at the Masquerade Ball, having been fed blood by Damon and later killed by Katherine before she got caught and thrown in the crypt, tomb, whatever. Elena then breaks up with Stefan to be with Damon, who helps her through her transformation while Stefan is busy dealing with fall out from other accidents. Stefan leaves town, and comes back with a new girlfriend who has her very own share of baggage. Also, since episode 8, where Elena is kidnapped by Rose, didn't happen, we're going to pretend - so we can have Rose in this fic - that she tries to kidnap baby-vamp Elena, enraging both the Salvatores, and therefore inserting herself into the story. :)
Hope that's not too confusing, and that you can still enjoy this story even though it's very, very old - six years old in fact - because I still love it, even if I see lots of room for improvement.
Thanks for reading this spiel, and if you care to, let me know what you think! :)
...
“Damon?” I called, as I walked into the boardinghouse, realizing right away that Damon wasn't there, thanks to another one of my new-found vampire senses. “Stefan?”
I knew Stefan was home, because I could smell him in the air...and something else mixed with it. Someone else.
Then, I heard the sounds coming from upstairs, and focused on them, to make sense of what was happening.
I had broken up with Stefan nearly a week ago, but...from the sounds I could hear coming from his room...he had a girl in?
I finally decided, after hearing a lot of grunting from upstairs, from Stefan's part only, to make sure he wasn't fighting someone.
I pushed open the door to his room shamelessly, without a knock or a warning, thinking I'd see him struggling with someone and needing help.
What I saw was decidedly different; Stefan was holding a girl, pushing her against the wall, kissing her neck, her legs were wrapped around his waist, the two of them moving steadily on to sex.
Her eyes were closed; she opened them, and saw me, then tapped Stefan's shoulder lightly, nodding in my direction.
Stefan turned to look at me, his eyes flashing in anger.
I expected them to soften once he recognized me, but when they didn't, I reminded myself I had broken his heart, then rubbed it in by having sex with Damon when he was at home.
Still, I thought we had made it right before he left to wherever he went.
He was moving closer, and when he came face to face with me, I couldn't help but smile at him.
He didn't look angry, and I thought that was a good sign, until he spoke.
"Give me my ring back," Stefan said coldly, his eyes burning into mine, a look he had never given me.
"But...without it, I can't go out in the sun," I said, looking up at him, clutching the ring to my finger and pleading with my eyes. "Bonnie hasn't managed to make me a new one yet..."
"Whatever," he said after a moment, shrugging as if he didn't care about anything I had just told him. “Why should I care what happens to you? It's Damon's problem now.”
"But, Stefan..." Before I could finish, he interrupted me, moving closer in a way that scared me.
"Give it to me, Elena. It's mine, and I want it back," Stefan said fiercely, eyes flashing. “Now.”
I swallowed my tears at his tone, pulling off the ring and placing it in his palm as I looked behind him, at the girl still leaning against the wall, to distract myself so I wouldn't cry.
"Are you sure she's not going to find this a bit weird?" I examined her more as I said this; her shirt, a plaid shirt that I knew belonged to Stefan, was halfway open, enough that I could see her bra.
She had long blond hair that reached halfway to her waist, spilling over her shoulder, messy enough to be what Caroline called 'make-out session hair', which turned into 'just-fucked hair' when she was feeling crass.
"No, she won't mind this. She knows about me,” Stefan said, interrupting my study of the girl.
He was looking at me as if I was stupid for asking such an obvious question, like I should have known better than to think he'd be so careless as to expose himself to someone he couldn't compel.
She looked apologetically at me as Stefan turned away, and I hated the pity in her eyes.
It made me hate her, made me feel disgusted with myself, for the way I treated Stefan.
It made me want to have him back, made me want to apologize, beg him to come back to me.
But of course I didn't because do that, because...I have Damon. And because he was the one who protected me from Katherine when Stefan wasn't paying attention. He was too busy helping Caroline, he said.
Taking Bonnie to the hospital to make sure she was okay, helping Caroline with Tyler's werewolf issue, trying to locate Klaus...meanwhile, I was turning into a vampire on the Lockwood Masquerade Ball, because Katherine had attempted to kill me.
Damon was the one who gave me blood to save me, even though it should have been Stefan.
He wasn't there, when I wound up a vampire because it was too late to save me, to keep me human.
And now...I'm so, so scared for the people I love.
I'm scared for Damon, who Klaus will hunt forever like he did to Katherine...because he turned me into a vampire.
I just wish...I just wish I could make another doppelganger. But I can't. Because...I'm a vampire, and Isobel is a vampire and there is just...no one else.
And we're all going to die for this...this stupid sacrifice. I'll die because of what I am, Damon will die for what he did, and Bonnie, Caroline, Tyler...will die for nothing.
And all I can think about is how I wish Stefan would hold me to make it all go away.
I hope Damon never finds out I feel like this.
...
I opened my eyes to find the sunlight streaming into the room, coming in through the sliver between the curtains, and Damon asleep next to me.
I smiled, and reached out to touch his shoulder, before moving closer to kiss his skin, closing my eyes as I breathed the smell of him, so comforting after the sadness of last night.
He stirred and turned to face me, smiling sleepily even as he hugged me around the waist. “Morning.”
"Morning," I replied, wrapping my arm around his shoulders, leaning in so I could kiss him.
I felt a stab of pain on my arm and flinched away, clutching it as it burned from the sunlight, remembering that I'd returned Stefan's ring to him last night.
Damon sat up, leaning on his elbows and studying me more intensely, through narrowed eyes.
“Where's your ring?” He asked me.
“Stefan's ring,” I corrected. “I gave it back to him last night. I completely forgot...”
I stood up, realizing I had also forgotten where I had left my diary, with my incriminating sadness spilled across its pages.
"Elena,” Damon said, concerned as I started frantically shaking the sheets. "Elena, what are you doing?"
“My diary...” I whispered, looking under the bed, then coming up to shake the sheets again. “I don't know where it is. I had it last night, I was writing in it when I fell asleep, and now...I need to find it..."
I ran to the other side of the room, trying to go through every single place I could think of; next to the fireplace, under the bedside table...
"Elena," Damon called, but I was too desperate to keep my thoughts secret to spare him even a second.
"What?" I answered distractedly, still flying around the room. I closed the curtains to avoid the sun, and kept on looking.
"Elena, stop," he said. I didn't even answer him. Where was it? "Elena, your diary is here."
I finally stopped and looked up, letting out a breathless, relieved little laugh. I flew to Damon and wrapped my arms around him, grabbing my diary and clutching it tightly to myself, burying my face in his chest.
Finally I pulled away to look at him, and was happy to see him smiling, knowing he didn't suspect of my desperation to find my diary.
"I have to go, get you a ring. I'll talk to Bonnie again today, see if I can convince her,” Damon said, already moving to the door and stroking my cheek when he passed me, leaving me with a kiss.
I sighed once he was gone, relieved to have found my diary and to have a moment to myself.
I sat back down on Damon's bed, to read over my words from last night.
...
Dear Diary... today I caught Stefan with a girl in his room. And...he asked me for his ring back.
When I broke up with him, told him that I loved Damon, I had tried to give it to him, but he looked so upset, and I wanted to prove to myself that I didn't want him anymore.
Now I'm not so sure. I just came out of his bedroom. I'm sitting in Damon's bed and crying because I miss Stefan.
His arms around me, the way he used to look at me, like I was the only girl in the room.
But the way he looked at me today, talking to me like I was stupid and giving me that glare, so angry...and the apologetic look on the girl's face when she looked at me...
It made me hate her, made me feel disgusted with myself, for the way I treated Stefan.
It made me want to have him back, made me want to apologize, beg him to come back to me.
But of course I didn't because do that, because...I have Damon. And because he was the one who protected me from Katherine when Stefan wasn't paying attention. He was too busy helping Caroline, he said.
Taking Bonnie to the hospital to make sure she was okay, helping Caroline with Tyler's werewolf issue, trying to locate Klaus...meanwhile, I was turning into a vampire on the Lockwood Masquerade Ball, because Katherine had attempted to kill me.
Damon was the one who gave me blood to save me, even though it should have been Stefan.
He wasn't there, when I wound up a vampire because it was too late to save me, to keep me human.
And now...I'm so, so scared for the people I love.
I'm scared for Damon, who Klaus will hunt forever like he did to Katherine...because he turned me into a vampire.
I just wish...I just wish I could make another doppelganger. But I can't. Because...I'm a vampire, and Isobel is a vampire and there is just...no one else.
And we're all going to die for this...this stupid sacrifice. I'll die because of what I am, Damon will die for what he did, and Bonnie, Caroline, Tyler...will die for nothing.
And all I can think about is how I wish Stefan would hold me to make it all go away.
I hope Damon never finds out I feel like this.
...
I closed my diary as I felt the tears start to roll down my face, throwing it as hard as I could against the wall across the room.
As it fell next to the fireplace, I started to cry, feeling it all again, all the ugly sadness from last night, the jealousy I felt seeing Stefan with someone else, the guilt for how I treated him, added to how wrong it was for me to feel this way when I had Damon...
I let myself cry until I felt numb, until I couldn't cry anymore, until most of the sadness was gone, and then I got up and walked to the bathroom, looking at my face in the mirror above the sink.
I looked worn out, like I had a bad night of sleep, and my nose was all red from the crying.
I locked the door behind me and went into the shower, hoping to forget that I'd ever written down those traitorous words.
…