Chapter Text
Love. What is love? It’s a strange thing. It is something that can make you happier than you’ve ever been, but it can also crush your heart in cold, shattering depression. Can you have the good without the bad? Can you have the bad without the good? Sometimes the good that comes from it is worth the pain, but sometimes the pain that comes from it is too great for the good things to be worth it. And sometimes you have to work hard to get through the bad, but in the end, when the happiness comes, it is so worth it that you will never regret it.
For Mibuchi Reo, love meant a lot of pain, but he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. For him, love is the faint smell of cigarettes and expensive cologne in his sheets. It’s forgetting about the world and laughing together in the middle of the night. It’s the joy of getting used to talking together every day, but the pain of realizing you are actually alone when they leave. It’s the look in his lover’s eyes when he is truly at peace, living in the moment. Love is all the little things that make one big thing in a whole.
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‘He’s cute.’ Reo thought, watching the young barista work behind the counter. He was sitting in a café, enjoying a cup of caramel latte and a piece of carrot cake. The barista and waiter was shorter than him, but seemed a little more masculine. He had short, brown hair, a square jaw and a hint of stubbles just starting to grow in.
‘Seems to be my type.’
‘Maybe I should talk to him.’
He was really considering flirting a little with the cute guy, but he was debating whether or not it was worth the effort. On one hand, it had been a while since he got some action, and the guy was cute but not out of his league. But on the other hand, he was feeling kind of lazy that day and didn’t really want to get off his ass. And hooking up meant going somewhere, possibly on a date first, before going to a strangers home and having to find his way home the day after.
It was raining that day, which always made him feel more lazy. Well maybe not as much lazy, but more relaxed, calm. Reo loved rain, because ironically enough the world felt more quiet then. Less people go out in the streets, birds and animals hide in shelter, it’s like the world is set on hold. And since it was the weekend, he didn’t have work either. A perfect day to relax in his favorite café.
‘Maybe I could get laid.’ He thought, sipping from his latte. His friends always urged him to get out more, date more, have more sex. Sometimes it pissed him off because he didn’t need someone else to be happy and have a good life, but he knew they just didn’t want him to be lonely. And well.. even though he tried to hide it, he was lonely a lot of the time, which they probably saw.
‘Okay if he comes over again, I’ll talk to him. If not I’ll just leave it.’ Reo decided to himself, just when the cute guy came over to clean his table, picking up his empty plate.
“Are you finished with this?”
“Yes, thank you. It was really good.” Reo answered sweetly, with a coy smile. He knew exactly how to wrap guys like this around his finger.
“So you like sweet things then? The cake is almost as sweet as you.” The guy said with a cocky smirk and Reo was almost surprised he didn’t wink too.
Ugh that was so cheesy, he almost couldn’t forgive it. Cringing inside, he tried to ignore it, hoping his eye didn’t visibly twitch.
‘But if he says something like “Did you fall from heaven” I’m leaving.’
They talked a little. He seemed nice enough, a little boring maybe. Soft jazz music played in the café and Reo’s mind drifted a little. He remembered hearing this song somewhere else, a long time ago, but he couldn’t remember where or when. It was.. from the radio? No, a stereo. A stereo inside a bedroom that seemed too clean to be owned by a teenager. A bedroom he had to sneak out of in the middle of the night. A bedroom he spent so much time in, but felt like it was ages ago since he was last in it.
His mind drifted like this for a while, randomly remembering unimportant events of the past, until a flash of bright red hair suddenly caught his eye. His heart stopped for a split second, like it always did whenever he saw bright red hair. And every time he always was a little disappointed in himself. No. He was over this. He really needed to stop reacting to red hair, because it wasn’t him, it never would be, it was ridiculous.
But then he heard the voice as the man the red hair belonged to ordered coffee, and there was no doubt. Reo would recognize that voice anywhere. Completely forgetting about the waiter, Reo stood up from his table so fast, the table shook a little. And there he was, as if he was having some incredibly realistic dream. He couldn’t believe it. How long had it been? How many years? For a long time he just stood there staring like an idiot, too shocked to speak or move. But when the redhead started to move towards the exit, his mind was finally kicked in gear.
A slight panic settled over him. No. He was going to slip away. He couldn’t let that happen. The moment still didn’t feel real, but he reacted purely on instinct at the time.
“Sei-chan!” He called out without even thinking and Akashi Seijuurou, whipped his head around so fast his hair swished slightly.
“Reo..” He looked like he’d seen a ghost. But then again, so did Reo probably. And yet, he couldn’t help the huge smile that spread on his face. Walking over to the man, he was so excited to see him. He just couldn’t believe it was him!
“Oh my god, it’s been so long! Like five years?”
“Six actually. It’s been six years.” Akashi corrected him, almost like he had been counting this whole time. He looked older.. His eyes had the same heterochromative color, but didn’t look as bright as before, more calm in a way, and his hair was longer, like when they first met. He had grown a little taller too, reaching Reo’s nose instead of just his chin. And probably the most noticeable feature, his face was more mature. His jaw was more square, his eyebrows slightly thicker and the skin around his chin just a little bit rougher.
‘Does six years really show this much?’ It made him wonder how much he had changed himself.
“Yeah.. How have you been?” Reo responded before his staring got too obvious.
“Fine. I took over my father’s company. He’s still the owner, but he wanted me to take over the business early.”
“Oh wow, so you did it huh!” This is what Akashi had been working towards his whole life, but Reo didn’t mention that he knew this wasn’t what made him happy. Maybe he should just be happy for him that he accomplished something. A big company boss.. He must have been some genius to take over so early. Well of course he was though, he’s Akashi Seijuurou.
“And how are you doing?” The man asked politely and Reo was almost a little embarrassed to tell him after hearing how successful Akashi became.
“Ah well.. I work in a hair salon right now. Pretty close to where I live.”
“That’s right, you wanted to be a stylist.” Akashi murmured and Reo couldn’t help being flattered by the thought that he actually remembered his dream.
“Yeah, my dream is to work in fashion. But right now I’m just figuring things out, so I’m content with my current job.”
“Of course. You should do what you see fit.” Akashi replied and Reo couldn’t help thinking ‘Why don’t you follow that advice yourself.’ But he didn’t say anything.
“So it seems a lot happened then.” He commented. It seemed so long since they last saw each other, and yet it felt like it was only yesterday.
“Yes, and..” Suddenly Akashi went quiet and the air around him changed. He seemed reluctant. His eyes shifted to the floor and Reo could see his hands tensing. His face looked almost pained. Was he nervous? What could he say that seemed so bad? Thoughts raced through Reo’s head. What if he’s sick, what if something bad happened.. “I got married.”
Reo’s heart sank to the pit of his stomach. The sounds in the café turned into white noise as he stared blankly at the man in front of him. He felt like the breath had been knocked out of him for a second and it was difficult to breath. It stung. His chest was tight, like something squeezed around his heart. He told himself he was overreacting, but the ringing in his head wouldn’t stop. Married. His Sei-chan was married. Except that he wasn’t his Sei-chan anymore. Of course he had moved on, Reo hadn’t expected him to be hung up in him for six years. He had no right to be upset over this. But still.. he wasn’t even invited to the wedding. He told himself that's why it hurt, but it really wasn’t. Who was he trying to fool.
He had to swallow the lump in his throat at least three times before he could speak. Forcing himself to smile and be happy for Akashi.
“Married.. Wow, I can’t believe it. It’s such a big thing.”
“It happened fast. And the ceremony was just with our closest family.” Akashi said and he seemed uncomfortable talking about it. Though not as uncomfortable as Reo.
“But anyway, congratulations.” The words sounded fake even to himself.
Akashi just nodded in thanks, his eyes shifting to the floor. For a moment, they just stood there in uncomfortable silence, neither of them knowing what to say. Reo could feel his throat tightening, the air in his lungs suffocating him slowly.
‘Please say something. Anything.’
“Sei-chan I-“ “Have drinks with me.” They both spoke at the same time to break the silence.
“What?” Reo said, not hearing properly as they spoke over each other.
“Have drinks with me. Please.”
“Sei-chan it’s only five in the afternoon..” Drinks? Why did he suddenly want that now?
But the look on Akashi’s face seemed desperate, almost needy. His eyes were pleading him, like he really needed it and Reo just couldn’t say no to those eyes.
“Okay. But I have some bottles at my place, so let’s go there. I feel a little weird going to a bar so early haha.”
And so they did. It felt sort of unreal to bring his ex-boyfriend from six years ago to his apartment to drink, but he would be lying to himself if he wasn’t enjoying it. The closer they got to his place, the more they talked. The rain had ceased a little, not raining as hard as before, but the sound of the drops dripping on his umbrella for once didn’t soothe him, but made his heart beat faster this time. The boy, no.. man he had loved for all of his high school years, plus half of his college years was walking no more than a meter at his side and Reo wanted nothing else than to hold his hand as they walked. They broke up so long ago, but it was something about Akashi that just pulled him in, like a weird magnetic power he couldn’t control.
Akashi’s umbrella was a black, expensive one and yet, he left it outside Reo’s door without a second thought, not wanting to make his hallway wet. By the time they were inside and had their first glass of wine, they were reminiscing about their school days. How strange it was that after all this time, they talked normally like they’d been neighbors for years. In a way it could be seen as just a reunion between classmates, but Reo never saw Akashi as a classmate. They weren’t even in the same class, since Reo was a year older than him. But even if they were, Akashi would never be anything else than his ex-boyfriend to him.
By the time they had finished a bottle, they were reminding each other of all the things they did when they dated. The dates, the fights, the sex, the good and bad moments. Because no matter what happened, neither of them could deny that what they had was good. Their compatibility was greater than what Reo had ever had with any other boyfriends, even though he didn’t want to admit that to himself for such a long time. But it was true. Despite his bad sides, Akashi could read him like no other. He knew when he was sad, when he was happy, when he was lying.. And although it was more difficult for him, Reo could mostly read Akashi as well. Better than other people nevertheless.
But that was natural right? Lovers learned how to read each other when they were together. It’s normal to grow together and learn new and old things. But somehow it felt like it was more than that with Akashi. Yes, lovers grow, but they don’t always fit together. A lot of couples disagree, argue more than normal, even mistreat each other, but Akashi and Reo just clicked so well. Maybe that’s why it was so hard to forget him.
By the time they finished a second bottle, Reo could feel the buzz of the alcohol. He wasn’t completely wasted yet, but it was fair to say that he was drunk. His head felt dizzy and was spinning slightly so he leaned his head back on the couch, his arms resting lazily at his sides. When he felt Akashi’s hand gently touch his, he glanced to the side to see the man staring at him. The red and ocher eyes watched him focused, yet seemingly dark. Reo could see desire in them. His heartbeat sped up considerably, the adrenaline pumping through him along with the alcohol in his body.
He instinctively leaned closer, Akashi doing the same, until they were so close they could feel each other’s ragged breath. And then they just.. jumped on each other. Their lips crashed together, hungry and needy. Their hands clawed at each other’s bodies, desperate to get as much as possible in the shortest amount of time as clothes were thrown to the floor. Hot skin slapping against skin, radiating warmth and electricity, along with needy moans and heavy breaths were the only sounds in the room as they desperately fell into pleasure, touching and kissing until it was the only thing they could think about, everything else completely forgotten.
If this was a sin then Reo didn’t want to go to heaven.