Chapter Text
Red and green, pink and blue, yellow and orange. Each Christmas light twinkled brightly on the Christmas tree. Every shiny ornament hanging down, glittering in the glow from the twinkling lights. The tree was as beautiful as ever, but that beauty only made Ponyboy’s heart ache all the more.
He felt someone lie beside him, but didn’t look over. He already knew who it was.
“Woah!” Soda said, “now this is quite a view, Pone. What made ya decide to lie underneath the tree? Gonna give yourself as a present this year?”
Pony smiled slightly. “No, I was just thinkin’”.
“What about?”
“Christmas…without mom and dad, Johnny and Dally.”
Soda let out a shaky breath, eyes filling with tears. “I’ve been thinkin’ about that a lot too, kid.”
“I just…how could this be Christmas without them? It’s not gonna be the same.”
“Maybe not the same. But that doesn’t mean it's gonna be bad.”
“Ya think?”
“I think it will be different, especially without mom and dad. But we got each other. Plus Mrs. Matthew’s invited us and Steve over for Christmas dinner. So, at least we won’t have burnt turkey and soggy stuffing like on Thanksgiving.”
Ponyboy let out a laugh. “That was a disaster.”
“Tell me about it!” Soda laughed. “But, hey at least the stuffing looked cool!”
“It was green, Soda! It looked like moldy bread.”
“Would you rather it have been black like the turkey?”
Pony scoffed. “No.”
“Exactly!” Soda winked. “Ya know, Darry’s tryin’ real hard to make this Christmas special for us.”
“I know.” Pony said. “I see it, and I really do appreciate it. But..Soda, do you think he’ll be mad if I’m still a little sad on Chetismas? Because he’s working so hard to make us happy?”
Sodapop turned to face his brother, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Oh, no, baby of course not. Ya know, I think he’s feeling the same way."
“You do?” Pony asked, turning to look at Sodapop.
“Yeah.” Soda said quietly. “But, he cares more about makin’ sure we’re happy, so he hides it. He’s putin’ all his effort into makin’ sure we have a good Christmas this year.”
Pony looked back up at the tree. “Maybe he thinks that will lessen the hurt.”
“You think it will?”
“No. Burying your emotions, well we both know that never ends well.”
Sodapop let out a breath. “No, it doesn't.”
Both boys stared up at the tree for a couple minutes before Soda spoke again. “Hey! I got an idea!”
“What idea?”
“What if on Christmas, we go have a picnic at the cemetery for lunch? We can spend some time with mom, dad, Johnny and Dally. “
Pony blinked over at Soda, scooting out from underneath the tree. Soda followed him.
“Really?”
“Yeah.” Soda said, with a small smile. “Only if you want to! If you don’t then–”
“No.” Pony said. “No, no, I do. I really, really do.”
Sodapop smiled at him.
~~~
Johnny and Dally were buried next to Mr. and Mrs. Curtis. Since the gang was the only real family the boys had, they made sure to put their graves near the Curtis parents. And Catherine and Darrel thought of Johnny and Dally as their sons too, it’s what they would have wanted.
Ponyboy laid the blanket right between the four graves, and Darry sat the picnic basket on top. Soda carried the gifts, along with some flowers.
“Well, what do you want to start with? Darry asked. The gifts or the food?”
“The gifts.” Pony said. “Then we can eat.”
Ponyboy placed the flowers for Johnny and Dally next to the gravestones, while Soda and Darry placed some on their parents' graves. They were poinsettias, Pony picked them out.
When Ponyboy walked up to Johnny’s grave, his breath hitched. There was a small Christmas tree planted into the ground. It was decorated with silver and gold ornaments, Johnny’s favorite.
Darry walked over and put a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “You like it?”
“Did you do this?” He asked, turning to face his brothers.
“Yeah. I know how much you’ve been missin’ Johnny lately, and I know how hard this Christmas without him is. So, I wanted to do somethin’ special for ya, and for him. Johnny deserved it. I hope it’s–”
Darry was cut off by Pony’s arms wrapping tightly around his waist. He was surprised at first, unsure of what to do. Pony was affectionate, sure, but mostly with Sodapop, and he and Johnny had been too.
Sodapop nudged him, raising his eyebrows and nodding at their brother. ‘Hug him,’ he mouthed.
Darry wrapped his arms around Pony. It was awkward at first, but he let the tension go as his brother melted into the embrace, relaxing slightly.
He heard Ponyboy sniffle and then looked down, his brother stared up at him with red, teary eyes. “Thanks, Darry. Thank you so much.”
Darry shook his head, eyes wide in shock. “Pony, I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“N-no, Dar, these are happy tears.” He wiped his eyes. “Really. I-I just didn’t expect it and it…it means a whole lot to me. It’s the best gift I could’ve gotten. Thank you.”
Darry let out a breath, shutting his eyes as relief flooded his body. He debated long and hard if he should do this or not. He wanted to so badly, for Johnny. Because he deserved the whole world, and the world had given him less than nothing. He remembered seeing Johnny’s eyes light up every time he saw a Christmas tree, even if it was just in the woods in the summertime. He loved the evergreen leaves, and the smell. How beautiful they looked with all the lights and ornaments. So Darry wanted to give him one.
And he wanted to do it for Pony, because he knew his brother missed Johnny so deeply. And of course he missed his parents and Dally, but Darry knew, the ache in his heart for Johnny was different. He was Pony’s best friend, and had been since they were kids. Pony always felt understood by Johnny in a way he never felt with anyone else. And after everything that happened the week Johnny died, not to mention Pony blaming himself for it all. Darry decided that this was something his brother needed, something that would help him heal. He was so grateful that he had been right.
“You’re welcome, baby.” Darry squeezed Pony harder, kissing the top of his head.
“Johnny would love it.” Pony said, as they pulled apart. He walked over to the tree, running his fingers across the pine needles.
“Yeah.” Soda said, looking at his big brother, and Darry didn’t miss the tears in his eyes. “I think so too.”
Soda built a birdhouse for Johnny and Pony helped paint it (his favorite color, pine green) and wrote ‘Johnnycake’ on the front. They placed it next to the tree.
Ponyboy wrote him a poem and drew him a picture.
Sodapop remembered Pony mentioning that eagles represented strength, courage, power and freedom. He thought that described Dally pretty well, so he brought him a small eagle figurine.
Darry brought a necklace, and Pony wrote a letter and brought a pack of Dally’s favorite cigarettes. Winstons.
Together, they built a set of windchimes for their mother. It had been Pony’s idea, saying how much she loved music.
And Pony helped them all paint rocks for their dad.
Darry painted his crimson red for his father’s favorite football team, Oklahoma University. It said OU on the front and ‘Boomer Sooners’ on the back.
Sodapop painted a picture of his father’s old car, the very one he had used to teach Sodapop about cars.
Ponyboy painted a sunrise and a cross on the front of his, and Psalms 118;24 on the back.
“Psalms? That sounds familiar…is that a book in the bible?” Soda asked.
“Yeah.” Pony answered. “It was dad’s favorite verse.”
“What’s it say?”
“This is the day that The Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.”
Soda and Pony both looked over at Darry, surprised at his words.
“He used to quote it all the time, said it just about every day. Mostly when I was complainin’ bout school or football, or havin’ a bad day. That was always what he said. Sometimes it drove me crazy.”
They all laughed quietly.
“I never used to understand why he would say it whenever something bad happened. But, I think I do now.” Pony said, looking thoughtful.
“Yeah?” Soda asked. “What ya think?”
“I think it means that every day is a gift. Even on hard days, we can find good in those too, because it’s a day that God made. Like today. We all miss mom and dad, and Johnny and Dally. But by comin’ out here and doin’ this, we’re finding joy, or rejoicing, I guess you could say.”
Soda smiled, melancholy in his eyes as he looked at his father’s tombstone. “That sounds exactly like something dad would want to teach us.”
“I think you hit the nail right on the head there, bud.” Darry put an arm around his brother’s shoulders. “I never thought much about what it might mean. Was too busy gettin’ mad at Dad for tellin’ me to be happy when I had to study for three tests, write two essays, and that coach made us run so much half the time barfed.”
Sodapop laughed, Pony smiled.
“Isn’t it amazing how –even though he’s gone– Dad’s still around and teachin’ us stuff?” Pony said.
Darry looked from the gravestone to his brother, he’d never really thought about it that way.
“Yeah.” Soda said, nodding slowly, clearly thinking about his brother’s words. “It’s kinda like they never really leave. They’re still here with us, just in different ways.”
Darry’s heart thudded in his ears. He’d really never considered that perspective before.
His parents were dead, and he was left to deal with the aftermath. His friends were dead, and he was left to care for a group of boys with two large holes in it. They were gone, and they weren’t coming back. That was that.
But, maybe his brothers had a point. Sure, they were physically gone, that was certain. But Darry would never forget his mother’s warm hugs and gentle voice, as he tried to be half as comforting towards his brothers. His father’s strength, and bravery, in the face of constant adversity, as he tried to follow in his footsteps. Johnny’s gentle spirit and kind eyes, a good kid born into a world where he received nothing but pain and hatred, and never once let it change his heart. And Dally, his fierce loyalty to the very end, the way he was always there when someone needed him.
Admittedly, Darry sometimes heard his father’s words in his ear. Advice he’d given him, and now he could hear him reciting that bible verse again clear as day. He could hear his mother’s soft voice, singing lullabies when he was a child, or sick. Sometimes, it did feel like they were still around. And now, he thought, in a new way, they really were.
Darry cleared his throat, determined to keep the emotions that had been brought up out of his voice. “Pony, you really are wise beyond your years. I don’t think I tell you that enough, but you are one of the smartest people I know.”
Ponyboy looked up at his brother, eyes glowing as a smile lit up his face. “Thanks, Dar. That means a lot.”
Darry gave him a grin, looking over at Sodapop. “You too, little buddy.”
Soda looked at him apprehensively. “Dar–”
“Hey.” Darry put a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Have I ever lied to you, Pepsi?”
Soda shook his head.
“And I ain’t about to start. You’re smart, Sodapop. I know it’s real hard for ya to wrap your head around, ‘specially since you’ve been told the opposite your whole life. But you’re smart in a way I could never dream of being. And I am proud of you every single day for that, honey. Savvy?”
Sodapop smiled at him, and Darry saw tears glistening in his eyes. “Yeah, Dar. Savvy.”
“Merry Christmas y’all.”
Soda and Pony smiled, “Merry Christmas, Dar.”
Darry winked at them, grinning. “Y’all hungry?”
“I’m starved!” Soda said.
Pony scoffed, remembering how his brother ate an entire chocolate Santa Clause from his stocking right before they came here. He didn’t say anything though, he was hungry too.
“Good.” Darry laughed, “let’s go eat.”
Ponyboy and Sodapop ran over to the picnic blanket and sat down, immediately unpacking the basket.
Darry smiled at them before glancing at the graves one last time. “Merry Christmas, mom, dad, Johnny, Dally. Thanks for giving us a reason to rejoice today.”