Chapter Text
I screamed, because there was something holding the door open and it was green and had shiny stuff on its head and smelled funny and the stapler jammed. Sami screamed because I did, I think she had her eyes closed and her arms over her head. Moppy growled and jumped forward and grabbed the thing by the flappy stuff near its feet.
The thing screamed, too, which should have been a hint, I guess.
And then the second-best sound. First best would have been Daddy or maybe Ewemel, but it was Aunt Lani and she said in her trying-not-to-call-you-a-dumbass voice, “Your other left, Elverta.”
“Get your dog off me before I pee on her!”
The monster was a lady Aunt Lani knew, who had been getting her hair colored at the place next door. I guess she screamed because we scared her, being in the closet, and also the kuthunk from the staple. Anyway, her hair was all sticking out and some had foil on it and she was holding a green glow stick and doing the pee dance with a little dog hanging on her pants leg and I just started laughing, it was all so stupid.
That’s how we ended up having a slumber party and eating pizza cooked in the fireplace with a stainless steel gusset plate and welding gloves. We had jar salads and the coffee girls (who are really called baristas, what a neat word, but their real names were Marnie, Nicole, Brandi, and Meg) who were also stuck brought over big jugs of coffee and cocoa and all the leftover pastries. Miss Jeannette, the hair-do lady, brought over some nail colors and some hair clips and we did make-overs, which is very girly but kind of fun.
Moppy didn’t forgive Ms Elverta for smelling funny and scaring us and she didn’t forgive Moppy for tearing her pants and making her comb out go so late her highlights were super light. Sami fixed that a little by telling her it was like tinsel on a Yule tree, it made it all prettier.
Anyway, Sami and I took turns holding Moppy all night which was fine with us.
Aunt Lani, who is the best, put the giant stapler back and never told Daddy about the staple in the closet door.
And I didn’t mention the blood on the spear.
There’s something to be said for being half tanked at work because Lou didn’t seem as traumatized as, for example, I would have been after that ride. On the other hand, if he’d been sober it might never have happened at all, so there’s that cloud to wrap around the silver lining.
With only minor bitching and moaning, we got poor old Lou into the back of Squall’s SUV. Squall had a nice first aid kit which was full of useful things we didn’t really need. Not sure if it was required for rugby related activities or if Squall was just paranoid like me. It did have a blow-up splint which was marginally helpful to keep Lou’s leg steady.
“You think a Curaga will help?”
Squall shook his head. “He’ll need surgery to get that leg straight. If you could focus the spell on only one body part, I’d hit his lungs.”
I dropped one of my precious Regens on the man. It should keep him from bleeding to death before we got to the clinic, and with luck would prevent pneumonia. Squall was right about the leg. Personally, I didn’t think Lou would be bipedal much longer.
Squall hunkered down in the footwell in the back, to help brace Lou. I squeezed into the driver’s seat and wished Squall was taller and fatter or I was shorter and slimmer.
“Does this seat go back?”
“Only if you want to crush your friend.”
“I’m guessing you mean you, because Lou and I don’t get along all that well. Ok, hang on and don’t scream until it’s really necessary.”
He made a scoffing noise, which I correctly interpreted as ‘I never scream for any reason’. I decided not to push it. I’ve driven a woman in labor to the hospital before. Twice. I knew how to get somewhere in a hurry.
We got to the clinic with no screams and only a few groans from Lou. The nurse practitioner took one look at Lou and had him wheeled away. A good thing as Squall and I had not settled on a cover story and I wasn’t sure the truth was our best choice.
Squall watched them go, frowning. “Do they have a surgeon on call?”
“No, they’ll have to evac him to Rocky Valley when they can.”
“Garden can’t land in this,” Squall said. “They’d have to use jetpacks or t-boards.” He looked around at the crowded clinic. “Esthar military and disaster assistance won’t be able to mobilize and set up for a couple days.”
“I think the plan is to send in field medical that has rough terrain experience on, yeah, ‘bos and T-boards. Who knew Zell’s hobby would come in handy?” I steered Squall towards the SUV. “Anyway, thanks to you and Shiva, we shouldn’t be isolated for long. I’ll check the bridge at first light and see if it’s safe to open for emergency service traffic at least.”
Squall drove this time and I called to check on my girls. I got a cheerful but garbled report that included the important information that Lani’s toenails were now “heart-rending red” but that Sami was doing each of her toes a different color.
Lani also supplied more mundane information: the street was completely flooded out and they and the women in the next-door shops were all stranded. The Crew was all accounted for but stuck at the beer and bait shop eating bologna sandwiches and getting drunk. The owner was letting them sleep on the tables and booths as there was nowhere else in town to go. Aeric’s wife had called 7 times to complain about Aeric being in a bar up the mountain and demanded he get paid overtime for this.
She also mentioned, quietly, that she had seen an Elnoyle.
“Shit, the Encounter None beacons must be down. Which way was it going?”
“Not going anywhere, now. I already warned the Peacekeepers.”
“Thanks, Lani, I owe you one. Keep everyone indoors if you can, it’s going to be worse tomorrow when the turtapods and grats come in to scavenge.”
Squall said, “I was heading to your place, should I detour?”
I shook my head. “Put me on speaker, Lani, please.” As soon as I heard the uptick in background noise, I put on my best jolly dad voice. “Ok, ladies, you are all safe as long as you stay inside. The roads are a mess, so Squall and I are going home and we’ll come rescue you in the morning.”
After a few ‘good nights’ and ‘I love yous’ I was able to disconnect. I leaned back in the muddy seat. Squall’s SUV was really going to need a good detailing after this night’s work. “I am already tired for tomorrow just thinking of what all I have to do.”
“You know I’ll help anyway I can.”
“Help me decide if a hot shower or coffee is more important.”
Squall huffed a laugh. “I’d say ‘coffee’ but we’d both have to scrub a while to be sanitary enough to make it.”
“Excellent point. I do have two showers, and a crazy big hot water heater. You get the pink poodles and apple soap, though, because that shower head is too damn low for me.”
“No Princess Pink bath wash?” He asked, mock sadly.
“To quote my eldest, ‘who wants to smell like a princess’s ass?’”
My house is on the upslope, and a good way aways from the river, so I wasn’t too worried about it. Squall did have to slow way down due to water in the roads, however. I knew the storm drain system was overburdened, but the natural accumulation of dead leaves and crap also clogged the openings. We passed Gerald and Doc Rosewalk, both in hip waders and armed with rakes, doing their best to alleviate the situation.
“Shouldn’t the city be taking care of this?”
“Technically, yeah,” I said. “Realistically, they are both literally and figuratively swamped.”
Squall lowered his window. “Do you need any help?”
Gerald shook his head. “We got it; the water level is already going down some.”
“Is that you, Squall? Is Seifer - oh hi. Seifer, the power is out on our side of the street, you know anything about it?”
I leaned forward to talk over Squall. “Gridline goes right down the middle of the street, Doc. You need to come to my place and warm up? Get hot coffee?”
“We’re ok, but Berry is down at Dotty Drinkwaters, fussing over her.”
That was the old lady in the wheelchair across the street from my place. “Shit, yeah, her automatic doors will be offline. They should lock down open, so other than no privacy in the bathroom it should be just a minor thing. But her heat will be out, too. Your phone charged? Call me and Squall and I can carry her over to my place and make her comfy for the night at least.”
“I think it will be ok,” Gerald put in. “But you are the only one with fireplace wood so we may be over, mooching.”
“Come help yourself. Squall and I are going to hit the showers but the gate’s unlocked. Everyone else ok?”
Squall gave me an odd look, which I ignored.
“We are checking as we work our way down the street,” Doc said. “Where are your girls?”
“Safe with a babysitter, thank Hyne. Ok, if you need anything, you know where to find us.”
“In the shower,” Squall muttered as we drove off.
“I do have two.”
“Do they know that?”
“You’re out and I don’t give a fuck, so who cares? You need coffee, I can tell. And probably food.”
“Shower first,” Squall said firmly.
We squelched and slogged our way into the house. Squall stopped in the foyer, eyeing himself and his wet, muddy clothes. I wasn’t any better.
With a shrug, I peeled off my things, dropping them on top of my soaked boots. Squall followed suit and we quickstepped naked through the chilly house. I was too tired to even pretend to be coy, but I did manage to do the host thing and dig him up some clean sweats, towels, and some of the manly ‘fresh from the sea’ bath wash I got for father’s day. In case he didn’t like apples or princess ass.
We emerged from our respective showers cleaner and warmer but no less exhausted. I knew Squall had to be moving on stubbornness alone as he’d pushed all he had through Shiva to get the ice. He did manage to make coffee while I built a fire. Squall would rise from his deathbed to make coffee, though.
I grabbed a sack of corn chips and a jar of salsa and we flopped on the couch and shared.
“Is this dinner?” Squall asked.
“It’s got veggies and calories and I think protein, so I say yes.”
“Good call,” he said, stretching and putting his feet up on the coffee table so the fire would warm them.
I clinked my coffee mug to Squall’s. “Here’s to all the heroes who don’t wear capes. May their tights never be too tight.”
“May they always fight the good fight.”
We drank in silence.
“So,” Squall said, “are we dumping the salsa into the chip bag, sacrificing a coffee cup, or is one of us going to go get a bowl?”