John Watson's Blog
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'Basically, right, this friend of mine- we’ll call him Hamish, to protect his anonymity – is in a bit of a predicament, and he asked me to help him. In short, he’s sort of fallen in love with someone he shouldn’t have. At least, I think he’s fallen in love with him. He’s not sure. He says that every time he sees this person he really wants to throw a sharp, heavy object at their head but also sit on a bench with them whilst ‘Out of Reach’ by Gabrielle is playing and kiss them quite a lot, so I think he’s probably in love. Apparently. So Hamish told me.'
Or, the one in which John writes a blog entry about how his friend is in love with his best friend and his friends are not even slightly helpful in the comments section.
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- Part 1 of John Watson's Blog
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John posts a rather suggestive blog post. The internet goes crazy.
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- Part 2 of John Watson's Blog
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John Watson is Really Very Sorry that his Boyfriend Can't Hold his Liquor by kyaticlikestea
Fandoms: Sherlock (TV)
20 May 2012
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'Firstly, I must apologise to everyone who wasn’t at Mrs Hudson’s New Years’ Eve party, and not least because you missed a bloody good buffet. Thanks, Mrs Hudson! You really pulled out all the stops. Mrs Turner will have a hard act to follow next year (no offence, Mrs Turner – we all thoroughly enjoyed your burlesque themed evening of 2013!) Secondly, I have to apologise to everyone who was at Mrs Hudson’s New Years’ Eve party. If you attended, you will no doubt have witnessed the absolutely shocking antics of one Sherlock Holmes, and you’re probably in the middle of researching therapy appointments as you read this. I can personally e-mail you with the details of a very good therapist if you still feel as though you need one at the end of this post.'
Or, John writes a blog post detailing Sherlock's appalling behaviour at Mrs Hudson's New Years' party. He's really very, very sorry.
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- Part 3 of John Watson's Blog
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'Today’s blog is written in memory of my dearest friend and lover, Sherlock Holmes. It is my greatest sorrow to have to report to you all that he passed away in the early hours of this morning. It is surely the great loss I will ever be forced to bear. No longer will I be able to gaze upon those razor sharp cheekbones, run my hands through that perfect mane of ebony silk or kiss that darling cupid’s bow mouth. It truly has not yet sunk in that I am going to be forced to see through the remainder of my days without the love of my life.'
Or, in which John Watson learns to never leave his computer unattended. Or attended. It's fruitless, really.
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- Part 4 of John Watson's Blog
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'If anyone’s reading this – welcome to the blog, if you’re new! – a bit of help would be much appreciated; I’m sort of stuck in the middle of Wales with Sherlock, Mycroft and Lestrade. Sherlock burnt the only map we have for firewood and there’s no GPS signal around here. Why there’s internet signal but no GPS signal I do not know. I’m going to assume that it’s sod’s law and surrender to it.
If it helps anyone work out where we are, it’s definitely in the Brecon Beacons somewhere. I think it’s near that cannibal village from Torchwood, but as of yet we haven’t been eaten.
Help me, before the Holmeses drive me out of my bloody mind!!'
Or, in which Mycroft and Lestrade are single-handedly responsible for the increase in demand for eye bleach.
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- Part 5 of John Watson's Blog
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'If John will insist on leaving his laptop on his desk with a mere system of three passwords, two anti-spambot filters and another two passwords, then really, he’s asking for me to have a bit of fun, isn’t he?'
Or, in which John hasn't learnt his lesson that no laptop is Sherlock-proof, but does learn never to rely on Mycroft and Lestrade as the cavalry.
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- Part 6 of John Watson's Blog
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John Watson is Not a Poet, and Doesn't he Know it by kyaticlikestea
Fandoms: Sherlock (TV)
21 May 2012
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'I thought I’d do something a bit different here today because lately my blog seems to have turned into a bit of a circus. Today is National Haiku Day – yes, Sherlock, that is an actual thing that exists, so stop complaining – so I thought we could all share some culture, some class and some finesse by writing our own haikus.'
Or, in which John attempts to spread class and poetry but doesn't quite get his own way.
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- Part 7 of John Watson's Blog
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John Watson Goes to Paris (and it's Strictly for Business) by kyaticlikestea
Fandoms: Sherlock (TV)
22 May 2012
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'I’m writing from Paris!
We’ve been here for four days now. I think I’m picking up a bit of French, but Sherlock is still having an inordinate amount of fun correcting everything I say. He told me I accidentally asked for condoms on my toast at the hotel the other day. That would explain the funny look the waiter gave me. So far, we’ve done all the main tourist attractions apart from the Eiffel Tower, which I don’t think is on the to-do list. Sherlock’s seen it about a hundred times and apparently he’ll be sick if he has to look at it one more time. I’m not going to risk it.'
Or, in which John goes to Paris with Sherlock and everyone else but him finds this hilarious.
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- Part 8 of John Watson's Blog
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John Watson is NOT Engaged (But he Can't Speak for Others) by kyaticlikestea
Fandoms: Sherlock (TV)
24 May 2012
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'I don’t even know what goes on in your heads most of the time. Seriously. One trip to Paris, one moonlight visit to the Louvre planned by your boyfriend’s brother and a couple of meals in Michelin Star restaurants and suddenly everyone starts planning your future. Come on. Do you really think Sherlock would propose like that? Knowing him, he’d set up some sort of weird Cluedo-style proposal, end it dressed as Mrs White in the Drawing Room or something (you can thank me for that mental image later). Although last time we played Cluedo, the board ended up attached to the wall by a bullet. We probably won’t be playing it again. It was almost as bad as that time Mrs Hudson tried to get a friendly game of Scrabble going. Try convincing a self-entitled genius that ‘Quetzalcoatl’ doesn’t count because it’s a proper noun. It’s a recipe for disaster. Mrs Hudson is still picking up Scrabble pieces that have worked themselves free from underneath the kitchen counters to this day. '
Or, in which Sherlock didn't like it enough to put a ring on it, but Lestrade might.
Series
- Part 9 of John Watson's Blog
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John Watson is the Best Man for the Job (and Sherlock Holmes Should Get Over it and Have a Shower) by kyaticlikestea
Fandoms: Sherlock (TV)
29 May 2012
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'I’m sorry it’s been a while since I posted. Well, I say ‘a while’. It’s only been a few days, and I’ve gone a lot longer than that without posting in the past! However, those times were markedly different in that I hadn’t inadvertently caused a wedding proposal, so I can understand your tetchiness and e-mails telling me to update. Honestly, though. Fifty three e-mails in two days? You lot are starting to act a bit like stalkers.'
Or, in which Sherlock's dedication to the role of of best man would be admirable, except for the fact that he isn't actually the best man.
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- Part 10 of John Watson's Blog
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'Hello, everyone! Sorry I haven’t posted in a few weeks. It’s been really hectic; between solving cases, planning for Mycroft and Lestrade’s wedding – best man has a lot of duties, you know! – and wiping Sherlock’s chin after meal times, I haven’t had much time to just sit and blog like I used to. I’m going to try to get back into it. Summer’s usually a pretty quiet period for cases, so we’ll see.
Anyway, just checking in really. It’s Mycroft and Lestrade’s engagement party tonight, so I’m excited about that. Sherlock’s already there, helping set things up. I’m really proud of him for that, actually. He can be a massive child sometimes – I admit, there are times when I’ve found myself walking down the baby aisle at Tesco and I actually look at the nappies and think to myself ‘I should probably get some of these’, but so far I’ve resisted – but when it comes down to it, I think he really does have his brother’s best interests at heart, and Lestrade’s by proxy.'
Or, in which it's Mycroft and Lestrade's engagement party. Everyone gets horribly drunk. Comments ensue.
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- Part 11 of John Watson's Blog
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A fic in the style of John Watson's blog. Part 12 of a series. Can be read as a standalone but reading the others will give some context!
In which Lestrade gets pre-wedding insanity and purchases a rabbit. Mycroft Sr meets Mycroft Jr, complete with litter tray, and Sherlock and John talk about fingers with a practical demonstration.
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- Part 12 of John Watson's Blog
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John Watson, the Bejewelled Welshman and the Malt Loaf by kyaticlikestea
Fandoms: Sherlock (TV)
10 Jul 2012
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A series in the style of John Watson's blog, with comments from other characters.
'Today’s blog entry was going to be one in the style of my older posts. I was going to write up one of the more interesting cases that Sherlock and I have been investigating for the past few days. However, Sherlock has just managed to hospitalise himself for the third time this month – yes, I’m aware it’s only the 6th – by means that I felt were too hilarious to keep from you.'
Or, in which Sherlock makes a tit of himself. Prostitution, murder and far-too-tight-leather abound.
Series
- Part 13 of John Watson's Blog
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'i shoudnt be bloging hahahhah
im realy not drunkk thoughue i mean yes it iss mycroft sstag arpty bt i have noyl had ten glaseses o fdry wite whine
sherlok saidd somethingg so funy he said it wass a hen partay not a sta gparty becus my croft is a GRIL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAaa
ooh wine'Or, in which Mycroft and Lestrade are getting married in the morning. John attends their stag party (or should that be hen party?) and gets a little tipsy, but definitely not drunk, off his face or completely slaughtered.
Series
- Part 14 of John Watson's Blog
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John Watson and a Question of Marriage by kyaticlikestea for EzSS
Fandoms: Sherlock (TV)
06 Oct 2012
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'The cake was three tiers too small, two thousand calories too many and four shades of blue too pale. Despite his lack of invitation, a Japanese dignitary showed up with an entourage of sixteen reality TV stars. Anthea’s Blackberry had to be reset to its factory settings. As best man, it fell down to me to try and sort this mess out. Needless to say, I’m now banned from Japan (I shall see what I can do – MH) and now know six members of the Blackberry customer support team on a first name basis.'
Or, in which John blogs about the wedding of Mycroft Holmes and Gregory Lestrade, and it seems like even Sherlock is in the wedding mood. Especially Sherlock. Mostly Sherlock.
The final installment in the 'John Watson's Blog' series.
Series
- Part 15 of John Watson's Blog