AFormalColloquialism



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    “Hi,” Ilya says, his attempt at making his voice a purr lost to how fucking happy he is, to have this, to see Shane Hollander in a way no one else ever gets to. He crosses the room and kneels over him, pulling him up into a kiss that Shane gives him easily, making a sweet, soft noise that makes Ilya want to bite him with how cute it is. Instead, he gets a handful of the edge of the soft, fuzzy blanket to whip it off of Shane and replace it with his own body-

    -only to be stopped when the blanket turns out to be far, far fucking heavier than he anticipated, pulling him up short when his attempt at a flick ends with barely moving the edge before it flops back down with audible weight.

    (ilya versus shane's weighted blanket)

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    25 Jun 2026

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    The Swiss National League doesn’t care about the legendary Hollander-Rozanov rivalry. When the MLH can’t negotiate with the Hockey Players’ Union in time to prevent a hockey lockout at the start of the 2015 season, the Zürich Lions jump at the chance to sign both Shane and Ilya to short-term contracts. For four months in Switzerland, they share a team, a line, a house, and a bed. 

    Then the lockout ends in January, and it’s time to go back. Back to different countries, cities, lives. Beds.

    Reentry is harder than expected.

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    21 Jun 2026

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    No serious hockey fan or sports commentator worth their salt would have considered record-breaking Boston superstar Ilya Rozanov to be Shane Hollander’s rival exactly, but sleeping with a man who had a specific offense-related vendetta against him and a wrist shot like a jet engine to back it up was probably ill-advised just the same.

    Or, Shane is a goalie. Ilya can’t score.

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    15 May 2026

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    Shane Hollander is a man who thrives on structure, routine, the solid ground of a ten-year plan. Ilya likes that about him, likes the embracing squeeze of having a life organized in tandem with Shane.

    No one would call Ilya a man who thrives on structure. But it’s there, if not in his DNA then in the patterns of his brain. A call-and-response of: they do this, I do that.

    When Ilya’s life is flayed open for the world to dissect, how will they push-and-pull their way back towards what was once a well-organized life?


    “I thought we could go through the schedules and figure out what days we’ll be in the same cities this season, or when either of us have a couple of days off in a row. Maybe make a shared calendar, so we c—”

    “A sex calendar? Your parents are arriving in thirty minutes, and you are proposing making a sex calendar?” Oh, this was delicious. He’d be able to eat out on this for years, if Shane was willing to give him that long.

    “It’s not a sex calendar! It’s just … when we might be able to see each other,” he finished, already sounding defeated.

    “And what are you planning on doing when we are seeing each other? Not fucking?”

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    17 Apr 2026

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    Shane Hollander is going to murder his agent.

    And he means that literally. Because his agent is the reason he’s currently wearing a hot mic during Hockey Night in Canada. Against the Ottawa Centaurs. Against Ilya.

    Ilya, who has no filter. Ilya, who thinks workplace professionalism is a hilarious suggestion for other people. Ilya, who has spent a decade perfecting the art of saying absolutely unhinged things to Shane on the ice, safe in the knowledge that nobody can hear him.

    Ilya, who definitely doesn’t know about the microphone.

    What follows is sixty minutes of Shane’s life flashing before his eyes while his secret boyfriend enthusiastically discusses their sex life, their broken furniture, and exactly what he wants to do to Shane after the game — all broadcast to millions of viewers.

    The problem? Shane can’t get a word in edgewise to warn him.

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    12 Apr 2026