Bat_Marvolo_Lecter
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Summary
Sasuke doesn’t like surprises. He can handle them, sure, but he doesn’t like them. They’re annoying, tacky, and stupid. Most of the time he can spot them coming, and will dodge them with ease, but sometimes even he can get snuck up on.
If he ever senses a surprise coming, he’ll avoid it. Like that one time Naruto set up a surprise birthday party for Sasuke’s eighteenth. He left the village before anything irritating could happen, and was miles away by the time Naruto found out. He received quite a few upset letters from Naruto in the following weeks.
The baby, though? That was a surprise that came out of the blue.
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Uchiha Sasuke, one box says. Paternity probability: 99.99%
Sasuke feels the breath leave his lungs.
His eyes slide over to the next box.
Uzumaki Naruto. Paternity probability: 99.99%
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(If it wasn't obvious, this fic is about Menma being Narusasu/Sasunaru's love child.)
Bookmarked by Bat_Marvolo_Lecter
14 Jul 2026
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Love Misplaced and Misled by Atlasnex
Fandoms: Boruto (Anime & Manga), Naruto (Anime & Manga)
12 Jul 2026
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“What were they like?” Sarada hoped the question sounded like natural curiosity.
Sakura paused. She cleared her throat before finally looking over at Sarada. “They were rivals,” she huffed, rolling her eyes, “always at each other’s throats,” she resumed, adding the last few herbs to the pot. Her voice sounded light, the corners of her mouth twitching.
“Yeah, but they were friends too, right?”
“They were,” Sakura looked far away now like she was somewhere else and not in their kitchen where it was warm and full of the smell of spices and medicinal herbs.
“Very close friends.” Sakura finished.
...Boruto and Sarada have so many questions as to why their families are the way they are. They find answers when they fall into a world similar to theirs but so entirely different. Realizations and conversations ensue. They also get to meet what’s technically their half brother Menma.
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“I’m full of surprises.” Naruto said solemnly.
“Mmm. I can see you are.” Sasuke’s lashes lowered, and when they rose, his eyes were on Naruto’s hands. “Like the way you’re keeping your scent to yourself. That’s… unusual.”
Naruto tamped his pheromones a notch lower, reflex more than thought, a warm cinnamon hum contained to his own skin. “You get crowded enough,” he said. “I figured I could be the person who doesn’t crowd you.”
Sasuke didn’t answer immediately. The air shifted, he let the barest thread of his own pheromones slip. Naruto felt the recognition hum along his nerves and, more than anything, was pleased he knew the difference between notice and push.
“What happens,” Sasuke asked, quieter, “if I want you to?
Naruto blinked. “To… crowd you?”
“To stop pretending you’re not an alpha.”
“Then I stop pretending.” Naruto said, just as simply.
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Note: modern AU. Main focus is Naruto/Sasuke, but Itachi/Gaara are a present secondary couple, so a few chapters center on them too.
Series
- Part 1 of Fate, not Geography
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Naruto's arm was around his shoulder, entirely unnecessarily, as they sat at the table. He seemed perfectly at ease making charming conversation with Sasuke's family, as if this were all perfectly natural—as if Sasuke had actually invited him, rather than Naruto having gone behind his back to ensure he arrived at the family dinner looking like an invited guest. As if they were actually dating.
Sasuke shot him an annoyed look over the chrysanthemums.
Naruto turned. There it was: that slightly antagonistic look he always got when Sasuke challenged him, the one that said he was challenging Sasuke right back. He took a food tray from Mikoto, slipping into the conversation without missing a beat. "Well, you know we've been thinking about it since Sasuke and I got engaged."
Sasuke nearly dropped his pomegranate juice all over his grandmother's prized white tablecloth.
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Kingsley Amis regarding the male libido: “For 50 years, it was like being chained to an idiot”
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Summary
when hannibal, a senior in college and nearly ready for med school, finally has to take the art history credit he's been dreading — with the misanthropic professor graham — he makes it his mission to ensure he gets the elusive A that has never been given before. no matter what it takes.