CalliopeCrowe
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The back of his neck burned in embarrassment. Blood had rushed south along with his thoughts. Draco grimaced; what he wouldn’t give for an undetectable extension charm in the zipper. “Why, pray tell, am I wearing this… outfit?”
Pansy sidled up and looped her arm through his. “You’ve been volunteered to explore M.U.F.F.”
Draco choked on whatever he was going to say. “Explore what?”
Granger’s eyes flickered down toward Pansy’s hand on his elbow and returned a tight smile. “The Muggle Understanding & Familiarization Foundation’s mission is to demystify the Muggle world while showcasing some of its wonders. The four-week curriculum is intended for adult wix.” She gestured toward Narcissa. “Your mother’s brainchild.”
Series
Recent series
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speed running the spectrum of human experience by CalliopeCrowe
Fandom Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
25 Apr 2026
- Words:
- 6,229
- Works:
- 1
- Bookmarks:
- 3
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Summary
All of Mel's boyfriends.
Mel would never presume that Frank Langdon is boyfriend material.
Those were the words Princess had used once—though in a very different tone, after she’d stared a little too long at the new radiologist who’d come down for a consult.
“What about me?” Frank had said, winking at her like a dog begging for a treat.
It had made Mel feel inexplicably sad.
Set some time after season two.
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You might've heard the tales of Hermione Granger's extraordinary sidekick. The one who, against all odds, persevered even in the most harrowing of circumstances. Orphaned early and left alone to fend for himself, none would've been surprised had he fallen victim to his apparent destiny.
But destiny matters little when you have the heart of a kneazle and the mind of a cat.
This is the story of Crookshanks.
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A look into Hermione's life after the war, as told by Crookshanks.
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Alpha Pope Tom Riddle and Beta Cardinal Draco Malfoy fuck the church's newest omega nun on the Papal Altar.
That's it. That's the fic.
Written for Tomione CUNT LAW Fest 2026
AU/Excerpt/cheeky wink from Chapter VI of Tabula Rasa. -
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"On Monday, Dad was bugging Aunty Mione, saying she’d have to dust out cobwebs soon.”
Scorpius tilted his head. “What does that mean?”
“I think it’s because Aunty Mione is scared of spiders,” Albus answered. “Not as bad as Uncle Ron, but whenever she sees one, she always lets out a funny squeak. And Mum was saying that Aunty Mione’s hair is resembling a cat lady’s, and that if she wasn’t careful, there’d be nothing but cat fur and cobwebs left.”
Scorpius nodded. “Can something be done about that?” The boy asked seriously.
“Dad said he’s recommending another one of the Aurors to help her out.” Albus scratched out something on the parchment. “He’s apparently a big, muscled guy. Dad said he would take good care of Aunty Mione.”
A thunk interrupted the conversation.
Draco rubbed at his knee, where it had slammed against the bottom of the dining table, and avoided the stares of the two young boys.
Apparently a big, muscled guy, who would take good care of Aunty Mione.
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Or why you should never leave 13 year olds alone with your Quill that dictates your every word.
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Summary
Marriage is largely a matter of perspective. From hers, Draco Malfoy is an exceptionally good husband.