Certainlynotcricket



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    Lan Zhan is silent for a long moment, and the van's speakers quietly pipe the second song on the album into the empty space between them. Then Lan Zhan shifts his hand a little on Wei Ying's leg, presses his fingers once into the meat of his thigh. "Alright," he says.

    "Alright," Wei Ying echoes in a wheeze.

    "Is that better?" Lan Zhan checks, because he is a good boy. Then he spreads his fingers out a little wider, because he is evil and must be stopped.

    -

    Lan Zhan is driving to Chicago. Wei Ying tags along.

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    26 Jun 2026

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    “Aunt?” Wei Wuxian asks, looking at Wen Qing.
    “Who else do you think could handle being married to Jiang Cheng?” she says, tone deliberately casual. It’s very satisfying when his jaw drops and he goggles like a fish.
    “What did you people do while I was gone?” he shrieks.

    Wei Wuxian evacuates the Burial Mounds before they fall. Jin Zixun attacks before Jin Ling's birth. Yanli and Jin Zixuan survive and Jiang Cheng marries Wen Qing to protect the Wen Remnants. Thirteen years later Wei Wuxian returns from the dead to a very different world.

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    25 Jun 2026

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    “You’ve got a fever,” Wei Wuxian says soothingly. “You just keep still as well as you can. We’ll have you fixed up soon.”

    Lan Sizhui recognizes his tone—this is the voice that Wei Wuxian uses on hurt people and young children, a very calm and no-nonsense voice that has none of the mischief and cheer of the way he sounds the rest of the time. Lan Sizhui looks up and meets his eyes, and they are dark, stormy gray, muddled and concerned.

    “I’m all right,” he croaks.

    “Hush,” Wei Wuxian says, in a low croon, like someone quieting a baby. Then he blinks, and looks away, awkward. “I mean—you shouldn’t speak. You’re tired. Rest if you need to.”

    lan sizhui gets sick on a night hunt. wei wuxian comforts him. they both have a lot of feelings about it.

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    25 Jun 2026

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    Wei Wuxian rolled his eyes and peeled away, the water sluicing off his shoulders as he reached for his sodden robes. “If you get to be comfortable—” The outer layer came free with a wet slap, followed by the inner one, until—

    His fingers froze.

    The air between them thickened, charged with something he couldn’t name. His gaze snagged— past the familiar slope of Lan Zhan’s shoulders, the pale expanse of his back, the water lapping at his—

    Oh.

    Lan Zhan wasn’t just shirtless.

    Lan Zhan was naked.

    Completely naked.

    And—

    Why was it so—?!

    Or

    Wei Wuxian discovers a series of very important things about himself in the spam of forty-two hours or less.

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    21 Jun 2026

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    Since he was a child, since Lan Wangji had first become aware of his own alienating effect on others, he has long resigned himself to a loveless marriage. Perhaps even a companionate one, so long as his partner was agreeable and unbothersome and let him have his own space.

    He could not have even begun to predict Wei Wuxian.

    (A canonverse arranged marriage fic.)

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    18 Jun 2026