Kimnapped



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    Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
    So the true way to combat the Bisexual Russian Terminator isn’t with homophobia...
    It's actually with even more gay
    ...
    You're a goddamn genius.

    ----

    The NHL rookies have joined forces to strategize now that two of the greatest hockey players of all time are on the same team and Ilya Rozanov must suffer from the unintended consequences of making hockey more woke.

    Mainly, the way everyone keeps implying that they want to fuck his husband.

    or: a group of rookies unionize and employ chirping as a form of psychological torture against a one Ilya Grigoryevich Rozanov.

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    03 Jul 2026

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    After insulting a suspiciously vindictive fortune teller at a street fair, Ilya Rozanov wakes up cursed with the ability to hear people’s thoughts through touch.

    Which becomes a serious problem when he discovers his coworker Shane Hollander, who supposedly can’t stand him, is apparently thinking about him in extremely inappropriate ways constantly.

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    02 Jul 2026

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    Refusing to let Ilya ruin his career by signing with Ottawa, Shane chooses to really give their relationship a try and moves to Boston to live with Ilya and become a Raider. What follows is enough public scrutiny and backlash from his team that it has him questioning if he made the right decision. Until moments with Ilya and the Raiders show him exactly why he chose correctly.

    ---

    Hayden’s eyes flickered to Shane as he sat on the bench, chewing on the edge of his mouth guard.

    “Don’t fucking look at him,” Ilya insisted as he bent down for the faceoff.

    “Excuse me?” Hayden mumbled, eyes darting back to him.

    “You heard me,” he retorted, his tone clipped. “He’s not your teammate anymore; he’s mine. If you think Marlow is a problem to your game, wait until you see what I will do to your team if you hurt anyone on mine again.”

    Hayden scoffed, dipping his head as he tried to focus on the game. Something about Ilya’s words still rang through his head though, sounding so definitive that he didn’t want to risk seeing what he was actually referring to when he said that.

    The puck dropped again, and Ilya stole it before he could comprehend how quickly it happened.

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    01 Jul 2026

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    Ilya gripped the envelope tighter. “The MVP,” he began slowly, still staring directly at Shane, “is…”

    Another pain slammed into Shane so hard his vision whited out.

    “…Shane Hollander.”

    The room exploded with cheers and applause . People rising to their feet.

    Shane barely heard any of it. His father hugged him first. Then Yuna. “Sweetheart,” she whispered against his ear, “you don’t look well. I don’t think you should be going up there alone..”

    He couldn’t answer. He stood carefully. Ignoring the concerned look both of his parents threw his way.

    The pressure between his hips was unbearable now. Every step toward the stage felt wrong. Painful. Wet. Why was it wet?

    Or Shane goes into labor at the NHL awards with a son they didn’t even know existed.

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    23 Jun 2026

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    Lily: Well. There is very interesting studies I have read recently.

    Karolina: We’re listening!

    Lily: Research shows that abstinence can significantly improve athletic performance. Testosterone levels, energy conservation, mental focus. All better with sexual abstinence.

    Jackie: Wait, seriously?

    Lily: Oh yes, very serious research. Professional athletes should abstain completely during playoff runs. Some studies suggest 6-8 weeks for optimal results.

    Satu: SIX TO EIGHT WEEKS?!

    When “Lily” gets added to the Montreal Voyageurs WAGs group chat, she comes armed with peer-reviewed research, vibrators for everyone, and one revolutionary idea: a playoff sex ban for optimal athletic performance. The WAGs are convinced it’s evidence-backed science, the team is suffering, and Ilya is having the time of his life watching his handiwork unfold.

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    14 Jun 2026