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Five times Ed and Stede got off alone, and one time they got off together.
Or, Season 1 retold via the medium of wanks.
Bookmarked by KnivesInFeet
23 Nov 2025
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Stede and Ed are not having sex.
To the uninformed, the things they do together may strongly resemble sex, but Stede knows better.
This is just mutual stress relief between two professional, platonic, regular, normal co-captains.
Bookmarked by KnivesInFeet
18 Nov 2025
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Of Leap Years and Lighthouses by Temporal_discounting
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
23 Aug 2025
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In Ed's experience, there's nothing quite so effective at snuffing out a crush than the disappointment of a mediocre roll in the hay.
So, Ed has a plan: One quick fuck to get this crush on Stede out of his system.
It's a good plan. Solid, simple, and definitely, one hundred per cent foolproof.
Right?
Bookmarked by KnivesInFeet
23 Aug 2025
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suck around & find out by Baby_kraken, sparklespriggs (nerolinks)
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
18 Jul 2025
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Stoover has been making eyes at Ed from beneath the stairs all afternoon. Since Stede has abandoned him, left him bored and lonely and horny, whatever else is Ed supposed to do?
(Or, Ed debates a hard-hitting moral dilemma; is he cheating on his husband if he fucks a hoover with the same name?)
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Fringe Benefits by Baby_kraken, shieldmaidenofmithrilhall
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
23 Jul 2025
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What if kraken era Ed had fringe? And a sentient and debatabley malevolent porcupinefish?
Or: Edward Teach's Guide to Breakups
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The bathroom light is on, and Olu almost collapses with relief until he hears it — silence, stark and deafening. The apartment is dark save for the bathroom light. Olu doesn’t flick any others on. He makes his way to the bathroom by feel and memory, breathes deep as he walks in. There’s a rag in the sink tinged bright red at one corner, and a mouthguard air drying on a paper towel next to the toothbrushes. There’s a pack of cotton balls left open on the toilet bowl and some used ones in the bin, scattered like rose petals. He plucks two strips of boxing tape from the floor, crumples them up before tossing them away.
Olu goes on his own journey of reflection and self-discovery as his partner Jim prepares for one of the biggest fights of their career.
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"Dark Fate?" says Stede, making sure to pronounce the capitals.
"Very effective for star-crossed lovers. And at a bargain price, if I do say so myself. A potent mixture of unspeakably rare ingredients, brewed under a new moon, which will drag you through the depths of your own soul in search of difficult truths, and leave the undeserving to drift forever in a dreamscape of torment and emotional agony!"
"What?" says Stede. "No! That sounds awful!"
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Stede Bonnet has always dreamed of space. As a child, it was his parents that held him back. As an adult, it’s the looming presence of protective Dome that stops him from mapping the stars. Stede thinks he might have figured out a way around the Domes, but he’ll need the help of a genius to do it. When he approaches the famous inventor Blackbeard, that decision changes everything and takes Stede places he thought he’d only gaze at longingly from afar.
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Infamous thief Edward Teach (aka Blackbeard) is a hero amongst men, having devoted his skills to stealing from the rich to give back to the poor. However, every heist Ed plans is riskier than the last, and this one is no exception. With riots breaking out in the kingdom far and wide, Ed has his sights set on taking down the tyrannical king, hoping to tip the scales into full blown revolution. But he has an extremely small window of time to do it, needing to pull his scheme off before the king can secure a powerful new alliance.
With the king set to marry his son off to whichever candidate he deems the strongest, Ed's already risky plan becomes even more complicated when he poses as a potential suitor to get inside the palace. Stede, the prince, is nothing like he expected, and as Ed becomes more and more enamoured with him, he finds himself trapped in a convoluted web of lies when the king decides that 'Lord Edric' is to be Prince Stede's betrothed.
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Ed jerks his head in the direction of the couch in the nearby waiting nook, and prepares himself for impending disaster.
The impending disaster follows. Eagerly.
“I’ve organized everything chronologically,” he says, setting the overstuffed briefcase down and thumbing through some of the piles. “But I can, of course, rearrange the presentation order based on your personal preferences! Alphabetically? Most-to-least amusing? Oh! Or a mystery draw - just pick a random folder without looking! That could be fun, couldn’t it?”
Somewhere, deep in Ed’s soul, a very tiny, very tired voice goes: there is something deeply wrong with you as a man, Ed. You’re into this. Don’t even try to fucking deny it.
(Or: Stede Bonnet is getting his first tattoo. Maybe. If Ed is able to rifle through Stede's entire briefcase of ideas and pro/con lists and flow charts and excel spreadsheets, and figure out what he actually wants. Which might take some time. A Reverse Big Bang 2025 fic with art by bbyteach!)
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Podfic of "Under the Milky Way" by 1happydaiz, the_widow_olivia by happydaiz_pod (1happydaiz)
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
29 Jul 2025
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Ed Teach doesn’t believe in much — but a close encounter on a lonely Nevada highway — and one very intriguing motel owner — might just change his mind.
A 1993 UFO-chaser AU with crew antics, old school X-Files vibes, and a cat named Klaatu.
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These Broken Wings by MerryFinches, Temporal_discounting
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
02 Aug 2025
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Ed “Blackbeard” Teach is a champion dragon racer. Following an accident, Ed and his beloved dragon Queen Anne seek refuge in a dragon sanctuary.
As Queen Anne heals and learns to fly again, Ed figures out how to live a life beyond Blackbeard. Ideally, a life spent by the side of the eccentric and beguiling owner of the sanctuary…
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Ed looks down at himself. He’s dressed in soft clothes. He recognizes Stede’s breeches and linen shirt from the first day. White stockings and no shoes. The black cravat is tied loosely around his neck.
“Edward.”
Ed looks up. It’s Stede, standing not far from the bed nook, wearing one of his fancy teal suits and smiling softly, his eyes sparkling in the low light of the lamps.
Ed wants to scream. He wants to throw up. Or hide. He wants to stab Stede in the guts.
He doesn’t do any of that. Instead, he rushes into Stede’s arms, which wrap around him tightly. He buries his face in Stede’s shoulder as he kisses the top of Ed’s head.
“I missed you,” Ed says.
“I missed you, too. I’m here now. Shh, I’m here.
It’s a dream. No way in hell this is real. But Ed doesn’t care.
~~~~~
During his Kraken Era, Ed finds a magic ring that shows him visions of Stede. As the days pass and his sadness grows, Ed tries to figure out how he can make the visions permanent.
One way or another, Ed can't live like this anymore.
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Maybe this is all real, including the clean-shaven, well-adjusted version of himself sitting on the bed. In which case: why? And also, like, how?
Could be it’s the universe taking the piss. Showing him the timeline he could’ve been living in, if Stede cared enough to come back and find him. He could’ve been this other Ed, who apparently got Stede back and has learned to talk plainly about all the shit he’s feeling.
Could be it’s some, like, glimpse of the future? Like a warning? Like hey, Ed, you should think twice about offing yourself, because Stede’s actually about to show up any second, and you maybe kinda want to be alive for that?
Ha. Yeah, right.
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At first, it’s just an irritation. A jiggling foot from too much caffeine, or an unfortunate tic he doesn’t quite have under control. But it just gets worse, and worse, until he’s practically vibrating, every movement sending their little table rocking precariously on the wonky floor. Izzy’s pretentious craft ale sloshes in his glass — seven quid a bloody pint, they’re charging for this swill, and Izzy’s sure as hell not going to let Bonnet upend it ‘cause he can’t sit still.
Because Izzy is… well. An expert, of sorts. And in his considerable expertise, he reckons Bonnet is maybe twenty fucking minutes from pissing himself, in front of everyone he fucking knows and plenty of people he doesn’t.
*
Or: Izzy has no idea how he ends up coaching Stede through a piss kink awakening. He really has no idea how he ends up awakening a thing or two of his own to boot.
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somewhere in northern italy by endofadream, Opal_autumn
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
16 Jul 2025
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In the middle of it all, seated alone at a small table, there’s a man. Stede notices him right away—or, rather, he notices how handsome the man is, the way anybody does when they see someone they think is attractive. Which is to say, he doesn’t do a double take, but it’s a close approximation, and his eyes, drawn against his best judgment, keep finding their way back to the man for just one more look, just to see if he’s as beautiful as Stede’s quick glances said he was.
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Once upon a time, Mary and Stede were best friends who only had each other. They even headed off to law school together. But everyone has to find their own path eventually... even if that path leads to kissing someone named Ed.
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Ask anyone: Edward Teach is the greatest pro surfer in the world. Or, he was. Now he’s retired, and burnt out, and okay maybe possibly dealing with a bit of untreated clinical depression. He hasn’t stepped foot in the water in almost two years—can’t even bring himself to go for a dip in the private pool at his fancy apartment complex, although not for lack of trying. Enter: Stede Bonnet. Also known as Pool DILF. Also also known as the love of Ed’s life. And love makes us do crazy things. Like maybe pretending you don’t know how to swim so your crush will offer to teach you.
What could go wrong?
A Reverse Big Bang collab with Sailor's Ruin!
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It’s 1972. The Cold War is on, velvet suits are in, and glam rock is about to launch into the stratosphere. So is geologist Stede Bonnet – the first scientist accepted into NASA’s Apollo training program. When veteran astronaut Ed Teach gets bumped off of the crew for Apollo 17, can Stede possibly fill his shoes?
Also available as a podfic!
- Language:
- English
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- 58,420
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Collections:
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- Comments:
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- Kudos:
- 264
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Bookmarked by KnivesInFeet
02 Jul 2025
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Stede knows Ed entirely and completely and absolutely up to a certain point. The certain point is kind of making itself known right now.
Bookmarked by KnivesInFeet
16 Jun 2025