Lady_Anthea



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    "I’m sorry, I am just—” He drops his fork to wave his hand around, the way he does when he's searching for the proper word. He knows enough English words to describe what it is he’s feeling, but they don’t feel like adequate descriptors. My father, the man I loathe, is dying, and there is nothing I can do to save him. Everyone in my life expects so little of me, and I feel as though I may disappear. I feel like, if I did disappear, perhaps the world would be all the better for it. You are the only man in my life who has made me feel happy to take up space. Shane, tell me, what is the English word for this?

    Ilya Rozanov's okay, not good, probably bad day.

    Set during a liminal space of my design between the All-Star game and Ilya's father's death.

    Language:
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    26 Jun 2026

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    The Boston Bears group chat had sixty-three new messages in the span of three minutes.

    His coffee forgotten, Ilya swiped open the chat, scrolling quickly to find the source of the commotion. A link to The Athletic, posted by Jensen, their captain, followed by a string of exclamation points. Ilya tapped it, the headline materializing on his screen like a blow to the chest:

    BREAKING: MONTREAL VOYAGEURS’ SECOND DRAFT SHANE HOLLANDER ANNOUNCES RETIREMENT

    Ilya's pulse jumped, hard and sudden in his throat. The mug slipped from his hand, not falling but landing too heavily on the counter, coffee slopping over the rim. He set it down properly, his movements mechanical, and forced himself to read the rest of the headline:

    20-YEAR-OLD ROOKIE OF THE YEAR STEPPING AWAY TO PURSUE HARVARD BUSINESS DEGREE

    Or

    Shane Hollander has spent his entire life living and breathing hockey. At twenty, at the height of his career, he makes an unthinkable choice: he walks away to discover who he is beyond the ice.

    But some things don’t stay behind.

    What happens when the rivalry between him and Rozanov ends, but the pull doesn’t?

    Language:
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    25 Jun 2026

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    One side of his brain is going: this is insane, don't do this, just stay in this room, what can he do? Whether you like it or not, he's hurt you, and chances are you've hurt him too, because you can't read a situation for shit, so what are we trying to do here? Get some fucking sleep instead.

    The other side of his brain is going: He's hurt you, and you've probably hurt him too, and what if this is your only chance to talk about it? What if Paris makes the difference?

    Five months after Sochi, Shane's set to play a charity hockey game in Paris. So is Ilya.

    They run into each other in the lobby of their hotel the night before. Twelve hours stretch out in front of them, and Ilya suggests something different: no phones, no expectations, no past, no hockey. Just the city, and whatever they can be when nobody else is watching.

    It's obviously a terrible idea, but Shane says yes, anyway.

    Language:
    English
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    8/13
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    25 Jun 2026

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    Shane is heavier than he used to be; his weight bears down on Ilya in a new way. He’s put on pounds of muscle since Ilya last touched him like this. Ilya flattens his palms, skims them under Shane’s undershirt, feels the flat solidity of his abs, the bulk of his lats, the swell of his chest. It’s the same and it’s new, this body; it’s the boy he couldn’t stop thinking about when he was 18 and the man he loved enough to let go at 26 and the person who somehow always comes to find him when he’s lost.

    A stranger, and the love of his life.

     

    or, Ilya's father doesn't die in 2017; Ilya breaks up with Shane instead of confessing his love. They get older, but not any less stupid about each other. Shane gets a boyfriend; Ilya gets on medication; they work on becoming whole people. And they always find their way back to each other.

    OR a story for those who love Shane and Ilya's baby love but ALSO think it's hot when people in their thirties make active choices about who they are and what they want in their partner!!

    Note: the "cheating" tag refers to the relationship between Shane and his aforementioned BF, not to Shane and Ilya cheating on each other.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    70,339
    Chapters:
    11/11
    Comments:
    1,568
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    8,116
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    3,643
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    24 Jun 2026

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  5. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
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    Shane is heavier than he used to be; his weight bears down on Ilya in a new way. He’s put on pounds of muscle since Ilya last touched him like this. Ilya flattens his palms, skims them under Shane’s undershirt, feels the flat solidity of his abs, the bulk of his lats, the swell of his chest. It’s the same and it’s new, this body; it’s the boy he couldn’t stop thinking about when he was 18 and the man he loved enough to let go at 26 and the person who somehow always comes to find him when he’s lost.

    A stranger, and the love of his life.

     

    or, Ilya's father doesn't die in 2017; Ilya breaks up with Shane instead of confessing his love. They get older, but not any less stupid about each other. Shane gets a boyfriend; Ilya gets on medication; they work on becoming whole people. And they always find their way back to each other.

    OR a story for those who love Shane and Ilya's baby love but ALSO think it's hot when people in their thirties make active choices about who they are and what they want in their partner!!

    Note: the "cheating" tag refers to the relationship between Shane and his aforementioned BF, not to Shane and Ilya cheating on each other.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    70,339
    Chapters:
    11/11
    Comments:
    1,568
    Kudos:
    8,116
    Bookmarks:
    3,643
    Hits:
    191,760

    24 Jun 2026

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