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Recent series
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Dumb Ways To (Almost) Die by 0MissE0, Artimus_Pax, ArtistRedFox, Athena_Muldrow, Baze_loves_bugs, biggirlsdontcry, Blank_Error, BlindayEverlien, carpetchewer, cottonmouthcandy, CrypticMushroom, CthosEris, DarkLordOfAwesomeness, Dimonds456, Djdjdjmk, egg_with_a_pen, EmS (EmilienSancier), Kyle_committing_Arson, lackinggravitas (espansivo), MariDraws, Oatmeal_Archive, pickledoesfanfic, ryeBread1825114, SpookyArchivist, stayweirdalways
Fandom Gravity Falls
28 Oct 2025
Summary
Have you ever looked at an old man in a cartoon show targeted for kids and wondered “Hm… I wonder how many times this guy (who only has 5 fingers {LAME!!}) almost died?”
Well, WONDER NO MORE!!! Here in [Dumb Ways To (Almost) Die] you will find most of Grunkle Stan’s NDEs!! But what is an ‘NDE’ you may ask- why, it’s short for [Near Death Expirience(s)] Of course!!This fanfiction is centred over what would happen if the elder twins weren’t such little ***** and actually ******* held hands!! WOW!! Crazy! It is also based on the fandom’s dire need to see this old man in pain! Constantly! And needing to see this old man’s brother see his brother in pain! For guilt! It’s yummy!!
As the setting is the [Bill-Cipher Zodiac] the characters involved in this series (written by various writers in the fandom) may consist of: Shooting Star, Pine Tree, ?, Ice Ice Babyy and other characters only very specific people care about!“I'm a very relentless individual and have a lot more insanity coming”
- Alex Hirsch- Words:
- 147,569
- Works:
- 35
- Bookmarks:
- 61
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Summary
Neal Bennett, seven years old with parents in custody.
Child Services, without any available homes.
Peter Burke, FBI agent with an empty room.
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Neal gets stabbed and is, luckily, found by Peter - who panics and calls an ambulance and Elizabeth.
They're dead set on making sure he's okay.
** layout issues fixed!
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Neal offers himself up as a lab rat for a new FBI 'truth serum'. It doesn't go as planned, and suddenly, Peter has a very small four year old Neal on his hands.
Elizabeth was not going to be happy with him.
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Peter watched him closely. Neal wasn’t looking at him, just at the memory, far away and too close all at once. His lips trembled slightly. Then a tear slipped free, trailing down his cheek. He didn’t have the strength to wipe it away.
“I don’t even know if I remember her laugh right anymore,” Neal whispered. “It’s only been a month, but it’s already fading. And I hate that. I hate-” His voice broke completely, and he folded in on himself, shoulders hitching with a sharp breath he couldn’t quite catch.
“Oh, kid."
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After Kates death, Neal messages Peter one night, and concern lights up Peters system.
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Peter was a heavy sleeper. Except when his phone rang at ungodly hours. He frowned but answered anyway. “Burke.”
“Peter?”
He sat up instantly. “Neal?”
“Yeah. Hey.”
“Neal, it’s three in the morning. What the hell do you-”
“I know, I just... I need a ride.”