Phexmad



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  1. Rec *

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    Summary

    Ilya let out a quiet laugh, shaking his head. “I want to be perfect for you, Shane. To make up for all the time we lost.”

    “I don’t want perfect,” Shane said quietly, stroking Ilya’s cheek. “I want something real. Something that we fight to make work, because we want it so much. Because being together is so much fucking better than being without each other.”

    ***

    Ten years ago, Shane and Ilya loved each other in secret and let each other go anyway.

    Now Shane, captain of the Ottawa Centaurs, is a single dad to four-year-old Ollie, and good at pretending he doesn’t think about the man he lost when they were younger and terrified of the fallout of being caught. Then one chance meeting turns into drinks, lingering looks, old feelings, and suddenly Ilya Rozanov is everywhere again.

    Some things, it turns out, never really leave you.

    As Shane and Ilya fall back into each other’s lives - and into something softer, steadier, and openly theirs this time — they realise maybe they’re finally ready for the life they used to dream about.

    Or: two hockey players who were each other’s first love reconnect ten years later and slowly build the family they always wanted.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    114,785
    Chapters:
    16/16
    Comments:
    2,803
    Kudos:
    5,892
    Bookmarks:
    2,180
    Hits:
    201,394

    30 Jun 2026

  2. Rec 51

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    833,514
    Works:
    2
    Bookmarks:
    51

    28 May 2026

  3. Rec *

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    After coming out to Rose, Shane decides he doesn't want to lie anymore, even if he isn't sure coming out will mean he gets happily ever after with Ilya. When coming out to the Voyageurs leaves him wondering what his future in Montreal might look like, he lets himself be a little selfish, he lets himself wonder if there might be somewhere else he might be happy. If Montreal wants to get rid of a generational player, he's not about to stop them, especially if it means he can get a little closer to joy.

    --

    Or: Shane Hollander leaves Montreal in search of something better.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    255,418
    Chapters:
    55/55
    Comments:
    15,384
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    34,704
    Bookmarks:
    12,853
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    2,172,602

    30 Apr 2026

  4. Rec *

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    Shane Hollander is a hockey legend known as "The Golden Alpha of Canada:" and Captain of the Montreal Voyagers. To the roaring crowds, he’s cocky, dominant, untouchable Alpha they want in a hockey star. Yet, behind every goal, Shane hides a secret that could destroy everything he's built up. He isn’t an Alpha at all. Born Omega in a world where Omegas are sidelined from traditional "Alpha" sports, Shane’s entire career is built on a lie: daily suppressants, fake scent, relentless self-control. The cost is soul-deep exhaustion and the constant fear that a single mistake will cost him not just his trophies, but his identity.

    Enter Ilya Rozanov, known as “The Dirty Russian” by fans and foes alike, a brutal, magnetic Alpha who’s battled his own demons to make it on the Voyager team. Growing up in the shadow of an abusive father who threw him into sports to "make me fucking rich", Ilya learned to survive by being harder, meaner, and utterly unbreakable. Hockey is his way out, but family obligations and old scars still chain him down..

    When a chance encounter lets Ilya see Shane for who he truly is, both men are forced to confront the walls they’ve built, around their histories, their bodies, and their hearts.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    247,762
    Chapters:
    29/29
    Comments:
    1,081
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    4,804
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    1,739
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    221,071

    20 Mar 2026

  5. Rec *

    Words:
    305,673
    Works:
    4
    Bookmarks:
    1,453

    12 Feb 2025