SpaghettiisGoth



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    In the early hours of Saturday, the Hockey world was ablaze with the news that Ilya Rozanov was dead. Killed in a tragic car accident leaving behind a slew of devastated fans and a grieving husband still reeling in shock.

    The news also came as an incredible shock to Ilya when he awoke that same day, hungover and bleary, but very much alive. 

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    14 Jun 2026

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    “Marley.” Ilya says evenly, suddenly knowing he can actually breathe. He had a plan and he knew what he needed to do. And he couldn’t do it from the locker room bench. “If he is very injured, if he cannot play again, if he is very bad, I will kill you. I will kill you painfully.”
    Cliff gapes at him.

    In which the hit that Cliff Marleau had on Shane Hollander goes a little different. For one, they’re in Boston. For another, Ilya realizes he might be panicking? Which is probably not something to do in the middle of a game. And, oh yeah, he just outed both himself and his not-boyfriend to an entire locker room of hockey players.

    But that’s okay, because while Boston may be vicious, they do take care of their own. And they quickly realize that their captain’s happiness and willingness to stay with the Bears is tied to Shane Hollander. The solution is easy, they’ll just have to make Shane Hollander a Bear.

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    14 Jun 2026

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    After the tuna melt meltdown, Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov are invited to a trivia night at All Stars.

    What could go wrong?

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    13 Jun 2026

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    Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
    So the true way to combat the Bisexual Russian Terminator isn’t with homophobia...
    It's actually with even more gay
    ...
    You're a goddamn genius.

    ----

    The NHL rookies have joined forces to strategize now that two of the greatest hockey players of all time are on the same team and Ilya Rozanov must suffer from the unintended consequences of making hockey more woke.

    Mainly, the way everyone keeps implying that they want to fuck his husband.

    or: a group of rookies unionize and employ chirping as a form of psychological torture against a one Ilya Grigoryevich Rozanov.

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    13 Jun 2026

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    “You didn’t like it the last time we tried it,” Shane said.

    Ilya gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Was years ago. Maybe it is an acquired taste, like licorice.”

    “You also don’t like licorice,” Shane pointed out.

    “Yes, but I keep trying it because Luca likes it so much.”

    “And then you make a face and tell him how awful it is.”

    “When have I ever told you your dick is awful?” Ilya said, looking mildly offended. “I am its number one fan.”

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    12 Jun 2026