Temporal_discounting
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"What's on your mind, Stede?"
"It's just… well, it's rather hard to believe, isn't it?" Stede says.
"What, that Thomas and Maria are snogging already after he left her behind? It's a romance novel, Stede. It's not supposed to be realistic. You've gotta suspend your disbelief a bit, man."
"No, it's not that. It's just… Kissing. All of the romance novels make it out to be this huge, world-changing, earth-shattering experience. And it's just a bit silly, is all."
Ed swallows. "I dunno. It can feel really nice, y'know. With the right person."
Or, Stede confesses that he's never really seen the appeal of kissing before. What is a good co-captain to do but offer his own lips for the taking?
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Podfic of "Stede's Very Bad, Unacceptable, Abonimable Day" by unencryptid by Temporal_discounting, YellowMustard
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
18 Jun 2026
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Stede is in the middle of calculating how many days of hiding in his cabin it will take before he shows his face on deck when he hears the soft whisper of bare feet on the sand.
Ed comes into view, regarding Stede with a look of such fond concern that Stede can feel his bottom lip wobble treacherously. “Oh, sweetheart,” Ed tuts. “You look miserable.”
Blinking back tears, Stede musters up a weak smile. “I am feeling rather poorly, if you must know.”
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Through entirely no fault of his own, Stede gets a sunburn.
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Hear my tyres sing to the asphalt by Temporal_discounting
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
05 Jun 2026
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Ed Teach has spent most of his life behind the wheel of a truck. All of those long hours on the road have made it impossible to build lasting relationships, and so Ed is used to being alone. He's made his peace with it. He's accepted that he's just not the kind of guy who gets to have someone to come home to.
But, when Ed stumbles across a golden haired lunatic in a truck stop in the asscrack of nowhere, he begins to question some of those assumptions…
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"He'll be okay, Ed," Mary says, from beside him. She reaches out, laying a reassuring hand on Ed's forearm. "They'll all be okay."
Her voice sounds calm, but when Ed shoots her a sidelong glance, he can see that the anxiety in her eyes mirrors his own.
"I know," Ed says, patting her hand. "I know. It's just… fuck. This is gonna be the longest six minutes of my life, y'know?"
Ed Teach watches from the Family Room at Mission Control while his husband, Commander Stede Bonnet, and his fellow crewmates re-enter earth's atmosphere after their flight around the moon.
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Stede takes Louis to a birthday party in a soft play place that is, rather incongruously, adjoined to Blackbeard's Motorbike Repair and Servicing.
In the shared car park, Louis trips and falls, scraping up his hands and knees. Already teetering on the verge of overwhelm after enduring two hours of children's squealing and aggressively cheerful Disney tunes, Stede is just about ready to tear his hair out. But then, along comes a knight in black leather to save the day and — maybe, just maybe — change Stede's entire life.
Recent bookmarks
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When a gentleman boards Ed’s ship and, with impressive audacity, asks to interview the legendary Blackbeard for a book, Ed agrees for his own amusement. But Stede's careful questions and perceptive eyes leave Ed questioning what he truly wants from life.
Bookmarked by Temporal_discounting
14 Mar 2026
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A modern AU in which Ed is a glassblower, because glassblowing is sexy. Ed/Stede medium burn, E rating applies from chapter 4 onwards.
Stede's life is boring, flat, made up of things he didn't choose for himself. He commissions some glass art from Ed as an anniversary gift for Mary, and Stede starts to learn what it is like to want things for himself.
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“Hey, it’s blond guy!”
“Uh,” Stede looks up to see leather and purple and strikingly tumbling hair. “Hi. Stede Bonnet. Blond guy?”
“Yeah man, I’ve seen you in the shop, I call you Blond Guy in my head. Good to have a proper name for you, Stede. I’m Ed.”
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Bookmarked by Temporal_discounting
19 Aug 2025
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The true history:
The Pacific Clipper was a Pan American Airlines scheduled commercial flight from San Francisco, California, to Auckland, New Zealand that operated from 1939 to 1941. All tickets were first class and cost around $15,000 in 2024 US dollars; passengers ate five course meals prepared by chefs from four star restaurants. From December 1941 to January 1942, the Pacific Clipper completed an unplanned nearly around-the-world flight: the first commercial circumnavigation of the globe. Oh, also, there is an actual historical guy referred to as ‘the Swede’ who was the First Engineer on the crew.The Our Flag Means Death version:
Our crew:
Captain Stede Bonnet
First Officer Frenchie
Second Officer/Navigator Buttons
Third Officer Wee John Feeney
Fourth Officer Archie
First Engineer The Swede
Second Engineer Pete
First Radio Officer Edward Teach
Second Radio Officer Jim Jimenez
Radio Operator Oluwande Boodhari
Purser Roach
Asst Purser Lucius Spriggs -
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Ed can hear birdsong. Birdsong signalling that something in the ecosystem has shifted, dramatically. In a way that was impossible to notice when you’re immersed in it. And it hits him all at once, the realisation that the last ten years are coming to an end, that his period of bare bones survival is going to start shifting into something more active, something faster, something with significantly more intent behind it. After all, nobody tells you when the aftermath becomes just…after. Nobody can tell you when you’re going to feel safe enough to start living again.
or: Ten years after the world ended, Ed's running out of reasons to stay alive. Until one turns up on his literal doorstep, forcing him to reevaluate his definition of hope.
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'The hottest new tech trend in 2023? Teleportation. We’re here with Oluwande Boodhari and Jim Jimenez to discuss their invention, which is set to revolutionise the travel industry this year.'
Stede teleports into Ed's life for the longest distance relationship it is possible to have on Earth.
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