TheCrypticWitch



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    Ilya Rozanov has been drafted by Boston, the number one pick overall, but his father doesn't want him moving to America and so takes steps to block his visa. He's going to have to go back to Russia and stay there forever and that, thinks Shane Hollander, is wrong.

    It's so wrong that Shane can't stop himself from doing something about it. Even though that something is the most reckless, the only reckless thing he's ever done in his life. He marries Rozanov in secret, to keep him out of Russia and put him on a path to Canadian citizenship.

    Shane's got a five-year plan to get him there and when you have a plan nothing can go wrong. Right? Right. When you have a solid plan and a marriage that's on paper only there's no risk of feelings getting involved. Not on Rozanov's part and certainly not on Shane's.

    Right???

    (or, the story of how Shane Hollander fell in love with his own husband)

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    English
    Words:
    150,160
    Chapters:
    21/21
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    01 Jun 2026

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    January 15, 2017
    For immediate release.
    (English version)

    The Montréal Metros are devastated to announce the unexpected and tragic passing of our beloved captain, Shane Hollander, at the age of 25.

    -

    or, a canon-divergent au in which shane and rose never met, in epistolary format.

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    1/1
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    25 May 2026

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    When Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollanders’ eyes meet for the first time in Saskatchewan, they realize they can hear each others’ thoughts. Unfortunately they are both still deeply emotionally repressed and think in different languages, so the events of Heated Rivalry ensue anyway.

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    English
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    Chapters:
    13/13
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    556
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    24 May 2026

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    The universe had decided Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov were perfect for each other, so it sent them an unmistakable sign. Unfortunately, the two of them have a lot of practice in mistaking things. So the universe tries again, and again.

    Or: how many soulmate tropes does it take to get two oblivious hockey boys together?

    “Dude, did you get a tattoo?”
    Shane looked over. Shelly, who had the stall next to his at the CN Sports Complex locker room, was staring at Shane’s left arm.
    “Uh, no?”
    “What the fuck is it, then? Looks gnarly as hell.”
    Shane looked down at the dark squiggly shape on his delt, an irregular blob slightly bigger than a loonie. Its edges were a series of indentations and protrusions, kind of like a jigsaw puzzle piece. If he’d seen this on anyone else, he would’ve assumed it was a tattoo, too. A shitty one that should be lasered off ASAP.
    “I don’t know,” he said. “It kinda showed up out of nowhere, like, last night.”

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    17 May 2026

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    Shane leaves that Vegas penthouse suite feeling wretched, and like an idiot, and like he never wants to see Ilya Rozanov again.

    Except, well. Then there are zombies.

    Language:
    English
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    95,670
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
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    88,237

    14 May 2026