Tomaat



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    Wyatt’s gaze flicked from Hollander to Rozanov – who looked absolutely delighted with this turn of events – and back again. “You two follow playoff traditions as well then?”

    Hollander shrugged, still catastrophically casual, “I mean, when we played on different teams we sort of had to. Conflict of interests and all that. But I meant more generally. You know what it’s like, right?”

    Wyatt wasn’t sure that he did, and was suddenly very conscious of the fact that he might not be in the least bit emotionally prepared for whatever was about to come out of Hollander’s mouth.

    “Like, the other day,” Hollander continued, seemingly unaware of the proverbial bombshell he was about to drop. “Ilya tied me up and edged me for…was it two hours?”

    “Three, moyo solnyshko,” Rozanov corrected, sounding like Christmas, his birthday, and the Easter Bunny had all come at once.


    Shane Hollander joins the Centaurs, and the team discovers that their Captain might be a certified menace, but his husband is so, so much worse.

    OR: five times Shane accidentally terrorizes the Centaurs locker room, and one time he chooses to hold back.

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    09 Jul 2026

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    A compilation of fics detailing Shane Hollander's autism diagnosis and the responses from family, friends, and fans to the news.

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    08 Jul 2026

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    Hayden Pike and his group chat of coworkers are pretty sure their new manager Shane has a parasocial obsession with a professional hockey player.

    He talks about him constantly, knows everything about him, watches every game, and even has candid photos of him that are definitely not available through conventional sources. So naturally, they decide to intervene to find him a man who actually knows he exists.

    Shane, for his part, has no idea what they're talking about.

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    08 Jul 2026

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    Ilya Rozanov, captain of the Boston Raiders, has a boyfriend. A definitely real, suspiciously (and boringly) handsome, conveniently offline, consistently unable to meet up in real life boyfriend.

    Who lives in Canada.

    Unfortunately for him, absolutely no one believes him.

    The more serious Ilya gets about his Totally Real Canadian Boyfriend™️, the more concerned his teammates become that someone either needs to call MTV and get him on the next episode of Catfish or that he's slowly losing his mind.

    Shane Hollander is, fortunately, very real, very sarcastic, and increasingly delighted that an entire NHL locker room seems to think that he's a government psyop to distract Ilya from his game.

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    07 Jul 2026

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    Riley (Detroit): Is it too late to retire

    Riley (Detroit): Hayes what’s Hollander’s address and where can you buy a gun in Ottawa

    Hayes (Ottawa): HELLO?

    Riley (Detroit): I’m going to kill myself in front of him because WHAT WAS THAT

    St-Simon (Boston): I thought you were being dramatic until I checked the score wdym 6-1 😭😭😭😭

    Riley (Detroit): so many emojis from someone whose address is in my phone

    St-Simon (Boston): 🤐🤐🤐

    or, the goalies get revenge on drapeau for inflicting the horror that is a hollanov power play on the rest of the league (cameos from the censhome gc).

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    06 Jul 2026