inessa



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    The first sound Ilya hears is a thin, discordant symphony of beeps and whirs. Something vibrating. 

    The next thing he hears is…wet. A sort of shaking, gargling sound, that feels like the ugliest crying he’s ever heard. And through it, Shane’s voice. 

    “I’m with him now, mom. He’s— he’s not fine. He’s not. I know—”

    Ilya wants to ask who's not fine, but he can’t feel his own body, his mouth, enough to ask.

    “Yeah,” Shane is saying, only slightly calmer. “I know. He wasn’t breathing—"

    Ilya knows there's a link, between the clinical musicality of medical settings, Shane’s audible, awful distress, and his own physical incapacity. It’s just, it’s so tenuous, and the air around him is so thick, so heavy. It would be easy, to sleep, a little. 

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    Footage of the last game between Ottawa and Montreal is everywhere; it’s breached containment from the sports world, and now it seems like everyone is baying for Montreal’s blood. Except, Ilya is oblivious. Not exactly blissfully so, but as the fight for accountability within the league rages on without him, Ilya just wants someone, anyone, to tell him what happened.

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    23 Jun 2026

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    Shane Hollander doesn't understand why everyone thinks he and Ilya Rozanov hate each other. He's pretty sure that in all the years they've been playing in the league together, they've never even talked before.

    Well, he's kind of sure. He thinks he would remember. He would remember something about Rozanov, if it was really important.

    Right?

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    21 Jun 2026

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    21 Jun 2026

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    In 2016, Shane walks out of Ilya’s house, ending their years-long situationship.
    In 2024, Ilya watches ESPN as hockey legend and 5-time Stanley Cup winner Shane Hollander comes out and retires.
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    It has been sixteen years since they met as teenagers in that cold, grey parking lot. It has been eight years since they last kissed. It has been four years since his phone last buzzed with a message notification from Jane.

    Ilya is 33 years old, he has only been in love once, with the man who is currently on his television screen, and he still has no idea how to be fucking normal when it comes to Shane Hollander.

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    19 Jun 2026

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    When Ilya is concussed during a game, he experiences a weird gap in his memories. He has completely forgotten two people he should apparently know: his longtime rival Shane Hollander, and a regular hookup named Jane.

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    18 Jun 2026

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