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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    The problem is, no one knows how to market Ilya Rozanov's (in his own words) sexy Euro masculinity to an audience of white straight men.

    He needs the best. And if it happens to be his secret lover’s mother who despises his very existence, so be it.


    +16319607169

    See? That is what I need. Do not care that you are not professional. You are best
    This is Ilya Rozanov

    Yuna

    This is a fucking joke, right?

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    14 Jun 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Haley
    Hi Shane! Just messaging about our heater again. Do you think we could get it fixed today?
    Shane
    So sorry for the late reply, Haley! I’m at the Olympics and my time zones are all messed up. Messaged my HVAC guy and he’ll be there in the morning.

    Haley
    screenshot.jpg
    Wtf?
    Katie
    Is this guy fr???

    Or: the trials and tribulations of renting from Shane Hollander.

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    13 Jun 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Shane's first few weeks in Ottawa, as told by several unhinged groupchats, Twitter hashtags, and clickbait articles.

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    12 Jun 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    “Mm, not stuff his pockets with the drug everyone thinks makes you gay right before a press conference? Maybe!” Ilya’s voice chimed happily from the phone.

    “You wanna tell us why you’re so acquainted with Rush that you can identify it in 780p, Ilya?” Kip asked.

    “…I have so much leather to deodorize, Kip Grady. So many sports cars, you know.”

    --

    Kip can't believe no one else can tell how outrageously gay Ilya Rozanov is, but he's not complaining, he's happy to have someone else to talk to at all the hockey functions.

    Or: Perfect gaydar haver Ilya Rozanov finally gets a taste of his own medicine. A series of looks into Kip and Ilya's friendship, starting after the cottage.

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    6/6
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    12 Jun 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Ilya was used to hazing. He had been subjected to it, he had participated in it, and, as a captain, he had stood guard over the rookies and protected them from anything truly harmful. But if he had been asked, Ilya would have approved of this prank. He would have authorized it, given Cliff and Vicky his seal of approval, perhaps even helped orchestrate it.

    Any other day, Ilya might have been happy to play along.

    But, in perfect dramatic irony, it had not happened any other day. It had happened today. And, cherry on top, of course the rookie had to walk in when Shane was already freaking out about Ilya saying his name.

    +++

    A prank-gone-wrong leads to the Boston Bears finding out about Shane and Ilya’s relationship in 2016. The day Ilya first invited Shane into his house. Right after they say each other’s names for the first time. Fuck his life, honestly.

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    12 Jun 2026