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All I wanted to do was hold his hand. It's not THAT inappropriate, is it? Of course it's not, no one has gotten pregnant from hand holding. Which doesn't fit my situation whatsoever as we are both boys.
Ugh, why must my mind be so jumbled. It's JUST hand holding. I huffed in irritation and furrowed my brow, clenching and unclenching my hands as I looked over at the other boys own hands.
It wouldn't be that hard, heck, he might not even mind. He usually brushes off whatever I do anyways, he never takes offense. Which hand holding isn't offensive is it? I didn't think it was but it could be for him? Why? I'm not sure but you never know, ya know?
Just reach out a few inches and a centimeter and grab his hand, not tightly, you don't want to alert him for nothing.
I slowly reached my hand towards his, trying to act natural. No one seemed to notice, they were too busy discussing their plans for the day.
What sport shall we play? They ask, each one piping up but another saying it seemed boring. At this rate they wouldn't be able to decide until noon.
But back to the main thing.
My hand was almost on top of his when he raised his hands up and suggested they play a game of four squares. Everyone shot him down and he put his hand down. My heart beat crazily in my chest, slightly startled from him moving so quickly and gulped.
Stephanie looked over at me and tilted her head. "You alright there, Stingy? You haven't said much today." I snapped out of my daze and looked up at the pink girl who looked honestly concerned.
I cleared my throat and stood up, dusting off any imaginary dirt that may have gotten on me. "I'm fine." I tried to say confidently but it ended up a bit shaky. "I don't feel good. Now I need to go to MY home and into MY bed and rest." I grabbed my piggy bank and held it tightly to my chest as I stalked off, hoping my face didn't look as red as how hot my face felt.
I looked back and saw Stephanie and Trixie looking at one another worriedly and Pixel looking confused but a bit sad as he watched me go. I turned quickly once again and huffed, looking at the ground as I walked.
All I wanted to do was hold his hand but I couldn't even do that. How could I be expected to survive in the real world and get what I want if I can't even take what I want now? I slouched a bit and felt my eyes burn a lil, I was going to end up a failure.
Once I was far enough away from the group I sat down on a different bench, setting my piggy bank down next to me and taking a deep breath as I tried not to cry, I shouldn't cry. One of the others might find me.
Or worse, Sportacus might come and see if something was wrong! I couldn't let him see me like this. I covered my fave with my hands and let out a wet sob, feeling a tremor run through me and tears stain my hands.
As I sat there, crying into my hands and trying to muffle it, I felt someone sit next to me. I jolted up and away from them, wiping at my face with the sleeves of my jacket and blinking to make my lashes unstick from one another. I looked over and saw a very ruffled up Sportacus sitting next to me.
He looked like he just got dressed. His shirt was inside out, his vest was folded oddly on him and his belt wasn't even buckled, thankfully his jeans were fastened. Everything else seemed fine, other than a few stray blonde curls coming out of his cap and a slightly pinked face. He gave me a sad smile and set a hand on my back, rubbing it.
"Is something wrong, Stingy? My crystal beeped for you."
"Have you been crying too, Sportacus?" I asked, mentioning his pink face and if I didn't know any better, it seemed to darken to a red.
"Ah, no I have not! I've just been. . . .exercising! Yea, exercising very extensively, I pushed myself a bit too hard this morning, haven't recovered completely yet." I stared at him, he kept glancing away towards the billboard outside of town and keeping up the most fake smile I'd ever seen. He was a terrible liar but I decided to let it slide for now.
"I. . .Yea I was crying," I admitted, "over something I wish could be MINE but can't."
"What is it?" Sportacus asked, sitting closer to me and I leaned up against him, sighing.
"I can't tell you. It's not normal." I said, I know it sounded practiced, my parents made sure of that. I could just tell Sportacus frowned at that.
"What do you mean, Stingy? Whatever it is I'm sure it's okay." He insisted.
"I. . .If I tell you," I sat away from him, looking up at him with what I hoped was a kicked puppy stare, "You have to promise not to tell ANYONE. What I want to call mine is not something I should want." Sportacus stared at me in shock, I'm not sure why, I was just being honest with him. I watched as he nodded and shook his face back to one of understanding and acceptance, beckoning for me to continue. "I want to hold Pixel's hand." I shamefully admitted, automatically flinching as I expected an onslaught of scolding.
Nothing came, I looked back up at Sportacus who had a smile of all things on his face, he put a hand on my shoulder and his grin widened and I got more and more confused by the second.
"That's great, Stingy! You have nothing to be ashamed of, that's completely normal for you to want. I'm happy you shared that with me." He said cheerfully, pulling me into a hug and I couldn't help the tears that began to pour out of my eyes as I held him back, tightly, freely sobbing into his shoulder. He moved me to where I was sitting on his lap and he rocked me gently, singing something softly under his breath, it sounded like a completely different language but it was calming.
After a few minutes that seemed like hours I pulled away and Sportacus dabbed at my eyes with a purple handkerchief. I didn't question him on where he got it or why he had it. I had finally calmed down enough to smile up at the hero.
"Thank you." I said softly and Sportacus only smiled, a sad look in his eyes as he pushed my hair back into place.
"No problem. You don't need to be ashamed of wanting to hold Pixel's hand. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that and whoever told you there is, needs to get a stern talking to." I huffed a laugh at that and sniffled, using the handkerchief to wipe away my snot. I tried to hand it back to him but he held his hand up in refusal and I pocketed it. "The only advice I can really give you about this is to maybe, try? Hold him hand and see how he feels about it. If he pulls away, respect his wishes and don't do it. If he questions you, be truthful, there is no need to lie to him. Pixel is an understanding boy, he is smart and he'll figure out things in his own time, just like you. You are still very young and I don't want to see any of you rushing into things like this."
"All I want to do is hold his hand and call him mine, I don't see where you're going with this."
"Well, I, uh. First off, a human being cannot be your property. They are their own selves and no one can own them."
"I know that. I don't think of him like that. Just want him to be mine, in a non-property sense, if that. . .makes sense." I said, looking away in thought as Sportacus let out a laugh.
"It makes sense. Now, promise me you'll go and talk to him?" Sportacus asked and I nodded, climbing off of his lap and he stood up, hands on his hips in his signature pose. "Good! Now I uh, have something I need to do." He leaned down and gave me one last tight hug before flipping off towards the billboard again.
I sighed and grabbed my piggy bank, wiping my fave one last time and standing tall as I made my way back to the others.